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So my 4yr old said she hates me........

acoustic guyacoustic guy Posts: 3,770
edited August 2010 in All Encompassing Trip
Man did that crush my heart.
I try to be a good dad but at the same time set rules and try to enforce them but because my wife has a much softer approach I look like the mean guy. I never thought it would be that way with my kids because I'm immature and love children but it seems to be the case.
I think a child should have boundries and should have a schedule like bed @ 8pm every night. But because I work many nights this time of year my wife lets her stay awake longer and gives in. When I am home I try to enforce rules and I get angry and raise my voice when she does not listen and then it goes bad. My wife says she is on the same page as me but i dont see it.
This really sucks.
I guess i need to also try a softer approach but I dont want my children to be like some kids you see who are not taught properly in life and end up being rude and little brats. My children are not that at all but they could be if you let them do what they want daily...
She already tries to manipulate you when she wants something...smart little cookie.
Its hard to be a parent.
Get em a Body Bag Yeeeeeaaaaa!
Sweep the Leg Johnny.
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments

  • cincybearcatcincybearcat Posts: 16,524
    Heck yeah it's hard.

    My just turned 3 year-old told me that I wasn't her friend anymore because I stopped patting her and told her it was time for me to leave her room and her to go to sleep.

    When I asked her what she said...she thought for a minute and said "I don't know....what did I say".

    So don't take it personally, not only do they not mean it, sometimes they are just upset and say something they heard a friend say and don't even know what is coming out of their own mouths. ;)
    hippiemom = goodness
  • ponner1usponner1us Posts: 738
    I have a 3 & 1/2 year old daughter, so I know what you're going through. Ten minutes later, or tomorrow, she'll tell you she loves you. Don't let it get to you, you're doing the right thing. Stay calm, don't raise your voice(I know it's difficult) but enforce your rules as you see fit. She'll appreciate it someday years from now, I'm sure. Keep on truckin'!
    Journey Begins: 1992-08-15, Montage Mountain Performing Arts Center,
    Scranton, Pennsylvania

    Journey Ends:
  • pandorapandora Posts: 21,855
    edited August 2010
    Daddys need to be tough but always fair and loving. Build them up, keep them strong, teach them boundaries, be there for them. Daddys are very special and hold so much power in their words. It is very hard but the most rewarding thing you will ever do. Don't be afraid, just follow your heart and what feels right, a good book gauged at the appropriate years tells you what to expect and gives more confidence.
    Post edited by pandora on
  • acoustic guyacoustic guy Posts: 3,770
    pandora wrote:
    Daddys need to be tough but always fair and loving. Build them up, keep them strong, teach them boundaries, be there for them. Daddys are very special and hold so much power in their words. It is very hard but the most rewarding thing you will ever do. Don't be afraid, just follow your heart and what feels right, a good book gaged at the appropriate years tells you what to expect and gives more confidence.

    Wow, VERY well said.
    Thanks.
    Get em a Body Bag Yeeeeeaaaaa!
    Sweep the Leg Johnny.
  • dimitrispearljamdimitrispearljam Posts: 139,721
    acoustic guy wrote:
    pandora wrote:
    Daddys need to be tough but always fair and loving. Build them up, keep them strong, teach them boundaries, be there for them. Daddys are very special and hold so much power in their words. It is very hard but the most rewarding thing you will ever do. Don't be afraid, just follow your heart and what feels right, a good book gaged at the appropriate years tells you what to expect and gives more confidence.

    Wow, VERY well said.
    Thanks.
    I was ready to pm Pandora to see your thread ,so post her opinion,glad she did it already....
    Pandora as always..love what ever you say and the way u do it..
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • pandorapandora Posts: 21,855
    acoustic guy wrote:
    pandora wrote:
    Daddys need to be tough but always fair and loving. Build them up, keep them strong, teach them boundaries, be there for them. Daddys are very special and hold so much power in their words. It is very hard but the most rewarding thing you will ever do. Don't be afraid, just follow your heart and what feels right, a good book gaged at the appropriate years tells you what to expect and gives more confidence.

