To make a terrible thief
tremors
Posts: 8,051
I'd be a rubbish burglar
I would just break in, sit down
And help myself to the food -
A gannet stuck to the table.
I rob myself every day
I would just break in, sit down
And help myself to the food -
A gannet stuck to the table.
I rob myself every day
Cancel my subscription to the Ressurection
Send my credentials to the house of detention
Send my credentials to the house of detention
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i've no idea what it means, and perhaps that's why
encore
diverse & distinct
as colour, sound & smell
this is not animal impulse
it is sentient flavour
triggering qualities past
i have no name to describe it
this is part of me only
Send my credentials to the house of detention
thank you
Send my credentials to the house of detention
At the heart
of my maelstrom of terror
I once stepped out
Into a white room
Calm as a lake
Four men (or five?)
sat whispering gently
They knew each other
They knew me.
The shy black man
at the centre
was leader; yet removed,
Who the others consulted, deferred, protected
He looked straight into me
Said without words
"We know you.
We love you.
We protect you.
Here'
and then they whispered
amongst themselves again
Gentle, quietly, with no animosity.
With the gravity of
the meeting
Yet the quiet grace,
joy
of knowing
They truly were good
Send my credentials to the house of detention
I've ever seen
Was the rose
The ulraviolet rose
That blossomed out of red brickwork
Before my eyes
Confronting me at midnight
That night.
At the heart of my terror, pursuit, chase
Dead-end
Was the flower
Blossoming so beautiful
It made me stop, dead
Gasp
Catch breath
Amidst the horrors
Beauty sprouting from
the dirty alleyways of madness
No symbollic vision this
Literal
Vibrant
Skeletal
Blooming
Shadowy insinuation
of imperceptible fragile backdrop
of gods building blocks
spilling out and breaching
the shattered dusky primary world
of my meaningless and hopeless
Despair
Send my credentials to the house of detention
I just passed a boy
Smiling, open, happy
Holding his mother's hand
Who'd want to bring a boy into this world?
To watch him start wide-eyed
and awestruck with wonder
To see it ruthlessly &
Systematically
Beaten out of him
Through comprehensive
Derision
Sneering, derisory (ritual)
Bullying, numbing; desensitizing
'Toughening him up'
Until finally he is ready
To emerge unashamed - into the tribe
With that single mature bird-call
"Yeah, and fuck you too pal"
Send my credentials to the house of detention
Please Support My Writing Habit By Purchasing A Book:
https://www.createspace.com/3437020
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000663025696
http://earthtremors.blogspot.com/
Thanks (lots) for the appreciation. I have quite a few journals of stuff collected from the last 8 years or so. And the scariest thing about them is they are all true!
Will try and pace it according to timings and fragility..... :?
Send my credentials to the house of detention
There is no depth
No pit
No door
No lock
from which you cannot escape
No rock
from which you cannot
build
Send my credentials to the house of detention
When my Dad finally
came to collect me
From that place
And take me home,
All I could think of
Was the mass of newspapers
And mess left under my bed.
What would become of them?
A nurse gripped my arm
'Don't worry,
Get out of here -
I don't ever
Want to see you here again.'
Dispatched
To the Outside World
With abrupt steely kindness.
Still, I scurried back to try
and tidy up the detritus.
What chaos to leave
For the next resident.
What if they became haunted
By my horror?
As if every image
Hallucination, vision, terror
and dissolute idea
Still lay there trapped under glass
Between the dull and faded sheets
of last year's magazines
secreted under my bed
And might haunt them too.
My life: the regimen of dormitory rituals;
Of locked and unlocked drawers
Possessions, trinkets, cryptic codes
Cheap amulets and talismen
Which only I knew how to decipher
Had already been meticulously dismantled
Dissolved, dismembered by
The Staff
And now seemed inconclusive
Impotent, insubstantial....
Nevertheless I shuffled
my legs towards the shuffling the magazines
'Leave them, Go!'
Next thing I knew
I was outside,
And as I shut the solid heavy door
Of my father's off-white car
Clunk
I knew it was over
It was finished
The viscous & solid green-blue world
Rose up to surround me
In my Dad's firm embrace.
He looking more troubled
Than me.
I was calm,
Just bewildered
Stunned, staggering
Stumbling blinking
Into daylight
Reeling, drunk, yet still on my feet.
(You would not believe the nightmares I've just seen)
I shook myself alert, awake
Looked squarely into my father's unblinking eyes,
and said
"Can we just go home now please Dad?"
Send my credentials to the house of detention
all of them
who are you?
you are good, that's who.
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
Thankyou kindly
True, I'm me
Or was it you you left behiiiiind?
