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Long distance relationships

Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, Australia Posts: 15,165
edited August 2009 in All Encompassing Trip
Anyone in one?
I met this girl overseas during my holiday and we both made our feelings clear but knew it'd be hard due to the distance that separates us.
We have contact via email and will call soon, but I don't know I feel like an idiot.
I feel like I am hurting her and myself this way, is it better to just keep it as friends?
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments

  • mookeywrenchmookeywrench Posts: 5,958
    realistically ask yourself what are the odds that you two will ever live in the same place.
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  • comebackgirlcomebackgirl Posts: 9,885
    It's totally possible to make it work, but you both have to be willing to move countries if necessary. Dating is hard, obviously, so until you know the person well enough to know if it's worth it to change your entire life, the back and forth is HARD. But it can work. My husband moved here from Australia in December and became a permanent resident this week. That's after we scratched our original plan of me moving there because it was taking too damn long. You have to both be willing to do what it takes.
    tumblr_mg4nc33pIX1s1mie8o1_400.gif

    "I need your strength for me to be strong...I need your love to feel loved"
  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, Australia Posts: 15,165
    I would move there if the job situation was better, lot of people losing jobs and working for little money.
    It would be very hard for either of us to leave family behind.
    This sucks but I don't want to break a heart by saying lets just be friends.
    Stressed out :|
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • mookeywrenchmookeywrench Posts: 5,958
    Thoughts_Arrive wrote:
    I would move there if the job situation was better, lot of people losing jobs and working for little money.
    It would be very hard for either of us to leave family behind.
    This sucks but I don't want to break a heart by saying lets just be friends.
    Stressed out :|

    So you would move there for a job...

    but you didn't say you would move there for her.

    isn't that telling of the rational circumstances of the relationship.
    350x700px-LL-d2f49cb4_vinyl-needle-scu-e1356666258495.jpeg
  • Gary CarterGary Carter Posts: 14,067
    They suck. Run away from it while you still can. Its really rare they workout. Only way they ever work is if one of you move to where the other lives. Been there, done that and sure as fuck aint going back down that road. Its best to be net friends and save yourself the hurt. Ahhh I shoulda listened to the people when I was in mine..

    Sorry I'm a bit buzzed and pissed. Fucking mets(baseball)
    Ron: I just don't feel like going out tonight
    Sammi: Wanna just break up?

  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, Australia Posts: 15,165
    mookeywrench wrote:
    show previous quotes

    So you would move there for a job...

    but you didn't say you would move there for her.

    isn't that telling of the rational circumstances of the relationship.

    I guess so. What I am saying is it would be very hard over there, it is like being born again and starting over.
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • mookeywrenchmookeywrench Posts: 5,958
    well if the costs are greater than the benefits.....you know what you have to do.
    350x700px-LL-d2f49cb4_vinyl-needle-scu-e1356666258495.jpeg
  • stargirl69stargirl69 Posts: 6,387
    comebackgirl wrote:
    It's totally possible to make it work, but you both have to be willing to move countries if necessary. Dating is hard, obviously, so until you know the person well enough to know if it's worth it to change your entire life, the back and forth is HARD. But it can work. My husband moved here from Australia in December and became a permanent resident this week. That's after we scratched our original plan of me moving there because it was taking too damn long. You have to both be willing to do what it takes.


    I agree with all you 100%.My partner is in Canada,I am in Scotland.We have did the back and forth thing for over a year now and need to make it permenant.I am in the process of immigrating.

    If this relationship feels right for you both choosing to be together can be an easy decision to make.Its all the hoops that need to be jumped through that lead us to believe its impossible.
    I would encourage you to communicate as much as possible in the next few months,text,email,skype,write and visit if possible.If all these elements help strengthen how you both feel you can then decide the long term goals for your lives.

