Pearl Jam and suicide?

stevehomeairstevehomeair Posts: 318
edited March 2010 in The Porch
I'm not looking for sympathy or a get well soon card..i just want to clear my name of "so called benny, into the wild sale" I took a turn for the worst Monday the 15th of March at 8:15 p.m. i decided to take my life and slit my wrists twice....After losing two cups of blood, i called 911 and luckily got an ambulance ride to the hospital for 12 stitches..To make a long story short I spent the last TEN days in the psych ward in Mt.Clemens Mi...And am now Home W/ my family and friends...I am willing to part with some posters...But the vinyl I'll hold onto till Jenna Bush gets in office... Or even worse Sarah Palin.. LOL....I LOVE all of you even the obsessed and overzealous!!! PEACE AND send some healing over to The DETROIT area..thanks
p.s. I will renew my fanclub...Since i listened to SANTA CRUZ and GOLDEN STATE on repeat since I made it HOME yesterday.........Love Steven HOMEAIR!!
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  • Hey man, get to feeling better, I used to be a maniac depressant when I lost my mother, I told myself everybody that I wouldn't take my own life, but I would take a bullet for anybody, because I knew they had more to live for then me. Now, I'm almost in nursing school, and have a wonderful girlfriend that I plan on marrying and love with all my heart. I learned just because life shits on you now doesn't mean it will always be like that. Things will turn around and the sun will shine on you. Just keep digging.
    Shows Attended
    2008 - Bonnaroo
    2009 - Chicago 1
    2010 - St Louis, Columbus, Indianapolis, Washington D.C
    2011 - Pearl Jam Twenty Festival
    2012 - Music Midtown Festival
    2013 - Wrigley, Dallas, Oklahoma City
    2014 - St. Louis, Memphis
    2016- Greenville, Lexington, Bonnaroo, Wrigley 1
  • Attaway77Attaway77 Posts: 3,044
    Yo Yo check it out.. (that's my Randy Jackson slang) I use to write alot back in my "day" and one thing I came up with will always ring true.. "Life is the hardest job you will ever have, everything else is part time" remember those words.... Throwin some prayers & musical notes your way to the Detroit Rock City vibe.
    1998 Dallas (7/5) 2006 San Fran (7/15,7/16) 2009 San Fran (8/28) 2010 Bristow (5/13) NY (5/21) 2011 Alpine Valley (9/3,9/4)
    2012 Missoula (9/30) 2013 Chicago (7/19) Pittsburgh (10/11) Buffalo (10/12) Baltimore (10/27) Dallas (11/15)
    2014 Austin (10/12) Memphis (10/14) St. Paul (10/19) Milwaukee (10/20) Denver (10/22)
    2016 Ft. Lauderdale (4/8) Miami (4/9) Hampton (4/18) Philly (4/28,4/29) NY (5/1,5/2) 2018 Seattle (8/10) Missoula (8/13) 2022 Nashville (9/16)

    E.V. - 2008 Berkeley (4/8) 2012 Austin (11/9,11/12)
    Temple of the Dog - 2016 Upper Darby



  • veddertownveddertown Posts: 5,260
    I read your posts from time to time friend, not good to hear you got that low and I'll not lay on the sympathy or anything. Just glad you're still here and that you made that call and nice to hear you'll renew the membership. You'll thank yourself surrounded by family and friends and I hope you get a PJ gig in the not too distant. I've seen a lot of friends have ups and downs and I know it's easier to dig a hole than it is to dig your way out of one but you've taken some pretty huge steps. Peace 8-)
    Like a book among the many on a shelf...

    Dublin 02 Arena - 22/6/10. Belfast Odyssey Arena - 23/6/10. London Hyde Park - 25/6/10. Berlin Wuhlheide - 30/6/10.
    Manchester MEN - 20/06/12. Manchester MEN - 21/06/12
  • Just wish I didn't go to Toronto last August and would have saved it for Cleveland....could of should of would of......SAVIN UP for 20th anniversary show!!! If it happens? alot can change from now until then!!!!JUST BREATHE into SUPERSONIC into SAVE YOU into WHO U R!!!......I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES>>>ITS O>K>>>
  • Get_RightGet_Right Posts: 12,842
    dude
    records are just things, they really dont matter that much in the grand scheme
    why would you want to hurt yourself when there are so many beautiful women out there and so many wonderful musical experiences to have?


    think positive my man, life is hard, but PLEASE let the emotional responses to the good things outweigh the emotional responses to the bad things :!:
  • Take at least 5,000 IU of Vitamin D3 every day, along with at least one gram of high quality Omega-3 oils, like flaxseed oil or fish oil. (See the thread on flax in the AET section.)

