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Eddie Vedder should tell this joke at Jazz Fest

davidtriosdavidtrios Posts: 9,732
edited March 2010 in The Porch
A guy walks into a bar and orders himself 3 Jack Daniels. The Bartender asks, "Slow down there buddy- what's the occasion?"

"Well sir," the man says, "I am celebrating my first blow-job."

The barkeep cheers, "Congrats Pal! Are you sure 3 Jack Daniels will be enough?"

"Yeah, I'm hoping 3 will get the taste out of my mouth."
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments

  • CJMST3KCJMST3K Posts: 9,722
    That's good... I thought it was him who enjoyed one, but in fact, he is the one who had to give one. I was not expecting that ending.

    ;):)
    ADD 5,200 to the post count you see, thank you. :)
    *NYC 9/28/96 *NYC 9/29/96 *NJ 9/8/98 (front row "may i play drums with you")
    *MSG 9/10/98 (backstage) *MSG 9/11/98 (backstage)
    *Jones Beach 8/23/00 *Jones Beach 8/24/00 *Jones Beach 8/25/00
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    *Borgata 10/1/05 *Camden 5/27/06 *Camden 5/28/06 *DC 5/30/06
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    *EV DC 8/17/08 *EV Baltimore 6/15/09 *Philly 10/31/09
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  • 8181 Posts: 58,276
    welcome to junior high
    81 is now off the air

    Off_Air.jpg
  • LukinFanLukinFan Posts: 29,040
    Here's one...

    Why is there only one Yogi Bear?






    Because God made a Boo-Boo :mrgreen:
    www.RLMcDaniel.com

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  • doomponydoompony Posts: 4,497
    what's orange and sounds like a parrot?

    a carrot.









    ...statistically speaking 6 our of 7 dwarves are not happy
  • doomponydoompony Posts: 4,497
    eddie vedder stand up would be awesome.
  • CJMST3KCJMST3K Posts: 9,722
    I had a Grateful Dead bootleg, and Bob Weir tells a bad joke.

    "What's the difference between a frog? One leg's both the same"
    ADD 5,200 to the post count you see, thank you. :)
    *NYC 9/28/96 *NYC 9/29/96 *NJ 9/8/98 (front row "may i play drums with you")
    *MSG 9/10/98 (backstage) *MSG 9/11/98 (backstage)
    *Jones Beach 8/23/00 *Jones Beach 8/24/00 *Jones Beach 8/25/00
    *Mansfield 8/29/00 *Mansfield 8/30/00 *Nassau 4/30/03 *Nissan VA 7/1/03
    *Borgata 10/1/05 *Camden 5/27/06 *Camden 5/28/06 *DC 5/30/06
    *VA Beach 6/17/08 *DC 6/22/08 *MSG 6/24/08 (backstage) *MSG 6/25/08
    *EV DC 8/17/08 *EV Baltimore 6/15/09 *Philly 10/31/09
    *Bristow VA 5/13/10 *MSG 5/20/10 *MSG 5/21/10
  • PJ Fan est. 1990PJ Fan est. 1990 Posts: 1,788
    LukinFan wrote:
    Here's one...

    Why is there only one Yogi Bear?






    Because God made a Boo-Boo :mrgreen:

    not to be a joke killer, but there are two Yogi Bears...Yogi Bear was named after the great Yogi Berra...sorry :oops:
  • justamjustam Posts: 21,408
    edited October 2009
    doompony wrote:
    ...statistically speaking 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy

    :)
    Post edited by justam on
    &&&&&&&&&&&&&&
  • CJMST3KCJMST3K Posts: 9,722
    justam wrote:
    doompony wrote:
    ...statistically speaking 6 our of 7 dwarves are not happy

    :)