Send my credentials to the house of detention
'You're organised girl'
'You've got to be the most charming organised nigga
If you ever want to walk out of here boy'
Send my credentials to the house of detention
When she was younger
she would fly on thermal tides
over vacant fields
and be swooping from a secret,
that noone but her knew
And now that she’s a woman
maybe she forgets
that wonder of looking down
from way on high
onto unknown,
unknowing farmsteads,
and of diving next to swallows
into glister-glistening lights
And perhaps she has forgotten
the nights
being lonely, sad and free;
but I have not forgotten
what she told me she had seen
and the sights and views she fell from
with barely a single scream
Send my credentials to the house of detention
(in progress)
The outsiders walk straight past us,
Burst through the one-way door
Rush so far and forward
We ‘re not really there at all
Desperately searching for a loved one
The familiar corridor face
Last trace, last bone, last remnant
Of a child’s remaining trait
The one you used to love,
The ones in the right place
Us lucky ones found early
With passports back to health
But if you find it darling
Won’t you Keep it to yourself?
Please; it’s no good to look around you
These are strangers on the shelf
Those are not your sons and daughters;
They’re simply waifs and strays
So keep your eyes fixed straight ahead love
Don’t peer into the corners
That you can't afford to reach.
We’re simply shadows in the mist here
Don't touch us, please don't kiss
So don’t file for an adoption
Whilst you're stuck here in the midst
Go round & round the houses
Stick or call, don’t raise and twist
Recognise your relation?
Pick them up and turn around
bags packed already waiting
‘neath that only exit sign
Pray deliver us from this evil,
Walk out and don’t look round
I’m pleading with you darling
Step away, don’t run-aground
Better to stay blinkered
Than collapse under this weight
Of other mother’s children
Who know their only fate
Deserted now (eternal)
& merging with the dust
Of single heartfelt traces,
Of poppy-leaves and rust
Don’t connect with anyone else Mum
You haven’t got the strength,
So look neither left or right dear
to see some other offspring
& condemn them to their fate,
It will only break your heart ma'am -
And none of us want to see that
So keep believing I'm not one of them
And take that to your grave
We may still yet get out ma
There’s something left to save
But linger here a second longer,
& Inertia starts to creep
That particular way
It gets under your skin
Like some ancient itching wound
Overstay your welcome
and tarry just too long -
You’ll catch a rich contagion
Of horror & of tears;
They saturate these walls
(nigh-on eight hundred years)
This man is your son girl
Don’t you see him sitting there?
Don’t argue with us now dear
Whilst the wounds are being bared
We’re so close to the end now
Just forget about the rest
You’ll only spoil it for the others
Who are yet to fail the test
You may not recognise your boy yet,
but we’ll work it out somehow
Take him now and go ma’am,
Leave those spirits well alone
Come back another day and
Find them wandering here tomorrow
In forever’s day before
In The ‘lost and found’ department
(We’re sticking to the floor)
We eternally look for something –
That we’ve only just put down
Had it just a second before you
Even came in through the door
But now you’re here
The headless searching
Is calling us some more
We’ve gone & truly lost it
And we’re not about to stop
So please don’t reach towards us
With our smarting and our pain
It could really bowl you over
And you wouldn’t want to stay
Just pick up the child beside you
And be safely on your way
You’re amongst the lucky ones
Two of the contingent
That will fight another day
But Ma your very name is on the tips of all our tongues
Each parched in its own desert
But looking for the door,
praying for deliverance
From the drought of many suns
running out of water
With nowhere left to run
Yes, see these souls as human
And your heart will surely break
So stick with me alone dear,
I'm as much as you can take
Tick the box next to my name
And free me from this hell
These are not your sons and daughters
Don’t ever let them in;
The sky is falling down now
And the walls are wearing thin.
Send my credentials to the house of detention
Send my credentials to the house of detention
yes, these are good, keep 'em coming!
"what a long, strange trip it's been"
merci beaucoup!
Yes is hard not to just 'splurge' everything into a painful bloody mess. Seem to have lost one major journal of decent stuff which I saw a few weeks ago, so instead have been dredging up some skeletal remains which have been collecting at the bottom of my cellar over the past 15 years, and fleshing them out a bit (or a lot!). Can get quite demanding, so I'm hoping the journal will turn up again cos those are more fully formed.
Images are cool, tho what seem great one day can become 'naff' two days later, whereas words seem to stick around a bit better (tho can also quicly become naff).
Anyway, will see what the coming fortnight summons forth!!
thx
Send my credentials to the house of detention
The difference between
Them and me
You and me
Is one tenth
Of a degree
My friend who speaks at night
On his own in the yard
In the garden, to himself
Made perfect sense
When I only stopped to listen
Saw him today outside a bar
He said that place
Was 'boring'
We are two encounters away
From being flushed down the pan
The difference
Between the man with the beard & bottle
And the man with the jawbone & the throttle
It's £1000 pounds
To fall on -
An audience, a destination, a mission
A packet of tobacco, a set of house keys
A believer
One believer - that's the cost of Sanity
My friend had 165 objects in his pocket
He proved it to me, counted them out
Then we solved an equation and
An irresolvable game of chess
And returned to swearing at the nurses.