    Most of us are severely deficient, causing a plague of depression and other illness. Pharmaceutical "anti-depressants" simply increase one's risk of suicide.

    It's up to you!
    "May you live in interesting times."
  • SuziemaySuziemay Posts: 11,168
    Will try not to offer sympathy; I don't know your story but I just wanted to offer support to let you know you're not alone in your ups and downs. I went to a very bad place last year mentally, and felt like it crept up on me and all of a sudden hit me like a ton of bricks without any warning. I'm glad you're still here and hoping you'll make it to a Pearl Jam concert soon! When I was really down last year, I kept listening to the Gorge CDs over and over and over again, every time it got to the part where Ed was taunting Tom Petty I would giggle and think about how happy Ed is now versus the awful years he had to go through and it gave me some feeling of comfort and hope.

    Take good care of yourself!
  • JR86440JR86440 Posts: 742
    Just wish I didn't go to Toronto last August and would have saved it for Cleveland....could of should of would of......SAVIN UP for 20th anniversary show!!! If it happens? alot can change from now until then!!!!JUST BREATHE into SUPERSONIC into SAVE YOU into WHO U R!!!......I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES>>>ITS O>K>>>

    If you want to go to Cleveland ticket is on me..if you want to bring a friend I am sure there is somebody on this board that will "match" me and cover the other
  • ClaireackClaireack Posts: 13,561
    Really sorry to hear about what happened. Take care, things will improve.
  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Posts: 15,165
    I hope your not f'ing with us dude because all your posts here have not made sense.
    If serious, stay strong, stay there, talk to friends anyone to get you through, talking helps alot.
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Posts: 15,165
    Take at least 5,000 IU of Vitamin D3 every day, along with at least one gram of high quality Omega-3 oils, like flaxseed oil or fish oil. (See the thread on flax in the AET section.)

    Most of us are severely deficient, causing a plague of depression and other illness. Pharmaceutical "anti-depressants" simply increase one's risk of suicide.

    It's up to you!


    haha that's what I've started doing 3 weeks ago.
    Doctor told me I am Vitamin D deficient.
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • SolarWorldSolarWorld Posts: 1,902
    Hey man you are getting help, that's what matters now, nothing else. Present Tense right? I have a friend who is riding the crazy train up and down the west coast right and wont get off. Wish he would, hes gonna crash hard. Good luck to you man. I'm sure your family is happy you are home. Keep looking forward. Peace.
  • guypjfreakguypjfreak Posts: 2,281
    good luck old son .im a m/d so know the feeling but i have a great wife and kids and that keeps me going.
    well them and my aunty valls and uncle toms :D
  • pjamaholicpjamaholic Posts: 1,225
    Take at least 5,000 IU of Vitamin D3 every day, along with at least one gram of high quality Omega-3 oils, like flaxseed oil or fish oil. (See the thread on flax in the AET section.)

    Most of us are severely deficient, causing a plague of depression and other illness. Pharmaceutical "anti-depressants" simply increase one's risk of suicide.

    It's up to you!


    haha that's what I've started doing 3 weeks ago.
    Doctor told me I am Vitamin D deficient.

    It seems doctors are telling a lot of people that they're vitamin d deficient nowadays. I bought my daughter some vitamin d pills a while ago, because with her behaviour and not getting out enough in the sun I felt she could do with them. If you don't want to take the vitamin d, go out and get a good dose of the sun whenever you can, your brain needs plenty of LIGHT and the sun is an excellent source of vitamin d. Never understood why some people seem to darken up their houses, keeping curtains drawn etc. I've been in some such houses and I just want to tell the people inside them to open the curtains and let the light in. Darkness/lack of light is DEPRESSING, I know how bad I feel if the weather is gloomy and grey day in, day out. A lot of people in England tend to get that illness SAD (seasonal affective disorder) cos from what I can gather, they don't get enough light. One of my friends suffers from this form of depression. Pharmaceutical anti depressants work with some people, but not everyone. I know cos I had to go on them for a year and they helped me when I was depressed.

    Anyway man I hope you feel better soon, at least you have family and friends to surround yourself with and hopefully support you in the way you need. Most of mine have died. And keep listening to Pearl Jam, they help me feel better whenever I get down!
  • Bathgate66Bathgate66 Posts: 15,813
    Sometimes Euthanasia seems like the easiest way out
    but its kinda selfish, and hardest on those that we might leave behind.
    Hope youre feeling better.
    For the ones who had a notion, a notion deep inside
    That it ain't no sin to be glad you're alive
    platessmall.jpg
    ORGAN DONATION SAVES LIVES
    http://www.UNOS.org
    Donate Organs and Save a Life
  • DS1119DS1119 Posts: 33,497
    One day at a time...
  • No matter how cold the winter, there's a springtime ahead.

