How do you jump start your life when its stalled?
musicismylife78
Posts: 6,116
How do you jump start your life when you feel its sort of stalled, and you have hit a brick wall. Like your trapped.
I am sort of frustrated about a lot of things, my job and not getting the hours I want, the fact I may not get to go to the Seattle shows, feeling like I am wasting my life, and feeling like by 25 I should have made myself into something. I feel I let myself down. And I feel trapped to make a decision either way. If I leave my job I dont have worked lined up, and since I am 25 my finances would run out quickly, its not like I have a 401(k). If I stay at the job I feel held back.
How do you deal with the lingering feeling you were meant for more? That you feel alienated by the masses of folks who yearn for piles of cash and that new Ferrari, because none of that means anything to you? That you feel you have a story to tell, something to tell the world, but you dont know how to do it?
The solace i get is in a 44 minute cd, or a hour and a half movie, but those are fleeting. You blink and that time is over and the inspiration disappears, and real life has to be dealt with.
I would love to hear your opinion on this, but I also sort of dont want to be bashed and told I am stupid for feeling the way I do. I know alot of you may feel I am being spoiled or what not, but I feel its legitimate. its how I genuinely feel. Reguardless of if you think I have it easy, or if you think I am being stubborn, I certainly know better than anyone how I feel.
I am sort of frustrated about a lot of things, my job and not getting the hours I want, the fact I may not get to go to the Seattle shows, feeling like I am wasting my life, and feeling like by 25 I should have made myself into something. I feel I let myself down. And I feel trapped to make a decision either way. If I leave my job I dont have worked lined up, and since I am 25 my finances would run out quickly, its not like I have a 401(k). If I stay at the job I feel held back.
How do you deal with the lingering feeling you were meant for more? That you feel alienated by the masses of folks who yearn for piles of cash and that new Ferrari, because none of that means anything to you? That you feel you have a story to tell, something to tell the world, but you dont know how to do it?
The solace i get is in a 44 minute cd, or a hour and a half movie, but those are fleeting. You blink and that time is over and the inspiration disappears, and real life has to be dealt with.
I would love to hear your opinion on this, but I also sort of dont want to be bashed and told I am stupid for feeling the way I do. I know alot of you may feel I am being spoiled or what not, but I feel its legitimate. its how I genuinely feel. Reguardless of if you think I have it easy, or if you think I am being stubborn, I certainly know better than anyone how I feel.
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i decided to leave school and moved to Korea for a year to try to decide what i wanted to do. i decide that what i truly cared about was working with people. i decided to be a social worker. i took a risk, i left the path that was easy and moved to the harder one.
you have to decide what you want. yes your 26 years old but when you think about it people retire at 65 that is 39 years of working isn't it better to be happy at what you do. don't throw away your future for the now.
You are going through a quarter life crisis.
I don't know how many people I know at 25/26 made the big move - they just had to go. I moved to Seattle from Wisconsin, and before that point I had never been west of the Mississippi. My oldest sister moved from New Jersey to Arizona, and she maybe visited there once. It makes me wonder how old Jack Kerouac was when he wrote On the Road.
Now, the fact that you are going through a common initiation into the next phase of life does not negate the fact that it's very unsettling and restless.
What did I do besides move halfway across the country:
I started to drink coffee.
The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
Sorry, I couldnt resist! Going thourhg some shit of my own these days and sometimes that is how I feel!!
Good luck my friend!:-)
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sounds awesome. wish i could..
Its this lack of direction and lack of purpose, lack of a sense of belonging that contributes to the feelings I talked about in the above post
In many ways I think your'e right. I often think about moving to another city. I sort of feel like I messed up my life, I squandered it. And moving to a new place would be like starting over. I would get a second chance, and could become anything I wanted to be. This is very attractive to me
Really, believe me, wise people, and a few not-so-wise have been in your shoes. Or at least to the side of them. Start talking to older people what they did at 25/26 - you will be inspired!
The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
I struggle with this on a daily basis. Landed a good job my first year out of school, but it's made me pretty depressed. And it's not just the job itself, but having to relocate to a crappy town, having to find new friends, being away from family, etc.. So many times, I've felt like walking away from it all and doing what I want to do, but I also feel that "escape is never, the safest path."
So I feel ya musicismylife. We're definitely on a similar level of thinking and it's difficult putting up with. Just have to keep your beliefs in tact and trust yourself (easier said than done obviously). Our time will come.
PS. Hope you can make the Seattle shows!
I need to get the hell outta Wisconsin!!!
Life is easy as a child, in most cases. More in the sense that you have a clean slate and all you have to do is slowly learn and graduate to the next level. Most of your decisions are made for you, all you have to do is participate. (these are very general statements, extreme cases in child rearing and experiences are excluded from my generalizations.) nuff said, the ceiling, for most childern, is not very high. then you get to high school, relatively easy, but if you noticed...there is a sizable life-de-motion when you graduate. put on a pedastal till 12 year then boom, you're a freshman in life either going to colleg or looking for a job. college pretty much puts you thru the same thing. So whenever you get to the entry of life and being fully independent and you're entire future lies in your own hands and not some educational path you or someone laid out for you, it's alot of pressure and can be depressing. you're thinking I have so much potential, I've done so well up to this point, what am I meant for? Its easy to assume that you should have all your life ducks in a row and be on track to greatness, because up to this point, you have wooped on your obstacles. You're totally ready for your next challenge.