40 years old and half his life
Running, swearing, justifying
He was the only decent conversation in that place
A place to leave your wallet
Where it won't get nicked
A place to walk out to
When you are forced by the throat
To the wall
That's a home
The floor
So unforgiving
Is where they trap you
Five men, scratching clawing sweating brutes
Violating my being
Pinning me down with a knee in the back
So hard it makes you squeal
Makes you kneel
Makes you piss
Makes you weep
Makes you find no man
Is tougher than the floor
Always the floor
So unforgiving
So bleeding
So breathless
So unkind
So i get up and swear back for 3 months
And then I'm better
The difference
Between you and me
You and them
Is one of degree
A phonecall with nobody on the end
A conversation with a half-day delay
A game of tennis with no ball
A raincoat on a sunny day
For us
That's enough now
To be locked away.
But I'd rather stay with my friend
With the bottle and the chess board
and the giggle
The one who knows who he is
Knows he is misjudged mistreated
And is so much more forgiving
Than your floor
Always the floor
Dented like plasticine
Your knees in my back
Elbow in my throat
Ripping at my spine
Just fucking talk to us why don't you?
But your coffers are bulging
Whilst we pay the cost.
One degree, I'll prove it to you
I've got 7 objects in my pocket
I'm one of you
Make it 17
I'm back again
I should write a plaque of prose
These people you fear
That you're so frightened of letting free
Letting be
There's fundamentally nothing wrong with them.
There's fundamentally one thing wrong;
You've got them trapped
With a knee in the back
And the floor
Just never,
Ever,
Gives
(28.7.2010)
Send my credentials to the house of detention
What's better than a cigar? Ed with a sitar
hehe - thanks mate.
Send my credentials to the house of detention
at heaven level
dusky smoke across the hilltops
seven days in the foothills
time to feel like a poet
time to be human
what relief
Send my credentials to the house of detention
I remember the way
you plucked each book
from the library shelf so clearly today
Like you were a swan scooping fish
out of placid waters;
your delicate fingers gliding through
liquid with sliding wings.
I had really never seen anything like that before.
What was it? 18 years ago now?
And I remember wishing for nothing so much,
nothing so much more than
I would give anything, anything to understand,
to feel, such grace, such vibration.
And yet from over here, from over here,
the only words quite so clear are
‘just be careful what you wish for’,
‘be careful what you wish for’
Send my credentials to the house of detention
Reach for a coffee
now it isn't denied
all once deprived of
is here on a plate
reach, so simple
reach is so near
reach out & touch it
taste it, it's here -
and yet so many doorways
between then and here
Send my credentials to the house of detention
You are the one who always talks to me
the same
You are the one who always talked to me
the same.
The only one that understands I'm not playing a game
The one brave enough to say
'You're talking shit'
This I know now to be
respect
The one who believes that beliefs matter more
Run deeper than
fizzy neuro-bio 'Chemistry'
Who expects much more
than fizz from me
You are the one who goes with me
to the end
who sees me through, sees through me
who will be there until the end
You looked me in the eye before
you look me in the same eye still
look me in the eye again
and 'then'; during, across, between, through and under
within, despite, throughout, over, and into
'Then'
Send my credentials to the house of detention
Behind every story a face
so many lead back to one place
some will say 'que sera'
but did it really need
to be so?