    You will be in my thoughts...I hope you're feeling better. :)
    The oceans made me, but who came up with love?

    "You put some udder cream on that shit?" ~EV 5/17/10
  • 2-feign-reluctance2-feign-reluctance TigerTown, USA Posts: 23,242
    Take at least 5,000 IU of Vitamin D3 every day, along with at least one gram of high quality Omega-3 oils, like flaxseed oil or fish oil. (See the thread on flax in the AET section.
    Most of us are severely deficient, causing a plague of depression and other illness. Pharmaceutical "anti-depressants" simply increase one's risk of suicide.

    Sorry, but that's simply not 100% accurate. Clinical grade depression cannot be contained with flax seed and other homeopathic avenues. Respectfully disagree with your response speaking as a licensed clinician who works in psychiatry/mental health.

    It's up to you!
    www.cluthelee.com
  • starmap3333starmap3333 Posts: 3,925
    against my better judgement... i'm going to ask: What does this have to do with Pearl Jam?
  • SuziemaySuziemay Posts: 11,168
    DS1119 wrote:
    One day at a time...

    I second this.
  • Since I consider The Jamily my second family,just felt like airing my grievence. I appoligize I am selfish and should keep my personal life to my immediate family, from now on I'll stay off the board and just talk to myself..peace
  • SuziemaySuziemay Posts: 11,168
    Since I consider The Jamily my second family,just felt like airing my grievence. I appoligize I am selfish and should keep my personal life to my immediate family, from now on I'll stay off the board and just talk to myself..peace

    steve, I don't think that's what starmap meant. Jamily is second family so you should post if you feel like it. You've been getting plenty of support on this thread.
  • mfc2006mfc2006 HTOWN Posts: 37,412
    Since I consider The Jamily my second family,just felt like airing my grievence. I appoligize I am selfish and should keep my personal life to my immediate family, from now on I'll stay off the board and just talk to myself..peace


    post away, man. i don't think that's what he/she meant at all. keep your head up & things will get better.

    take care,
    Matt
    I LOVE MUSIC.
    www.cluthelee.com
    www.cluthe.com
  • dude, it sucks that you got to that point, in the future if you are having thoughts of self harm or suicidal ideation....talk to someone. a friend, a provider, a hotline, people on the board....just someone. talking to yourself got you to the point where you thought it was ok to hurt yourself in the first place. that option isn't working.

    i'm a nurse and have worked at an involuntary psych hospital for nearly 9 years. the meds DO HELP! the reason they can increase suicide risk initially is because after starting them, people who have a vegetative depression, now have the energy to actually try to kill themselves and it is up to the providers and social support to make sure the person is safe during this period. it takes up to 4 weeks for the meds to kick in...you will feel negative side effects first...it always happens, but if you hang on another couple weeks you WILL start feeling better.

    i don't know you so i am not going to attempt at diagnosing or treating you, but keep up with seeing an outpatient provider, stay on the meds, and try to keep in contact with those that love you... it will get better.

    if you have questions about meds or something send me a pm.
  • Take at least 5,000 IU of Vitamin D3 every day, along with at least one gram of high quality Omega-3 oils, like flaxseed oil or fish oil. (See the thread on flax in the AET section.
    Most of us are severely deficient, causing a plague of depression and other illness. Pharmaceutical "anti-depressants" simply increase one's risk of suicide.

    Sorry, but that's simply not 100% accurate. Clinical grade depression cannot be contained with flax seed and other homeopathic avenues. Respectfully disagree with your response speaking as a licensed clinician who works in psychiatry/mental health.

    It's up to you!

    vitamin D is a great adjunct therapy to anti-depressants...ask your provider. especially during the winter months, unless you live in so. cal or florida you probably don't get enought vit D...we could all use a little extra. in addition to elevating mood, researchers have also found a correlation between vit D deficiency and multiple sclerosis...and it also helps with calcium absorption for strong bones.

    DO take the Vit D... but if you have major depressive disorder or any other mood disorder, it's not enough by itself.
  • Sorry, but that's simply not 100% accurate. Clinical grade depression cannot be contained with flax seed and other homeopathic avenues. Respectfully disagree with your response speaking as a licensed clinician who works in psychiatry/mental health.

    We all understand that this is a pop band forum, not "Ask The Doctor." Vitamin D3 and essential fatty acids are not homeopathic remedies, they are vital nutrients.