    Wow, VERY well said.
    Thanks.
    You are so welcome and to all the young Daddy's out there you are so very lucky. A life of love ahead. Cherish the moments it goes so fast.
  • pandorapandora Posts: 21,855
    dimitrispearljam wrote:
    acoustic guy wrote:
    pandora wrote:
    Daddys need to be tough but always fair and loving. Build them up, keep them strong, teach them boundaries, be there for them. Daddys are very special and hold so much power in their words. It is very hard but the most rewarding thing you will ever do. Don't be afraid, just follow your heart and what feels right, a good book gaged at the appropriate years tells you what to expect and gives more confidence.

    Wow, VERY well said.
    Thanks.
    I was ready to pm Pandora to see your thread ,so post her opinion,glad she did it already....
    Pandora as always..love what ever you say and the way u do it..
    Thank you sweet man, you are always so very kind to me :D
  • know1know1 Posts: 6,794
    You and your wife need to get on the same page with regard to enforcing discipline PRONTO.

    There can't be a different set of rules just because Daddy is around.
    The only people we should try to get even with...
    ...are those who've helped us.

    Right 'round the corner could be bigger than ourselves.
  • acoustic guyacoustic guy Posts: 3,770
    know1 wrote:
    You and your wife need to get on the same page with regard to enforcing discipline PRONTO.

    There can't be a different set of rules just because Daddy is around.

    I know, I hear you loud and clear...it wont work unless you are on the same page.
    Get em a Body Bag Yeeeeeaaaaa!
    Sweep the Leg Johnny.
  • Green CircleGreen Circle Posts: 5,192
    acoustic guy wrote:
    Man did that crush my heart.
    I try to be a good dad but at the same time set rules and try to enforce them but because my wife has a much softer approach I look like the mean guy. I never thought it would be that way with my kids because I'm immature and love children but it seems to be the case.
    I think a child should have boundries and should have a schedule like bed @ 8pm every night. But because I work many nights this time of year my wife lets her stay awake longer and gives in. When I am home I try to enforce rules and I get angry and raise my voice when she does not listen and then it goes bad. My wife says she is on the same page as me but i dont see it.
    This really sucks.
    I guess i need to also try a softer approach but I dont want my children to be like some kids you see who are not taught properly in life and end up being rude and little brats. My children are not that at all but they could be if you let them do what they want daily...
    She already tries to manipulate you when she wants something...smart little cookie.
    Its hard to be a parent.

    Hey AC,

    I know its easier said then done but try not to worry about it. ponner1us is 100% correct They really don't understand the concept of the word hate, (my kids aren't even allowed to use the word.) So please don't freak out completely. I would be crushed as well but, don't go back on your disciplining. Someone has to be the tough guy. I am as well in my house and my wife backs me sometimes and sometimes she doesn't. My kids both at one point have said "I don't like you right now" I just respond with,"I know you don't, but you will" and sure enough they do and again like ponner1us said its usually a little later on during they day. Stay strong AC.
    it'll be all right. I promise.
    "...And I fight back in my mind. Never lets me be right.
    I got memories. I got shit so much it don't show."
  • nuffingmannuffingman Posts: 3,014
    Theovl316 wrote:
    acoustic guy wrote:
    Man did that crush my heart.
    I try to be a good dad but at the same time set rules and try to enforce them but because my wife has a much softer approach I look like the mean guy. I never thought it would be that way with my kids because I'm immature and love children but it seems to be the case.
    I think a child should have boundries and should have a schedule like bed @ 8pm every night. But because I work many nights this time of year my wife lets her stay awake longer and gives in. When I am home I try to enforce rules and I get angry and raise my voice when she does not listen and then it goes bad. My wife says she is on the same page as me but i dont see it.
    This really sucks.
    I guess i need to also try a softer approach but I dont want my children to be like some kids you see who are not taught properly in life and end up being rude and little brats. My children are not that at all but they could be if you let them do what they want daily...
    She already tries to manipulate you when she wants something...smart little cookie.
    Its hard to be a parent.

    Hey AC,

    I know its easier said then done but try not to worry about it. ponner1us is 100% correct They really don't understand the concept of the word hate, (my kids aren't even allowed to use the word.) So please don't freak out completely. I would be crushed as well but, don't go back on your disciplining. Someone has to be the tough guy. I am as well in my house and my wife backs me sometimes and sometimes she doesn't. My kids both at one point have said "I don't like you right now" I just respond with,"I know you don't, but you will" and sure enough they do and again like ponner1us said its usually a little later on during they day. Stay strong AC.
    it'll be all right. I promise.
    +1. Kids have no idea, it's just something they've heard said by others.
  • rafierafie Posts: 2,160
    know1 wrote:
    You and your wife need to get on the same page with regard to enforcing discipline PRONTO.

