How do you jump start your life when its stalled?

musicismylife78

How do you jump start your life when you feel its sort of stalled, and you have hit a brick wall. Like your trapped.

I am sort of frustrated about a lot of things, my job and not getting the hours I want, the fact I may not get to go to the Seattle shows, feeling like I am wasting my life, and feeling like by 25 I should have made myself into something. I feel I let myself down. And I feel trapped to make a decision either way. If I leave my job I dont have worked lined up, and since I am 25 my finances would run out quickly, its not like I have a 401(k). If I stay at the job I feel held back.

How do you deal with the lingering feeling you were meant for more? That you feel alienated by the masses of folks who yearn for piles of cash and that new Ferrari, because none of that means anything to you? That you feel you have a story to tell, something to tell the world, but you dont know how to do it?

The solace i get is in a 44 minute cd, or a hour and a half movie, but those are fleeting. You blink and that time is over and the inspiration disappears, and real life has to be dealt with.

I would love to hear your opinion on this, but I also sort of dont want to be bashed and told I am stupid for feeling the way I do. I know alot of you may feel I am being spoiled or what not, but I feel its legitimate. its how I genuinely feel. Reguardless of if you think I have it easy, or if you think I am being stubborn, I certainly know better than anyone how I feel.

fife

i have felt like that in the past. when i finished university, i was trying to decide what i was going to with my life. i don't want to brag but i had alot of options for me. i studied Philosophy in university and i loved it so i was thinking i should become a teacher and get my master. i began doing that but i was not happy and i kept wondering why. i realized that the reason i went for my master was because that was expected of me.

i decided to leave school and moved to Korea for a year to try to decide what i wanted to do. i decide that what i truly cared about was working with people. i decided to be a social worker. i took a risk, i left the path that was easy and moved to the harder one.

you have to decide what you want. yes your 26 years old but when you think about it people retire at 65 that is 39 years of working isn't it better to be happy at what you do. don't throw away your future for the now.

Ms. Haiku

Many people may agree with me on the next statement:

You are going through a quarter life crisis.

I don't know how many people I know at 25/26 made the big move - they just had to go. I moved to Seattle from Wisconsin, and before that point I had never been west of the Mississippi. My oldest sister moved from New Jersey to Arizona, and she maybe visited there once. It makes me wonder how old Jack Kerouac was when he wrote On the Road.

Now, the fact that you are going through a common initiation into the next phase of life does not negate the fact that it's very unsettling and restless.

What did I do besides move halfway across the country:

I started to drink coffee.

pjtradeking

Sell everything you own....distance yourself from everything you know and love and start over! ;-)

Sorry, I couldnt resist! Going thourhg some shit of my own these days and sometimes that is how I feel!!

Good luck my friend!:-)

megatron

pjtradeking wrote:

Sell everything you own....distance yourself from everything you know and love and start over! ;-)

Sorry, I couldnt resist! Going thourhg some shit of my own these days and sometimes that is how I feel!!

Good luck my friend!:-)

sounds awesome. wish i could..

musicismylife78

i sort of did the opposite of you. I didnt follow the hordes of people in school who were getting degrees in jobs that made alot of money. I didnt care and still dont. So I got a degree in sociology. As I was nearing the end of my college career, I became disillusioned with politics and activism, and although I got my degree, activism which had been something important to me, fell to the wayside where it has remained for 3 years. My degree makes it so I could follow job tracks in social work, teaching and conseling, but as of right now I dont have a desire to do any of those things.

Its this lack of direction and lack of purpose, lack of a sense of belonging that contributes to the feelings I talked about in the above post

musicismylife78

Ms. Haiku wrote:

Many people may agree with me on the next statement:

You are going through a quarter life crisis.

I don't know how many people I know at 25/26 made the big move - they just had to go. I moved to Seattle from Wisconsin, and before that point I had never been west of the Mississippi. My oldest sister moved from New Jersey to Arizona, and she maybe visited there once. It makes me wonder how old Jack Kerouac was when he wrote On the Road.

