Friends messing you about

facepollution

Is there anything more fucking annoying?!

What do you do if your friends are just incosiderate, selfish people? Do you call them on it or just accept that that is how they are? It seems like I'm always taking into consideration other people and trying to accomodate them, and you get no fucking thanks for it. Grrrr :evil:

Slap upside the head

I would find new friends.

eyedclaar

You find better friends. Granted, 90% of all the people you don't know suck so horribly you don't want them for friends either. Still, that should leave close to a billion to choose from.

PearlOfAGirl

I wouldn't consider them friends, they sound very selfish to me...

facepollution

Slap upside the head wrote:

I would find new friends.

Yep, might be the solution to be honest. I'm just checking that I'm not being an over-sensitive moaner! I don't expect a lot, but it would be nice if someone considered me for once.

Jearlpam0925

facepollution wrote:

Is there anything more fucking annoying?!

What do you do if your friends are just incosiderate, selfish people? Do you call them on it or just accept that that is how they are? It seems like I'm always taking into consideration other people and trying to accomodate them, and you get no fucking thanks for it. Grrrr :evil:

You call them your closest, best friends.

facepollution

Jearlpam0925 wrote:

You call them your closest, best friends.

Do I call them my closest friends? Well yeah I guess. I dunno, you go through day to day life having to put up with arse-holes, you know, the people who cut you up on your drive to work, obnoxious co-workers, the general public etc, and then at the end of the day you turn to the people who you actually choose to spend time with, and it turns out that they aren't much better......

Sorry, I'm just venting here. I guess this is a load of things all come to a head and today has just pushed me over the edge.

pandora

Be the best friend you can be always but remember people can be disappointing, don't expect too much, just forgive them and love them.
We all come up short sometimes, we all disappoint, this is why we forgive because we would want to be forgiven also.

facepollution

pandora wrote:

Be the best friend you can be always but remember people can be disappointing, don't expect too much, just forgive them and love them.
We all come up short sometimes, we all disappoint, this is why we forgive because we would want to be forgiven also.

Yeah I hear you, but it doesn't make me feel much better. My anger is slowly just fading into sadness. Makes me think that maybe it's me doing something wrong.

And is part of being a good friend pointing out a few of these truths? Or is that just self-serving?

pandora

facepollution wrote:

pandora wrote:

Be the best friend you can be always but remember people can be disappointing, don't expect too much, just forgive them and love them.
We all come up short sometimes, we all disappoint, this is why we forgive because we would want to be forgiven also.

Yeah I hear you, but it doesn't make me feel much better. My anger is slowly just fading into sadness. Makes me think that maybe it's me doing something wrong.

And is part of being a good friend pointing out a few of these truths? Or is that just self-serving?

At the moment maybe not the best time while you feel this way. I have found friends to come in different depths for lack of a better word. Some friends really get how to be giving loving friends, others not so much. People are all so different and each person reacts differently with every different person. Complex. Be sad if you must but be forgiving too and don't forget because you may have learned a valuable lesson here.

facepollution

pandora wrote:

At the moment maybe not the best time while you feel this way. I have found friends to come in different depths for lack of a better word. Some friends really get how to be giving loving friends, others not so much. People are all so different and each person reacts differently with every different person. Complex. Be sad if you must but be forgiving too and don't forget because you may have learned a valuable lesson here.

I guess it's just difficult to confront someone about something when the moment has passed. Is it really right to drag stuff up from the past because you didn't want to deal with it at the time? These people aren't all bad, they're just totally wrapped up in their own little worlds and take a lot of things for granted.

pandora

facepollution wrote:

I guess it's just difficult to confront someone about something when the moment has passed. Is it really right to drag stuff up from the past because you didn't want to deal with it at the time? These people aren't all bad, they're just totally wrapped up in their own little worlds and take a lot of things for granted.

This sounds like pretty much everybody at any given time, yes? Actions from the past come back to haunt us all
sometimes cause the parties aren't prepared to deal with it then or they needed time to digest or whatever.
I do think you are disappointed right now and hurt, concentrate on learning and letting go. This is best for you and probably for your friends.

fife

facepollution wrote:

Slap upside the head wrote:

I would find new friends.

