Destination Weddings

satansbedbugs
satansbedbugs On Tour Posts: 2,413
edited August 2010 in All Encompassing Trip
Is having a destination wedding a rude gesture in a way to your friends considering it costs so much to get there , and we cant cover those costs for them ? opinions please would be appreciated ...thanks

SBB
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Comments

  • AmongstTheWaves
    AmongstTheWaves Posts: 19
    I don't think it's rude at all. You should get married wherever you want. Most of my college friends either had destination weddings or had scattered throughout the country so that we had to travel to their weddings. Just work hard to make it fun for those who come. Don't make people figure out what to do or how to get to fun things to do. One of the best weddings I ever went to was in Memphis over a Labor Day weekend. The bride and groom had arranged a tour of Graceland for anyone who wanted to go and for everyone to go to the Jazz Festival on Beale St. I think there was a visit to the Peabody too. We had a great time hanging out with old friends, and their planning made everything stress free for the guests.
  • tinkerbell
    tinkerbell New Zealand Posts: 2,161
    A destination wedding is a great way to keep numbers down and not have to invite Nigel from accounts.

    As long as you give your loved ones plenty of notice (like a year) then it could be a really awesome way to spend a few days with those that are the closests to you. My step brother and his wife recently went to a wedding in Rarotonga and had an awesome time.
    all you need is love, love is all you need
  • blackredyellow
    blackredyellow Posts: 5,889
    Don't worry about being rude, its your wedding.

    You could have a reception at home later. Friends of ours did that, and like a month after the wedding, they had a big lookout at a park pavilion as an informal reception. They played the wedding video, had picture slide shows running, and had the pavilion decorated in a Caribbean theme.
    My whole life
    was like a picture
    of a sunny day
    “We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”
    ― Abraham Lincoln
  • pandora
    pandora Posts: 21,855
    satansbedbugs wrote:
    Is having a destination wedding a rude gesture in a way to your friends considering it costs so much to get there , and we cant cover those costs for them ? opinions please would be appreciated ...thanks

    SBB
    We married 29 years ago :shock: before destination weddings were popular. We sort of eloped and had our few close family and friends follow and be apart of our wedding. Was it rude? maybe a bit, cause it was a hardship on some, but I think them sharing the memories in the long run mattered to them and of course us more then the hardship. Its your day and your close friends will want to be apart of it and share in the memories and love.
    I would take into consideration cost before you plan though and maybe say no gifts if they are spending.
    Who needs all the gifts anyways, overrated, the memories are the true gifts.
  • Indifference71
    Indifference71 Chicago Posts: 14,924
    satansbedbugs wrote:
    Is having a destination wedding a rude gesture in a way to your friends considering it costs so much to get there , and we cant cover those costs for them ? opinions please would be appreciated ...thanks

    SBB


    I dont think its rude at all. It's your wedding...it should be where you want it to be. A good friend of mine just got married in Mexico in May. I went and it was a blast. They had another reception back at home too for the people who couldn't make it to Mexico.
  • Kilgore_Trout
    Kilgore_Trout Posts: 7,334
    dick move.

    ok maybe thats harsh... but it does put people in an awkward situation... some may still feel obligated to buy a gift... and thats just not fair... its like testing the limits of what people are willing to do for "your day"

    theres no reason you can't get married close to home and save the traveling for the honeymoon... its not like newlyweds really want to spend time with anyone other than each other at that time anyway... so its basically a mandatory vacation for close family of the bride and groom... just so they can experience the same thing they would at home

    DONT DO IT
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  • Kilgore_Trout
    Kilgore_Trout Posts: 7,334
    i should add the destination bachelor parties are bad enough... does everything have to be such a big production these days?? just get together with friends and have a good time :D
    "Senza speme vivemo in disio"

    http://seanbriceart.com/
  • chadwick
    chadwick up my ass Posts: 21,157
    Kilgore_Trout wrote:
    i should add the destination bachelor parties are bad enough... does everything have to be such a big production these days?? just get together with friends and have a good time :D
    true.
    everything is a huge production these days.
    :sick:

    i wouldn't attend anyone's fucking wedding if it meant i had to travel a great distance.
    weddings are a pain in the ass anyway.
    i would have no problems not going to a wedding like this.

    good for the couple getting married, that's great.
    it isn't great for me.
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  • maj4e
    maj4e Posts: 605
    Just my own personal opinion and not a reflection on anyone. Having said that, weddings are vain to begin with but a destination wedding (particularly one where most of the guests are close to one another to start with) is the ultimate in vanity. However it is your experience but don't make everyone else put their life on hold and spend their money to come witness "your" moment. I slipped off to vegas for mine and didn't invite anyone. Like I said just my opinion and nothing towards the original poster.
  • PJGirl321
    PJGirl321 Posts: 377
    Ultimately you should have the wedding you want...but with a destination wedding don't expect everyone who would show up if it were held locally to attend. And you have to be understanding of those who don't. I would only go to a destination for a family member or very close friend.
  • blackredyellow
    blackredyellow Posts: 5,889
    If we had a destination wedding, I probably wouldn't expect anyone to go besides maybe our parents/siblings...

    I guess it all depends on your friends. If you are best friends with a few couples who want to go on a nice vacation anyway, then going together for your wedding might be a fun idea. But if your best friends (who you would want in your wedding) are people who probably can't afford it or whatever, then it's not fair to expect them to go. I guess just have an upfront honest discussion about it, to see what they think.
    My whole life
    was like a picture
    of a sunny day
    “We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”
    ― Abraham Lincoln
  • mca47
    mca47 Posts: 13,343
    Don't worry about it.
    I think getting married is dumb as shit, but if I ever did...it would be a destination wedding. Me and her and only invite our very closest friends and family.
    That's the way it SHOULD be if you ask me! ;):D

    I'm always amazed at people who have weddings and invite like 500 people. Either they are cool as shit, or they just want a lot of wedding presents/gifts.