Now, the fact that you are going through a common initiation into the next phase of life does not negate the fact that it's very unsettling and restless.

What did I do besides move halfway across the country:

I started to drink coffee.

In many ways I think your'e right. I often think about moving to another city. I sort of feel like I messed up my life, I squandered it. And moving to a new place would be like starting over. I would get a second chance, and could become anything I wanted to be. This is very attractive to me

Ms. Haiku

musicismylife78 wrote:

i sort of did the opposite of you. I didnt follow the hordes of people in school who were getting degrees in jobs that made alot of money. I didnt care and still dont. So I got a degree in sociology. As I was nearing the end of my college career, I became disillusioned with politics and activism, and although I got my degree, activism which had been something important to me, fell to the wayside where it has remained for 3 years. My degree makes it so I could follow job tracks in social work, teaching and conseling, but as of right now I dont have a desire to do any of those things.

Its this lack of direction and lack of purpose, lack of a sense of belonging that contributes to the feelings I talked about in the above post

Yes, as I wrote above, start drinking coffee. If you already drink coffee, drink more. Make it stronger. Add a splash of flavoring.

Really, believe me, wise people, and a few not-so-wise have been in your shoes. Or at least to the side of them. Start talking to older people what they did at 25/26 - you will be inspired!

IwasBit10

fife wrote:

don't throw away your future for the now.

I struggle with this on a daily basis. Landed a good job my first year out of school, but it's made me pretty depressed. And it's not just the job itself, but having to relocate to a crappy town, having to find new friends, being away from family, etc.. So many times, I've felt like walking away from it all and doing what I want to do, but I also feel that "escape is never, the safest path." I don't want to make a poor decision now that could significantly affect the rest of my life. But hell, I'm young and life's too short to be unhappy.

So I feel ya musicismylife. We're definitely on a similar level of thinking and it's difficult putting up with. Just have to keep your beliefs in tact and trust yourself (easier said than done obviously). Our time will come.

PS. Hope you can make the Seattle shows!

IwasBit10

Ms. Haiku wrote:

Many people may agree with me on the next statement:

You are going through a quarter life crisis.

I don't know how many people I know at 25/26 made the big move - they just had to go. I moved to Seattle from Wisconsin, and before that point I had never been west of the Mississippi. My oldest sister moved from New Jersey to Arizona, and she maybe visited there once. It makes me wonder how old Jack Kerouac was when he wrote On the Road.

Now, the fact that you are going through a common initiation into the next phase of life does not negate the fact that it's very unsettling and restless.

What did I do besides move halfway across the country:

I started to drink coffee.

I need to get the hell outta Wisconsin!!!

amethgr8

I agree with the quarter life comment. As having classes or education in sociology you should be able to apply some of the proven theories to your own life. just pretent yourself is a patient or friend coming to you with this problem.

Life is easy as a child, in most cases. More in the sense that you have a clean slate and all you have to do is slowly learn and graduate to the next level. Most of your decisions are made for you, all you have to do is participate. (these are very general statements, extreme cases in child rearing and experiences are excluded from my generalizations.) nuff said, the ceiling, for most childern, is not very high. then you get to high school, relatively easy, but if you noticed...there is a sizable life-de-motion when you graduate. put on a pedastal till 12 year then boom, you're a freshman in life either going to colleg or looking for a job. college pretty much puts you thru the same thing. So whenever you get to the entry of life and being fully independent and you're entire future lies in your own hands and not some educational path you or someone laid out for you, it's alot of pressure and can be depressing. you're thinking I have so much potential, I've done so well up to this point, what am I meant for? Its easy to assume that you should have all your life ducks in a row and be on track to greatness, because up to this point, you have wooped on your obstacles. You're totally ready for your next challenge.

