I found out in July that now my father has the exact same cancer that my step-father had. Yesterday we found out that chemo is not working and that it is spreading very quickly. I'm going to see him next week, there's going to be a lot to talk about. I'm not really sure how to approach some touchy topics.
What a thread. Seems the majority of us have lost, or are losing, a loved one to this disease.
You're well-spoken, unsung. The touchy subjects will be broached as they can. I bet just your being there will help.
May your father get through this with as little pain as possible.
Good energy and thoughts to you and your family from here.
My father died last year and as is normal I have regrets about things that went unsaid.
It is perfectly normal and very healthy to realize that there are things that might need to be said between father and son and some get said and some don't.
Best thing to do is to triage the situation. Make a list of the things you think need to be discussed and then list them in order of what is most important to you. Then of those topics decide which you feel have to be discussed the soonest and what can wait.
I only got to see my dad 3-4 times a year over the last few years of his life and I didn't get to say everything I thought needed to be said to my dad but one thing I always made sure to say every time I left him was I love you.
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unsung
I stopped by on March 7 2024. First time in many years, had to update payment info. Hope all is well. Politicians suck. Bye. Posts: 9,487
Since I saw my stepfather go through this I question if I should tell my dad on what to expect. I know what will happen, and those that have been through it know. I also have a hard time speaking about his assets (family assets), but his step children are already circling like vultures. It's sick.
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hedonist
standing on the edge of forever Posts: 24,524
I'm sorry you're going through this (again). Maybe when you see him (do you two speak often?), you'll have a better sense of how much what-to-expect information he wants or can handle.
I'm also sorry for the asset side of it. When my father was dying, that issue never occurred to me (he wasn't wealthy but had provided something for his children via his will, aside from veteran benefits and insurance). Then we found out his wife had essentially cut my sister and me out of his will just two weeks before he passed...when he could really make no sound decisions for himself.
The anger and sense of insult I initially felt has since passed.
I hope that aspect doesn't make an already difficult situation even moreso for you.
Since I saw my stepfather go through this I question if I should tell my dad on what to expect. I know what will happen, and those that have been through it know. I also have a hard time speaking about his assets (family assets), but his step children are already circling like vultures. It's sick.
unfortunately, this is not all that uncommon. when my dad's father passed, my dad's brother's partner's family (yes, that far reaching-not even legal family) ripped through all of my granfather's personal belongings before the immediate family had even been strong enough to think about doing it. it made me sick to my stomach. after it was all over I got some miscellanous knick knacks that meant nearly nothing. horrible people.
my dad's sister (60) is dying of cancer and doesn't have much time left, his cousin (60) just died of it a few days ago.......it's fucking everywhere.
so sorry unsung. thinkin' aboutcha.
Gimli 1993
Fargo 2003
Winnipeg 2005
Winnipeg 2011
St. Paul 2014
unfortunately, this is not all that uncommon. when my dad's father passed, my dad's brother's partner's family (yes, that far reaching-not even legal family) ripped through all of my granfather's personal belongings before the immediate family had even been strong enough to think about doing it. it made me sick to my stomach. after it was all over I got some miscellanous knick knacks that meant nearly nothing. horrible people.
my dad's sister (60) is dying of cancer and doesn't have much time left, his cousin (60) just died of it a few days ago.......it's fucking everywhere.
so sorry unsung. thinkin' aboutcha.
my ex's neighbour passed away with no immediate family ... his in-laws on his wife's side came over to the house and starting rummaging through it before the body was even taken out of the house ... they literally walked over him ... it really makes one think how shitty some people are ...
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unsung
I stopped by on March 7 2024. First time in many years, had to update payment info. Hope all is well. Politicians suck. Bye. Posts: 9,487
Thanks everyone.
Well we will see how this plays out, but rest assured I'll fight to protect my father and what is his. My grandparents worked their fingers to the bone and so did my father. They always left for work before 5am and often worked past 5pm as regular people. I will not let parasites get their way. It's pretty messed up that I even need to think about this, I just want my dad to get better.
I found out in July that now my father has the exact same cancer that my step-father had. Yesterday we found out that chemo is not working and that it is spreading very quickly. I'm going to see him next week, there's going to be a lot to talk about. I'm not really sure how to approach some touchy topics.
What a thread. Seems the majority of us have lost, or are losing, a loved one to this disease.
You're well-spoken, unsung. The touchy subjects will be broached as they can. I bet just your being there will help.
May your father get through this with as little pain as possible.
Good energy and thoughts to you and your family from here.
My father died last year and as is normal I have regrets about things that went unsaid.
It is perfectly normal and very healthy to realize that there are things that might need to be said between father and son and some get said and some don't.
Best thing to do is to triage the situation. Make a list of the things you think need to be discussed and then list them in order of what is most important to you. Then of those topics decide which you feel have to be discussed the soonest and what can wait.
I only got to see my dad 3-4 times a year over the last few years of his life and I didn't get to say everything I thought needed to be said to my dad but one thing I always made sure to say every time I left him was I love you.
Very good heartfelt advise.....I pray for Peace for you and your family
“We the people are the rightful masters of bothCongress and the courts, not to overthrow the Constitution but to overthrow the men who pervert the Constitution.” Abraham Lincoln
i was thinking about this earlier and the one thing that kept coming to my mind was "seriously, how much can one man and one family have to endure because of this disease?" i am so saddened to hear this news knowing that it feels like just yesterday that i typed my other post in this thread. i remember sitting down to write it after i came home from a night out.
you are a good man unsung. you are a strong man. you will take care of your dad, and your dad is proud of the man you became. you are good with people. you will know when and how to address the touchy subjects. just think about the things that you need to say, and say them. your dad knows the situation that he is in. i am pretty sure that he is willing to hear whatever you have to say, and he is ready to say the things he needs to say to you.
i went to a nursing home/hospice center yesterday afternoon. my friend eric, who is going on tour with me next month, lives in phoenix and his mom lives here in st louis. she is dying from stage 4 lung cancer that has metasticized to several other organs. it is inoperable, and the chemo is not working. she also has copd and chf, which is not good if you have lung cancer... eric is here staying with his mom. i went to visit yesterday because eric is not doing well, and i had not seen his mom in 5 years. his mom was like a second mother to me growing up so it was very difficult for me to see her in that condition. she can barely even get out of bed on her own, when she was once very healthy and active. i was not sure what to say, and i was awkward with my conversation because i was nervous... but she led the conversation and she said some very nice things to me. it allowed me to say some things that i had hidden from her since 1992. i copped to some things that happened that i was responsible for that i never admitted to, like the time i invited 100 people to her house for a party while she was out of town. i told her the first time i ever got drunk was at her house. i drank all of her wine coolers and natural light beer. i did not incriminate eric, but he admitted to it too... we had a good laugh reminiscing about old times. it felt good to finally admit things that she had suspected of me 20+ years ago. it was an emotional conversation. all i wanted to do is cry...she said she was proud of who i became. she was proud to watch me grow up. she wished me good luck, health, and happiness. she knew i had been going through some stuff and she knew i had been down. she knew i had lost my dog to cancer maybe 5 months ago, and that was hard on me. when you are a single guy like me, sometimes a dog is all you have. ya know??
anyway, seeing her before she dies was something i had to do. if not just to say goodbye to her, but i had to be there for my friend eric. yesterday was one of the hardest days of my life. i left it as "goodbye for now", because she is still doing well enough that she can live for several months yet, and eric is gonna be here every other week until she deteriorates. i plan on seeing her again before she passes. but it was hard to say goodbye to someone who had looked after me so much in my youth. i never got to say goodbye to any of my grandparents before they died. i had been estranged from my mom's mom. maybe seeing her yesterday was out of guilt for that. on the good side, i got to meet eric's 4 month old son. i got to babysit him while the nurses went into the room to do some things with his mom. can you imagine me, the lifelong bachelor, holding a 4 month old baby??
i don't know why i am even sharing this right here right now. maybe just to clear my conscience of the guilt i have about not getting to tell loved ones goodbye. or maybe it is a way of me getting it out so i can process it. or maybe it is even a way of showing you, unsung, that if i can make it through yesterday and be a better man for it, i think you will be able to get through this and discuss the things that need to be discussed while there is still time to do it.
i will be thinking about you and your family. we all will be thinking about you. i know that you will have the strength and stamina to get through this. i am praying for the best for your dad, you, and your family.
take care,
Rod
There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.- Hemingway
"Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
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unsung
I stopped by on March 7 2024. First time in many years, had to update payment info. Hope all is well. Politicians suck. Bye. Posts: 9,487
I want to reply to that, but right now I simply can't. For now...thank you.
Since I saw my stepfather go through this I question if I should tell my dad on what to expect. I know what will happen, and those that have been through it know. I also have a hard time speaking about his assets (family assets), but his step children are already circling like vultures. It's sick.
i am sorry you are going through this. i will not write about disgusting behavior from what i know that has happened to my family in this thread of yours that deserves respect. some people have absolutely no morals & decency in their bones.
the circling vultures deserve to be slapped hard. do not allow people who are not actual family to fuck you & your family over. sometimes it is difficult & impossible if some serpent has actually changed legal documents behind your backs & often times fooling the dying. these kinds of people have zero respect & are all about only themselves.
i am sorry you & your family are going through this difficult time. pm me if you need to talk about anything
my ex's neighbour passed away with no immediate family ... his in-laws on his wife's side came over to the house and starting rummaging through it before the body was even taken out of the house ... they literally walked over him ... it really makes one think how shitty some people are ...
It should be a crime the way people take advantage of the ill and dying.
Unsung, I'm sorry for what you're going through. Thoughts to you. I know it's hard as to what to say, but whatever's in your heart, it's the right thing. Go with what you'd want him to know now.
I work in cancer research and I have sadly been witness to the reality of this horrible disease more anyone really should.
The most important thing I have learned in my years doing this work is this...
People never realize what they have until it's gone. From the patient's perspective, once diagnosed it's always "Ok, I'm going to beat this and I'm going to change how I live my life". Sadly, those changes are often too little, too late. They quickly discover how beautiful the world is, and how they squandered away their lives when they could have done so much more...
From the family and friends perspective it's often a time to look back and realize all the shit you missed in their life. A huge sense of selfishness, and regret come into play.
Any way you look at it, it always boils down to this...
Live your life for every second. Enjoy what you have and never hesitate to show the love you have for the important people in your life.
Well said.
One night earlier this year in China me and my friend had a lock-in in the bar he was working at and he told me about all the details of the time a couple of years ago when his Dad died of cancer. It got me welling up. Sounds bloody awful. Luckily I've not had to go through any of that myself.
Sorry to hear you're going through this bad time, Unsung.
i was thinking about this earlier and the one thing that kept coming to my mind was "seriously, how much can one man and one family have to endure because of this disease?" i am so saddened to hear this news knowing that it feels like just yesterday that i typed my other post in this thread. i remember sitting down to write it after i came home from a night out.
you are a good man unsung. you are a strong man. you will take care of your dad, and your dad is proud of the man you became. you are good with people. you will know when and how to address the touchy subjects. just think about the things that you need to say, and say them. your dad knows the situation that he is in. i am pretty sure that he is willing to hear whatever you have to say, and he is ready to say the things he needs to say to you.
i went to a nursing home/hospice center yesterday afternoon. my friend eric, who is going on tour with me next month, lives in phoenix and his mom lives here in st louis. she is dying from stage 4 lung cancer that has metasticized to several other organs. it is inoperable, and the chemo is not working. she also has copd and chf, which is not good if you have lung cancer... eric is here staying with his mom. i went to visit yesterday because eric is not doing well, and i had not seen his mom in 5 years. his mom was like a second mother to me growing up so it was very difficult for me to see her in that condition. she can barely even get out of bed on her own, when she was once very healthy and active. i was not sure what to say, and i was awkward with my conversation because i was nervous... but she led the conversation and she said some very nice things to me. it allowed me to say some things that i had hidden from her since 1992. i copped to some things that happened that i was responsible for that i never admitted to, like the time i invited 100 people to her house for a party while she was out of town. i told her the first time i ever got drunk was at her house. i drank all of her wine coolers and natural light beer. i did not incriminate eric, but he admitted to it too... we had a good laugh reminiscing about old times. it felt good to finally admit things that she had suspected of me 20+ years ago. it was an emotional conversation. all i wanted to do is cry...she said she was proud of who i became. she was proud to watch me grow up. she wished me good luck, health, and happiness. she knew i had been going through some stuff and she knew i had been down. she knew i had lost my dog to cancer maybe 5 months ago, and that was hard on me. when you are a single guy like me, sometimes a dog is all you have. ya know??
anyway, seeing her before she dies was something i had to do. if not just to say goodbye to her, but i had to be there for my friend eric. yesterday was one of the hardest days of my life. i left it as "goodbye for now", because she is still doing well enough that she can live for several months yet, and eric is gonna be here every other week until she deteriorates. i plan on seeing her again before she passes. but it was hard to say goodbye to someone who had looked after me so much in my youth. i never got to say goodbye to any of my grandparents before they died. i had been estranged from my mom's mom. maybe seeing her yesterday was out of guilt for that. on the good side, i got to meet eric's 4 month old son. i got to babysit him while the nurses went into the room to do some things with his mom. can you imagine me, the lifelong bachelor, holding a 4 month old baby??
i don't know why i am even sharing this right here right now. maybe just to clear my conscience of the guilt i have about not getting to tell loved ones goodbye. or maybe it is a way of me getting it out so i can process it. or maybe it is even a way of showing you, unsung, that if i can make it through yesterday and be a better man for it, i think you will be able to get through this and discuss the things that need to be discussed while there is still time to do it.
i will be thinking about you and your family. we all will be thinking about you. i know that you will have the strength and stamina to get through this. i am praying for the best for your dad, you, and your family.
take care,
Rod
+1 i'm a good writer but i can't come close to one-upping those sentiments...i'm sorry
So sorry to hear your latest news. Cancer sucks. My advice as someone who has been both a child and a parent of a cancer patient is to be present. Sometimes, just sitting with someone and saying very little is the best way to help them. Being in the throes of cancer treatment is such a lonely place. Just hang with your dad and tell him there's no place you'd rather be than by his side.
My aunt was diagnosed with a interoperable brain tumor last year. She has been on a raw food vegan diet and on wheat grass juice ever day, recently she found out the tumor was inactive and shrinking to the stage where its stringy
i have been thinking about you and your family all week and hoping for the best in this difficult time.
There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.- Hemingway
"Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
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unsung
I stopped by on March 7 2024. First time in many years, had to update payment info. Hope all is well. Politicians suck. Bye. Posts: 9,487
Thank you.
No updates other than I drove down from Il to Tx two days ago. Just down here hanging out. Going home Saturday.
It's quite an act I'm playing trying to maintain my composure. Flipping east Texas can't find organic produce anywhere, they look at you and think city folk. Little do they know I hate the city.
No updates other than I drove down from Il to Tx two days ago. Just down here hanging out. Going home Saturday.
It's quite an act I'm playing trying to maintain my composure. Flipping east Texas can't find organic produce anywhere, they look at you and think city folk. Little do they know I hate the city.
I wouldn't worry about maintaining your composure. Your grief is a reflection of your love and it might be healing for both of you to share it.
my friend's mom lost her battle with cancer late last night. i wrote a pretty lengthy post about her earlier in the thread. i had actually made time to stop by the hospice center yesterday since my friend was in town and he said it was not a good time. he said that she had been under very heavy sedation for the past few days, that she was "really out of it" and that she would not know that i was there. he said that she could pass at any time. he also said if she came out of it later this week i could come by then. unfortunately she didn't make it. i am glad that i got to have that long conversation with her several weeks ago. i am at peace with her passing, but it still sucks. it always sucks when people die. at least she is no longer in pain. looks like i will be attending yet another wake and funeral this year. it has been a tough year with people i know passing away.
There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.- Hemingway
my friend's mom lost her battle with cancer late last night. i wrote a pretty lengthy post about her earlier in the thread. i had actually made time to stop by the hospice center yesterday since my friend was in town and he said it was not a good time. he said that she had been under very heavy sedation for the past few days, that she was "really out of it" and that she would not know that i was there. he said that she could pass at any time. he also said if she came out of it later this week i could come by then. unfortunately she didn't make it. i am glad that i got to have that long conversation with her several weeks ago. i am at peace with her passing, but it still sucks. it always sucks when people die. at least she is no longer in pain. looks like i will be attending yet another wake and funeral this year. it has been a tough year with people i know passing away.
Iam so sorry to read about this lossing friends is a painfull part of life,I know where you stand on the issue of God but just the same my thoughts and prayers to you and your friends family.
my friend's mom lost her battle with cancer late last night. i wrote a pretty lengthy post about her earlier in the thread. i had actually made time to stop by the hospice center yesterday since my friend was in town and he said it was not a good time. he said that she had been under very heavy sedation for the past few days, that she was "really out of it" and that she would not know that i was there. he said that she could pass at any time. he also said if she came out of it later this week i could come by then. unfortunately she didn't make it. i am glad that i got to have that long conversation with her several weeks ago. i am at peace with her passing, but it still sucks. it always sucks when people die. at least she is no longer in pain. looks like i will be attending yet another wake and funeral this year. it has been a tough year with people i know passing away.
Iam so sorry to read about this lossing friends is a painfull part of life,I know where you stand on the issue of God but just the same my thoughts and prayers to you and your friends family.
Godfather..
thanks man. it will be alright. you can prepare for it all you want, but you are never really prepared to get that final phone call. thanks for the thoughts and prayers
There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.- Hemingway
I'm a cancer survivor (for now) and lymphoma claimed my 5.5 yo doggie just last week. fuck cancer!!!!!
If I had known then what I know now...
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Down the line, unsung, hope your doing ok now and everyone else on this thread who lost someone. My mum died of cancer in January 2014 and visiting the cancer ward everyday highlighted how brave these people are. She passed away at home after fighting the illness for 1 and a half years and during that time saw her last gig, pearl jam at Manchester arena 21/6/12. It's heartbreaking and something you can't really process, just keep on walking down that road........
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brianlux
Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 40,801
Down the line, unsung, hope your doing ok now and everyone else on this thread who lost someone. My mum died of cancer in January 2014 and visiting the cancer ward everyday highlighted how brave these people are. She passed away at home after fighting the illness for 1 and a half years and during that time saw her last gig, pearl jam at Manchester arena 21/6/12. It's heartbreaking and something you can't really process, just keep on walking down that road........
haven't seen Unsung for quite a while. He kept things hopping here.
So sorry to hear about you Mom, Cydonia. Yes, it's very heartbreaking. We lost one family member to cancer this year and will likely lose another the same way before the year is out. It hard to watch someone go through that. Just have to make the days count as much as possible.
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man [or woman] who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
Variously credited to Mark Twain or Edward Abbey.
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hedonist
standing on the edge of forever Posts: 24,524
This morning I learned we lost someone over the weekend, the woman who was with our company from the beginning, in the 70s.
Old-school class act, and a salty old broad who decided to forgo treatment after being diagnosed with colon cancer. She stomped on strong these past few months, while shuffling along in booties at work and the random times I ran into her at the market.
Attended funeral yesterday for wonderful woman, mother and wife of my buddy. Cancer. He's devastated losing his partner. Played all Beatles songs as she would of wanted.
unsung
I stopped by on March 7 2024. First time in many years, had to update payment info. Hope all is well. Politicians suck. Bye. Posts: 9,487
Bumping.
So on Feb 4th my father passed away from esophageal cancer, the same type that my stepfather had that started this thread.
I questioned even updating this thread, not because of privacy, but because so much has changed in my life that I feel I am no longer the same person when I started it. I'm not here for pity or anything like that. I have experienced so much from this, primarily the evilness that is my dad's wife, and we were expecting it. He was somewhat prepared, I haven't had time to grieve, or perhaps I already have. I don't know. The battle is on, see Texas is a Community property state, so all of the property interest and personal belongings are now 50% hers, and 50% mine. I'm also the Executor of the Estate so I'm in charge of paying off his liabilities, except the witch has sold off assets over the last few weeks and claims financial power of attorney. So now she wants to have an estate sale to sell the remainder of his personal items, to pay off liabilities, but the assets are limited. She thinks his stuff is subject to the 50% but hers isn't. I'm not getting into more details. I will just have to let the lawyers sort things out. I had to pay thousands out of my pocket to to retain an attorney.
I guess I'll let the message be this. Cover your ass. Not only financially but medically. Guys, if you suffer from chronic acid reflux a pill is not the solution. Doctors don't give a shit about you, they want their kickback from the drug companies, demand an endoscopy, do not settle for a prescription. That will not solve your issue. If cancer is found it is usually too late, you need to be extremely proactive. Get the scope.
I'll offer one other update, and truthfully there is no need to debate what I am going to say because I probably will not respond to it, that is how apathetic I have become/returned to politics.
I will more than likely never vote again in an election larger than a local issue. Why? Because it doesn't matter. The system is rigged. I truthfully no longer see a difference between a Republican or a Democrat, what happened to Ron Paul in 08 and 12 is happening to Sanders and Trump/Cruz now. They don't want anyone outside of the chosen (s)elected. The media keeps pushing Bush/Rubio/Clinton. Ron Paul took 20% and 3rd place in Iowa in 2012 and the media ignored it. Rubio takes a weak 3rd in 2016 and he's surging. Hillary Clinton belongs in PRISON. Period. If you think otherwise you are a fool. A fool. Wake up. I no longer will vote because I will not select someone to rule over me. I am my own ruler. I do not harm anyone, nor do I have a desire to. Therefore I have no authority over me. I don't care what laws a crooked politician makes, it doesn't mean I will obey. Why obey a crook? I guess I'm now an Anarcho-Capitalist. OOOHH an Anarchist. Educate yourselves. It doesn't mean I'm going out a breaking your laws that your politicians sign off that their lobbyists write, it just means that because I am not harming anyone so I in turn have no authority over me. That's it. I still have a job, I still pay my extortion taxes, I don't want to be kidnapped by the politician's gang and thrown into a cage and have to listen to them and their apologists say that they are just doing their jobs. Aside from the issues I'm dealing with concerning my father's death I'm generally a very happy person. I'm still trying to move out of the Midwest, spent a lot of time recently in NW Montana and north Idaho, it is beautiful country. I hate cities. I love the hills, mountains, trees, water, nature. There's too much outside to be stuck in a city.
Eric Garner was murdered. Lavoy Finicum was murdered.
Both stood up against something, both were silenced by the same thing. There's no left vs. right, that's what they do to keep you distracted. We need to stick together. They want us divided.
Your neighbor has the potential to do more for you than any politician. Say hello to him/her.
Opt out.
I truly hope all is well with everyone, even my detractors, after all if you don't have any you probably never stood up for something. To them I say this, "I only debate with my equals, all others I teach." ---Dr. John Henrik Clark.
Comments
My father died last year and as is normal I have regrets about things that went unsaid.
It is perfectly normal and very healthy to realize that there are things that might need to be said between father and son and some get said and some don't.
Best thing to do is to triage the situation. Make a list of the things you think need to be discussed and then list them in order of what is most important to you. Then of those topics decide which you feel have to be discussed the soonest and what can wait.
I only got to see my dad 3-4 times a year over the last few years of his life and I didn't get to say everything I thought needed to be said to my dad but one thing I always made sure to say every time I left him was I love you.
I'm also sorry for the asset side of it. When my father was dying, that issue never occurred to me (he wasn't wealthy but had provided something for his children via his will, aside from veteran benefits and insurance). Then we found out his wife had essentially cut my sister and me out of his will just two weeks before he passed...when he could really make no sound decisions for himself.
The anger and sense of insult I initially felt has since passed.
I hope that aspect doesn't make an already difficult situation even moreso for you.
unfortunately, this is not all that uncommon. when my dad's father passed, my dad's brother's partner's family (yes, that far reaching-not even legal family) ripped through all of my granfather's personal belongings before the immediate family had even been strong enough to think about doing it. it made me sick to my stomach. after it was all over I got some miscellanous knick knacks that meant nearly nothing. horrible people.
my dad's sister (60) is dying of cancer and doesn't have much time left, his cousin (60) just died of it a few days ago.......it's fucking everywhere.
so sorry unsung. thinkin' aboutcha.
Fargo 2003
Winnipeg 2005
Winnipeg 2011
St. Paul 2014
my ex's neighbour passed away with no immediate family ... his in-laws on his wife's side came over to the house and starting rummaging through it before the body was even taken out of the house ... they literally walked over him ... it really makes one think how shitty some people are ...
Well we will see how this plays out, but rest assured I'll fight to protect my father and what is his. My grandparents worked their fingers to the bone and so did my father. They always left for work before 5am and often worked past 5pm as regular people. I will not let parasites get their way. It's pretty messed up that I even need to think about this, I just want my dad to get better.
i was thinking about this earlier and the one thing that kept coming to my mind was "seriously, how much can one man and one family have to endure because of this disease?" i am so saddened to hear this news knowing that it feels like just yesterday that i typed my other post in this thread. i remember sitting down to write it after i came home from a night out.
you are a good man unsung. you are a strong man. you will take care of your dad, and your dad is proud of the man you became. you are good with people. you will know when and how to address the touchy subjects. just think about the things that you need to say, and say them. your dad knows the situation that he is in. i am pretty sure that he is willing to hear whatever you have to say, and he is ready to say the things he needs to say to you.
i went to a nursing home/hospice center yesterday afternoon. my friend eric, who is going on tour with me next month, lives in phoenix and his mom lives here in st louis. she is dying from stage 4 lung cancer that has metasticized to several other organs. it is inoperable, and the chemo is not working. she also has copd and chf, which is not good if you have lung cancer... eric is here staying with his mom. i went to visit yesterday because eric is not doing well, and i had not seen his mom in 5 years. his mom was like a second mother to me growing up so it was very difficult for me to see her in that condition. she can barely even get out of bed on her own, when she was once very healthy and active. i was not sure what to say, and i was awkward with my conversation because i was nervous... but she led the conversation and she said some very nice things to me. it allowed me to say some things that i had hidden from her since 1992. i copped to some things that happened that i was responsible for that i never admitted to, like the time i invited 100 people to her house for a party while she was out of town. i told her the first time i ever got drunk was at her house. i drank all of her wine coolers and natural light beer. i did not incriminate eric, but he admitted to it too... we had a good laugh reminiscing about old times. it felt good to finally admit things that she had suspected of me 20+ years ago. it was an emotional conversation. all i wanted to do is cry...she said she was proud of who i became. she was proud to watch me grow up. she wished me good luck, health, and happiness. she knew i had been going through some stuff and she knew i had been down. she knew i had lost my dog to cancer maybe 5 months ago, and that was hard on me. when you are a single guy like me, sometimes a dog is all you have. ya know??
anyway, seeing her before she dies was something i had to do. if not just to say goodbye to her, but i had to be there for my friend eric. yesterday was one of the hardest days of my life. i left it as "goodbye for now", because she is still doing well enough that she can live for several months yet, and eric is gonna be here every other week until she deteriorates. i plan on seeing her again before she passes. but it was hard to say goodbye to someone who had looked after me so much in my youth. i never got to say goodbye to any of my grandparents before they died. i had been estranged from my mom's mom. maybe seeing her yesterday was out of guilt for that. on the good side, i got to meet eric's 4 month old son. i got to babysit him while the nurses went into the room to do some things with his mom. can you imagine me, the lifelong bachelor, holding a 4 month old baby??
i don't know why i am even sharing this right here right now. maybe just to clear my conscience of the guilt i have about not getting to tell loved ones goodbye. or maybe it is a way of me getting it out so i can process it. or maybe it is even a way of showing you, unsung, that if i can make it through yesterday and be a better man for it, i think you will be able to get through this and discuss the things that need to be discussed while there is still time to do it.
i will be thinking about you and your family. we all will be thinking about you. i know that you will have the strength and stamina to get through this. i am praying for the best for your dad, you, and your family.
take care,
Rod
"Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
the circling vultures deserve to be slapped hard. do not allow people who are not actual family to fuck you & your family over. sometimes it is difficult & impossible if some serpent has actually changed legal documents behind your backs & often times fooling the dying. these kinds of people have zero respect & are all about only themselves.
i am sorry you & your family are going through this difficult time. pm me if you need to talk about anything
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
It should be a crime the way people take advantage of the ill and dying.
Unsung, I'm sorry for what you're going through. Thoughts to you. I know it's hard as to what to say, but whatever's in your heart, it's the right thing. Go with what you'd want him to know now.
that is the answer
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
Well said.
One night earlier this year in China me and my friend had a lock-in in the bar he was working at and he told me about all the details of the time a couple of years ago when his Dad died of cancer. It got me welling up. Sounds bloody awful. Luckily I've not had to go through any of that myself.
Sorry to hear you're going through this bad time, Unsung.
i have been thinking about you and your family all week and hoping for the best in this difficult time.
"Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
No updates other than I drove down from Il to Tx two days ago. Just down here hanging out. Going home Saturday.
It's quite an act I'm playing trying to maintain my composure. Flipping east Texas can't find organic produce anywhere, they look at you and think city folk. Little do they know I hate the city.
"Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
Iam so sorry to read about this lossing friends is a painfull part of life,I know where you stand on the issue of God but just the same my thoughts and prayers to you and your friends family.
Godfather..
"Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
Vegas 93, Vegas 98, Vegas 00 (10 year show), Vegas 03, Vegas 06
VIC 07
EV LA1 08
Seattle1 09, Seattle2 09, Salt Lake 09, LA4 09
Columbus 10
EV LA 11
Vancouver 11
Missoula 12
Portland 13, Spokane 13
St. Paul 14, Denver 14
"Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
So sorry to hear about you Mom, Cydonia. Yes, it's very heartbreaking. We lost one family member to cancer this year and will likely lose another the same way before the year is out. It hard to watch someone go through that. Just have to make the days count as much as possible.
Old-school class act, and a salty old broad who decided to forgo treatment after being diagnosed with colon cancer. She stomped on strong these past few months, while shuffling along in booties at work and the random times I ran into her at the market.
RIP, Beverly.
Rest in peace Patti.
So on Feb 4th my father passed away from esophageal cancer, the same type that my stepfather had that started this thread.
I questioned even updating this thread, not because of privacy, but because so much has changed in my life that I feel I am no longer the same person when I started it. I'm not here for pity or anything like that. I have experienced so much from this, primarily the evilness that is my dad's wife, and we were expecting it. He was somewhat prepared, I haven't had time to grieve, or perhaps I already have. I don't know. The battle is on, see Texas is a Community property state, so all of the property interest and personal belongings are now 50% hers, and 50% mine. I'm also the Executor of the Estate so I'm in charge of paying off his liabilities, except the witch has sold off assets over the last few weeks and claims financial power of attorney. So now she wants to have an estate sale to sell the remainder of his personal items, to pay off liabilities, but the assets are limited. She thinks his stuff is subject to the 50% but hers isn't. I'm not getting into more details. I will just have to let the lawyers sort things out. I had to pay thousands out of my pocket to to retain an attorney.
I guess I'll let the message be this. Cover your ass. Not only financially but medically. Guys, if you suffer from chronic acid reflux a pill is not the solution. Doctors don't give a shit about you, they want their kickback from the drug companies, demand an endoscopy, do not settle for a prescription. That will not solve your issue. If cancer is found it is usually too late, you need to be extremely proactive. Get the scope.
I'll offer one other update, and truthfully there is no need to debate what I am going to say because I probably will not respond to it, that is how apathetic I have become/returned to politics.
I will more than likely never vote again in an election larger than a local issue. Why? Because it doesn't matter. The system is rigged. I truthfully no longer see a difference between a Republican or a Democrat, what happened to Ron Paul in 08 and 12 is happening to Sanders and Trump/Cruz now. They don't want anyone outside of the chosen (s)elected. The media keeps pushing Bush/Rubio/Clinton. Ron Paul took 20% and 3rd place in Iowa in 2012 and the media ignored it. Rubio takes a weak 3rd in 2016 and he's surging. Hillary Clinton belongs in PRISON. Period. If you think otherwise you are a fool. A fool. Wake up. I no longer will vote because I will not select someone to rule over me. I am my own ruler. I do not harm anyone, nor do I have a desire to. Therefore I have no authority over me. I don't care what laws a crooked politician makes, it doesn't mean I will obey. Why obey a crook? I guess I'm now an Anarcho-Capitalist. OOOHH an Anarchist. Educate yourselves. It doesn't mean I'm going out a breaking your laws that your politicians sign off that their lobbyists write, it just means that because I am not harming anyone so I in turn have no authority over me. That's it. I still have a job, I still pay my extortion taxes, I don't want to be kidnapped by the politician's gang and thrown into a cage and have to listen to them and their apologists say that they are just doing their jobs. Aside from the issues I'm dealing with concerning my father's death I'm generally a very happy person. I'm still trying to move out of the Midwest, spent a lot of time recently in NW Montana and north Idaho, it is beautiful country. I hate cities. I love the hills, mountains, trees, water, nature. There's too much outside to be stuck in a city.
Eric Garner was murdered.
Lavoy Finicum was murdered.
Both stood up against something, both were silenced by the same thing. There's no left vs. right, that's what they do to keep you distracted. We need to stick together. They want us divided.
Your neighbor has the potential to do more for you than any politician. Say hello to him/her.
Opt out.
I truly hope all is well with everyone, even my detractors, after all if you don't have any you probably never stood up for something. To them I say this, "I only debate with my equals, all others I teach." ---Dr. John Henrik Clark.
Peace.