How do you jump start your life when its stalled?

BinFrog

I agree w/ the 1/4 life crisis comments. I too had it pretty bad when I was around 24-26.

The key thing to realize is that only one person can get you out of your stalled life: you. Don't bite of more than you can chew: but slowly pick at bits and pieces of life that you can turn around and make better.

If you don't like your job, take a course and find out if there's something out there you are passionate about. If you find you are constantly bored: pick up a new hobby (or 2 or 3). I truly think hobbies are what make life passionate, especially if your job falls flat (John Lennon was right: life is what happens when you are busy making plans.). Have you always been interested in a subject (travel, astronomy, war)? Buy some books and delve right in. The only way I was able to get out of my funk was to pick myself up and force myself to notice when I was bored, or depressed, or just generally feeling down and out. Whatever in life makes you happy: focus on that. IMO there's no other way to be.

I think more research needs to be done on the 1/4 life crisis phenomenon. It is really debilitating for a lot of people.

decides2dream

know1 wrote:

Vicky_Arg wrote:

The most important thing is doing, doing things we like. Feeling well, doing well to other people. These are things that gives you confidence, your contributing, giving yourself.
In my case, i live in Madrid and I am 32 and always dreamed of living in a english speaking country. Funny thing, seven months from now I am hearing nothing but Pearl Jam. I should be studing and preparing my toefl test, but I get distracted by music.
I did not forget my previous dream, but I am elaborating it. It is really important to elaborate.
Be sound!!! and good luck!!

I think I'll disagree with this. I don't think the most important thing is "doing things we like".

I truly believe it's liking the things we do that matters.

well said!
it really IS all atitude and personal perspective.
of course there are many things in this life that one "has" to do that may or may not be enjoyable, but realizing that AND still being happy, overall...is a good thing. i may not love everything i must do in my life.....but overall, the choices i make assist me in doing all the other things i truly enjoy and love to do. it relly is how you choose to focus. i like my job. sure, there are many things i may not like about it....but overall....i really like alll it affords me to do with my life outside of work.

funny too, i was just having a very similar discussion over lunch yesterday with a colleague. i went from a job that i "loved"....that was my passion....that i went to college and grad school for....and i still got bored, restless, dissatisfied and itching for change. now i have a job entirely unrelated to my education and the bulk of my skills and passions....and yet, there is a lot about it that i like. and i most especially like the paycheck i get and the generous vacation/holidays, etc. i am not a "money" person, but we all do need money to live. i have a mortgage to pay, we like to go out, dinner, movies, vacations.....ya know, LIVING. so you bet, having a solid job is a relief, and it's great to have both of us making a decent living so we can do the things on our own time that we are truly passionate about.

also, i think these 'life criseses' really come almost once a decade, roughly. i think we all have preconceived ideas of where we thought we wanted to be, supposed to be, whatever.....and i think these little criseses help us stop and take notice, reevaluate...decide if where we are, where we are heading...is truly where we want to be. then, take it from there.

but absolutely, there is a lot to be said for simply making adjustments to your perspective....and yes....liking all you do. hell, laundry is not a passion of mine.....but you bet, i like clean clothes. life is balance, and finding the things you want....and doing the things to get there, even the unfun things. as long as all that "other" stuff fulfills your life in other ways, it's all good.

iluvcats

you could always try doing some volunteer work and possibly, stay where you are. I've made career changes and history seems to repeat itself. The problem is how I perceive people/situations. BTW, I've seen several people change jobs and end up back at an old job. I hate to use an old cliche, "the grass is not always greener on the other side."

Thoughts_Arrive

Yeah going through the 1/4 life crisis here.
I always ask myself ''is this why God put me on this Earth" ?
To sit at my office being pushed by those big bosses up top for the next 40 years?
Is this it?
I completed my university, graduated with a Marketing degree yet could not get into that field.
Now I have no desire to sell something to someone, it is not me.
I've always wanted to do something in music, be it an artist or sound engineer or something.
Plus I want to go away for a year or so overseas to spend time with family, life is too short.
I am stuck and confused.