The next thing is, what IS your next challenge. That is for you to decide. You need to decide what's important to you. What makes you feel good? for me, for awhile I thought about moving away and starting new, getting out of this small ass town and breath in the world. but I've realized (and it's not a final decision) for now, for me, love means alot. I have alot of love here, where I was born and raised, and alot of love to give. and that makes me feel good, it helps me thru my hard times. I had a blue collar job for 10yrs, broke up with my bf of 10 years and jumped into a service profession. that was my new start. mind you, my new profession was so different that what I knew or anyone in my family knew, it definitely broke me down to my lowest point and built me knew. I knew I wanted to do it, I just didn't know how, I just decided I was going to make this of myself or die trying. it's kind of unconditional love for the life you have been given. some people find joy in helping people, or building houses, or managing inner city kids, or conducting a free music class. try to have an open mind and let the world into your mind. you never know what's around the next corner unless you take a look. just my 2c. THANKS TO ALL TEN CLUB PEEPS! PEACE/LOVE AIM

chromiam

1.21 gigawatts.....

vduboise

I've been in your position several times. I'm currently on my 4th phase in life. I spent 10 years on being a fine artist. Then one year, the drive and meaning behind doing this just kinda went away and I never got it back. I left college with a degree in art, but since then, I have barely touched my brushes. This is over 10 years now.

Sometimes you loose the drive an move on to something else. Which I did, and did again, and again. Who is to say that this job you have now, and this life you lead now it the way your life will be forever. There is no harm in trying out new things, new careers, new towns and places.

It takes courage to do it. Its scary to leap into the unknown, but once you do- options open up.

So OP, if you want to quit your job, do it. Know there are consequences with your actions. And if you are aware and still want to quit, then do it. Have some kind of backup plan, and move on to the next stage in your life.

BhagavadGita

I understand.

I moved to Seattle to jump start my life at 40. Six years later, still stalled.

It worked for awhile...but then whatever is bothering you will always follow.

You've got one thing going for you, that's your age.

Wow.... you still have so much time...put that on your list of good things going on with your life right now. Plus if you basing your worth on money, then that's attachment to something superficial.

I had a home, a family, a car and "things" all in my late 20's and 30's.

Got sick. Lost it all.

Now I'm going backwards.

The truth is trying to figure out your real path.

Feeling stalled is hard by yourself. Just like your car, you need a mechanic to help get it going again unless you know about cars. What about a life coach or a therapist? Someone to bounce ideas off..... Someone to jump start you again?

I guess what we have to do is learn to not attach ourselves to our own expectations of ourselves. What we have done is set up expectations of what we "should" be and instead of just being where we are now even if the now sucks. :(

There is one sure thing in this world and that's change. You be moving again soon I'm sure.

Vicky_Arg

The most important thing is doing, doing things we like. Feeling well, doing well to other people. These are things that gives you confidence, your contributing, giving yourself.
In my case, i live in Madrid and I am 32 and always dreamed of living in a english speaking country. Funny thing, seven months from now I am hearing nothing but Pearl Jam. I should be studing and preparing my toefl test, but I get distracted by music.
I did not forget my previous dream, but I am elaborating it. It is really important to elaborate.
Be sound!!! and good luck!!

jammergirl

wow, I totally understand this. I just turned 26 this past month AND moved from a small town to a big city. I graduated college a couple years ago and finally decided to make the big leap to something different. trouble is, now that i'm here, its like "ok....now what?" I know its totally normal to feel the way that i do, and don't get me wrong, i'm glad i finally left the small town, but now i guess its' time to sack up and figure out whats NEXT.
I guess i don't have much advice for you, i just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. and just remember, there is no "right" way to live your life. good luck!

Lauri

musicismylife78 wrote:

How do you jump start your life when you feel its sort of stalled, and you have hit a brick wall. Like your trapped.

I am sort of frustrated about a lot of things, my job and not getting the hours I want, the fact I may not get to go to the Seattle shows, feeling like I am wasting my life, and feeling like by 25 I should have made myself into something. I feel I let myself down. And I feel trapped to make a decision either way. If I leave my job I dont have worked lined up, and since I am 25 my finances would run out quickly, its not like I have a 401(k). If I stay at the job I feel held back.

How do you deal with the lingering feeling you were meant for more? That you feel alienated by the masses of folks who yearn for piles of cash and that new Ferrari, because none of that means anything to you? That you feel you have a story to tell, something to tell the world, but you dont know how to do it?

