Destination Weddings

satansbedbugs

Is having a destination wedding a rude gesture in a way to your friends considering it costs so much to get there , and we cant cover those costs for them ? opinions please would be appreciated ...thanks

SBB

AmongstTheWaves

I don't think it's rude at all. You should get married wherever you want. Most of my college friends either had destination weddings or had scattered throughout the country so that we had to travel to their weddings. Just work hard to make it fun for those who come. Don't make people figure out what to do or how to get to fun things to do. One of the best weddings I ever went to was in Memphis over a Labor Day weekend. The bride and groom had arranged a tour of Graceland for anyone who wanted to go and for everyone to go to the Jazz Festival on Beale St. I think there was a visit to the Peabody too. We had a great time hanging out with old friends, and their planning made everything stress free for the guests.

tinkerbell

A destination wedding is a great way to keep numbers down and not have to invite Nigel from accounts.

As long as you give your loved ones plenty of notice (like a year) then it could be a really awesome way to spend a few days with those that are the closests to you. My step brother and his wife recently went to a wedding in Rarotonga and had an awesome time.

blackredyellow

Don't worry about being rude, its your wedding.

You could have a reception at home later. Friends of ours did that, and like a month after the wedding, they had a big lookout at a park pavilion as an informal reception. They played the wedding video, had picture slide shows running, and had the pavilion decorated in a Caribbean theme.

pandora

satansbedbugs wrote:

Is having a destination wedding a rude gesture in a way to your friends considering it costs so much to get there , and we cant cover those costs for them ? opinions please would be appreciated ...thanks

SBB

We married 29 years ago :shock: before destination weddings were popular. We sort of eloped and had our few close family and friends follow and be apart of our wedding. Was it rude? maybe a bit, cause it was a hardship on some, but I think them sharing the memories in the long run mattered to them and of course us more then the hardship. Its your day and your close friends will want to be apart of it and share in the memories and love.
I would take into consideration cost before you plan though and maybe say no gifts if they are spending.
Who needs all the gifts anyways, overrated, the memories are the true gifts.

Indifference71

satansbedbugs wrote:

Is having a destination wedding a rude gesture in a way to your friends considering it costs so much to get there , and we cant cover those costs for them ? opinions please would be appreciated ...thanks

SBB

I dont think its rude at all. It's your wedding...it should be where you want it to be. A good friend of mine just got married in Mexico in May. I went and it was a blast. They had another reception back at home too for the people who couldn't make it to Mexico.

Kilgore_Trout

dick move.

ok maybe thats harsh... but it does put people in an awkward situation... some may still feel obligated to buy a gift... and thats just not fair... its like testing the limits of what people are willing to do for "your day"

theres no reason you can't get married close to home and save the traveling for the honeymoon... its not like newlyweds really want to spend time with anyone other than each other at that time anyway... so its basically a mandatory vacation for close family of the bride and groom... just so they can experience the same thing they would at home

DONT DO IT

Kilgore_Trout

i should add the destination bachelor parties are bad enough... does everything have to be such a big production these days?? just get together with friends and have a good time

chadwick

Kilgore_Trout wrote:

i should add the destination bachelor parties are bad enough... does everything have to be such a big production these days?? just get together with friends and have a good time

true.
everything is a huge production these days.


i wouldn't attend anyone's fucking wedding if it meant i had to travel a great distance.
weddings are a pain in the ass anyway.
i would have no problems not going to a wedding like this.

good for the couple getting married, that's great.
it isn't great for me.

maj4e

Just my own personal opinion and not a reflection on anyone. Having said that, weddings are vain to begin with but a destination wedding (particularly one where most of the guests are close to one another to start with) is the ultimate in vanity. However it is your experience but don't make everyone else put their life on hold and spend their money to come witness "your" moment. I slipped off to vegas for mine and didn't invite anyone. Like I said just my opinion and nothing towards the original poster.

PJGirl321

Ultimately you should have the wedding you want...but with a destination wedding don't expect everyone who would show up if it were held locally to attend. And you have to be understanding of those who don't. I would only go to a destination for a family member or very close friend.

blackredyellow

If we had a destination wedding, I probably wouldn't expect anyone to go besides maybe our parents/siblings...

I guess it all depends on your friends. If you are best friends with a few couples who want to go on a nice vacation anyway, then going together for your wedding might be a fun idea. But if your best friends (who you would want in your wedding) are people who probably can't afford it or whatever, then it's not fair to expect them to go. I guess just have an upfront honest discussion about it, to see what they think.

mca47

Don't worry about it.
I think getting married is dumb as shit, but if I ever did...it would be a destination wedding. Me and her and only invite our very closest friends and family.
That's the way it SHOULD be if you ask me!

I'm always amazed at people who have weddings and invite like 500 people. Either they are cool as shit, or they just want a lot of wedding presents/gifts.

pickupyourwill

satansbedbugs wrote:

Is having a destination wedding a rude gesture in a way to your friends considering it costs so much to get there , and we cant cover those costs for them ? opinions please would be appreciated ...thanks

SBB

I don't think its rude. It might give some people an excuse to visit that place--for the ones who can afford it or need a vacation.