Lauri

BinFrog wrote:

I truly think hobbies are what make life passionate, especially if your job falls flat

Yes, in some cases, it's really all you can do. Sometimes you really can't change your job or the things you don't like about it, and let's face it, there are few jobs in the world that are actually 1) fulfilling 2) enjoyable 3) pay enough to live on. But you can change what you do in your free time. I think in terms of calling it a "hobby" it puts a lot of pressure on the situation- when I think of "hobbies" I think of one thing someone devotes huge amounts of time to. It can be a bit daunting. I would say just do things you like to do, and even things you don't like to do or don't know if you like yet. I was pretty sure I was going to hate rock climbing, but I tried it a couple times, and yep, I hate it. But now I have that experience under my belt.

I think something that prevents a lot of people from doing this sort of thing, especially in your early-mid 20s is not having someone you know to do them with (that stopped me a bit in my early 20s). If this is the case you really have to just practice doing everything yourself. It's funny, at this point in my life I'm so used to it I forget to ask other people if they want to do something with me, and then I think 'oh crap, so-and-so would have been interested in this, I should have called her.' And sometimes I really don't feel like doing something if I'm going to be surrounded by strangers making small talk, so I don't do it. The key is not putting pressure on it (the past couple years I'm beginning to this is the key to everything).

BinFrog wrote:

I think more research needs to be done on the 1/4 life crisis phenomenon. It is really debilitating for a lot of people.

It really is, but people do tend to blow it off. It's a huge adjustment for people. But also think it has so much to do with the way we thinking about "working" in our culture, that is really outdated. We still have a system for working in factories for a given period of manual labor, when most of us work in offices and don't do anything that couldn't be done at times that maximize our individual utility. I think I could actually get a lot more done and have a lot more fun doing it if I weren't paid on the basis of working 40 hours/week every week, instead of working when there is work to be done. Most of us are used to the latter coming out of school, and then we have to transition into the former, and it can be really draining.

FrankieG

I sympathize with the OP. :roll:

This thread is really great, and very ispirational. Thank you, this is exactly wat I needed.

Heatherj43

I truly believe the 30's are the best years. many others I have said this too believe it also. You'll see...hang in there!

Lauri

Heatherj43 wrote:

I truly believe the 30's are the best years. many others I have said this too believe it also. You'll see...hang in there!

We'll I'm only a year and a half into them, but so far I disagree...a lot of people told me this, actually. They said I'd like have money and a career and feel stable...so far I've learned that the older you get, the more debt you accumulate!

Heatherj43

Lauri wrote:

Heatherj43 wrote:

I truly believe the 30's are the best years. many others I have said this too believe it also. You'll see...hang in there!

We'll I'm only a year and a half into them, but so far I disagree...a lot of people told me this, actually. They said I'd like have money and a career and feel stable...so far I've learned that the older you get, the more debt you accumulate!

I didn't realize how good my 30's were until I was in my 40's. It was in my 30's I got a college degree, got through with the toughest part of raising my kids, paid off most of my mortgage, truly learned about myself and learned to like me. It did put me in debt, but now I am in a position to take care of it all.
I spent many years planning my future and working towards goals. I now know I am in my future. For me there's a huge difference.

BinFrog

Heatherj43 wrote:

I truly believe the 30's are the best years. many others I have said this too believe it also. You'll see...hang in there!

33 and I agree...I just finished my Masters, got married, have a nice condo, love my family & friends, am in a band that actually gets paid from time to time, etc etc.

No complaints. At 25 it was a totally different story.

Lauri

Heatherj43 wrote:

Lauri wrote:

Heatherj43 wrote:

I truly believe the 30's are the best years. many others I have said this too believe it also. You'll see...hang in there!

We'll I'm only a year and a half into them, but so far I disagree...a lot of people told me this, actually. They said I'd like have money and a career and feel stable...so far I've learned that the older you get, the more debt you accumulate!

I didn't realize how good my 30's were until I was in my 40's. It was in my 30's I got a college degree, got through with the toughest part of raising my kids, paid off most of my mortgage, truly learned about myself and learned to like me. It did put me in debt, but now I am in a position to take care of it all.
I spent many years planning my future and working towards goals. I now know I am in my future. For me there's a huge difference.

that's crazy, I don't really have the same quarter-life crisis thing going on, but I feel more like I'm in my 20s now than I felt when I was in my 20s. I think the difference is, I learned not to care about stuff. I have absolutely no money, due to a graduate degree that actually sent me backwards nine years in my career, I'm actually taking money from my parents for the first time ever, the extent of my assets are my bikes and my ipod, I haven't really dated since my 20s, the only guys I've hooked up with in the past two years are in their 20s, I'm completely disorganized, I drink too much, all of my friends are acting very much like they're in their 30s lately, so most of what I do for fun is going to rock shows with some 25 year-old boys, I haven't really been on vacation in seven years, and my goal in life right now is to move in with roommates for the first time in ten years so I don't starve to death...at one point this summer, while I was looking at a horrible apartment currently inhabited by frat boys to live in with two other people I don't really know, all I could think was, "I have literally done everything backwards."