    I have learned never to rest on the assumption that your life will just roll along as it has in the past.
    If instinct tells you this person is someone you would want to grow old with breath,smile and go with that.
    “There should be a place where only the things you want to happen, happen”
  • patrickredeyespatrickredeyes Posts: 8,834
    They don't work plain and simple.
  • pearljgirl2010pearljgirl2010 Shillington, PA/Tuckerton, NJ Posts: 3,428
    Any relationship takes effort, honesty and trust...and it won't be easy, but if it's meant to be, it will work out. My LDR isn't as far as Canada-Scotland, it's just from one coast to the other (for now), but it's hard not to be with each other for the every day things. I think that's the hardest part...
    Need a tour Travel Agent??? Pick me :-)

    Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
  • mookeywrenchmookeywrench Posts: 5,958
    so to summarize:

    all the girls say it's possible

    all the guys say run like hell
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  • dcfaithfuldcfaithful Posts: 13,076
    edited August 2009
    patrickredeyes wrote:
    They don't work plain and simple.

    I disagree. I met my girlfriend via Myspace. She lived in Alabama at the time (She's from Georgia)...we talked for a long time, got to know each other really well and became good friends just through our instant messaging and our long, long emails back and forth. Started out kidn of just as a pen pal, or like a helpless crush. She invited me to fly out to Atlanta to see Incubus with her and her friend, so I accepted. Flew out, saw the concert, we spent a week together and have been in love ever since.

    I moved to Georgia, but things didn't work out for us. She lost her job, and I had to work two jobs that just couldn't even pay our bills. After a lot of discussing, I moved back home to Utah, got a great job, saved up some serious cash for us. She lost a lot of her friendships for shit she didn't do, and her family was having just some ups and downs and everyone began to get spilt further apart. She was finally able to move out to Utah last October, and we're more stable, and better off than we were before. We both have great jobs, our own place, two dogs and an unbreakable bond and friendship between us.

    If you want it enough, you'll do whatever it takes to make it work, and if you know it's right, it will.

    It's not as hard as it seems, just hang in there if it is important enough to you.

    Good luck to you :D
    Post edited by dcfaithful on
    7/2/06 - Denver, CO
    6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
    8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
    9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
    9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
    9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
  • dcfaithfuldcfaithful Posts: 13,076
    Thoughts_Arrive wrote:
    show previous quotes

    I guess so. What I am saying is it would be very hard over there, it is like being born again and starting over.

    Yeah, it is...but it would be the same for her if she moved to you. There is an unavoidable sacrifice in this situation...it's all about your checks and balances.
    7/2/06 - Denver, CO
    6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
    8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
    9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
    9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
    9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
  • dcfaithfuldcfaithful Posts: 13,076
    I just have to say, I know that you guys are countries apart, when my girlfriend and I were only states, but distance is distance ya know.

    If you can't drive to one another within a day, the distance mostly doesn't make a difference.
    7/2/06 - Denver, CO
    6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
    8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
    9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
    9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
    9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
  • pearljgirl2010pearljgirl2010 Shillington, PA/Tuckerton, NJ Posts: 3,428
    dcfaithful wrote:
    show previous quotes

    I disagree. I met my girlfriend via Myspace. She lived in Alabama at the time (She's from Georgia)...we talked for a long time, got to know each other really well and became good friends just through our instant messaging and our long, long emails back and forth. Started out kidn of just as a pen pal, or like a helpless crush.

    If you want it enough, you'll do whatever it takes to make it work, and if you know it's right, it will.

    It's not as hard as it seems, just hang in there if it is important enough to you.


    I actually think that's really important...my guy and I spend hours on the phone, truly getting to know each other from the inside. And yes--you'll do what it takes to make it work--when you know that it's right, you REALLY know it!
    Need a tour Travel Agent??? Pick me :-)

    Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
  • soulsingingsoulsinging Posts: 13,202
    mookeywrench wrote:
    so to summarize:

    all the girls say it's possible

    all the guys say run like hell

    That is an interesting observation, especially given that I get the feeling most guys say to run because they've been burned in them before. I'm one.

    Though I kinda like LDR. You get to keep your independence, be a bum around the house, and live how you want. When you see each other, it's only to have fun around town and fuck like rabbits for a week/end. Not a bad set up. As long as she doesn't want to spend a ton of time on the phone and all.
  • patrickredeyespatrickredeyes Posts: 8,834
    Ok so some do work sometimes.

