Friends messing you about

twisted thoughts

Sometimes you learn the hard way, who your REAL friends are.
Then, you become sad because you realize how few REAL friends you have.....Trust me, your not alone...true friends are hard to come by...they are a dime a dozen...When you find a good friend, you'll know. A good way to weigh a friendship.....Which one of your friends would come and pick your ass up after a concert b/c your car is dead, flat tire, whatever? The ones who would not come through, you can either get rid of them (unless of course they have a valid excuse), or just know, in the back of your head, that they are just acquaintances....and who knows, maybe some day, after some time of being just an acquaintance, they'll come thru and you can give them a promotion....maybe its not the right way to think about things, but its what works for me...I have been through to much crap w/ too many crappy people to just let everyone in. Friends have to gain your trust...if they dont, then theyre just there.....

and now im rambling :roll:
sorry

facepollution

fife wrote:

but that not what i mean. for example, if i got a call today from a friend seeing what i am doing and i called him back and left a message saying i staying in i would not expect a call back. now if someone called me to paint their house (for example) and i said i couldn't do it to them on the phone, i would expect them to say cool.

I dunno, to me it just seems like common courtesey. I would usually reply with something like "ok no worries, catch you another time". In this instance, the lack of reply reads to me as annoyance because it means I won't be giving him a lift home at the end of the evening.

fife wrote:

from the surface, it looks like you have a high expectation of what friends should do for others friends. ask yourself why you have that high level?

I think I have those expectations because i judge it against what I would do myself - which it is becoming apparent, is probably too much.

facepollution

satans kitchen wrote:

Sometimes you learn the hard way, who your REAL friends are.
Then, you become sad because you realize how few REAL friends you have.....Trust me, your not alone...true friends are hard to come by...they are a dime a dozen...When you find a good friend, you'll know. A good way to weigh a friendship.....Which one of your friends would come and pick your ass up after a concert b/c your car is dead, flat tire, whatever? The ones who would not come through, you can either get rid of them (unless of course they have a valid excuse), or just know, in the back of your head, that they are just acquaintances....and who knows, maybe some day, after some time of being just an acquaintance, they'll come thru and you can give them a promotion....maybe its not the right way to think about things, but its what works for me...I have been through to much crap w/ too many crappy people to just let everyone in. Friends have to gain your trust...if they dont, then theyre just there.....

and now im rambling :roll:
sorry

No no, this is all good stuff! It's certainly made me take a look at my own part in my friendships, it's way too easy to just heap the blame on other people. I really appreciate all the good advice here people. Implementing it may be another matter, however.....

twisted thoughts

facepollution wrote:

I think I have those expectations because i judge it against what I would do myself - which it is becoming apparent, is probably too much.

I learned that lesson a long time ago...You would think that would be a good measure, but its not. Most people just plain suck...

facepollution

satans kitchen wrote:

I learned that lesson a long time ago...You would think that would be a good measure, but its not. Most people just plain suck...

So what's the answer? Become a more self-centred person?

fife

facepollution wrote:

satans kitchen wrote:

I learned that lesson a long time ago...You would think that would be a good measure, but its not. Most people just plain suck...

So what's the answer? Become a more self-centred person?

yes, you don't seem to be self-centred at all and that is not always a good thing. Self-centered takes a bad rep but in reality its called being smart.

twisted thoughts

Well...you gotta figure out what works for you, and you need to figure out who your real friends are... What it all comes down to in the end, is that you gotta look out for you, and you gotta do what makes you happy. Are you miserable trying to make your friends happy? Is it just certain friends who dont seem to acknowledge all that you do for them? If being around someone makes you more angry or upset than happy, then it just doesnt seem worth it. But maybe that friend is just having a bad day or has something going on in their life that you dont know about... There is no real answer....its all based on the circumstances I guess. My honest opinion....If you truly feel that these people (or a few of them, or one of them) are a real friend, then I would mention it to them. Just say, hey, you kinda blew me off last night, whats up with that?? I have a similar situation going on now...I feel like my "friend" only comes around when I have an extra concert ticket, or some new music to share...but then I have to think about the situation...This friend i have, is married w/ kids. Im in a relationship, but no kids... So, sometimes I have to think that this friend is just putting her kids first?!?!? Long story short, she has been placed in the acquaintance category until she further proves herself...this may just be an excuse that I am making for her, but until she shows some signs of true friendship, we'll see what happens....Another thing...is that you dont have to be deeply connected with each person you are around....its OK to have just acquaintances....you just gotta figure out who you can trust, and who wouldnt help you with the simplest of tasks...Weed em out!