The next thing is, what IS your next challenge. That is for you to decide. You need to decide what's important to you. What makes you feel good? for me, for awhile I thought about moving away and starting new, getting out of this small ass town and breath in the world. but I've realized (and it's not a final decision) for now, for me, love means alot. I have alot of love here, where I was born and raised, and alot of love to give. and that makes me feel good, it helps me thru my hard times. I had a blue collar job for 10yrs, broke up with my bf of 10 years and jumped into a service profession. that was my new start. mind you, my new profession was so different that what I knew or anyone in my family knew, it definitely broke me down to my lowest point and built me knew. I knew I wanted to do it, I just didn't know how, I just decided I was going to make this of myself or die trying. it's kind of unconditional love for the life you have been given. some people find joy in helping people, or building houses, or managing inner city kids, or conducting a free music class. try to have an open mind and let the world into your mind. you never know what's around the next corner unless you take a look. just my 2c. THANKS TO ALL TEN CLUB PEEPS! PEACE/LOVE AIM
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Sometimes you loose the drive an move on to something else. Which I did, and did again, and again. Who is to say that this job you have now, and this life you lead now it the way your life will be forever. There is no harm in trying out new things, new careers, new towns and places.
It takes courage to do it. Its scary to leap into the unknown, but once you do- options open up.
So OP, if you want to quit your job, do it. Know there are consequences with your actions. And if you are aware and still want to quit, then do it. Have some kind of backup plan, and move on to the next stage in your life.
I moved to Seattle to jump start my life at 40. Six years later, still stalled.
It worked for awhile...but then whatever is bothering you will always follow.
You've got one thing going for you, that's your age.
Wow.... you still have so much time...put that on your list of good things going on with your life right now. Plus if you basing your worth on money, then that's attachment to something superficial.
I had a home, a family, a car and "things" all in my late 20's and 30's.
Got sick. Lost it all.
Now I'm going backwards.
The truth is trying to figure out your real path.
Feeling stalled is hard by yourself. Just like your car, you need a mechanic to help get it going again unless you know about cars. What about a life coach or a therapist? Someone to bounce ideas off..... Someone to jump start you again?
I guess what we have to do is learn to not attach ourselves to our own expectations of ourselves. What we have done is set up expectations of what we "should" be and instead of just being where we are now even if the now sucks. :(
There is one sure thing in this world and that's change. You be moving again soon I'm sure.
In my case, i live in Madrid and I am 32 and always dreamed of living in a english speaking country. Funny thing, seven months from now I am hearing nothing but Pearl Jam. I should be studing and preparing my toefl test, but I get distracted by music.
I did not forget my previous dream, but I am elaborating it. It is really important to elaborate.
Be sound!!! and good luck!!
I guess i don't have much advice for you, i just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. and just remember, there is no "right" way to live your life. good luck!
You aren't stupid or spoiled at all for feeling this way! It is so common to have these feelings around age 25- it's called a quarter life crisis. I and all my friends had them around the ages of like 23-27. I don't know if you went college, but for people who did, it's like when you hit a couple years out of school and every day is the same, it's like "what am I working toward?" You're used to being goal-oriented, but once you graduate from college, there's no more clear-cut goals.
That might be a way to "kick start" yourself though- take some classes in something you're really interested in. If you didn't go to college, maybe take some undergrad classes or if you did, maybe start working on a graduate degree. I went to graduate school when I was 27, and even just applying got me out of my quarter-life crisis.
Of course, once I finished grad school I went right back to the same place. Working every day in and out doing almost the same thing is really not for everyone. There's nothing I can say about that except you're not alone in feeling this way. I'm...7 years older than you I still have all the same feelings. I'm supposedly in the field of my choosing, but jobs are not for me (work is, jobs aren't). I have no money because I spent it all on school, I get bored easily, and I feel like I should be "further along" at my age. I'm not going to lie, it does bother me a lot. But what I do is if there is ANY opportunity anywhere outside of work, I take it. I saw the Chicago show on sale, I bought a ticket immediately and booked a flight. There's a volunteer opportunity? I sign up. There's a free class on bike maintenance at REI? I go. Yes, money is an issue in these situations, but I make them a priority. It makes me feel more complete as an individual than work alone can do.
...Any better now?
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I think I'll disagree with this. I don't think the most important thing is "doing things we like".
I truly believe it's liking the things we do that matters.
...are those who've helped us.
Right 'round the corner could be bigger than ourselves.
The key thing to realize is that only one person can get you out of your stalled life: you. Don't bite of more than you can chew: but slowly pick at bits and pieces of life that you can turn around and make better.