    My post was not explanatory enough: When I had brutal depression in the early 90s, all of the many doctors who 'treated' me NEVER mentioned nutrition. I was put on all manner of drugs that caused: Tardive dyskenesia, insomnia, double vision, constant hunger with attendant weight gain, inability to orgasm, near-constant menstruation, breast lactation. One drug dehydrated all of my body fluids so badly that I could not complete a sentence due to lack of saliva, and I would defecate about once a week because with no water in the stool, there was no mass taking up any room.
    Another drug would suddenly drop a thought as I was thinking it: For example, I'd be wondering "What should I have for lunch? Let's see,there are burritos in the fridge." Bang! In an instant, it would be "Shit! I was just sitting here thinking about something. What the hell was it???" The prescribing psychiatrist said that this was a good outcome. If I could not complete a thought, I could not be depressed or anxious. Seriously! Got bad thoughts? Become a vegetable!
    The only panic attack I've ever had in my entire life occurred when I was on psychotropic meds. I also had a severe allergic reaction to a tiny test dose of one drug.

    I had several doctors on both coasts. So it's not as if I just had a bad experience with one useless doctor. NOT ONE DOCTOR OR DRUG HELPED ME IN THE LEAST! Looking back, my depression was mid-life-crisis-type of growing pains from coming of age in my late teens/early 20s.

    And I lived on a diet of processed crap.
    The OP of this thread lives in the cold north. Only the southern United States get the proper angle of sunlight over the winter to be able to manufacture Vitamin D through the skin. People in the rest of the country cannot make any natural D. None. Midwesterners can stand in the winter sun all day, with the sun reflecting off the white snow giving them sunburn. They will get ZERO percent of their Vitamin D!

    The northern states suffer cancer at three times the rate of southern states, due to the lack of sun. Being out in the summer sun at midday, a white person will make at least 1,000 IU per minute! Any reserves of D that the body had to get a northerner through the winter will have been depleted to nil in recent months. Supplementation is crucial to stave off disease and keep brains healthy.

    There are well-published studies comparing Omega-3s to anti-depressants and placebo. In the first 6 months of use, all 3 substances show a slight improvement in depression symptoms. After 6 months, anti-depressants and placebo wane. But Omega-3s take off, with patients reporting that they feel better and better.
    Think of it this way: Depression is often called a chemical imbalance. But that imbalance is not a deficiency in Prozac. People without depression aren't walking around with nice high prozac levels in their systems keeping them balanced. It is something else entirely. Malnutrition is one easy answer that DOES cause depression. Of course it is not the only cause. But reversing malnutrition has no risk, and the only side effects are better health.
    "May you live in interesting times."
  • GibsonGibson Posts: 2,634
    Hey!

    Just glad to see you made the post. Next time you're at a show I am at, I'll owe you a beer.
    1998: Barrie  2000: Toronto  2005: Kitchener, London, Hamilton, Toronto  2006: Toronto 1&2, Paris, Milan, Torino, Pistoia  2009: Calgary, Vancouver  2011: Canada  2013: London, Wrigley, Philly 1&2  2014: St. Louis, ACL 1, Detroit  2016: Lexington, Quebec, Ottawa, Toronto 1&2, Fenway 1&2, Wrigley 1&2  2017: EV - Louisville  2018: London 1&2, Milan, Padova, Rome, Prague, Krakow, Berlin, Wrigley 1&2, Fenway 1&2  2020: Toronto, Ottawa, Hamilton  2021: London 1&2  2022: Hamilton, Toronto  2023: Chicago 1&2, Noblesville  2024: Seattle 1&2, Noblesville, Wrigley 1&2

  • starmap3333starmap3333 Posts: 3,925
    Yeah, that's not what I meant but being a social worker for 8 years until i fucked my own life up... it's typical to get a reaction like that... the defensive and snap-judgement thought processes that accompany depression and lead to projecting and reading into what people say....

    Obviously I didn't mean what you projected. Good luck and, yes, one day at a time...

    Peace.
  • starmap3333starmap3333 Posts: 3,925
    Sorry, but that's simply not 100% accurate. Clinical grade depression cannot be contained with flax seed and other homeopathic avenues. Respectfully disagree with your response speaking as a licensed clinician who works in psychiatry/mental health.

    We all understand that this is a pop band forum, not "Ask The Doctor." Vitamin D3 and essential fatty acids are not homeopathic remedies, they are vital nutrients.