fife

facepollution wrote:

fife wrote:

but that not what i mean. for example, if i got a call today from a friend seeing what i am doing and i called him back and left a message saying i staying in i would not expect a call back. now if someone called me to paint their house (for example) and i said i couldn't do it to them on the phone, i would expect them to say cool.

I dunno, to me it just seems like common courtesey. I would usually reply with something like "ok no worries, catch you another time". In this instance, the lack of reply reads to me as annoyance because it means I won't be giving him a lift home at the end of the evening.

fife wrote:

from the surface, it looks like you have a high expectation of what friends should do for others friends. ask yourself why you have that high level?

I think I have those expectations because i judge it against what I would do myself - which it is becoming apparent, is probably too much.

sorry to say this but you do lack confidence. you are assuming that your friend only inviting you so that you can drive him home instead of thinking that your friend wants to hang out with you.

facepollution

fife wrote:

sorry to say this but you do lack confidence. you are assuming that your friend only inviting you so that you can drive him home instead of thinking that your friend wants to hang out with you.

No, to be fair I know it's a bit of both. I'm probably not as passive as I'm coming across, I'm sure I do things that annoy people, so I know I'm not completely innocent.

I just got a message back asking why I wasn't out now, and I pretty much layed it all out. Said I was fed up of being taken for granted, I don't have the energy to keep chasing people all the time, and excuses like 'my phone is playing up' are only good for so long - get a new fucking phone! Should be interesting to see how this one goes, this particular person will do anything to avoid confrontation, but I think it is probably about time I got some of this shit off my chest and just live with the consequences - whatever they may be.

facepollution

I know I've already said this, but I really appreciate people taking the time to reply. I started the thread cause I was pissed off, but I was also hoping for a bit of perspective - nothing quite like being told how it is by completely impartial people

Green Circle

Hey Face,
Listen, From reading your initial post, I am A LOT like you. I try to do things for my friends accomadate and
make them happy etc. It wasn't until lately that I realized...hey I am not getting ANY consideration in return.

I don't do these things to get something in return, However, a thanks a lot? I appreciate you? something.
Or maybe when I ask of something from them they could sacrifice one of their things to help me out.

Your friends will disappoint you, and you them one way or another. It has nothing to do with you being insecure or over sensative. You are being you. It is your make up. Don't change, for anyone.

You seem like a true generous and caring person...not a lot of us in the world today.

eyedclaar

Friends = convenience + circumstance. Take part of the equation away and the friendship drifts away... away... away...


















Gone!

twisted thoughts

facepollution wrote:

I just got a message back asking why I wasn't out now, and I pretty much layed it all out. Said I was fed up of being taken for granted, I don't have the energy to keep chasing people all the time, and excuses like 'my phone is playing up' are only good for so long - get a new fucking phone! Should be interesting to see how this one goes, this particular person will do anything to avoid confrontation, but I think it is probably about time I got some of this shit off my chest and just live with the consequences - whatever they may be.

Just make sure you take your anger out on the right person...otherwise you may end up being one of them

And one more thought....you cannot relay feelings, or intent through text messaging....i know its the easy/cool thing to do, but with something like this, you should talk face to face...that way you can see the persons facial reaction to judge whether or not they are being true, or just rolling their eyes at you and telling you what you want to hear...

good luck....and know the Jamily is always here for you

facepollution

Theovl316 wrote:

Hey Face,
Listen, From reading your initial post, I am A LOT like you. I try to do things for my friends accomadate and
make them happy etc. It wasn't until lately that I realized...hey I am not getting ANY consideration in return.

