Arguments
Lizardjam
Posts: 1,121
I was just wondering if it was just me but, when I have an argument with a loved one, most of them find it easy to just walk away and come back a very short while later and act like nothing ever happened. happy as clams. I can't do that. I need a resolution. I can't be nice and happy with someone until it's resolved. is it just me? it mainly happens with family and my boyfriend. What do you guys do? Do you just forget it and act like nothing? or do you need resolution too? it makes no sense why I would just forget.
bugs in the way...I feel about you
"New music, new friends. Pearl Jam."
I like our socks. I hear we make a fine sock. I always say, You might not love our records, but I think you'll like our socks. - Stone
"This record is us speaking out in class." -EV on PJ
"New music, new friends. Pearl Jam."
I like our socks. I hear we make a fine sock. I always say, You might not love our records, but I think you'll like our socks. - Stone
"This record is us speaking out in class." -EV on PJ
Post edited by Unknown User on
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just a thought
Alpine Valley Resort is etched in my brain!!!
ok but why sometimes do things that seem petty to others not seem so petty to me? i'm trying to think of an example here but i can't at the moment. I understand petty arguments go nowhere but, what if it's not petty to me?
"New music, new friends. Pearl Jam."
I like our socks. I hear we make a fine sock. I always say, You might not love our records, but I think you'll like our socks. - Stone
"This record is us speaking out in class." -EV on PJ
bloody nose... love you, brother dickhead.
im a bad example.
um :?
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
For example, is it a short outburst because one person is cranky, the other person responds and someone slams a door?
Or, is it some long drawn-out thing with an underlying problem that needs to be resolved? Something that keeps coming back because you have different views that don't mesh well? In my opinion, this second kind of argument needs a resolution.
whiskey...x
front or back yard?
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
Alpine Valley Resort is etched in my brain!!!
+1
Well, what prompted the post is pretty much the second. But, my sister and mom can fight about anything in the world(big and small) with each other and me and in an hour, resolution or not they're back to normal like nothing happened. I don't get the non-resolution part.
Maybe a better question would be this, how do you get there, to acting like nothing happened and mean it? How do you let it go, whether it's BS to both parties or not, it became an argument for a reason, no? Why is it so easy for some to let go and not me? What thought makes it easier to just let it go?
"New music, new friends. Pearl Jam."
I like our socks. I hear we make a fine sock. I always say, You might not love our records, but I think you'll like our socks. - Stone
"This record is us speaking out in class." -EV on PJ
Maybe it's harder for you to let go of the arguments because of what is actually said to you. Are they throwing out unpleasant comments that you feel are unfair? Or, are they discussing things, complaining, but then not changing anything? Maybe that's why you have a hard time letting it go? I don't know.
I think there are so many variables involved that you may need to sit down and think about what's being said, what's happening, and what you'd RATHER was happening so you can talk to them about it.
That is a good point actually. Yeah, it is things that are being brought up and said during the argument that a lot of times, to me, have nothing to do with it. They're just said because the other person is mad about whatever it is we're arguing about. That is probably it completely. Sometimes you need other's opinions to see what's going on. I swear I can read people so well sometimes but when it comes to myself I suck at it.
"New music, new friends. Pearl Jam."
I like our socks. I hear we make a fine sock. I always say, You might not love our records, but I think you'll like our socks. - Stone
"This record is us speaking out in class." -EV on PJ
I rarely have any arguments with loved ones, but when they occur I get mad and then I sit back and realize it just doesn't matter 9 times out of 10....or maybe 99 out of 100. Usually I'm fine just to let it go if one does occur and in five minutes time I can go back and talk to that person with no trouble and not mention it. If it gets a little out of hand, I want to make peace...don't want some stupid ass argument with someone I love to cause any trouble and possibly have that fight be the last time I ever saw that person. Kind of the "if tomorrow never comes" thing. Life's too short for bullshit fighting.
They say every sin is deadly but I believe they may be wrong...I'm guilty of all seven and I don't feel too bad at all
I agree with most of it. I don't argue with people that don't matter to me. I guess I have to get to that point where even if I feel it is important, the original argument, that I have to let it go because the person means more to me than the point maybe? I can rationalize most things but my feelings\emotions are usually at odds with the rationalizations and logic. I won't say it's a girl thing because i'll get ten girls that say they're not like that but I find it's more a feminine trait. I really want to get to that I can let it all go because the person means more to me point.
"New music, new friends. Pearl Jam."
I like our socks. I hear we make a fine sock. I always say, You might not love our records, but I think you'll like our socks. - Stone
"This record is us speaking out in class." -EV on PJ
As to the second part of your quote, I come from a long line of hot-headed males and it was really hard for me to get to the point where I don't just blow up at people. I just don't want that and the few people I truly love in my life and depend on the most aren't worth losing over something silly or relatively meaningless.
