Alcoholism.

LikeAnOcean

A few weeks back it got to a point where I couldn't fall alseep without finishing off a whole bottle of wine, so I knew then something was not right..

I have nothing against daily moderate drinking, binging every once in a while, but I've cut back to just a few glasses of wine a day (which is healthy) and cutting back beer intake on weekends and after a few weeks have already felt improvement, although it was hard at first.

Here's the backtracker.. Why is it always that the alcoholic friend gets offended when you won't binge with them?

I've been trying to avoid hanging out with them for this reason alone, knowing they are going to give me crap for not drinking.. for instance, we are watching hockey game tonight and grilling. He asked me if I was coming so he could get a gauge as to how much alchohol to get. I told him I was coming, but probably won't drink. This boggled his mind. When I told him it was for health reasons, he responded I was reading too much on the internet.

In this case, its a childhood best friend and coworker. The type who cracks a beer the second they get off work and probably averages 6 to 10 drinks daily.

Is it that hard for people to fathom it might be possible to enjoy life without alcohol? I understand where's he's coming from, I really do and am craving a drink right now, but since I've cut back, the need for a drink is greatly diminishing and I'm starting to enjoy things more when I'm sober.

I understand the good time with alcohol, but also understand something is wrong when you can only have a good time with it. It takes will and brainpower. I'm tired of feeling like crap when I'm sober. It needs to stop.

know1

You shouldn't worry so much what others think. If you want to go over to grill and watch the game and not have a drink, that's your choice. If it bothers him, that's his problem and not yours. If you let it bother you and become your problem, that's your choice as well.

LikeAnOcean

know1 wrote:

You shouldn't worry so much what others think. If you want to go over to grill and watch the game and not have a drink, that's your choice. If it bothers him, that's his problem and not yours. If you let it bother you and become your problem, that's your choice as well.

I know, but it bothers me that it bothers him. He needs to get over it.

I guess I'm guilty of doing the same to another friend that barely drinks at all, but thats trying to get him to have a beer on the weekend..

Why do we always have to bring people down?

This thread is more of an observatory thing rather than looking for advise.. My friend will have to deal with me not drinking and if he can't I won't be hanging out with him.

know1

Gob wrote:

know1 wrote:

You shouldn't worry so much what others think. If you want to go over to grill and watch the game and not have a drink, that's your choice. If it bothers him, that's his problem and not yours. If you let it bother you and become your problem, that's your choice as well.

I know, but it bothers me that it bothers him. He needs to get over it.

I guess I'm guilty of doing the same to another friend that barely drinks at all, but thats trying to get him to have a beer on the weekend..

Why do we always have to bring people down?

This thread is more of an observatory thing rather than looking for advise.. My friend will have to deal with me not drinking and if he can't I won't be hanging out with him.

Good attitude.

Lizard

I hope your long-time friend does not continue to make your not drinking as much an issue.

Eventually, from what you wrote, he should cut back also. You could always just milk a beer for 2 hours, huh??

Dissidentman

Lizard wrote:

I hope your long-time friend does not continue to make your not drinking as much an issue.

Eventually, from what you wrote, he should cut back also. You could always just milk a beer for 2 hours, huh??

yeah, the whole nursing thing isn't a bad idea. Keeps you from just standing around with your hands in your pockets, and your freinds will notice less.

facepollution

Gob wrote:

I've cut back to just a few glasses of wine a day (which is healthy)

A few glasses is a bottle, no?! I'm pretty sure a bottle of wine a day is not 'healthy'.

pandora

If he is a good old friend tell him so and that your new sobriety shouldn't hurt an old friendship. That you need his help so it doesn't. The problem is you may not enjoy hanging with drunk people, most sober people don't. Whole different mindset. So you may gravitate away over time.

LikeAnOcean

facepollution wrote:

Gob wrote:

I've cut back to just a few glasses of wine a day (which is healthy)

A few glasses is a bottle, no?! I'm pretty sure a bottle of wine a day is not 'healthy'.

