To make a terrible thief

runaway

You are amazing!! Your writings, being true, are fucking great....you rock!! more please

tremors

runaway wrote:

You are amazing!! Your writings, being true, are fucking great....you rock!! more please

hehe - thanks mate.

tremors

mist rolling horizontal
at heaven level
dusky smoke across the hilltops
seven days in the foothills
time to feel like a poet
time to be human
what relief

tremors

.......................

I remember the way
you plucked each book
from the library shelf so clearly today
Like you were a swan scooping fish
out of placid waters;
your delicate fingers gliding through
liquid with sliding wings.
I had really never seen anything like that before.
What was it? 18 years ago now?
And I remember wishing for nothing so much,
nothing so much more than
I would give anything, anything to understand,
to feel, such grace, such vibration.
And yet from over here, from over here,
the only words quite so clear are
‘just be careful what you wish for’,
‘be careful what you wish for’

tremors

'Breathe'

Reach for a coffee
now it isn't denied
all once deprived of
is here on a plate
reach, so simple
reach is so near
reach out & touch it
taste it, it's here -
and yet so many doorways
between then and here

tremors

Best Friend

You are the one who always talks to me
the same
You are the one who always talked to me
the same.

The only one that understands I'm not playing a game
The one brave enough to say
'You're talking shit'
This I know now to be
respect

The one who believes that beliefs matter more
Run deeper than
fizzy neuro-bio 'Chemistry'
Who expects much more
than fizz from me

You are the one who goes with me
to the end
who sees me through, sees through me
who will be there until the end

You looked me in the eye before
you look me in the same eye still
look me in the eye again
and 'then'; during, across, between, through and under
within, despite, throughout, over, and into

'Then'

tremors

magicality

Behind every story a face
so many lead back to one place
some will say 'que sera'
but did it really need
to be so?
teaching us the only proof
of existence is pain
that magic must spring
from restitution & theft
when real
magic only
transcends

tremors

Love



You were lovely
And when I first met you
Your voice rang, sang like
tumbling waterfall
Your eyes shone as distant hot
white-blue stars
(so distant)

And then I thought of you
Often, in the years to come
Sometimes I saw you from afar
Sometimes we met
I think you were jealous of me and your friend
Yet your friend was jealous
When I compared her to you

Then that summer
We more than met
We nearly merged
Your voice became a constant
chime, opening me up like bells
ringing through me
Me letting go of the past
Piece by piece
It fell away with your touch
your voice
your body
your face
Never a face so pretty

Until all that was left
Was a fresh me
a child with someone
who would treasure my school-bag
Sort out my stuff
Clean my shoes
When I couldn't get it together
Send me off for the day
Throw your arms around my neck
And kiss me like noone else
Like there was noone else on the earth
That mattered more
To me than you to me

And I recall one smoky auburn late afternoon
Looking through your window out at the fields beyond
Watching the circling swooping gulls

I was doing the washing up I remember
Your daughter playing in the hall
The same music in her voice
Perhaps even more so

And I realised for the first time
I had stopped running
That there was nowhere else for me to be
That I didn't want, need to be
Anywhere else but here

And then you crept up behind me
Slipped your hand into mine
Pressed yourself close

And somehow I knew
In those moments
That soon it would be over

tremors

exceeding synaesthesia



Diving down too deep, deeper than the bends; below the light, I see a spark from the crevice, the only light down here; and so surge forward until the kaleidoscope of colour explodes and showers windshields diffuse like oceans and scatters throughout my sweltering sweating eyeline; skyline that melts as I pick up speed plummeting towards condensing droplets of violet, orange, deeper orange & spray precipitation exceeding precipitation, exceeding pain barrier, exceeding light barrier, exceeding matter across softening skulls, penetrating simply imaginedbones beyond matter as truth, finding proof of soft porous intermediate division between bone, psyche space and 'you' until bone disintegrates to just an idea - reaching beyond to the supple boundaries of self and other eddying vortex of in-between sprung suspension; sweeping and swirling through scarlet to an apex of crystal-clear blue and screeches, screeches simply 'truth' of escape, exit, release; one transcendent exit in the way out of west, blue, higher yet blue vibrating as ozone - fresh breath frequency to my dissolving mind, a frequency higher than pain - body, locked and screamed outwards, you must scream outwards towards invincible resilient 'I' beyond restriction and capture; all, collapsing outward to 'freedom', to continuity beyond thatinhalation, as if the single message planted down here can only be found, be magnified to pure exit in white light, the one light.