You've just got to be able to think outside of your anger, think about that other person a little even if they aren't thinking about you right then and remember how much they mean to you...when you really love somebody all that other crap isn't really important to me.
What the hell?!?! Do I think I'm some kind of damn anger management counselor?!? Family counselor?!?
Seriously, though, I'm a much happier person since I've learned to at least TRY and live every day that way.
They say every sin is deadly but I believe they may be wrong...I'm guilty of all seven and I don't feel too bad at all
"New music, new friends. Pearl Jam."
I like our socks. I hear we make a fine sock. I always say, You might not love our records, but I think you'll like our socks. - Stone
"This record is us speaking out in class." -EV on PJ
Ha. I play your wife in this position. So, of course things get said because walking away to me is always giving up. I know, for guys it's not but it's so hard to deal with you walking away....
"New music, new friends. Pearl Jam."
I like our socks. I hear we make a fine sock. I always say, You might not love our records, but I think you'll like our socks. - Stone
"This record is us speaking out in class." -EV on PJ
For what it's worth I've learned 2 main things from arguing with my family and friends these past 37 years:
If you're seriously upset it's almost always better to return to the scene of the crime and make up as best you can - before going to bed!! Without this things can accumulate and come back to bite you on the arse months or even years later.
Sometimes you just have to say you are sorry and take the blame even if you know you are damn well in the right - otherwise some of these things will never be put to rest.
I guess it kind of depends on how reasonable and fair you and the people you are arguing with are, deep down. I'm lucky I think in that most of the men in my family and friendship group (including myself) are volatile argumentative pricks, but deep down are decent people who don't really want to upset each other. At least this way the storm can usually blow over.
However, I've done a lot of youth support-work with fragile / homeless / abused young people where what they have suffered from their family or others is quite frankly unforgivable..... In such situations you just have to get the fuck out I believe; and if you're not in a situation like that count your blessings and make up!
Send my credentials to the house of detention
yes, this is true.
"New music, new friends. Pearl Jam."
I like our socks. I hear we make a fine sock. I always say, You might not love our records, but I think you'll like our socks. - Stone
"This record is us speaking out in class." -EV on PJ
Send my credentials to the house of detention
I'm sorry you feel this way.
Shit happens every day and without warning....I don't want to be the guy who loses someone suddenly and has to think back on my last words to that person having been something hurtful or argumentative
They say every sin is deadly but I believe they may be wrong...I'm guilty of all seven and I don't feel too bad at all
This is so true. I'm in a situation with my mom, and even tho she's in the wrong, I apologized just so that we could move on. The argument was just circular- and we were going at it for 20 min or so. And then I gave in and kept the peace. In the end, what is more important- saving face or saving your relationship. Its one argument out of many in a lifetime- keep the relationship- if its worth it.
then I got married to a woman whos family does the complete opposite. No res. what so ever.
Its completely frustrating...
I got memories. I got shit so much it don't show."
I quite like make-up sex after an argument... although humping a bag of mascara just isnt the same.
Of course, I have a very close female friend and we will on rare occasions argue. She gets mad, raises hell, says rotten things sometimes and leaves, sometimes without speaking for a couple of days or more. Then nothing is said about it at all.
My theory for people who do that is they realize they were wrong to start with and therefore don't want to bring it up again or apologize. We've had three maybe four arguments through the years that went the way I described and each time I know for a fact I was in the right
EDIT for a GrEAT STORY: We're sitting around one night at the house, she tells me of a swinging version of Smells Like Teen Spirit one of her girlfriends played for her and says something to the effect of Nirvana making that song better than the original. It was Paul frickin' Anka doing the song by the way :shock:
I tell her no, Nirvana did it first of course. OH NONONONONO they did not. I say yes, they did, I'm not saying you are wrong only that you apparently were misinformed by your friend. No, SO-AND-SO knows what she's talking about. NO, she doesn't...I grew up listening to Nirvana and you know that if there's one thing in the world I know anything about its music. She gets mad because I tell her i know with 100 percent certainty she is wrong, starts yelling. I get the album out, show her the songwriting credits......this is good......
seeing all songs written by cobain/nirvana...she says...Well that doesn't mean they did it first
I will never hit a woman as long as I live but at that moment......I coulda shook the shit out of her!!!
But, sticking to the topic at hand here, I realized I was fighting a losing battle, knew I was right so I threw my hands up and shut the fuck up about it. A few days...she admitted she was wrong
They say every sin is deadly but I believe they may be wrong...I'm guilty of all seven and I don't feel too bad at all