    There can't be a different set of rules just because Daddy is around.
    +100!
    Still can't believe I met Mike Mccready at the Guggenheim and got a pic with him!!!!!

    2010: 9/7/10 - Bilbao
    2012: 26-27/6/12 - Amsterdam ~~ 29/6/12 - Werchter ~~ 4-5/7/12 - Berlin
    2014: 25/6/14 - Vienna ~~ 26/6/14 - Berlin
  • chadwickchadwick up my ass Posts: 21,157
    pandora wrote:
    Daddys need to be tough but always fair and loving. Build them up, keep them strong, teach them boundaries, be there for them. Daddys are very special and hold so much power in their words. It is very hard but the most rewarding thing you will ever do. Don't be afraid, just follow your heart and what feels right, a good book gaged at the appropriate years tells you what to expect and gives more confidence.
    do not listen to this pandora lady.
    you are only asking for trouble.
    she's a wild one this one.
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."
    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • josevolutionjosevolution Posts: 30,397
    Puff 3yrs old wait till she is 13 :lol::lol::lol: ...
    jesus greets me looks just like me ....
  • pandorapandora Posts: 21,855
    chadwick wrote:
    pandora wrote:
    Daddys need to be tough but always fair and loving. Build them up, keep them strong, teach them boundaries, be there for them. Daddys are very special and hold so much power in their words. It is very hard but the most rewarding thing you will ever do. Don't be afraid, just follow your heart and what feels right, a good book gaged at the appropriate years tells you what to expect and gives more confidence.
    do not listen to this pandora lady.
    you are only asking for trouble.
    she's a wild one this one.
    nicest thing anyone has ever said about me ;)
    thank you Sir Chadwick
  • dcfaithfuldcfaithful Posts: 13,076
    pandora wrote:
    Daddys need to be tough but always fair and loving. Build them up, keep them strong, teach them boundaries, be there for them. Daddys are very special and hold so much power in their words. It is very hard but the most rewarding thing you will ever do. Don't be afraid, just follow your heart and what feels right, a good book gauged at the appropriate years tells you what to expect and gives more confidence.


    Damn...do us a favor and get your own advice column. :lol:;):D

    We could all benefit from Pandora's wealthy advice!
    7/2/06 - Denver, CO
    6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
    8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
    9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
    9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
    9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
  • pandorapandora Posts: 21,855
    dcfaithful wrote:
    pandora wrote:
    Daddys need to be tough but always fair and loving. Build them up, keep them strong, teach them boundaries, be there for them. Daddys are very special and hold so much power in their words. It is very hard but the most rewarding thing you will ever do. Don't be afraid, just follow your heart and what feels right, a good book gauged at the appropriate years tells you what to expect and gives more confidence.


    Damn...do us a favor and get your own advice column. :lol:;):D

    We could all benefit from Pandora's wealthy advice!
    :lol:
    I just really love Daddy's, there is where the true wealth lies :D
  • PJPixiePJPixie Posts: 3,026
    Lots of good things said here.
    My kids have told me many times how "unhappy" they are with me.
    Raising them (alone) was tough and we still have a long way to go, they are almost 11 and almost 15 but I feel they are a little wise beyond their years.

    I have always been super into getting across the importance of being respectful and thinking about the choices they make. When they were younger they just thought I was being mean but I always told them I would never tolerate disrespect or irresponsibility.
    We’ve had a great example going on right in front of our noses. We moved into an apartment some months back and we have some neighbors with four kids. These kids are unruly and horribly behaved and as it turns out, they behave exactly as their parents do.
    What amazes me in this is that my kids enlightened ME to this whole thing.
    I finally had to approach the neighbor kids parents about the behavior of
    their kids and things going on around the apartments. The parents pretty much told me to
    go take a hike while their kids stood behind them making faces at me.
    My kids and I were amazed. It really made my kids super aware of why I have been so
    adamant about respect and responsibility with them, their whole lives.

    I’m sure these neighbors of mine are going to have some tough teenage years with their kids…………I'm sure we will all have trials and tribulations with our Teenagers at some point, but not enforcing any type of rules or consistent behavior/respect/responsibility is setting them up for failure. IMO.
    The best use of Life is Love.
    The best expression of Love is Time.
    The best time to Love is Now.