Yep, might be the solution to be honest. I'm just checking that I'm not being an over-sensitive moaner! I don't expect a lot, but it would be nice if someone considered me for once.

sorry but you kind of being over-sensitive. I used to do everything for my friends and realized that they didn't do anything for me and i realized that I was only doing things for them not because i wanted to be a good friend but just because i wanted them to be my friends. just from reading this tread and this particular post, I think you are doing the same.

sorry after reading this, it sounded really mean but that is not my intention. what i am saying is that you look into your self and try to understand why you want friends like these.

facepollution

fife wrote:

sorry but you kind of being over-sensitive. I used to do everything for my friends and realized that they didn't do anything for me and i realized that I was only doing things for them not because i wanted to be a good friend but just because i wanted them to be my friends. just from reading this tread and this particular post, I think you are doing the same.

You could well be right. I like to think I have enough self-esteem that I'm not that desperate for people to be friends with me, and I've never really felt like the outsider of the group or anything, in fact quite the opposite, I'm usually the one that people come to when people are trying to make arrangements - maybe they're just taking advantage of the fact that they know I will.

fife

facepollution wrote:

fife wrote:

sorry but you kind of being over-sensitive. I used to do everything for my friends and realized that they didn't do anything for me and i realized that I was only doing things for them not because i wanted to be a good friend but just because i wanted them to be my friends. just from reading this tread and this particular post, I think you are doing the same.

You could well be right. I like to think I have enough self-esteem that I'm not that desperate for people to be friends with me, and I've never really felt like the outsider of the group or anything, in fact quite the opposite, I'm usually the one that people come to when people are trying to make arrangements - maybe they're just taking advantage of the fact that they know I will.

have you ever said no even if you could do something?

facepollution

fife wrote:

have you ever said no even if you could do something?

Probably not - like I said, I always like to try and accomodate everyone :oops:

twisted thoughts

in my experiance...the people who would bend over backwards for someone, are the same people that get walked all over.....not in every situation...but it seems to be common. If you want to keep them as friends, then you should speak up. Thats how I roll. I say what I mean. And if it hurts your feelings, then well, sorry :?
They'll either respect you more, or decide they dont want to take your shit....and if thats the case, well fack'em

fife

facepollution wrote:

fife wrote:

have you ever said no even if you could do something?

Probably not - like I said, I always like to try and accomodate everyone :oops:

no need to get redfaced. trust me i know. your friends might be real cool people and don't even realize that you are upset. What i would do is next time someone asks you to do something say you can't even if you can. If they really are your friends they would be Ok with that. If they are not good with that screw them.

of course if you do that make sure you are ready to may be losing some so-called "friends"

facepollution

fife wrote:

no need to get redfaced. trust me i know. your friends might be real cool people and don't even realize that you are upset. What i would do is next time someone asks you to do something say you can't even if you can. If they really are your friends they would be Ok with that. If they are not good with that screw them.

of course if you do that make sure you are ready to may be losing some so-called "friends"

Well I've just kind of done this. Just got a message from one of them asking when I'm gonna be out, and I said I'm staying in now - to which I've gotten no reply.

facepollution

satans kitchen wrote:

in my experiance...the people who would bend over backwards for someone, are the same people that get walked all over.....not in every situation...but it seems to be common. If you want to keep them as friends, then you should speak up. Thats how I roll. I say what I mean. And if it hurts your feelings, then well, sorry :?
They'll either respect you more, or decide they dont want to take your shit....and if thats the case, well fack'em

I think you're right, I do need to toughen up a bit and stop worrying about what other people think all the time.

fife

facepollution wrote:

fife wrote:

no need to get redfaced. trust me i know. your friends might be real cool people and don't even realize that you are upset. What i would do is next time someone asks you to do something say you can't even if you can. If they really are your friends they would be Ok with that. If they are not good with that screw them.

of course if you do that make sure you are ready to may be losing some so-called "friends"

Well I've just kind of done this. Just got a message from one of them asking when I'm gonna be out, and I said I'm staying in now - to which I've gotten no reply.

but that not what i mean. for example, if i got a call today from a friend seeing what i am doing and i called him back and left a message saying i staying in i would not expect a call back. now if someone called me to paint their house (for example) and i said i couldn't do it to them on the phone, i would expect them to say cool.

from the surface, it looks like you have a high expectation of what friends should do for others friends. ask yourself why you have that high level?