No, a glass of wine is considered 4 oz.. about 5 glasses for a bottle. I'm having half a bottle actually, so half of what I was.

Lauri

Gob wrote:

A few weeks back it got to a point where I couldn't fall alseep without finishing off a whole bottle of wine, so I knew then something was not right..

I have nothing against daily moderate drinking, binging every once in a while, but I've cut back to just a few glasses of wine a day (which is healthy) and cutting back beer intake on weekends and after a few weeks have already felt improvement, although it was hard at first.

Here's the backtracker.. Why is it always that the alcoholic friend gets offended when you won't binge with them?

I've been trying to avoid hanging out with them for this reason alone, knowing they are going to give me crap for not drinking.. for instance, we are watching hockey game tonight and grilling. He asked me if I was coming so he could get a gauge as to how much alchohol to get. I told him I was coming, but probably won't drink. This boggled his mind. When I told him it was for health reasons, he responded I was reading too much on the internet.

In this case, its a childhood best friend and coworker. The type who cracks a beer the second they get off work and probably averages 6 to 10 drinks daily.

Is it that hard for people to fathom it might be possible to enjoy life without alcohol? I understand where's he's coming from, I really do and am craving a drink right now, but since I've cut back, the need for a drink is greatly diminishing and I'm starting to enjoy things more when I'm sober.

I understand the good time with alcohol, but also understand something is wrong when you can only have a good time with it. It takes will and brainpower. I'm tired of feeling like crap when I'm sober. It needs to stop.

He's being defensive because he's afraid that you "improve" yourself by not drinking, that's something positive he's not doing. I would really continue doing what is best for you, but really make an effort to say as little as possible about it to your friend so he doesn't think you're judging him. I have a friend who likes to go on diets, and she wants everyone to be miserable with her so she goes around making other people feel bad because they're not on a diet too. This is not the route to take.

LikeAnOcean

Dissidentman wrote:

Lizard wrote:

I hope your long-time friend does not continue to make your not drinking as much an issue.

Eventually, from what you wrote, he should cut back also. You could always just milk a beer for 2 hours, huh??

yeah, the whole nursing thing isn't a bad idea. Keeps you from just standing around with your hands in your pockets, and your freinds will notice less.

I did nurse this weekend hanging with him for poker.. 3 beers in 6 hours.

Dissidentman

Gob wrote:

Dissidentman wrote:

Lizard wrote:

I hope your long-time friend does not continue to make your not drinking as much an issue.

Eventually, from what you wrote, he should cut back also. You could always just milk a beer for 2 hours, huh??

yeah, the whole nursing thing isn't a bad idea. Keeps you from just standing around with your hands in your pockets, and your freinds will notice less.

I did nurse this weekend hanging with him for poker.. 3 beers in 6 hours.

How did that work out? That's not much at all for 6 hours, yet you were still having beers with him...

LikeAnOcean

Dissidentman wrote:

How did that work out? That's not much at all for 6 hours, yet you were still having beers with him...

No one else was really drinking much either. I don't think he cared. He doesn't care that I get smashed, just have a few beers with him in most cases. I'm just trying to cut back and a few beers are doubling my intake since I can't fall alseep without a few glasses of wine right before bed now.


The moral of the story is.. I don't want to be questioned by him if I don't have a drink in my hand.

Dissidentman

Gob wrote:

Dissidentman wrote:

How did that work out? That's not much at all for 6 hours, yet you were still having beers with him...

No one else was really drinking much either. I don't think he cared. He doesn't care that I get smashed, just have a few beers with him in most cases. I'm just trying to cut back and a few beers are doubling my intake since I can't fall alseep without a few glasses of wine right before bed now.


The moral of the story is.. I don't want to be questioned by him if I don't have a drink in my hand.