A giddy height of vertigo beyond nausea accelerating, teetering at an edge - I catch sight of racing demoniacs and spy, the hulking devil left standing as I lean over the edge of no-way-back; behind me only fear of falling, fear of staying, fear of stagnating, fear of solidifying, congealing and stuck forever into evil's rigid mask, only one way – forward, and so I leap. Face-first into unknown ether and almighty 'drop' into the singular unknown, plummeting friction free beyond temporal prisons; so far out now that ego freeze-frames into the life-wasting wasting inertia, shed and already falling away like chrysalis and I drop. beyond. beyond reach, beyond help, beyond daylight, beyond danger beyond pain, reality to sheer truth as firecracker seeds pop and bursting through the whistling ears of never, nowayback, a drumroll of never, ever-understood revelation. So I leap - knowing there is no return now, yet knowing not where this slide will ever finish or whether I will ever see that specious spacious ephemeral or solid world ever, ever again. Just conjectures of what might have been what could never be, and what can not exist, the impossible hope dreaming and wavering whilst flowing in and out of focus and safety, and so all MUST leap, through the apex of technicolour - beyond void, towards true light, and a squeal so high breath escapes, caught up beyond mind, caught up and reconfigured as body, On the other side. Out and up and out simply into synaesthesia

Sweeping past relics and bones of ancestors real, imaginary and locked in purgatory of one eternal plea for liberty, release. Molten atmospheres condense to droplets on the safety glass, diving lens around of skull and eyes, sweating, precipitating surging now down through masks of vision and I never shut my eyes, instead expanding within foreheads; beyond bony transpiration at terminal velocity, precipitation & perspiration within speedbecoming become wax; and revealing malleable and plastic life stretched out as vapour trail behind me, exceeding me, exceeding thee, until..... I'm found.

Washed up shivering and breathless upon another shore, to all intents a casualty, a wreck of busted head to outsiders devastated and simply 'gone'; to be picked up and rehydrated like something 'seche' as though there was nothing left. Apart from the memory of the swell that brought me here, a truth I can never now forget despite scientific contradiction and impersonations of fact, I lie with fact, in fact blessed by an overdose of reality distilled now and injected into an epcientral brain, transcendent mind, transfigured through through the stripping and breaking of that former mold and stripped back down to sleek essence as bark that is shed something whittling new arrow shafts, dead straight, and then unleashed with such precise trajectory nothing can be missed, as they hurtle and strafe actual chosen targets deep within the common mind, common sense, common place, me, a flexing shaft of stainless steel, chromed and quivering through the one tiny crevice - light shone just 3 minutes hence - flashed as signal, as if a guide had just illuminated the way, yesterday, in ultimate stealth and hidden away for seekers today and saying 'this is the way', this-is-the-only-way.

tremors

Have written these last 7 pieces from scratch whilst taking some refuge and some holiday in the hills.

They are all quite close to home, and so difficult for me to gauge, and I've tried experimenting with a few different styles of writing to try and capture something of the different states of mind. It would be useful to have some feedback about which come across or 'work' better than others. When I read them back the 'synaesthesia' one seems to be most similar to how I felt, (what I wanted to communicate) when I wrote it – and that came the quickest, though I don't think I could recreate that state of mind too often!! The 'love' one is the one I would wish to work the best, although I'm not sure if it does. Have one more poem I am writing more of today, but then will probably pause and take stock.

Constructive feedback gratefully received!

DangDang

tremors wrote:

Love


And I realised for the first time
I had stopped running
That there was nowhere else for me to be
That I didn't want, need to be
Anywhere else but here

And then you crept up behind me
Slipped your hand into mine
Pressed yourself close

And somehow I knew
In those moments
That soon it would be over

What would be over, the love or the running.
Or something else.

I have to know these things.

tremors

unfortunately the sanctuary. the running stopped, the real love came (so many before, none so true), the plateau dropped into another precipice, the love fell away, the running starts again....!

sorry, i find it difficult to articulate any other way, more bluntly - we were engaged, she chose to marry someone else (safety, reliability?) i will always love her, tho we rarely rarely cross paths today

DangDang

tremors wrote:

unfortunately the sanctuary. the running stopped, the real love came (so many before, none so true), the plateau dropped into another precipice, the love fell away, the running starts again....!

sorry, i find it difficult to articulate any other way, more bluntly - we were engaged, she chose to marry someone else (safety, reliability?) i will always love her, tho we rarely rarely cross paths today

Thanks.

Geebers!

tremors

DangDang wrote:

Geebers!

Yes it is a bit 'geebers!' - I think it's taken me about 8 years to be able to write that poem (for what it's worth!).