    42% of statistics are made up on the spot.
    ADD 5,200 to the post count you see, thank you. :)
    *NYC 9/28/96 *NYC 9/29/96 *NJ 9/8/98 (front row "may i play drums with you")
    *MSG 9/10/98 (backstage) *MSG 9/11/98 (backstage)
    *Jones Beach 8/23/00 *Jones Beach 8/24/00 *Jones Beach 8/25/00
    *Mansfield 8/29/00 *Mansfield 8/30/00 *Nassau 4/30/03 *Nissan VA 7/1/03
    *Borgata 10/1/05 *Camden 5/27/06 *Camden 5/28/06 *DC 5/30/06
    *VA Beach 6/17/08 *DC 6/22/08 *MSG 6/24/08 (backstage) *MSG 6/25/08
    *EV DC 8/17/08 *EV Baltimore 6/15/09 *Philly 10/31/09
    *Bristow VA 5/13/10 *MSG 5/20/10 *MSG 5/21/10
  • PJFAN_seattlePJFAN_seattle Posts: 2,965
    UnthoughtKnown wrote:
    A guy walks into a bar and orders himself 3 Jack Daniels. The Bartender asks, "Slow down there buddy- what's the occasion?"

    "Well sir," the man says, "I am celebrating my first blow-job."

    The barkeep cheers, "Congrats Pal! Are you sure 3 Jack Daniels will be enough?"

    "Yeah, I'm hoping 3 will get the taste out of my mouth."

    Hahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahha
    hahahahaahhahahahahahaahahhahahahah
    aahahhahahahahahhahahajahahahahahahaha
    hahahahhahahahaahahahahahhahahahahahah
    ahahahhahahahahahahahahahhqhaahhahahahaha
    hahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahaha
    hahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahaha
    hahahahahahahahahahahqhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
    ahahahahwhahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
    Shows:
    Seattle Key Arena 9-21-2009
    Seattle Key Arena 9-22-2009
  • doomponydoompony Posts: 4,497
    fuck i hate it when you see a typo in a quoted post.

    our. out. so close. so far.
  • TouringFan2000TouringFan2000 Posts: 305
    CJMST3K wrote:
    I had a Grateful Dead bootleg, and Bob Weir tells a bad joke.

    "What's the difference between a frog? One leg's both the same"

    for some reason, i laughed my ass off at that!
    Give way to nature ...
  • idratherbeidratherbe Posts: 367
    doompony wrote:
    fuck i hate it when you see a typo in a quoted post.

    our. out. so close. so far.

    so true. :lol:

    love the avatar...

    ~peace~
    Never allow someone to be your Priority,
    While allowing yourself to be their Option.

    ‹^›_‹(ô¿ô)›_‹^›

    Please visit daily: www.theanimalrescuesite.com
  • justamjustam Posts: 21,408
    doompony wrote:
    fuck i hate it when you see a typo in a quoted post.

    our. out. so close. so far.
    I'll change it for you.
    &&&&&&&&&&&&&&
  • LoveBoatAdmiralLoveBoatAdmiral Posts: 1,191
    A man walks into a bar every night and orders 3 shots of whiskey and 3 beers, drinks them, and leaves. One night, the bar tender asks "Why is it always 3 shots and 3 beers?" The man says "My 2 brothers and I are very close, but our lives have taken us apart. So, every night we each go into our local pub, order a shot and a drink for each of us, and drink them to each other's memory."

    One night, the man comes in and only orders two shots and two beers and drinks them. The bar tender says "I'm sorry to hear about one of your brothers". The man says "No, no everyone's fine, I just quit drinking".
    2006- Boston I
    2008- Boston I+II
    2009- Toronto, Philly III+IV
    2010- Bristow, Hartford, Boston, Newark
  • pj.uw.laurapj.uw.laura Posts: 553
    How do you make a Kleenex dance?

    Put a little boogie in it.

    I'd love to hear Ed say the word "boogie."
  • doomponydoompony Posts: 4,497
    justam wrote:
    doompony wrote:
    ...statistically speaking 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy

    :)

    heheh. thanks :)
  • PJ Fan est. 1990PJ Fan est. 1990 Posts: 1,788
    while we're on the subject of bar jokes...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qod7nSGKag0

    also i think ed should do an Aristocrats joke...
  • Heatherj43Heatherj43 Posts: 1,254
    UnthoughtKnown wrote:
    A guy walks into a bar and orders himself 3 Jack Daniels. The Bartender asks, "Slow down there buddy- what's the occasion?"