But I feel like I'm not dead or in jail, so that's a start. But I do worry what is going to happen when I'm 80 but still in my 20s. But then again, there's really nothing I can do about it, so worrying about it isn't going to help. The only thing I really regret is waiting until my late 20s to go to grad school. I should have just made a decision and gone earlier, it would have been much better for my career AND my finances. But I am where I am.

iamica

I know how you feel. Once I turned 26 (I turn 28 next month) I became incredibly depressed, thinking, "that's it...I didn't make anything of myself by age 25; it's all over". I know that's kind of ridiculous, but I guess I had set my standards way too high.
I just got laid off two days ago, and am right back to depression. I really liked my last job. It was repetitive, but it paid well and it had hours I liked and was in a location that I liked. I thought it would last at least a couple more years. It's amazing how everything can be ripped out from under you in one day. There are no guarantees in life. Now I'm trying to figure out if there's anything that I really want to do with my life. I have hobbies that I enjoy, but they're not going to pay my rent. I guess I have to give up my childhood dreams of being an actor/writer/rock star/famous whatever and learn to balance my life with my livelihood.

guacamolejoe

BinFrog wrote:

I agree w/ the 1/4 life crisis comments. I too had it pretty bad when I was around 24-26.

The key thing to realize is that only one person can get you out of your stalled life: you. Don't bite of more than you can chew: but slowly pick at bits and pieces of life that you can turn around and make better.

If you don't like your job, take a course and find out if there's something out there you are passionate about. If you find you are constantly bored: pick up a new hobby (or 2 or 3). I truly think hobbies are what make life passionate, especially if your job falls flat (John Lennon was right: life is what happens when you are busy making plans.). Have you always been interested in a subject (travel, astronomy, war)? Buy some books and delve right in. The only way I was able to get out of my funk was to pick myself up and force myself to notice when I was bored, or depressed, or just generally feeling down and out. Whatever in life makes you happy: focus on that. IMO there's no other way to be.

I think more research needs to be done on the 1/4 life crisis phenomenon. It is really debilitating for a lot of people.

Very well said.
Turning 50 Monday, crisis :shock: . Just bought my 1st house & moved in last month, my wife has been stressed out also. Hopefully things get better soon, need to take a few deep breathes.
"Life is what YOU make it" words to live by

justam

I've moved across the country a few times and that's a good way to change a lot--jobs, friends, climate, and the local culture.

We've lived in California, Washington, Texas, NY, and now Florida. It's interesting because in every area the culture is a bit different even though it's all the United States.

aNiMaL

My opinion musicismylife78, is that you are kind of a drama queen and a little narcissistic.. You are not special - it is called life. Get on with yours. Stop whining about it and just do it and be a responsible contributor to your society.

MayDay10

Quarter life crisis does exist. I remember it well. You just gotta get through it. If you are unhappy with your life, do some soul-searching, run some numbers and figure out what you can do, if its possible, etc. You still have plenty of time to complete a brand new career of study in college.

Like I said in the other thread. This day and age, you need to try to have a plan. Jumping into freefall will only compound any problems you have. You shouldnt leave your job unless you have something lined up.

Vicky_Arg

I think i am going to open a new subject tittled: "change Madrid ideas-consultancy over how to get a job or work in Madrid" with someone who lives in Australia-USA or Uk instead.
I've always wanted to become billingual and I feel that if I dont do it now that i am 32, when I am going to do it?
What do you think about this new toppic? Do you think that will be someone interested?

Vicky_Arg

If you dont mind i will like to know, which do you think is more simillar to Europe?, California?
Many thanks.

justam wrote:

I've moved across the country a few times and that's a good way to change a lot--jobs, friends, climate, and the local culture.

We've lived in California, Washington, Texas, NY, and now Florida. It's interesting because in every area the culture is a bit different even though it's all the United States.