    :lol:
  • pickupyourwill
    pickupyourwill Posts: 3,135
    satansbedbugs wrote:
    Is having a destination wedding a rude gesture in a way to your friends considering it costs so much to get there , and we cant cover those costs for them ? opinions please would be appreciated ...thanks

    SBB

    I don't think its rude. It might give some people an excuse to visit that place--for the ones who can afford it or need a vacation.

    Where is the wedding?
  • Lauri
    Lauri Posts: 748
    edited July 2010
    It depends. I have been to a few different types of destination weddings, and sometimes they can be fine as long as the host realizes that it is an expense and effort on the part their guests to make it there and they respect that. First of all, I think you really have to emphasize to your guests that it's ok if they can't come. Secondly, I think you should put on the invitation or the web site or whatever that you don't want gifts. There should also be a significant effort to make the accomodations as inexpensive as possible, and to make have it in a place that people actually want to go so that they get something out of the trip. I have been to two destination weddings that were like cabin shares in the mountains for very cheap. Both of these wedding couples made it clear they did not expect any gifts in addition to the expense of the wedding, and that they wouldn't be offended if people didn't come. In both these cases, everyone was allowed to bring one (or more I guess) guests regardless of marital status, etc., and you paid person instead of by the room (this treats the single guests equally to the married guests). Contrast this to another wedding that's in a location that is expensive to fly to, that requires expensive resort rooms, where the bride and groom expect not only wedding gifts but also shower gifts (and bachelor and bachelorette parties), and where single people are not allowed to bring guests if they want to. I feel like some people who throw destination weddings assume that where they want to go is where all their guests are dying to spend their time and money on, and then they kind of make it feel like if you don't go, it means you don't care about them. The place where you decide to have your wedding is not where I want to blow my budget for the entire year! I actually complained to another friend that our other friend's destination wedding was too expensive and I might not be able to go and she said, "well how did you pay for pearl jam tickets? your friend's wedding is more important than buying stuff for youself." It's that kind of attitude that turns people off these things, but as long as you don't have it it's probably ok.

    Also I might that if you are like in your early-mid 30s and all your friends are going to weddings like every two weeks, then it is a bit more rude. People might be able to swing one wedding but don't forget that that your friends also have about 12 others to go to too. I think people REALLY forget this!
    Post edited by Lauri on
  • Indifference71
    Indifference71 Chicago Posts: 14,924
    Kilgore_Trout wrote:
    i should add the destination bachelor parties are bad enough... does everything have to be such a big production these days?? just get together with friends and have a good time :D

    I completely disagree. Bachelor party weekends are the best. Those are some of the best times I've ever had with my friends. A couple in Vegas, a couple golf weekends...great timejs. Whenever I do get married, my bachelor party will absolutely be in Vegas.
  • Gary Carter
    Gary Carter Posts: 14,077
    A cousin of mine had a destination wedding in st. thomas a few years back and nearly all their friends and family members showed up and gave gifts. I had an amazing time just really hot as hell.
    Ron: I just don't feel like going out tonight
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  • tinkerbell
    tinkerbell New Zealand Posts: 2,161
    Lauri wrote:
    I actually complained to another friend that our other friend's destination wedding was too expensive and I might not be able to go and she said, "well how did you pay for pearl jam tickets? your friend's wedding is more important than buying stuff for youself." It's that kind of attitude that turns people off these things, but as long as you don't have it it's probably ok.

    Wow that was really rude of your friend!! I'm sorry but nothing should ever come before Pearl Jam!!! Seriously though WTF!
    all you need is love, love is all you need
  • in eds tree
    in eds tree Denver Posts: 539
    it's your wedding, dude. do what you want.

    i have travelled for tons of weddings (all in the U.S.). the worst, though, is when the bride picks $200+ dresses for their bridesmaids. THAT is super rude. especially when some of your bridesmaid dresses are travelling from out of town. this has happened to me so many times, so that is a good thing to keep in mind :P
    keep on rockin' in the free world.
  • blackredyellow
    blackredyellow Posts: 5,889
    in eds tree wrote:
    it's your wedding, dude. do what you want.

    i have travelled for tons of weddings (all in the U.S.). the worst, though, is when the bride picks $200+ dresses for their bridesmaids. THAT is super rude. especially when some of your bridesmaid dresses are travelling from out of town. this has happened to me so many times, so that is a good thing to keep in mind :P

    just having my wife be in a couple of weddings, the whole expense thing irritates me... They gotta buy a dress (plus get it tailored and stuff), help put together a shower (including buying a gift), bachelorette party, hotel at wedding (for two nights because of the rehersal the night before), and a wedding gift... it's like $1000 for the whole process. It's almost like it's a test to see how good of a friend you are.

    We are both glad that outside of her sister (who isn't getting married any time soon), she won't have any more weddings to be in.
    My whole life
    was like a picture
    of a sunny day
    “We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”
    ― Abraham Lincoln
  • nuffingman
    nuffingman Posts: 3,014
    satansbedbugs wrote:
    Is having a destination wedding a rude gesture in a way to your friends considering it costs so much to get there , and we cant cover those costs for them ? opinions please would be appreciated ...thanks

    SBB
    Whose wedding is it? Do what you want. The wedding industry is ridiculous and often results in money being spent that people can't afford. Weddings are also used by some to show off how much they can splash out. We spent a small amount on the wedding but had a fantastic honeymoon.

    I think I've mentioned this on a similar thread but I wanted a destination wedding but the usual "so and so won't like it" blah, blah, blah. We had the wedding in England and the person my wife was worried about offending couldn't come. :roll:

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