    "Well sir," the man says, "I am celebrating my first blow-job."

    The barkeep cheers, "Congrats Pal! Are you sure 3 Jack Daniels will be enough?"

    "Yeah, I'm hoping 3 will get the taste out of my mouth."
    Thats an old joke.
    Save room for dessert!
  • LOV2ROCKLOV2ROCK Posts: 822
    What do you call a mexican baptism?














































    A Beandip!!! :lol:
  • Sharon_Hearts_PJSharon_Hearts_PJ Posts: 1,383
    TouringFan2000 wrote:
    CJMST3K wrote:
    I had a Grateful Dead bootleg, and Bob Weir tells a bad joke.

    "What's the difference between a frog? One leg's both the same"

    for some reason, i laughed my ass off at that!
    Me too! Tears rolling, seriously!!
    *Rock and/or Roll!*
  • davidtriosdavidtrios Posts: 9,732
    LukinFan wrote:
    Here's one...

    Why is there only one Yogi Bear?






    Because God made a Boo-Boo :mrgreen:


    HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA. this one got a laugh. thank you
  • davidtriosdavidtrios Posts: 9,732
    makes me laugh everytime i read it.
  • nevmilesnevmiles Posts: 1,363
    CJMST3K wrote:
    I had a Grateful Dead bootleg, and Bob Weir tells a bad joke.

    "What's the difference between a frog? One leg's both the same"

    My dad has used that "joke" too! Although his version was;
    "What's the difference between a duck?
    One of it's legs is both the same"

    He also enjoys telling this little doozy;
    "Why does a mouse spin?
    Because the higher the fewer."
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  • aneutronbombaneutronbomb Posts: 787
    ^haha i like these kindsa jokes, reminds me of an old family joke on my moms side:

    if you were out in the middle of the ocean and you wheels fell off, why are fish?

    because ice cream doesnt have any bones
    and fuck me if I say somethin you dont wanna hear, fuck me!
    and fuck me if you only hear what you wanna hear
    fuck me...if I care...but im not leavin here
  • nevmilesnevmiles Posts: 1,363
    aneutronbomb wrote:
    if you were out in the middle of the ocean and your wheels fell off, why are fish?

    because ice cream doesnt have any bones

    Maybe it's my stupid sense of humour, but I literally laughed out loud to this one. So stupid, yet funny for some reason . . .
    Barrie 08/22/98
    Montreal 10/04/00
    Toronto 10/05/00
    Toronto 06/28/03
    Kitchener 09/11/05
    Ottawa 09/16/05
    Toronto 08/21/09
    Toronto 09/11/11
    Ottawa 09/14/11
    Buffalo 10/12/13
    Ottawa 05/08/16
    Chicago 08/20/18
    Ottawa 09/03/22
    Nashville 09/16/22
  • LizardLizard Posts: 12,091
    What kind of bees make milk??






    Boobees!!

    :lol::D
    So I'll just lie down and wait for the dream
    Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
  • U R A Crazy BreedU R A Crazy Breed Posts: 8,370
    so.....the OP likes JD.....other than that, this thread ain't funny. :mrgreen:
  • davidtriosdavidtrios Posts: 9,732
    OP like JD? WTF are you talking about?

    If it's not funny, add a joke :!:
  • violetpsychevioletpsyche Posts: 122
    aneutronbomb wrote:
    ^haha i like these kindsa jokes, reminds me of an old family joke on my moms side:

    if you were out in the middle of the ocean and you wheels fell off, why are fish?

    because ice cream doesnt have any bones

    This reminds me of a joke my brother used to tell when he was six, which always made him laugh his arse off:

    How do you make a crocodile?

    Put it in the fridge.

    Twenty years later, I'm still not sure if this was him not understanding the principles of joke-telling or if he was actually some kind of child genius.
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