Think I will try and post the last piece of this holiday stint of writing later on tonight, and then leave the poetry alone for a while. Need to make sure my feet stay on the ground....

skyeriverwinter

I am enjoying reading your journey through all of the love happiness pain and acceptance...one day I will too...

tremors

skyeriverwinter wrote:

I am enjoying reading your journey through all of the love happiness pain and acceptance...one day I will too...

Thanks sky - you will, we will, but as that Van the man says 'You've got to do it in your own way'. There's a long way to go

You're doing it - you must be, or else seeing your name wouldn't fill me with both excitement and fear!

skyeriverwinter

tremors wrote:

skyeriverwinter wrote:

I am enjoying reading your journey through all of the love happiness pain and acceptance...one day I will too...

Thanks sky - you will, we will, but as that Van the man says 'You've got to do it in your own way'. There's a long way to go

You're doing it - you must be, or else seeing your name wouldn't fill me with both excitement and fear!

no need to fear me...I am but the petal of a rose not it's thorn(well not everyday )

tremors

More solid than shadows

We in here
We're skaters
On a thick surface
Of life that might have been
We each have that quality
Of drifting right through
Of being beyond
living, and often we slide graciously

Our shadows
Shadows more solid, more real
Than our figures
Our shadowy drifts
Away from ourselves
and are stronger
clearer
Darker, darker, realer
than your eyes
than even your body

I know a man
His face was 'doughy'
Clean-shaven
As a child's
He smells of a stagnant bitter palsy
I knew a woman, who breezes
Gently down the hallway
With the breath of semi-sweet
Summer nights, of nightingales
One day her perfume is blossom
The next it makes me retch

She, gliding, glowing, retreating recoiling from touch like a deer, shivering, shaking of the cold, a cold no fire can reach (no man-made fire, no artificial fire), the shaking of bones frozen to the core, the only escape - to glide, glide away from that, glow beyond that, retreat beyond your material bounds, prison cell, holding body, holding mind, no cell yet holds gliding force, and so we glide onwards, inwards, outwards

The man with
Soft face
had hard boots
He said he was a Jew
Yet he certainly wasn't that
We sat talking in the yard his first night and we cried
The next day someone punched me in the face

Another fellow
Told me some brutal facts
That everyone here's a casualty
Of another's' past
Victim somehow
Of someone else's pain
Locked away and yet coming back, coming back
To haunt us
To haunt me
You see, I'm the only one here
didn't have to have that happen
Me, only by proxy
Such a terrible burden to bear
What a duty to shirk
I'm not sure I can

Vulnerability, fragility like this
Is too strong to contend with
Like when you strip back the shellfish, to
see the fragile quivering flesh
It really is terrifying
You have to step away

To see no protection
and gauge what is left
A soft so soft centre
With such brittle shell.
That man wept with me
yet still punched me in the face
Such a tragic figure in his nightclothes
Yet he cuts people's throats I'm told
We can't balance men and boys here,
everyone floats one way or another.

She drags, she cowers
So she learns to float
Frozen, to the outside
Like a stick
Yet deep within her
Coals still rage
She says she has no room
She rarely eats
Yet she survives
On the meagre words
Of a stranger's hope

We need some backbone in here
right now
A spine from which they can strip
personality then we hang it back on
These people need a bit of ament, amore, or something like that
Need a bit more backbone
when we're robbed, robbed of decorum and of right
We really do go wild

'I need to wee
Please, please unlock the door'
Won't you do it?
Just let me outside then
I'll piss all over your fucking yard

We're right down to animal behaviour now
(not rights)
We were genteel, gentle, wise, corrupted, cracked,
Now we're tough, fragile, insipid, the wildest and 'kept'
Kept from being ourselves
Only the one with some spine survives

The spine that endures the snapping back
Go to your basket
Get to your bed
Get out of here?
Get down and beg

But you my friend were different
I had the words
You had the knowledge
We should make lots of money
Swear if we ever get out of here
The three of us will attend a comic show
and heckle Jimmy Carr
He won't stand a chance

And so we made a pact
One I've not broken yet
(Just you fucking wait)

But first learn to break yourself down
Shatter yourself before they do it to you
Start practising now, it gets a lot worse than this

Our looming shadows are
Twice as solid as our figures
Twice as tough as our shadow
Twice as solid as our selves
Our former selves

Innocence - the only thing that will see you through this
Innocence is there, catch it, lock it in your pocket
Absolute fear
You cannot really face it
You have to face it
face it
So I faced it, once

Oh, one more thing -
Tell the truth here once only
And never make that mistake again

tremors

Peace,
Settled
Put it away

Empty the cup and
Flush it away
Restock the box and
Pack it away

Dad's model glider
Another beach
Another day

skyeriverwinter

that is calm and beautiful....the sea rages on here....