If you don't like your job, take a course and find out if there's something out there you are passionate about. If you find you are constantly bored: pick up a new hobby (or 2 or 3). I truly think hobbies are what make life passionate, especially if your job falls flat (John Lennon was right: life is what happens when you are busy making plans.). Have you always been interested in a subject (travel, astronomy, war)? Buy some books and delve right in. The only way I was able to get out of my funk was to pick myself up and force myself to notice when I was bored, or depressed, or just generally feeling down and out. Whatever in life makes you happy: focus on that. IMO there's no other way to be.
I think more research needs to be done on the 1/4 life crisis phenomenon. It is really debilitating for a lot of people.
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well said!
it really IS all atitude and personal perspective.
of course there are many things in this life that one "has" to do that may or may not be enjoyable, but realizing that AND still being happy, overall...is a good thing. i may not love everything i must do in my life.....but overall, the choices i make assist me in doing all the other things i truly enjoy and love to do. it relly is how you choose to focus. i like my job. sure, there are many things i may not like about it....but overall....i really like alll it affords me to do with my life outside of work.
funny too, i was just having a very similar discussion over lunch yesterday with a colleague. i went from a job that i "loved"....that was my passion....that i went to college and grad school for....and i still got bored, restless, dissatisfied and itching for change. now i have a job entirely unrelated to my education and the bulk of my skills and passions....and yet, there is a lot about it that i like. and i most especially like the paycheck i get and the generous vacation/holidays, etc. i am not a "money" person, but we all do need money to live. i have a mortgage to pay, we like to go out, dinner, movies, vacations.....ya know, LIVING. so you bet, having a solid job is a relief, and it's great to have both of us making a decent living so we can do the things on our own time that we are truly passionate about.
also, i think these 'life criseses' really come almost once a decade, roughly. i think we all have preconceived ideas of where we thought we wanted to be, supposed to be, whatever.....and i think these little criseses help us stop and take notice, reevaluate...decide if where we are, where we are heading...is truly where we want to be. then, take it from there.
but absolutely, there is a lot to be said for simply making adjustments to your perspective....and yes....liking all you do. hell, laundry is not a passion of mine.....but you bet, i like clean clothes.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
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I always ask myself ''is this why God put me on this Earth" ?
To sit at my office being pushed by those big bosses up top for the next 40 years?
Is this it?
I completed my university, graduated with a Marketing degree yet could not get into that field.
Now I have no desire to sell something to someone, it is not me.
I've always wanted to do something in music, be it an artist or sound engineer or something.
Plus I want to go away for a year or so overseas to spend time with family, life is too short.
I am stuck and confused.
Yes, in some cases, it's really all you can do. Sometimes you really can't change your job or the things you don't like about it, and let's face it, there are few jobs in the world that are actually 1) fulfilling 2) enjoyable 3) pay enough to live on. But you can change what you do in your free time. I think in terms of calling it a "hobby" it puts a lot of pressure on the situation- when I think of "hobbies" I think of one thing someone devotes huge amounts of time to. It can be a bit daunting. I would say just do things you like to do, and even things you don't like to do or don't know if you like yet. I was pretty sure I was going to hate rock climbing, but I tried it a couple times, and yep, I hate it. But now I have that experience under my belt.
I think something that prevents a lot of people from doing this sort of thing, especially in your early-mid 20s is not having someone you know to do them with (that stopped me a bit in my early 20s). If this is the case you really have to just practice doing everything yourself. It's funny, at this point in my life I'm so used to it I forget to ask other people if they want to do something with me, and then I think 'oh crap, so-and-so would have been interested in this, I should have called her.' And sometimes I really don't feel like doing something if I'm going to be surrounded by strangers making small talk, so I don't do it. The key is not putting pressure on it (the past couple years I'm beginning to this is the key to everything).
It really is, but people do tend to blow it off. It's a huge adjustment for people. But also think it has so much to do with the way we thinking about "working" in our culture, that is really outdated. We still have a system for working in factories for a given period of manual labor, when most of us work in offices and don't do anything that couldn't be done at times that maximize our individual utility. I think I could actually get a lot more done and have a lot more fun doing it if I weren't paid on the basis of working 40 hours/week every week, instead of working when there is work to be done. Most of us are used to the latter coming out of school, and then we have to transition into the former, and it can be really draining.
This thread is really great, and very ispirational. Thank you, this is exactly wat I needed.
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We'll I'm only a year and a half into them, but so far I disagree...a lot of people told me this, actually. They said I'd like have money and a career and feel stable...so far I've learned that the older you get, the more debt you accumulate!
I spent many years planning my future and working towards goals. I now know I am in my future. For me there's a huge difference.
33 and I agree...I just finished my Masters, got married, have a nice condo, love my family & friends, am in a band that actually gets paid from time to time, etc etc.
No complaints. At 25 it was a totally different story.
Typo Man: "Thanks kidz, but remembir, stay in skool!"