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  • justam
    justam Posts: 21,415
    pickupyourwill, I felt that the whole topic of marriage was such a huge thing that I didn't address your first idea, but I want to do that now.

    I think that you are probably right. Many women make the mistake of thinking that this cheating guy that they love will change because they are "so special" and it ain't the case. Men who are like that, are just like that. It's something in THEM.

    It doesn't matter who they are in love with, it doesn't matter how beautiful their wives are, it doesn't matter how much they are in love (!!!), they just work out their stress or insecurities that way. (Yes, I said insecurities. :geek: )

    BUT, that's not to say that love doesn't exist. It does. I don't think that cheating necessarily means lack of love. (And I know that's a contradiction to some people.)

    However, I think some women are kind of stupid and that makes them vulnerable to their own delusions. They have these inflated fantasies of being different and THEN they are surprised that the guy that cheated on his last wife is cheatin' on them.

    Good God, why be surprised?!! Shouldn't they go INTO the relationship with their eyes open?
    &&&&&&&&&&&&&&
  • blackredyellow
    blackredyellow Posts: 5,889
    catefrances wrote:
    but my question is... why are people in bad marriages???

    not sure what you are asking.... why do they stay in bad marriages or why are some marriages bad?
    My whole life
    was like a picture
    of a sunny day
    “We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”
    ― Abraham Lincoln
  • catefrances
    catefrances Posts: 29,003
    blackredyellow wrote:
    catefrances wrote:
    but my question is... why are people in bad marriages???

    not sure what you are asking.... why do they stay in bad marriages or why are some marriages bad?

    please i know why some marriages are bad.. :roll: im asking why people stay in bad marriages, or relationships they consider ' marriages' ?
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • blackredyellow
    blackredyellow Posts: 5,889
    catefrances wrote:
    blackredyellow wrote:
    catefrances wrote:
    but my question is... why are people in bad marriages???

    not sure what you are asking.... why do they stay in bad marriages or why are some marriages bad?

    please i know why some marriages are bad.. :roll: im asking why people stay in bad marriages, or relationships they consider ' marriages' ?

    I'm sure since you're so smart, you can figure it out... :roll:

    but... My marriage is good so I'm guessing, but it's probably because the process of getting out of the relationship seems too hard... all things are relative... if it's a terrible marriage, then nothing is stopping people, but if it's just kinda bad (or good & bad or maybe people think the grass is greener), then when you have kids, a house, bank accounts, debts, possessions, etc., I think getting through that mess probably seems worse than just riding out a less than ideal relationship.

    Actually, I don't think this is just a problem with people in marriages at all, just long term relationships in general. Doing a little paperwork to end a marriage is far less of a headache then losing your house, figuring out custody, who gets what, etc etc etc..
    My whole life
    was like a picture
    of a sunny day
    “We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”
    ― Abraham Lincoln
  • GTFLYGIRL
    GTFLYGIRL NewYork Posts: 788
    catefrances wrote:
    why people stay in bad marriages, or relationships they consider ' marriages' ?

    many people give in to security under pressure. many people are afraid of being alone.

    i couldn't dream of having to answer to someone in the manner that many of my married friends have to. i guess people just get used to it... creatures of habit... or they want it... security... gives them a sense of purpose... or something... IDK...

    since my first big break-up (with a boyfriend) at age 18... i decided love was difficult enough without having to bring the law into it. don't really understand many people's "need" to get married... or what their real motivators are.... but for many... chances are... neither do they... :?
  • SPEEDY MCCREADY
    SPEEDY MCCREADY Posts: 26,953
    GTFLYGIRL wrote:
    catefrances wrote:
    why people stay in bad marriages, or relationships they consider ' marriages' ?

    many people give in to security under pressure. many people are afraid of being alone.

    i couldn't dream of having to answer to someone in the manner that many of my married friends have to. i guess people just get used to it... creatures of habit... or they want it... security... gives them a sense of purpose... or something... IDK...

    since my first big break-up (with a boyfriend) at age 18... i decided love was difficult enough without having to bring the law into it. don't really understand many people's "need" to get married... or what their real motivators are.... but for many... chances are... neither do they... :?
    marriage is for suckers.....
    Take me piece by piece.....
    Till there aint nothing left worth taking away from me.....
  • BinauralJam
    BinauralJam Posts: 14,158
    I'm a Sucker!!! :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :clap::clap::clap: What are ya gona do, i need the security, i know one thing, i sure wasn't happy single.
  • pandora
    pandora Posts: 21,855
    the difference between a good and bad relationship is whether both parties have their needs met. It is what brings us together and keeps us together. If your relationships are based on the golden rule, to always treat others the way you would like to be treated, they will be lasting and fulfilling. Not everyone cheats because they respect their partner and do not want to hurt them and they would not want their partner to cheat on them. It is mutual, an understanding of the love and trust shared. There isn't a need to cheat because both parties have their needs met. As far as changing people, we all change over time hopefully for the better. But you can't go into a relationship with a list of things to change about your partner. You are together to share a life and learn together. And yes long term relationships are work, there are up and downs, disappointments, challenges, but the longer you are together the better it gets, because the loving bond grows stronger. I agree, many leave relationships that could have overcome an obstacle and become stronger from it, this is unfortunate, to give up on love.
  • catefrances
    catefrances Posts: 29,003
    blackredyellow wrote:
    catefrances wrote:
    please i know why some marriages are bad.. :roll: im asking why people stay in bad marriages, or relationships they consider ' marriages' ?

    I'm sure since you're so smart, you can figure it out... :roll:

    but... My marriage is good so I'm guessing, but it's probably because the process of getting out of the relationship seems too hard... all things are relative... if it's a terrible marriage, then nothing is stopping people, but if it's just kinda bad (or good & bad or maybe people think the grass is greener), then when you have kids, a house, bank accounts, debts, possessions, etc., I think getting through that mess probably seems worse than just riding out a less than ideal relationship.

    Actually, I don't think this is just a problem with people in marriages at all, just long term relationships in general. Doing a little paperwork to end a marriage is far less of a headache then losing your house, figuring out custody, who gets what, etc etc etc..


    nope cant figure it out. :P

    i guess i shoulda said i know why, i just dont understand. to be that unhappy and to be 'stuck' would be the death of me.
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say

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