    My post was not explanatory enough: When I had brutal depression in the early 90s, all of the many doctors who 'treated' me NEVER mentioned nutrition. I was put on all manner of drugs that caused: Tardive dyskenesia, insomnia, double vision, constant hunger with attendant weight gain, inability to orgasm, near-constant menstruation, breast lactation. One drug dehydrated all of my body fluids so badly that I could not complete a sentence due to lack of saliva, and I would defecate about once a week because with no water in the stool, there was no mass taking up any room.
    Another drug would suddenly drop a thought as I was thinking it: For example, I'd be wondering "What should I have for lunch? Let's see,there are burritos in the fridge." Bang! In an instant, it would be "Shit! I was just sitting here thinking about something. What the hell was it???" The prescribing psychiatrist said that this was a good outcome. If I could not complete a thought, I could not be depressed or anxious. Seriously! Got bad thoughts? Become a vegetable!
    The only panic attack I've ever had in my entire life occurred when I was on psychotropic meds. I also had a severe allergic reaction to a tiny test dose of one drug.

    I had several doctors on both coasts. So it's not as if I just had a bad experience with one useless doctor. NOT ONE DOCTOR OR DRUG HELPED ME IN THE LEAST! Looking back, my depression was mid-life-crisis-type of growing pains from coming of age in my late teens/early 20s.

    And I lived on a diet of processed crap.
    The OP of this thread lives in the cold north. Only the southern United States get the proper angle of sunlight over the winter to be able to manufacture Vitamin D through the skin. People in the rest of the country cannot make any natural D. None. Midwesterners can stand in the winter sun all day, with the sun reflecting off the white snow giving them sunburn. They will get ZERO percent of their Vitamin D!

    The northern states suffer cancer at three times the rate of southern states, due to the lack of sun. Being out in the summer sun at midday, a white person will make at least 1,000 IU per minute! Any reserves of D that the body had to get a northerner through the winter will have been depleted to nil in recent months. Supplementation is crucial to stave off disease and keep brains healthy.

    There are well-published studies comparing Omega-3s to anti-depressants and placebo. In the first 6 months of use, all 3 substances show a slight improvement in depression symptoms. After 6 months, anti-depressants and placebo wane. But Omega-3s take off, with patients reporting that they feel better and better.
    Think of it this way: Depression is often called a chemical imbalance. But that imbalance is not a deficiency in Prozac. People without depression aren't walking around with nice high prozac levels in their systems keeping them balanced. It is something else entirely. Malnutrition is one easy answer that DOES cause depression. Of course it is not the only cause. But reversing malnutrition has no risk, and the only side effects are better health.

    2-feign is right... but nutrition does play a role in feeling healthy in general (obviously)... it's not a cure-all for a condition such as depression though. The person, with help from meds (if recommended, and by a PROFESSIONAL) and CONSUMING YOUR TIME WITH PROJECTS & FAMILY (imho), can overcome. Feeling productive is key in feeling better. Therapy sometimes just keeps you fixated on your "shit" instead of moving on from it.
  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Posts: 15,165
    pjamaholic wrote:
    Take at least 5,000 IU of Vitamin D3 every day, along with at least one gram of high quality Omega-3 oils, like flaxseed oil or fish oil. (See the thread on flax in the AET section.)

    Most of us are severely deficient, causing a plague of depression and other illness. Pharmaceutical "anti-depressants" simply increase one's risk of suicide.

    It's up to you!


    haha that's what I've started doing 3 weeks ago.
    Doctor told me I am Vitamin D deficient.

    It seems doctors are telling a lot of people that they're vitamin d deficient nowadays. I bought my daughter some vitamin d pills a while ago, because with her behaviour and not getting out enough in the sun I felt she could do with them. If you don't want to take the vitamin d, go out and get a good dose of the sun whenever you can, your brain needs plenty of LIGHT and the sun is an excellent source of vitamin d. Never understood why some people seem to darken up their houses, keeping curtains drawn etc. I've been in some such houses and I just want to tell the people inside them to open the curtains and let the light in. Darkness/lack of light is DEPRESSING, I know how bad I feel if the weather is gloomy and grey day in, day out. A lot of people in England tend to get that illness SAD (seasonal affective disorder) cos from what I can gather, they don't get enough light. One of my friends suffers from this form of depression. Pharmaceutical anti depressants work with some people, but not everyone. I know cos I had to go on them for a year and they helped me when I was depressed.

    Anyway man I hope you feel better soon, at least you have family and friends to surround yourself with and hopefully support you in the way you need. Most of mine have died. And keep listening to Pearl Jam, they help me feel better whenever I get down!

    Aussie sun is dangerous.
    I sunburn easy so I don't go out in the sun.
    No tan here, only when I come back from Europe I get a tan, that sun is nice there, no burning!
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
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