Arguments

Lizardjam

tremors wrote:

Let me know if you find the solution! I need it

For what it's worth I've learned 2 main things from arguing with my family and friends these past 37 years:

If you're seriously upset it's almost always better to return to the scene of the crime and make up as best you can - before going to bed!! Without this things can accumulate and come back to bite you on the arse months or even years later.

tremors wrote:

Sometimes you just have to say you are sorry and take the blame even if you know you are damn well in the right - otherwise some of these things will never be put to rest.

I agree with this to a point because if I do it too often I will wind up simply resenting the other person and pulling away.

I guess it kind of depends on how reasonable and fair you and the people you are arguing with are, deep down. I'm lucky I think in that most of the men in my family and friendship group (including myself) are volatile argumentative pricks, but deep down are decent people who don't really want to upset each other. At least this way the storm can usually blow over.

tremors wrote:

However, I've done a lot of youth support-work with fragile / homeless / abused young people where what they have suffered from their family or others is quite frankly unforgivable..... In such situations you just have to get the fuck out I believe; and if you're not in a situation like that count your blessings and make up!

yes, this is true.

tremors

Yeah the trouble with apologising when you don't really feel it is, like you say, if you do it too often it can lead to further problems of its own. It's horrible being beaten over the head with your own charitable apology! However, having the ability to apologise when you are in the right is a very useful skill in certain circumstances!

Dissidentman

tremors wrote:

Yeah the trouble with apologising when you don't really feel it is, like you say, if you do it too often it can lead to further problems of its own. It's horrible being beaten over the head with your own charitable apology! However, having the ability to apologise when you are in the right is a very useful skill in certain circumstances!

I'm sorry you feel this way.

Yellow Ledbelly

tremors wrote:

If you're seriously upset it's almost always better to return to the scene of the crime and make up as best you can - before going to bed!! Without this things can accumulate and come back to bite you on the arse months or even years later.

Sometimes you just have to say you are sorry and take the blame even if you know you are damn well in the right - otherwise some of these things will never be put to rest.

Good words. Especially the part about not going to bed (I'll add departing a loved one) without making up.
Shit happens every day and without warning....I don't want to be the guy who loses someone suddenly and has to think back on my last words to that person having been something hurtful or argumentative

libragirl

Usually when i have fights with family like my sister, it's nothing serious. We usually both cool down and then forget about and it's like nothing happened. I just feel it's not worth it when it's your family. You never know what can happen. But saying that doesn't mean i haven't had passionate fights with them. I agree with the person who said that they don't argue with people they don't care about. Unfortunately, because I'm very principled i have wasted energy arguing with people who definitely weren't worth my energy and time.

vduboise

tremors wrote:

If you're seriously upset it's almost always better to return to the scene of the crime and make up as best you can - before going to bed!! Without this things can accumulate and come back to bite you on the arse months or even years later.

Sometimes you just have to say you are sorry and take the blame even if you know you are damn well in the right - otherwise some of these things will never be put to rest.

This is so true. I'm in a situation with my mom, and even tho she's in the wrong, I apologized just so that we could move on. The argument was just circular- and we were going at it for 20 min or so. And then I gave in and kept the peace. In the end, what is more important- saving face or saving your relationship. Its one argument out of many in a lifetime- keep the relationship- if its worth it.

nuffingman

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=teMlv3ripSM

Green Circle

I'm with ya Lizardjam...I grew up with always complete resolution to our arguments.
then I got married to a woman whos family does the complete opposite. No res. what so ever.

Its completely frustrating...

dunkman

this thread was started by a woman I take it... my wife is in the Guiness Book of World Records for longest argument about me leaving my socks somewhere.

I quite like make-up sex after an argument... although humping a bag of mascara just isnt the same.

Yellow Ledbelly

Theovl316 wrote:

I'm with ya Lizardjam...I grew up with always complete resolution to our arguments.
then I got married to a woman whos family does the complete opposite. No res. what so ever.

Its completely frustrating...