The solace i get is in a 44 minute cd, or a hour and a half movie, but those are fleeting. You blink and that time is over and the inspiration disappears, and real life has to be dealt with.

I would love to hear your opinion on this, but I also sort of dont want to be bashed and told I am stupid for feeling the way I do. I know alot of you may feel I am being spoiled or what not, but I feel its legitimate. its how I genuinely feel. Reguardless of if you think I have it easy, or if you think I am being stubborn, I certainly know better than anyone how I feel.

You aren't stupid or spoiled at all for feeling this way! It is so common to have these feelings around age 25- it's called a quarter life crisis. I and all my friends had them around the ages of like 23-27. I don't know if you went college, but for people who did, it's like when you hit a couple years out of school and every day is the same, it's like "what am I working toward?" You're used to being goal-oriented, but once you graduate from college, there's no more clear-cut goals.

That might be a way to "kick start" yourself though- take some classes in something you're really interested in. If you didn't go to college, maybe take some undergrad classes or if you did, maybe start working on a graduate degree. I went to graduate school when I was 27, and even just applying got me out of my quarter-life crisis.

Of course, once I finished grad school I went right back to the same place. Working every day in and out doing almost the same thing is really not for everyone. There's nothing I can say about that except you're not alone in feeling this way. I'm...7 years older than you I still have all the same feelings. I'm supposedly in the field of my choosing, but jobs are not for me (work is, jobs aren't). I have no money because I spent it all on school, I get bored easily, and I feel like I should be "further along" at my age. I'm not going to lie, it does bother me a lot. But what I do is if there is ANY opportunity anywhere outside of work, I take it. I saw the Chicago show on sale, I bought a ticket immediately and booked a flight. There's a volunteer opportunity? I sign up. There's a free class on bike maintenance at REI? I go. Yes, money is an issue in these situations, but I make them a priority. It makes me feel more complete as an individual than work alone can do.

Corso

musicismylife78 wrote:

How do you jump start your life when you feel its sort of stalled, and you have hit a brick wall. Like your trapped.

I am sort of frustrated about a lot of things, my job and not getting the hours I want, the fact I may not get to go to the Seattle shows, feeling like I am wasting my life, and feeling like by 25 I should have made myself into something. I feel I let myself down. And I feel trapped to make a decision either way. If I leave my job I dont have worked lined up, and since I am 25 my finances would run out quickly, its not like I have a 401(k). If I stay at the job I feel held back.

How do you deal with the lingering feeling you were meant for more? That you feel alienated by the masses of folks who yearn for piles of cash and that new Ferrari, because none of that means anything to you? That you feel you have a story to tell, something to tell the world, but you dont know how to do it?

The solace i get is in a 44 minute cd, or a hour and a half movie, but those are fleeting. You blink and that time is over and the inspiration disappears, and real life has to be dealt with.

I would love to hear your opinion on this, but I also sort of dont want to be bashed and told I am stupid for feeling the way I do. I know alot of you may feel I am being spoiled or what not, but I feel its legitimate. its how I genuinely feel. Reguardless of if you think I have it easy, or if you think I am being stubborn, I certainly know better than anyone how I feel.

Corso

Find the lyrics from Nothing Lost- Nothing Gained on 1978 by Midnight Oil.

einatshaul

Feel the same and 28...

...Any better now? ...

know1

Vicky_Arg wrote:

The most important thing is doing, doing things we like. Feeling well, doing well to other people. These are things that gives you confidence, your contributing, giving yourself.
In my case, i live in Madrid and I am 32 and always dreamed of living in a english speaking country. Funny thing, seven months from now I am hearing nothing but Pearl Jam. I should be studing and preparing my toefl test, but I get distracted by music.
I did not forget my previous dream, but I am elaborating it. It is really important to elaborate.
Be sound!!! and good luck!!

I think I'll disagree with this. I don't think the most important thing is "doing things we like".

I truly believe it's liking the things we do that matters.