teaching us the only proof
of existence is pain
that magic must spring
from restitution & theft
when real
magic only
transcends
Send my credentials to the house of detention
You were lovely
And when I first met you
Your voice rang, sang like
tumbling waterfall
Your eyes shone as distant hot
white-blue stars
(so distant)
And then I thought of you
Often, in the years to come
Sometimes I saw you from afar
Sometimes we met
I think you were jealous of me and your friend
Yet your friend was jealous
When I compared her to you
Then that summer
We more than met
We nearly merged
Your voice became a constant
chime, opening me up like bells
ringing through me
Me letting go of the past
Piece by piece
It fell away with your touch
your voice
your body
your face
Never a face so pretty
Until all that was left
Was a fresh me
a child with someone
who would treasure my school-bag
Sort out my stuff
Clean my shoes
When I couldn't get it together
Send me off for the day
Throw your arms around my neck
And kiss me like noone else
Like there was noone else on the earth
That mattered more
To me than you to me
And I recall one smoky auburn late afternoon
Looking through your window out at the fields beyond
Watching the circling swooping gulls
I was doing the washing up I remember
Your daughter playing in the hall
The same music in her voice
Perhaps even more so
And I realised for the first time
I had stopped running
That there was nowhere else for me to be
That I didn't want, need to be
Anywhere else but here
And then you crept up behind me
Slipped your hand into mine
Pressed yourself close
And somehow I knew
In those moments
That soon it would be over
Send my credentials to the house of detention
Diving down too deep, deeper than the bends; below the light, I see a spark from the crevice, the only light down here; and so surge forward until the kaleidoscope of colour explodes and showers windshields diffuse like oceans and scatters throughout my sweltering sweating eyeline; skyline that melts as I pick up speed plummeting towards condensing droplets of violet, orange, deeper orange & spray precipitation exceeding precipitation, exceeding pain barrier, exceeding light barrier, exceeding matter across softening skulls, penetrating simply imaginedbones beyond matter as truth, finding proof of soft porous intermediate division between bone, psyche space and 'you' until bone disintegrates to just an idea - reaching beyond to the supple boundaries of self and other eddying vortex of in-between sprung suspension; sweeping and swirling through scarlet to an apex of crystal-clear blue and screeches, screeches simply 'truth' of escape, exit, release; one transcendent exit in the way out of west, blue, higher yet blue vibrating as ozone - fresh breath frequency to my dissolving mind, a frequency higher than pain - body, locked and screamed outwards, you must scream outwards towards invincible resilient 'I' beyond restriction and capture; all, collapsing outward to 'freedom', to continuity beyond thatinhalation, as if the single message planted down here can only be found, be magnified to pure exit in white light, the one light.
A giddy height of vertigo beyond nausea accelerating, teetering at an edge - I catch sight of racing demoniacs and spy, the hulking devil left standing as I lean over the edge of no-way-back; behind me only fear of falling, fear of staying, fear of stagnating, fear of solidifying, congealing and stuck forever into evil's rigid mask, only one way – forward, and so I leap. Face-first into unknown ether and almighty 'drop' into the singular unknown, plummeting friction free beyond temporal prisons; so far out now that ego freeze-frames into the life-wasting wasting inertia, shed and already falling away like chrysalis and I drop. beyond. beyond reach, beyond help, beyond daylight, beyond danger beyond pain, reality to sheer truth as firecracker seeds pop and bursting through the whistling ears of never, nowayback, a drumroll of never, ever-understood revelation. So I leap - knowing there is no return now, yet knowing not where this slide will ever finish or whether I will ever see that specious spacious ephemeral or solid world ever, ever again. Just conjectures of what might have been what could never be, and what can not exist, the impossible hope dreaming and wavering whilst flowing in and out of focus and safety, and so all MUST leap, through the apex of technicolour - beyond void, towards true light, and a squeal so high breath escapes, caught up beyond mind, caught up and reconfigured as body, On the other side. Out and up and out simply into synaesthesia
Sweeping past relics and bones of ancestors real, imaginary and locked in purgatory of one eternal plea for liberty, release. Molten atmospheres condense to droplets on the safety glass, diving lens around of skull and eyes, sweating, precipitating surging now down through masks of vision and I never shut my eyes, instead expanding within foreheads; beyond bony transpiration at terminal velocity, precipitation & perspiration within speedbecoming become wax; and revealing malleable and plastic life stretched out as vapour trail behind me, exceeding me, exceeding thee, until..... I'm found.
Washed up shivering and breathless upon another shore, to all intents a casualty, a wreck of busted head to outsiders devastated and simply 'gone'; to be picked up and rehydrated like something 'seche' as though there was nothing left. Apart from the memory of the swell that brought me here, a truth I can never now forget despite scientific contradiction and impersonations of fact, I lie with fact, in fact blessed by an overdose of reality distilled now and injected into an epcientral brain, transcendent mind, transfigured through through the stripping and breaking of that former mold and stripped back down to sleek essence as bark that is shed something whittling new arrow shafts, dead straight, and then unleashed with such precise trajectory nothing can be missed, as they hurtle and strafe actual chosen targets deep within the common mind, common sense, common place, me, a flexing shaft of stainless steel, chromed and quivering through the one tiny crevice - light shone just 3 minutes hence - flashed as signal, as if a guide had just illuminated the way, yesterday, in ultimate stealth and hidden away for seekers today and saying 'this is the way', this-is-the-only-way.
Send my credentials to the house of detention
They are all quite close to home, and so difficult for me to gauge, and I've tried experimenting with a few different styles of writing to try and capture something of the different states of mind. It would be useful to have some feedback about which come across or 'work' better than others. When I read them back the 'synaesthesia' one seems to be most similar to how I felt, (what I wanted to communicate) when I wrote it – and that came the quickest, though I don't think I could recreate that state of mind too often!! The 'love' one is the one I would wish to work the best, although I'm not sure if it does. Have one more poem I am writing more of today, but then will probably pause and take stock.
Constructive feedback gratefully received!
Send my credentials to the house of detention