Let me tell you about how terrible my job is.

tcaporale

My job is so fucking unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with :

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her ''womanly'' parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in the heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's 22. He dresses like a beatnick throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work. Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single fucking day.

Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.

kenny olav

If you think your job is bad, I work as a park ranger, and I have to constantly look out for a bear wearing a hat and a tie that's always stealing picnic baskets. Sometime I catch him hanging out with a short little bear or a pink lion. Your job at least sounds interesting, and admit it, you're banging the hot chick, aren't you?

ZiggyStar

Kenny Olav wrote:

If you think your job is bad, I work as a park ranger, and I have to constantly look out for a bear wearing a hat and a tie that's always stealing picnic baskets.

I hate that little bastard!!! :x

kenny olav

ZiggyStar wrote:

Kenny Olav wrote:

If you think your job is bad, I work as a park ranger, and I have to constantly look out for a bear wearing a hat and a tie that's always stealing picnic baskets.

I hate that little bastard!!! :x

Excellent work quoting me before the edit

catefrances

tcaporale wrote:

My job is so fucking unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with :

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her ''womanly'' parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in the heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's 22. He dresses like a beatnick throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work. Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single fucking day.

Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.

this sounds like a douglas coupland book waiting to happen... but then i read the last line and felt the overwhelming desire for a scoobysnack. haha dude you almost got me.

oh and btw i love love love hardware stores and i am not a lesbian.

ZiggyStar

tcaporale wrote:

My job is so fucking unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with :

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her ''womanly'' parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in the heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's 22. He dresses like a beatnick throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work. Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single fucking day.

Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.

This is fucking hilarious! I too thought it was serious....until the dog came into it....and you solve mysteries.

ZiggyStar

Kenny Olav wrote:

ZiggyStar wrote:

Kenny Olav wrote:

If you think your job is bad, I work as a park ranger, and I have to constantly look out for a bear wearing a hat and a tie that's always stealing picnic baskets.

I hate that little bastard!!! :x

Excellent work quoting me before the edit

Fuck...I changed it but now you've quote my quote I changed.

norm

tcaporale wrote:

My job is so fucking unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with :

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her ''womanly'' parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in the heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's 22. He dresses like a beatnick throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work. Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single fucking day.

Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.

yeah but you wear an orange neckerchief

kenny olav

ZiggyStar wrote:

Kenny Olav wrote:

ZiggyStar wrote:

I hate that little bastard!!! :x

Excellent work quoting me before the edit

Fuck...I changed it but now you've quote my quote I changed.

I changed my quote of you quoting me, now change your last quote, and the world will never know!!

ZiggyStar

Kenny Olav wrote:

I changed my quote of you quoting me, now change your last quote, and the world will never know!!

Done.... Gee that was a fuck up, wasn't it!

tcaporale

Who said I was joking?

ZiggyStar

tcaporale wrote:

Who said I was joking?

Well if you're not joking, hook me up with the stoner and his dog!

norm

ZiggyStar wrote:

hook me up with the stoner and his dog!

i'm right here, zig

ZiggyStar

norm wrote:

ZiggyStar wrote:

hook me up with the stoner and his dog!

i'm right here, zig

Well helllooo baby! Let's go solve the mystery of the missing weed. It was here one minute and gone the next....hmmmm....?

arq

What the f**k fred you know you have somthing with the stupid b***h, if i were you i would get my way with the smart smelly one too! so stop crying !

craigb

Is the van perhaps called the Mystery Machine?

tcaporale

Maybe...

stuckinline

did you encounter pirate ghosts?

rival.

lol, this is fucking hilarious!

you had me believing this was your work environment and i had the whole image painted in my head. and then came the last line of your post.

well done.

pjfan31

When I worked at a supermarket, there was a lady who used to shit on the floor in the ladies toilet. People used to step in it.

Now that was a classy chick I used to work with.

keeponrockin

Excellent post!

Ms. Haiku

OMG! You had me at Hello!

If others didn't chime in I would not have recognized the story. Oi!

blackredyellow

good post... well done.

merkinball

Maybe you should get a real job and stop solving mysteries.

Meddling kids....

12345AGNST1

Haha a+ great thread

mfc2006

were Batman & Robin there??

awesome post, btw.

nuffingman

tcaporale wrote:

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her ''womanly'' parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in the heat.

Brilliant!! First time I've smiled today. That's how bad my fuckin' job is. Especially loved the bit above. Thought my X had buggered off to the US of A.

Heatherj43

Had me til the last line. Good laugh for the day!

CloudDMS

well done, thats the funniest thing i've heard all day....

Irish Al

catefrances wrote:

this sounds like a douglas coupland book waiting to happen... but then i read the last line and felt the overwhelming desire for a scoobysnack. haha dude you almost got me.

oh and btw i love love love hardware stores and i am not a lesbian.

Lesbian alert

great story...yes I admit it you had me also til the last line :twisted:

tcaporale

Glad I could make some of you guys laugh!