Your wife's family and mine are about the same, but the older I've gotten that just doesn't seem right.
Of course, I have a very close female friend and we will on rare occasions argue. She gets mad, raises hell, says rotten things sometimes and leaves, sometimes without speaking for a couple of days or more. Then nothing is said about it at all.
My theory for people who do that is they realize they were wrong to start with and therefore don't want to bring it up again or apologize. We've had three maybe four arguments through the years that went the way I described and each time I know for a fact I was in the right

EDIT for a GrEAT STORY: We're sitting around one night at the house, she tells me of a swinging version of Smells Like Teen Spirit one of her girlfriends played for her and says something to the effect of Nirvana making that song better than the original. It was Paul frickin' Anka doing the song by the way :shock:
I tell her no, Nirvana did it first of course. OH NONONONONO they did not. I say yes, they did, I'm not saying you are wrong only that you apparently were misinformed by your friend. No, SO-AND-SO knows what she's talking about. NO, she doesn't...I grew up listening to Nirvana and you know that if there's one thing in the world I know anything about its music. She gets mad because I tell her i know with 100 percent certainty she is wrong, starts yelling. I get the album out, show her the songwriting credits......this is good......
seeing all songs written by cobain/nirvana...she says...Well that doesn't mean they did it first

I will never hit a woman as long as I live but at that moment......I coulda shook the shit out of her!!!
But, sticking to the topic at hand here, I realized I was fighting a losing battle, knew I was right so I threw my hands up and shut the fuck up about it. A few days...she admitted she was wrong

Lizardjam

dunkman wrote:

this thread was started by a woman I take it... my wife is in the Guiness Book of World Records for longest argument about me leaving my socks somewhere.

I quite like make-up sex after an argument... although humping a bag of mascara just isnt the same.

Yep, I'm a woman. I don't argue about socks. I've learned to just pick 'em up and throw 'em in the hamper. I do try to choose my battles. Even if they're not always wise, they're not usually about things like laundry.

Theo...very very frustrating. My mom likes to walk away, and maybe throw things but, finish the actual point of the argument? Never!

Lizardjam

Yellow Ledbelly wrote:

Theovl316 wrote:

I'm with ya Lizardjam...I grew up with always complete resolution to our arguments.
then I got married to a woman whos family does the complete opposite. No res. what so ever.

Its completely frustrating...

Your wife's family and mine are about the same, but the older I've gotten that just doesn't seem right.
Of course, I have a very close female friend and we will on rare occasions argue. She gets mad, raises hell, says rotten things sometimes and leaves, sometimes without speaking for a couple of days or more. Then nothing is said about it at all.
My theory for people who do that is they realize they were wrong to start with and therefore don't want to bring it up again or apologize. We've had three maybe four arguments through the years that went the way I described and each time I know for a fact I was in the right

EDIT for a GrEAT STORY: We're sitting around one night at the house, she tells me of a swinging version of Smells Like Teen Spirit one of her girlfriends played for her and says something to the effect of Nirvana making that song better than the original. It was Paul frickin' Anka doing the song by the way :shock:
I tell her no, Nirvana did it first of course. OH NONONONONO they did not. I say yes, they did, I'm not saying you are wrong only that you apparently were misinformed by your friend. No, SO-AND-SO knows what she's talking about. NO, she doesn't...I grew up listening to Nirvana and you know that if there's one thing in the world I know anything about its music. She gets mad because I tell her i know with 100 percent certainty she is wrong, starts yelling. I get the album out, show her the songwriting credits......this is good......
seeing all songs written by cobain/nirvana...she says...Well that doesn't mean they did it first

I will never hit a woman as long as I live but at that moment......I coulda shook the shit out of her!!!
But, sticking to the topic at hand here, I realized I was fighting a losing battle, knew I was right so I threw my hands up and shut the fuck up about it. A few days...she admitted she was wrong

That's a pretty funny story. Granted, not while you were in it but, in general. I've never had anyone argue something factual like that with me. Something that can be easily proved with a little google, and\or the actual album!