Have you tried maybe 1 glass of wine and a couple melatonin pills? Those have never worked for me, but I know some people who swear by them.

LikeAnOcean

Dissidentman wrote:

Gob wrote:

Dissidentman wrote:

How did that work out? That's not much at all for 6 hours, yet you were still having beers with him...

No one else was really drinking much either. I don't think he cared. He doesn't care that I get smashed, just have a few beers with him in most cases. I'm just trying to cut back and a few beers are doubling my intake since I can't fall alseep without a few glasses of wine right before bed now.


The moral of the story is.. I don't want to be questioned by him if I don't have a drink in my hand.

Have you tried maybe 1 glass of wine and a couple melatonin pills? Those have never worked for me, but I know some people who swear by them.

Two glasses of wine is healthier for men than none, so I don't see the point.

blackredyellow

Just curious, how old are you and your friends?

There seems to be that time where all people start drinking less than their college/early adult pace... i can see how being the first in a group can be kinda strange.


I remember when I was in high school (we drank a lot), my mother was pretty strict about not drinking... my dad (besides the vague "be careful out there" warnings) never brought the subject up. One day out of the blue, he said, "you know, there's no shame in throwing a shot over your shoulder... it's not like it's a competition or anything..."

That is one thing that stuck with me for all these years. In those days when peer pressure was there, on many nights when I realized I was going at too fast of a pace or getting past that line to being shitfaced, I'd dump out a cup of beer, or leave a half full one lying around or whatever. Sure, I had my share of fall down drunk nights, but I took that advice pretty well.

Ms. Haiku

I heard often that when we end/decrease our behaviors sometimes, the friendships that support those behaviors end/decrease as well. As you are trying to change, and your friend is not, down the road it may be that you two eventually part ways of sorts. It's probably gradual, but it could be a sharp cut.

eyedclaar

facepollution wrote:

I'm pretty sure a bottle of wine a day is not 'healthy'.

Riiiiight. And next thing you know you will tell me that my crack for breakfast isn't the most important activity of the day. Or, that I can't swim for thirty minutes after being impaled by a unicorn. Do I look like I fell off the turnip truck yesterday?

LikeAnOcean

blackredyellow wrote:

Just curious, how old are you and your friends?

.

I'm 31. He's 30.. most of our friends are 24 to 33.

LikeAnOcean

Ms. Haiku wrote:

I heard often that when we end/decrease our behaviors sometimes, the friendships that support those behaviors end/decrease as well. As you are trying to change, and your friend is not, down the road it may be that you two eventually part ways of sorts. It's probably gradual, but it could be a sharp cut.

We haven't hung out much in the past few years anyways. Maybe once every month or two. He's kind of split from his long time girlfriend now, so I'm hoping he doesn't start using me and alcohol as a crutch.

Nadine Z

Hey there Gob,
What is this thread really about? Is it about your friend, or trying to justify you having few drinks?

From my experience (not first-hand, my partner had some alcohol related issues not so long ago), I think offering your body a detox period is much needed. It will give your liver a little break and for you the time to think about your new drinking habits, how many would you allow yourself a week, which occasions etc...
As for socialising, I understand how difficult it is to socialise without alcohol. 'Going out for a drink' is something you can't avoid, especially when you are under 35, maybe even older I don't know, but drinks are always an important component of many of the social events we attend.
As a result of my boyfriends' abstinence, I stopped drinking too. I didn't want to come home smelling of booze, it was already difficult for him... But I found that the most effective way is to actually grab a drink and take your time with it, and always ask for a glass of icy water along with your drink, it would keep you occupied and looking busy.
As for my partner, he quit for 5 months and now he drinks a few beers a week when he hangs out with the boys and there doesn't seem to be any problems.

Trust me, only people who are the closest to you would actually support this, it really is a tough decision to make, and I congratulate you for being brave enough to admit that you do have a drink related problem, and that you actually want to do something about it, that was the toughest part of your problem!

Rock on!