Friends messing you about
facepollution
Posts: 6,834
Is there anything more fucking annoying?!
What do you do if your friends are just incosiderate, selfish people? Do you call them on it or just accept that that is how they are? It seems like I'm always taking into consideration other people and trying to accomodate them, and you get no fucking thanks for it. Grrrr :evil:
What do you do if your friends are just incosiderate, selfish people? Do you call them on it or just accept that that is how they are? It seems like I'm always taking into consideration other people and trying to accomodate them, and you get no fucking thanks for it. Grrrr :evil:
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Yep, might be the solution to be honest. I'm just checking that I'm not being an over-sensitive moaner! I don't expect a lot, but it would be nice if someone considered me for once.
You call them your closest, best friends.
Do I call them my closest friends? Well yeah I guess. I dunno, you go through day to day life having to put up with arse-holes, you know, the people who cut you up on your drive to work, obnoxious co-workers, the general public etc, and then at the end of the day you turn to the people who you actually choose to spend time with, and it turns out that they aren't much better......
Sorry, I'm just venting here. I guess this is a load of things all come to a head and today has just pushed me over the edge.
We all come up short sometimes, we all disappoint, this is why we forgive because we would want to be forgiven also.
Yeah I hear you, but it doesn't make me feel much better. My anger is slowly just fading into sadness. Makes me think that maybe it's me doing something wrong.
And is part of being a good friend pointing out a few of these truths? Or is that just self-serving?
I guess it's just difficult to confront someone about something when the moment has passed. Is it really right to drag stuff up from the past because you didn't want to deal with it at the time? These people aren't all bad, they're just totally wrapped up in their own little worlds and take a lot of things for granted.
This sounds like pretty much everybody at any given time, yes? Actions from the past come back to haunt us all
sometimes cause the parties aren't prepared to deal with it then or they needed time to digest or whatever.
I do think you are disappointed right now and hurt, concentrate on learning and letting go. This is best for you and probably for your friends.
sorry but you kind of being over-sensitive. I used to do everything for my friends and realized that they didn't do anything for me and i realized that I was only doing things for them not because i wanted to be a good friend but just because i wanted them to be my friends. just from reading this tread and this particular post, I think you are doing the same.
sorry after reading this, it sounded really mean but that is not my intention. what i am saying is that you look into your self and try to understand why you want friends like these.
You could well be right. I like to think I have enough self-esteem that I'm not that desperate for people to be friends with me, and I've never really felt like the outsider of the group or anything, in fact quite the opposite, I'm usually the one that people come to when people are trying to make arrangements - maybe they're just taking advantage of the fact that they know I will.
have you ever said no even if you could do something?
Probably not - like I said, I always like to try and accomodate everyone :oops:
They'll either respect you more, or decide they dont want to take your shit....and if thats the case, well fack'em
no need to get redfaced. trust me i know. your friends might be real cool people and don't even realize that you are upset. What i would do is next time someone asks you to do something say you can't even if you can. If they really are your friends they would be Ok with that. If they are not good with that screw them.
of course if you do that make sure you are ready to may be losing some so-called "friends"
Well I've just kind of done this. Just got a message from one of them asking when I'm gonna be out, and I said I'm staying in now - to which I've gotten no reply.
I think you're right, I do need to toughen up a bit and stop worrying about what other people think all the time.
but that not what i mean. for example, if i got a call today from a friend seeing what i am doing and i called him back and left a message saying i staying in i would not expect a call back. now if someone called me to paint their house (for example) and i said i couldn't do it to them on the phone, i would expect them to say cool.
from the surface, it looks like you have a high expectation of what friends should do for others friends. ask yourself why you have that high level?
Then, you become sad because you realize how few REAL friends you have.....Trust me, your not alone...true friends are hard to come by...they are a dime a dozen...When you find a good friend, you'll know. A good way to weigh a friendship.....Which one of your friends would come and pick your ass up after a concert b/c your car is dead, flat tire, whatever? The ones who would not come through, you can either get rid of them (unless of course they have a valid excuse), or just know, in the back of your head, that they are just acquaintances....and who knows, maybe some day, after some time of being just an acquaintance, they'll come thru and you can give them a promotion....maybe its not the right way to think about things, but its what works for me...I have been through to much crap w/ too many crappy people to just let everyone in. Friends have to gain your trust...if they dont, then theyre just there.....
and now im rambling :roll:
sorry
I dunno, to me it just seems like common courtesey. I would usually reply with something like "ok no worries, catch you another time". In this instance, the lack of reply reads to me as annoyance because it means I won't be giving him a lift home at the end of the evening.
I think I have those expectations because i judge it against what I would do myself - which it is becoming apparent, is probably too much.
No no, this is all good stuff! It's certainly made me take a look at my own part in my friendships, it's way too easy to just heap the blame on other people. I really appreciate all the good advice here people. Implementing it may be another matter, however.....
I learned that lesson a long time ago...You would think that would be a good measure, but its not. Most people just plain suck...
So what's the answer? Become a more self-centred person?
yes, you don't seem to be self-centred at all and that is not always a good thing. Self-centered takes a bad rep but in reality its called being smart.
sorry to say this but you do lack confidence. you are assuming that your friend only inviting you so that you can drive him home instead of thinking that your friend wants to hang out with you.
No, to be fair I know it's a bit of both. I'm probably not as passive as I'm coming across, I'm sure I do things that annoy people, so I know I'm not completely innocent.
I just got a message back asking why I wasn't out now, and I pretty much layed it all out. Said I was fed up of being taken for granted, I don't have the energy to keep chasing people all the time, and excuses like 'my phone is playing up' are only good for so long - get a new fucking phone! Should be interesting to see how this one goes, this particular person will do anything to avoid confrontation, but I think it is probably about time I got some of this shit off my chest and just live with the consequences - whatever they may be.