Poncier

Yellow Ledbelly wrote:

EDIT for a GrEAT STORY: We're sitting around one night at the house, she tells me of a swinging version of Smells Like Teen Spirit one of her girlfriends played for her and says something to the effect of Nirvana making that song better than the original. It was Paul frickin' Anka doing the song by the way :shock:
I tell her no, Nirvana did it first of course. OH NONONONONO they did not. I say yes, they did, I'm not saying you are wrong only that you apparently were misinformed by your friend. No, SO-AND-SO knows what she's talking about. NO, she doesn't...I grew up listening to Nirvana and you know that if there's one thing in the world I know anything about its music. She gets mad because I tell her i know with 100 percent certainty she is wrong, starts yelling. I get the album out, show her the songwriting credits......this is good......
seeing all songs written by cobain/nirvana...she says...Well that doesn't mean they did it first

I will never hit a woman as long as I live but at that moment......I coulda shook the shit out of her!!!
But, sticking to the topic at hand here, I realized I was fighting a losing battle, knew I was right so I threw my hands up and shut the fuck up about it. A few days...she admitted she was wrong

Besides, everyone knows paul Anka didn't do Teen Spirit first, Tori Amos did!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcHNZVrxEts

Yellow Ledbelly

Lizardjam wrote:

Yellow Ledbelly wrote:

Theovl316 wrote:

I'm with ya Lizardjam...I grew up with always complete resolution to our arguments.
then I got married to a woman whos family does the complete opposite. No res. what so ever.

Its completely frustrating...

Your wife's family and mine are about the same, but the older I've gotten that just doesn't seem right.
Of course, I have a very close female friend and we will on rare occasions argue. She gets mad, raises hell, says rotten things sometimes and leaves, sometimes without speaking for a couple of days or more. Then nothing is said about it at all.
My theory for people who do that is they realize they were wrong to start with and therefore don't want to bring it up again or apologize. We've had three maybe four arguments through the years that went the way I described and each time I know for a fact I was in the right

EDIT for a GrEAT STORY: We're sitting around one night at the house, she tells me of a swinging version of Smells Like Teen Spirit one of her girlfriends played for her and says something to the effect of Nirvana making that song better than the original. It was Paul frickin' Anka doing the song by the way :shock:
I tell her no, Nirvana did it first of course. OH NONONONONO they did not. I say yes, they did, I'm not saying you are wrong only that you apparently were misinformed by your friend. No, SO-AND-SO knows what she's talking about. NO, she doesn't...I grew up listening to Nirvana and you know that if there's one thing in the world I know anything about its music. She gets mad because I tell her i know with 100 percent certainty she is wrong, starts yelling. I get the album out, show her the songwriting credits......this is good......
seeing all songs written by cobain/nirvana...she says...Well that doesn't mean they did it first

I will never hit a woman as long as I live but at that moment......I coulda shook the shit out of her!!!
But, sticking to the topic at hand here, I realized I was fighting a losing battle, knew I was right so I threw my hands up and shut the fuck up about it. A few days...she admitted she was wrong

That's a pretty funny story. Granted, not while you were in it but, in general. I've never had anyone argue something factual like that with me. Something that can be easily proved with a little google, and\or the actual album!

THe problem is that she sometimes displays her belief that I am a complete and total nimrod
I mean we've been like peas and carrots like Forrest and Jenny going on seven years now but I am certainly not a dimwitted nor (strangely enough) as brilliant as Forrest

Lizardjam

Yellow Ledbelly wrote:

THe problem is that she sometimes displays her belief that I am a complete and total nimrod
I mean we've been like peas and carrots like Forrest and Jenny going on seven years now but I am certainly not a dimwitted nor (strangely enough) as brilliant as Forrest

I have had friends like that. Not much you can do. Either stay friends and indulge...or.... :(

Yellow Ledbelly

Lizardjam wrote:

Yellow Ledbelly wrote:

THe problem is that she sometimes displays her belief that I am a complete and total nimrod
I mean we've been like peas and carrots like Forrest and Jenny going on seven years now but I am certainly not a dimwitted nor (strangely enough) as brilliant as Forrest

I have had friends like that. Not much you can do. Either stay friends and indulge...or.... :(

Oh its not all that serious actually. I do the same thing to her actually. Best friend I've ever had