    I'm never as good as when you're there.........
  • pandorapandora Posts: 21,855
    PJPixie wrote:
    Lots of good things said here.
    My kids have told me many times how "unhappy" they are with me.
    Raising them (alone) was tough and we still have a long way to go, they are almost 11 and almost 15 but I feel they are a little wise beyond their years.

    I have always been super into getting across the importance of being respectful and thinking about the choices they make. When they were younger they just thought I was being mean but I always told them I would never tolerate disrespect or irresponsibility.
    We’ve had a great example going on right in front of our noses. We moved into an apartment some months back and we have some neighbors with four kids. These kids are unruly and horribly behaved and as it turns out, they behave exactly as their parents do.
    What amazes me in this is that my kids enlightened ME to this whole thing.
    I finally had to approach the neighbor kids parents about the behavior of
    their kids and things going on around the apartments. The parents pretty much told me to
    go take a hike while their kids stood behind them making faces at me.
    My kids and I were amazed. It really made my kids super aware of why I have been so
    adamant about respect and responsibility with them, their whole lives.

    I’m sure these neighbors of mine are going to have some tough teenage years with their kids…………I'm sure we will all have trials and tribulations with our Teenagers at some point, but not enforcing any type of rules or consistent behavior/respect/responsibility is setting them up for failure. IMO.
    This is so true. Children learn by example, like little sponges soak it all up, they watch and mimic.
    "Do as a I say not as I do" does not work when it comes to parenting. The adult must be what they would like their children to be.
    Sounds like you have done a wonderful job. I admire your strength and conviction and wisdom in raising your children, doubly hard alone. My hats off to you :D
  • PoncierPoncier Posts: 17,271
    Don't worry about what she says, keep up the discipline, remember you have 1 job:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tojBadSr2zI
    This weekend we rock Portland
  • tinkerbelltinkerbell New Zealand Posts: 2,161
    My 5 year old crosses her arms and rolls her eyes at my all the time - I just laugh!

    I am super strict on things that I feel are important like bed at 7:30pm, using your manners and showing respect and my partner is too. I think I have modelled myself on my mum (I can't believe I just said that!!). I always get comments when I am out with my kiddies about how polite Miss 5 is and she is teaching my son (almost 3) by example.

    Being a parent is the hardest job in the world. Some days you will feel exhausted and beaten down and will wonder what the hell you've gotten yourself into. On those days, watching them sleep erases any doubt. Being a parent may be the hardest job, but I am sure it is the most rewarding!
    all you need is love, love is all you need
  • dunkmandunkman Posts: 19,646
    so she said she hates you and yet you didnt punch her in the face? :eh:

    weird parenting technique you have there in America ;)
    oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
  • Get_RightGet_Right Posts: 13,402
    My five year old says "go away daddy" and "I dont like you" when I am tough on him.

    I just smile and say, thats ok because I love you no matter what.

    Now get your ass upstairs and brush your teeth or else......................... :lol:

    I dont let this stuff bother me-my kids are young and I know that there are much bigger issues coming down the road. MUCH BIGGER issues.
  • pandorapandora Posts: 21,855
    tinkerbell wrote:
    My 5 year old crosses her arms and rolls her eyes at my all the time - I just laugh!

    I am super strict on things that I feel are important like bed at 7:30pm, using your manners and showing respect and my partner is too. I think I have modelled myself on my mum (I can't believe I just said that!!). I always get comments when I am out with my kiddies about how polite Miss 5 is and she is teaching my son (almost 3) by example.

    Being a parent is the hardest job in the world. Some days you will feel exhausted and beaten down and will wonder what the hell you've gotten yourself into. On those days, watching them sleep erases any doubt. Being a parent may be the hardest job, but I am sure it is the most rewarding!
    Yes watching them sleep, they are lovely, like heaven.
    Also quiet book time I remember, they would be all fresh smelling like baby shampoo after their baths when we would all cuddle and read a new book. Their eyes so big with wonderment at the pictures and the new story.
    Lives are so hectic, that's when it gets overwhelming. Slowing it up and just laying together and breathing :D
    so very important for the bond. Family is the most important thing we have, it is lifetime love.
  • Black DiamondBlack Diamond Posts: 25,107
    It's a right of passage when your kids tell you they don't like you... I just got it on Sunday from my 4 year old... I handed her back her hat and she through it on the floor... I made her pick it up and she gave me the stink eye and told me I am mean and a bad daddy... When she got home she went right to her room... She was apoplyptic and had a huge temper tantrum... I let her calm down... Walked up and calmly asked why did she think she got punished and I was angry... She knew why and apologized...

    Sometimes you can't let them get away with behavior, other times you have to ignore it... Comes with the territory...
    GoiMTvP.gif
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    Black Diamond wrote:
    It's a right of passage when your kids tell you they don't like you... I just got it on Sunday from my 4 year old... I handed her back her hat and she through it on the floor... I made her pick it up and she gave me the stink eye and told me I am mean and a bad daddy... When she got home she went right to her room... She was apoplyptic and had a huge temper tantrum... I let her calm down... Walked up and calmly asked why did she think she got punished and I was angry... She knew why and apologized...

    Sometimes you can't let them get away with behavior, other times you have to ignore it... Comes with the territory...

    .. and sometimes once youve laughed you cant discipline them... cause by then its too late and they know theyve done something amusing.
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • pandorapandora Posts: 21,855
    Black Diamond wrote:
    It's a right of passage when your kids tell you they don't like you... I just got it on Sunday from my 4 year old... I handed her back her hat and she through it on the floor... I made her pick it up and she gave me the stink eye and told me I am mean and a bad daddy... When she got home she went right to her room... She was apoplyptic and had a huge temper tantrum... I let her calm down... Walked up and calmly asked why did she think she got punished and I was angry... She knew why and apologized...

    Sometimes you can't let them get away with behavior, other times you have to ignore it... Comes with the territory...
    pick your battles and when they are small, distraction is the best technique to avoid confrontations, we are smarter than they :D most of the time :lol:
  • Black DiamondBlack Diamond Posts: 25,107
    catefrances wrote:
    Black Diamond wrote:
    It's a right of passage when your kids tell you they don't like you... I just got it on Sunday from my 4 year old... I handed her back her hat and she through it on the floor... I made her pick it up and she gave me the stink eye and told me I am mean and a bad daddy... When she got home she went right to her room... She was apoplyptic and had a huge temper tantrum... I let her calm down... Walked up and calmly asked why did she think she got punished and I was angry... She knew why and apologized...

    Sometimes you can't let them get away with behavior, other times you have to ignore it... Comes with the territory...

    .. and sometimes once youve laughed you cant discipline them... cause by then its too late and they know theyve done something amusing.
    That's the other 90% of the time :lol:
    GoiMTvP.gif
  • dunkmandunkman Posts: 19,646
    catefrances wrote:
    Black Diamond wrote:
    It's a right of passage when your kids tell you they don't like you... I just got it on Sunday from my 4 year old... I handed her back her hat and she through it on the floor... I made her pick it up and she gave me the stink eye and told me I am mean and a bad daddy... When she got home she went right to her room... She was apoplyptic and had a huge temper tantrum... I let her calm down... Walked up and calmly asked why did she think she got punished and I was angry... She knew why and apologized...

    Sometimes you can't let them get away with behavior, other times you have to ignore it... Comes with the territory...

    .. and sometimes once youve laughed you cant discipline them... cause by then its too late and they know theyve done something amusing.


    thats my problem... i laugh at them all the time... they just say funny stuff and I can't help myself. :oops:
    oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    Black Diamond wrote:
    catefrances wrote:
    Black Diamond wrote:
    It's a right of passage when your kids tell you they don't like you... I just got it on Sunday from my 4 year old... I handed her back her hat and she through it on the floor... I made her pick it up and she gave me the stink eye and told me I am mean and a bad daddy... When she got home she went right to her room... She was apoplyptic and had a huge temper tantrum... I let her calm down... Walked up and calmly asked why did she think she got punished and I was angry... She knew why and apologized...

    Sometimes you can't let them get away with behavior, other times you have to ignore it... Comes with the territory...

    .. and sometimes once youve laughed you cant discipline them... cause by then its too late and they know theyve done something amusing.
    That's the other 90% of the time :lol:

    OMG!! so very true.

    the toddlermonster comes out with some things that have me leaving the room. she also calls me a stupid dumb poo poo head. :roll: it balances out when she asks me to play mumford and sons so she can sing along to little lion man. :lol:
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
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