Where is the wedding?

Lauri

It depends. I have been to a few different types of destination weddings, and sometimes they can be fine as long as the host realizes that it is an expense and effort on the part their guests to make it there and they respect that. First of all, I think you really have to emphasize to your guests that it's ok if they can't come. Secondly, I think you should put on the invitation or the web site or whatever that you don't want gifts. There should also be a significant effort to make the accomodations as inexpensive as possible, and to make have it in a place that people actually want to go so that they get something out of the trip. I have been to two destination weddings that were like cabin shares in the mountains for very cheap. Both of these wedding couples made it clear they did not expect any gifts in addition to the expense of the wedding, and that they wouldn't be offended if people didn't come. In both these cases, everyone was allowed to bring one (or more I guess) guests regardless of marital status, etc., and you paid person instead of by the room (this treats the single guests equally to the married guests). Contrast this to another wedding that's in a location that is expensive to fly to, that requires expensive resort rooms, where the bride and groom expect not only wedding gifts but also shower gifts (and bachelor and bachelorette parties), and where single people are not allowed to bring guests if they want to. I feel like some people who throw destination weddings assume that where they want to go is where all their guests are dying to spend their time and money on, and then they kind of make it feel like if you don't go, it means you don't care about them. The place where you decide to have your wedding is not where I want to blow my budget for the entire year! I actually complained to another friend that our other friend's destination wedding was too expensive and I might not be able to go and she said, "well how did you pay for pearl jam tickets? your friend's wedding is more important than buying stuff for youself." It's that kind of attitude that turns people off these things, but as long as you don't have it it's probably ok.

Also I might that if you are like in your early-mid 30s and all your friends are going to weddings like every two weeks, then it is a bit more rude. People might be able to swing one wedding but don't forget that that your friends also have about 12 others to go to too. I think people REALLY forget this!

Indifference71

Kilgore_Trout wrote:

i should add the destination bachelor parties are bad enough... does everything have to be such a big production these days?? just get together with friends and have a good time

I completely disagree. Bachelor party weekends are the best. Those are some of the best times I've ever had with my friends. A couple in Vegas, a couple golf weekends...great timejs. Whenever I do get married, my bachelor party will absolutely be in Vegas.

Gary Carter

A cousin of mine had a destination wedding in st. thomas a few years back and nearly all their friends and family members showed up and gave gifts. I had an amazing time just really hot as hell.

tinkerbell

Lauri wrote:

I actually complained to another friend that our other friend's destination wedding was too expensive and I might not be able to go and she said, "well how did you pay for pearl jam tickets? your friend's wedding is more important than buying stuff for youself." It's that kind of attitude that turns people off these things, but as long as you don't have it it's probably ok.

Wow that was really rude of your friend!! I'm sorry but nothing should ever come before Pearl Jam!!! Seriously though WTF!

in eds tree

it's your wedding, dude. do what you want.

i have travelled for tons of weddings (all in the U.S.). the worst, though, is when the bride picks $200+ dresses for their bridesmaids. THAT is super rude. especially when some of your bridesmaid dresses are travelling from out of town. this has happened to me so many times, so that is a good thing to keep in mind :P

blackredyellow

in eds tree wrote:

it's your wedding, dude. do what you want.

i have travelled for tons of weddings (all in the U.S.). the worst, though, is when the bride picks $200+ dresses for their bridesmaids. THAT is super rude. especially when some of your bridesmaid dresses are travelling from out of town. this has happened to me so many times, so that is a good thing to keep in mind :P

just having my wife be in a couple of weddings, the whole expense thing irritates me... They gotta buy a dress (plus get it tailored and stuff), help put together a shower (including buying a gift), bachelorette party, hotel at wedding (for two nights because of the rehersal the night before), and a wedding gift... it's like $1000 for the whole process. It's almost like it's a test to see how good of a friend you are.

We are both glad that outside of her sister (who isn't getting married any time soon), she won't have any more weddings to be in.

nuffingman

satansbedbugs wrote:

Is having a destination wedding a rude gesture in a way to your friends considering it costs so much to get there , and we cant cover those costs for them ? opinions please would be appreciated ...thanks

SBB

Whose wedding is it? Do what you want. The wedding industry is ridiculous and often results in money being spent that people can't afford. Weddings are also used by some to show off how much they can splash out. We spent a small amount on the wedding but had a fantastic honeymoon.

I think I've mentioned this on a similar thread but I wanted a destination wedding but the usual "so and so won't like it" blah, blah, blah. We had the wedding in England and the person my wife was worried about offending couldn't come. :roll:

Cliffy6745

I have a destination wedding next June and am really looking forward to it. It is absolutely the only time our entire group of friends will get together and go on vacation together so it will be a great time and a complete shit show.

know1

We did a destination wedding, but it was only for family. We also picked a destination where they could possibly drive if they needed to. We asked all of them their opinions before going ahead with it.

I think if you have a destination where guests HAVE to fly, get a passport, etc., then it's probably a little too much.

dunkman

If i had to do it all again i'd have got married somewhere abroad and then had a party when we got back home... also if I had to do it all again I would insist on a contract that guaranteed me the same amount of sex post-wedding as I was getting pre-wedding.