I don't do these things to get something in return, However, a thanks a lot? I appreciate you? something.
Or maybe when I ask of something from them they could sacrifice one of their things to help me out.

Your friends will disappoint you, and you them one way or another. It has nothing to do with you being insecure or over sensative. You are being you. It is your make up. Don't change, for anyone.

You seem like a true generous and caring person...not a lot of us in the world today.

Aw, cheers!

Yeah I'm quite a sensitive person so I think it's totally in my personality to want to help others, but I think that's kind of combined with a bit of an unhealthy people pleasing side of me, which I definitely want to work on, because it's kind of making me miserable.

fife

facepollution wrote:

fife wrote:

sorry to say this but you do lack confidence. you are assuming that your friend only inviting you so that you can drive him home instead of thinking that your friend wants to hang out with you.

No, to be fair I know it's a bit of both. I'm probably not as passive as I'm coming across, I'm sure I do things that annoy people, so I know I'm not completely innocent.

I just got a message back asking why I wasn't out now, and I pretty much layed it all out. Said I was fed up of being taken for granted, I don't have the energy to keep chasing people all the time, and excuses like 'my phone is playing up' are only good for so long - get a new fucking phone! Should be interesting to see how this one goes, this particular person will do anything to avoid confrontation, but I think it is probably about time I got some of this shit off my chest and just live with the consequences - whatever they may be.

so you did get that phone call back. maybe they are not annoyed as you thought before. don't let people get you that pissed that you begin to yell at them again. I predict that the person says that they had no clue that you felt that way and wish that you would have said so before hand.

facepollution

satans kitchen wrote:

And one more thought....you cannot relay feelings, or intent through text messaging....i know its the easy/cool thing to do, but with something like this, you should talk face to face...that way you can see the persons facial reaction to judge whether or not they are being true, or just rolling their eyes at you and telling you what you want to hear...

good luck....and know the Jamily is always here for you

Oh yeah, I know texting isn't the best method, but I've now had too much to drink to drive , and I tried phoning but kept getting the answer phone. Definitely gonna speak face to face next time I see people, no more Mr Nice Guy

Green Circle

facepollution wrote:

Theovl316 wrote:

Hey Face,
Listen, From reading your initial post, I am A LOT like you. I try to do things for my friends accomadate and
make them happy etc. It wasn't until lately that I realized...hey I am not getting ANY consideration in return.

I don't do these things to get something in return, However, a thanks a lot? I appreciate you? something.
Or maybe when I ask of something from them they could sacrifice one of their things to help me out.

Your friends will disappoint you, and you them one way or another. It has nothing to do with you being insecure or over sensative. You are being you. It is your make up. Don't change, for anyone.

You seem like a true generous and caring person...not a lot of us in the world today.

Aw, cheers!

Yeah I'm quite a sensitive person so I think it's totally in my personality to want to help others, but I think that's kind of combined with a bit of an unhealthy people pleasing side of me, which I definitely want to work on, because it's kind of making me miserable.

Rest assured in the fact that YOU are making people happy. You have done something to change their mood.
Its ok to help out but also its ok to say no.

facepollution

fife wrote:

so you did get that phone call back. maybe they are not annoyed as you thought before. don't let people get you that pissed that you begin to yell at them again. I predict that the person says that they had no clue that you felt that way and wish that you would have said so before hand.

Just a text reply, and again another long wait for another reply, the silence is deafening!!!

fife

facepollution wrote:

fife wrote:

so you did get that phone call back. maybe they are not annoyed as you thought before. don't let people get you that pissed that you begin to yell at them again. I predict that the person says that they had no clue that you felt that way and wish that you would have said so before hand.

Just a text reply, and again another long wait for another reply, the silence is deafening!!!

sorry just read some other post you put up. you are drunk texting. not good, you should know that. nothing good comes from texting while drunk.

just relax, just remember you are getting upset about someone that you don't even want as a friend anyways. Just say right now> FUCK

twisted thoughts

facepollution wrote:

I see people, no more Mr Nice Guy

Welcome to the dark side :twisted: