Cancer

unsung

Thanks everyone.

I pulled a 40 hour shift staying awake before I was able to sleep for about 2.5 hours. Woke up and went home to grab some things and I am about to leave to head back over there.

dasvidana

unsung wrote:

Thanks everyone.

I pulled a 40 hour shift staying awake before I was able to sleep for about 2.5 hours. Woke up and went home to grab some things and I am about to leave to head back over there.

wishing you much peace.

JaneNY

Sorry to hear about this. Went through it with my mother. It all sucks.

cajunkiwi

Stay strong, bro - I don't pray, but I'll try and send some positive thoughts your way throughout the day.

Austicman

Hang in there bud. I walked the long road with my sister 3 years ago. It's one of the hardest things you'll ever do but being there is the way to go. They appreciated it as well as those closest to them and being able to look at yourself in the mirror and know you did the right thing helps when it comes time for the healing.

Don't forget to get a bit of time for youself once in a while. It doesn't have to be much. Your favourite couple of PJ song at full blast in the car or something like that. It'll put you in the right frame of mind to deal with whatever comes up.

unsung

Thanks everyone for the messages.

He passed yesterday morning after Hospice said on Sunday that he had less than 12 hours left. His heart just kept beating.

I've been helping with the planning of the funeral and wake, been trying to be there to help my mother. Last night was the first night I slept for over four hours, probably got a total of ten the previous five nights. Cancer really sucks, being kind of blunt not in the mood for big words. If you haven't gone through it with someone close I hope you never have to. It changes you. I'm not sure for the better either.

I tried to get my Mom to play Release at the wake but she isn't biting so far.

An extra thank you to TriumphantAngel for your message, I tried to reply but your PM reception is turned off. Thank you.

gimmesometruth27

unsung,
i know you and i rarely agree on anything, and i have never taken any of our disagreements presonally in any way. I just wanted to say that i am sorry you and your family
had to go through what you have recently experienced.
i know what it is like to lose someone close to me to cancer.
my best friend i ever had, Nikki, passed away from throat and tongue cancer in 2002 at the age of 26 after a 6 year battle. she initially had tongue cancer and 1/4 of her tongue was removed, and the cancer came back much more aggressively the following year and it eventually killed her. the doctors thought that this was due to chronic ulcers in her throat brought on by years of fighting bulimia. it seems her own digestive acids caused ulcers that were untreatable and provided a warm environment for cancerous tumor growth.

in the last 5 years i lost my father's mom and dad both to rare and very aggressive forms of the disease
i never got to say goodbye to any of them, Nikki included. it is a very painful thing to try to recount here, but just when i think i am doing ok, the memories and regrets come rushing back to me. this has haunted me for years.
since both grandparents died from rare and aggressive types of cancer i know that that is most likely the lot i have drawn in my life.

i hope you accept my sincerest sympathies and i hope that you and your familiy
can have peace with your memories of your stepfather. i hope he will rest in peace knowing that he was surrounded by those that loved him the most in this world.
sincerely,

gst 27

unsung

Bumping an old thread...


I found out in July that now my father has the exact same cancer that my step-father had. Yesterday we found out that chemo is not working and that it is spreading very quickly. I'm going to see him next week, there's going to be a lot to talk about. I'm not really sure how to approach some touchy topics.

brianlux

unsung wrote:

Bumping an old thread...


I found out in July that now my father has the exact same cancer that my step-father had. Yesterday we found out that chemo is not working and that it is spreading very quickly. I'm going to see him next week, there's going to be a lot to talk about. I'm not really sure how to approach some touchy topics.

Wishing you and your dad the best, unsung. You know, we may not agree on a lot of stuff but when it comes down to the realities of life, all of that stuff seems trivial in comparison. Good thoughts going out for your dad. I truly wish you and yours the best.

hedonist

unsung wrote:

Bumping an old thread...


I found out in July that now my father has the exact same cancer that my step-father had. Yesterday we found out that chemo is not working and that it is spreading very quickly. I'm going to see him next week, there's going to be a lot to talk about. I'm not really sure how to approach some touchy topics.

What a thread. Seems the majority of us have lost, or are losing, a loved one to this disease.

You're well-spoken, unsung. The touchy subjects will be broached as they can. I bet just your being there will help.

May your father get through this with as little pain as possible.

Good energy and thoughts to you and your family from here.

Bentleyspop

hedonist wrote:

unsung wrote:

Bumping an old thread...


I found out in July that now my father has the exact same cancer that my step-father had. Yesterday we found out that chemo is not working and that it is spreading very quickly. I'm going to see him next week, there's going to be a lot to talk about. I'm not really sure how to approach some touchy topics.

What a thread. Seems the majority of us have lost, or are losing, a loved one to this disease.

You're well-spoken, unsung. The touchy subjects will be broached as they can. I bet just your being there will help.

May your father get through this with as little pain as possible.

Good energy and thoughts to you and your family from here.

My father died last year and as is normal I have regrets about things that went unsaid.
It is perfectly normal and very healthy to realize that there are things that might need to be said between father and son and some get said and some don't.
Best thing to do is to triage the situation. Make a list of the things you think need to be discussed and then list them in order of what is most important to you. Then of those topics decide which you feel have to be discussed the soonest and what can wait.
I only got to see my dad 3-4 times a year over the last few years of his life and I didn't get to say everything I thought needed to be said to my dad but one thing I always made sure to say every time I left him was I love you.

unsung

Since I saw my stepfather go through this I question if I should tell my dad on what to expect. I know what will happen, and those that have been through it know. I also have a hard time speaking about his assets (family assets), but his step children are already circling like vultures. It's sick.

hedonist

I'm sorry you're going through this (again). Maybe when you see him (do you two speak often?), you'll have a better sense of how much what-to-expect information he wants or can handle.

I'm also sorry for the asset side of it. When my father was dying, that issue never occurred to me (he wasn't wealthy but had provided something for his children via his will, aside from veteran benefits and insurance). Then we found out his wife had essentially cut my sister and me out of his will just two weeks before he passed...when he could really make no sound decisions for himself.

The anger and sense of insult I initially felt has since passed.

I hope that aspect doesn't make an already difficult situation even moreso for you.

Hugh Freaking Dillon

unsung wrote:

Since I saw my stepfather go through this I question if I should tell my dad on what to expect. I know what will happen, and those that have been through it know. I also have a hard time speaking about his assets (family assets), but his step children are already circling like vultures. It's sick.

unfortunately, this is not all that uncommon. when my dad's father passed, my dad's brother's partner's family (yes, that far reaching-not even legal family) ripped through all of my granfather's personal belongings before the immediate family had even been strong enough to think about doing it. it made me sick to my stomach. after it was all over I got some miscellanous knick knacks that meant nearly nothing. horrible people.

my dad's sister (60) is dying of cancer and doesn't have much time left, his cousin (60) just died of it a few days ago.......it's fucking everywhere.

so sorry unsung. thinkin' aboutcha.

polaris_x

Hugh Freaking Dillon wrote:

unfortunately, this is not all that uncommon. when my dad's father passed, my dad's brother's partner's family (yes, that far reaching-not even legal family) ripped through all of my granfather's personal belongings before the immediate family had even been strong enough to think about doing it. it made me sick to my stomach. after it was all over I got some miscellanous knick knacks that meant nearly nothing. horrible people.

my dad's sister (60) is dying of cancer and doesn't have much time left, his cousin (60) just died of it a few days ago.......it's fucking everywhere.

so sorry unsung. thinkin' aboutcha.

my ex's neighbour passed away with no immediate family ... his in-laws on his wife's side came over to the house and starting rummaging through it before the body was even taken out of the house ... they literally walked over him ... it really makes one think how shitty some people are ...

unsung

Thanks everyone.

Well we will see how this plays out, but rest assured I'll fight to protect my father and what is his. My grandparents worked their fingers to the bone and so did my father. They always left for work before 5am and often worked past 5pm as regular people. I will not let parasites get their way. It's pretty messed up that I even need to think about this, I just want my dad to get better.

aerial

Bentleyspop wrote:

hedonist wrote:

unsung wrote:

Bumping an old thread...


I found out in July that now my father has the exact same cancer that my step-father had. Yesterday we found out that chemo is not working and that it is spreading very quickly. I'm going to see him next week, there's going to be a lot to talk about. I'm not really sure how to approach some touchy topics.

What a thread. Seems the majority of us have lost, or are losing, a loved one to this disease.

You're well-spoken, unsung. The touchy subjects will be broached as they can. I bet just your being there will help.

May your father get through this with as little pain as possible.

Good energy and thoughts to you and your family from here.

My father died last year and as is normal I have regrets about things that went unsaid.
It is perfectly normal and very healthy to realize that there are things that might need to be said between father and son and some get said and some don't.
Best thing to do is to triage the situation. Make a list of the things you think need to be discussed and then list them in order of what is most important to you. Then of those topics decide which you feel have to be discussed the soonest and what can wait.
I only got to see my dad 3-4 times a year over the last few years of his life and I didn't get to say everything I thought needed to be said to my dad but one thing I always made sure to say every time I left him was I love you.

Very good heartfelt advise.....I pray for Peace for you and your family

gimmesometruth27

i'm sorry unsung. :( this is terrible news...

i was thinking about this earlier and the one thing that kept coming to my mind was "seriously, how much can one man and one family have to endure because of this disease?" i am so saddened to hear this news knowing that it feels like just yesterday that i typed my other post in this thread. i remember sitting down to write it after i came home from a night out.

you are a good man unsung. you are a strong man. you will take care of your dad, and your dad is proud of the man you became. you are good with people. you will know when and how to address the touchy subjects. just think about the things that you need to say, and say them. your dad knows the situation that he is in. i am pretty sure that he is willing to hear whatever you have to say, and he is ready to say the things he needs to say to you.

i went to a nursing home/hospice center yesterday afternoon. my friend eric, who is going on tour with me next month, lives in phoenix and his mom lives here in st louis. she is dying from stage 4 lung cancer that has metasticized to several other organs. it is inoperable, and the chemo is not working. she also has copd and chf, which is not good if you have lung cancer... eric is here staying with his mom. i went to visit yesterday because eric is not doing well, and i had not seen his mom in 5 years. his mom was like a second mother to me growing up so it was very difficult for me to see her in that condition. she can barely even get out of bed on her own, when she was once very healthy and active. i was not sure what to say, and i was awkward with my conversation because i was nervous... but she led the conversation and she said some very nice things to me. it allowed me to say some things that i had hidden from her since 1992. i copped to some things that happened that i was responsible for that i never admitted to, like the time i invited 100 people to her house for a party while she was out of town. i told her the first time i ever got drunk was at her house. i drank all of her wine coolers and natural light beer. i did not incriminate eric, but he admitted to it too... we had a good laugh reminiscing about old times. it felt good to finally admit things that she had suspected of me 20+ years ago. it was an emotional conversation. all i wanted to do is cry...she said she was proud of who i became. she was proud to watch me grow up. she wished me good luck, health, and happiness. she knew i had been going through some stuff and she knew i had been down. she knew i had lost my dog to cancer maybe 5 months ago, and that was hard on me. when you are a single guy like me, sometimes a dog is all you have. ya know??

anyway, seeing her before she dies was something i had to do. if not just to say goodbye to her, but i had to be there for my friend eric. yesterday was one of the hardest days of my life. i left it as "goodbye for now", because she is still doing well enough that she can live for several months yet, and eric is gonna be here every other week until she deteriorates. i plan on seeing her again before she passes. but it was hard to say goodbye to someone who had looked after me so much in my youth. i never got to say goodbye to any of my grandparents before they died. i had been estranged from my mom's mom. maybe seeing her yesterday was out of guilt for that. on the good side, i got to meet eric's 4 month old son. i got to babysit him while the nurses went into the room to do some things with his mom. can you imagine me, the lifelong bachelor, holding a 4 month old baby??

i don't know why i am even sharing this right here right now. maybe just to clear my conscience of the guilt i have about not getting to tell loved ones goodbye. or maybe it is a way of me getting it out so i can process it. or maybe it is even a way of showing you, unsung, that if i can make it through yesterday and be a better man for it, i think you will be able to get through this and discuss the things that need to be discussed while there is still time to do it.

i will be thinking about you and your family. we all will be thinking about you. i know that you will have the strength and stamina to get through this. i am praying for the best for your dad, you, and your family.

take care,

Rod

unsung

I want to reply to that, but right now I simply can't. For now...thank you.

chadwick

unsung wrote:

Since I saw my stepfather go through this I question if I should tell my dad on what to expect. I know what will happen, and those that have been through it know. I also have a hard time speaking about his assets (family assets), but his step children are already circling like vultures. It's sick.

i am sorry you are going through this. i will not write about disgusting behavior from what i know that has happened to my family in this thread of yours that deserves respect. some people have absolutely no morals & decency in their bones.

the circling vultures deserve to be slapped hard. do not allow people who are not actual family to fuck you & your family over. sometimes it is difficult & impossible if some serpent has actually changed legal documents behind your backs & often times fooling the dying. these kinds of people have zero respect & are all about only themselves.

i am sorry you & your family are going through this difficult time. pm me if you need to talk about anything