BinauralJam

dunkman wrote:

If i had to do it all again i'd have got married somewhere abroad and then had a party when we got back home... also if I had to do it all again I would insist on a contract that guaranteed me the same amount of sex post-wedding as I was getting pre-wedding.

Your a Dreamer Dunkman, i like that.

ponner1us

I've gone to a destination wedding in Jamaica for my wife's best friend. I think they're great as long as enough advance notice is given so people can save up some $. We just decided to make that our vacation that year and went a few days earlier for some time by ourselves.

Just don't be disappointed when some people(there will be some) can't make it because of genuine financial concerns.

Lauri

blackredyellow wrote:

in eds tree wrote:

it's your wedding, dude. do what you want.

i have travelled for tons of weddings (all in the U.S.). the worst, though, is when the bride picks $200+ dresses for their bridesmaids. THAT is super rude. especially when some of your bridesmaid dresses are travelling from out of town. this has happened to me so many times, so that is a good thing to keep in mind :P

just having my wife be in a couple of weddings, the whole expense thing irritates me... They gotta buy a dress (plus get it tailored and stuff), help put together a shower (including buying a gift), bachelorette party, hotel at wedding (for two nights because of the rehersal the night before), and a wedding gift... it's like $1000 for the whole process. It's almost like it's a test to see how good of a friend you are.

We are both glad that outside of her sister (who isn't getting married any time soon), she won't have any more weddings to be in.

This is right on. I think guys have a different situation. For girls you really are supposed to drop everything, including money, for a close friend's wedding. For someone who doesn't plan on getting married, at least not anytime in the foreseeable future, it gets a little irritating because you know your friends would not do the same for you for something else that's important to you. I average about $500/wedding, depending on travel, whether I'm a bridesmaid, etc. The best you can hope for is a local wedding you're not in and aren't invited to the bachelorette party...best to be friends with the groom cuz then you don't have the shower (pure evil, btw). This is rarely the case!

Lauri

ponner1us wrote:

I've gone to a destination wedding in Jamaica for my wife's best friend. I think they're great as long as enough advance notice is given so people can save up some $. We just decided to make that our vacation that year and went a few days earlier for some time by ourselves.

Just don't be disappointed when some people(there will be some) can't make it because of genuine financial concerns.

yeah but it's also kind of like you're determining where these other people have to take their vacations (unless they're enormously wealthy and can afford to take more than one trip in a year or whatever). I mean, if you're planning on going to or really want to go to Jamaica or whatever, and you can kill two birds with one stone that's great, but I've got one this fall that's not anywhere I'd really want to go, and I can't afford to go on a trip for myself, so it gets disheartening to keep paying for these 1 or 2-night trips that other people decide on for me (but I do want to go because I want to see everyone, etc). Even if it's in a good place, I can never afford to stay for more than the actual wedding, so I fly out the next day. It gets to be a lot of expense for not much benefit to the person spending it. I mean it's not that weddings aren't enjoyable, but I can see people recite vows and dance to Billie Jean in town.

Heineken Helen

Lauri wrote:

yeah but it's also kind of like you're determining where these other people have to take their vacations (unless they're enormously wealthy and can afford to take more than one trip in a year or whatever). I mean, if you're planning on going to or really want to go to Jamaica or whatever, and you can kill two birds with one stone that's great, but I've got one this fall that's not anywhere I'd really want to go, and I can't afford to go on a trip for myself, so it gets disheartening to keep paying for these 1 or 2-night trips that other people decide on for me (but I do want to go because I want to see everyone, etc). Even if it's in a good place, I can never afford to stay for more than the actual wedding, so I fly out the next day. It gets to be a lot of expense for not much benefit to the person spending it. I mean it's not that weddings aren't enjoyable, but I can see people recite vows and dance to Billie Jean in town.

How about you just learn to say NO the next time somebody's inconsiderate enough to get married somewhere you don't want to go. If ya don't wanna go, don't go!

I'm getting married in April and there will be a lot of people travelling to it... if they can't come I will completely understand... I'm not expecting or demanding anything from anyone. I hope they come but if they can't, I'd rather they simply call me and explain... then go and then bitch about it for years to come :roll: .

RKCNDY

I had a destination wedding, in Vegas because he insisted on Vegas. He got his bachelor party in Vegas, I got to play slot machines all night (no, I didn't get a bachelorette party). We did everything everybody else wanted to do, I didn't get to do anything I wanted. I should have ran off and did stuff by myself.

Don't worry about what other people think or want, do what YOU want to do.

Cradles Broken Glass

satansbedbugs wrote:

Is having a destination wedding a rude gesture in a way to your friends considering it costs so much to get there , and we cant cover those costs for them ? opinions please would be appreciated ...thanks

SBB

I think it would only be a rude gesture if you required them to be there. My suggestion would be to just do the wedding with the bride and groom. When you get back you can have a reception to celebrate with friends and family. IMO, if I had mine to do over again, it would be a destination. It would have been so much more perfect just me and my hubby.