    :)


    my mistake
  • dimitrispearljamdimitrispearljam Posts: 139,721
    comebackgirl wrote:
    It's totally possible to make it work, but you both have to be willing to move countries if necessary. Dating is hard, obviously, so until you know the person well enough to know if it's worth it to change your entire life, the back and forth is HARD. But it can work. My husband moved here from Australia in December and became a permanent resident this week. That's after we scratched our original plan of me moving there because it was taking too damn long. You have to both be willing to do what it takes.
    yep..give and take..share..all is possible..
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • dcfaithfuldcfaithful Posts: 13,076
    patrickredeyes wrote:
    Ok so some do work sometimes.

    :)


    my mistake

    It's okay, if you haven't had one. You're lucky.

    I survived one for almost two years...but that doesn't mean I'm saying it was totally easy. It just took a lot of devotion, heart, and love.

    Because of it though, I now fucking HAAATE talking on the phone for more than 10 minutes.
    7/2/06 - Denver, CO
    6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
    8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
    9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
    9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
    9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
  • Gary CarterGary Carter Posts: 14,067
    dcfaithful wrote:
    show previous quotes

    It's okay, if you haven't had one. You're lucky.
    agreed

    its something that i never thought I'd do in my life. but hey least i had fun. my LDR got me to see a really cool city in seattle and i'll always look back on it and smile.
    Ron: I just don't feel like going out tonight
    Sammi: Wanna just break up?

  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, Australia Posts: 15,165
    This chick really loves and misses me.
    I don't know what to do here.
    Would like to keep it as friends only for now due to the distance that separates us but every email or msn chat she states how much she loves me and that I am so and so to her and it makes me feel more stressed out as I am not sure this is the right thing.
    This is killing me, don't want to hurt feelings, but I want to tell her that I don't know if this can work.
    My heart says I like her but my head says you are an idiot, what were you thinking and don't hurt her.
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • soulsingingsoulsinging Posts: 13,202
    Thoughts_Arrive wrote:
    This chick really loves and misses me.
    I don't know what to do here.
    Would like to keep it as friends only for now due to the distance that separates us but every email or msn chat she states how much she loves me and that I am so and so to her and it makes me feel more stressed out as I am not sure this is the right thing.
    This is killing me, don't want to hurt feelings, but I want to tell her that I don't know if this can work.
    My heart says I like her but my head says you are an idiot, what were you thinking and don't hurt her.

    Could be worse. Your heart/gut is usually the right one in this sort of situation. And nothing is worse than your head telling you that on paper this is the perfect relationship while your heart just isn't in it.
  • pearljgirl2010pearljgirl2010 Shillington, PA/Tuckerton, NJ Posts: 3,428
    Thoughts_Arrive wrote:
    This chick really loves and misses me.
    I don't know what to do here.
    Would like to keep it as friends only for now due to the distance that separates us but every email or msn chat she states how much she loves me and that I am so and so to her and it makes me feel more stressed out as I am not sure this is the right thing.
    This is killing me, don't want to hurt feelings, but I want to tell her that I don't know if this can work.
    My heart says I like her but my head says you are an idiot, what were you thinking and don't hurt her.


    You have to do what's right for you in the long run.. If it doesn't feel right, hurting her feelings now is the better-case scenario. don't draw it out--it'll only get harder
    Need a tour Travel Agent??? Pick me :-)

    Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
  • DinghyDogDinghyDog Posts: 587
    edited November 2012
    -
    Post edited by DinghyDog on
  • dimitrispearljamdimitrispearljam Posts: 139,721
    pearljgirl2010 wrote:
    show previous quotes


    You have to do what's right for you in the long run.. If it doesn't feel right, hurting her feelings now is the better-case scenario. don't draw it out--it'll only get harder
    thats the biggest truth..
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, Australia Posts: 15,165
    Thanks guys/girls.
    I thought it could work when I was over there but now I realise ''what was I thinking''.
    Don't know, will have to tell her.
    The bad thing is her family and my aunty and her family are good friends, we only met at their birthday party.
    Now they might turn out to look bad for introducing their daughter to me if I do this.
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • polaris_xpolaris_x Posts: 13,559
    i'm in one ... will it work? - who the fuck knows ... we're gonna try tho ...

    i think the big part is - it's one thing to meet someone but being in a relationship is something different altogether ... when you're spending a couple of days here and there - it's always gonna be rosy ... at some point tho - situation has gotta change and so there is waaaay more stuff to think about ... if one person uproots their life to move - what if it doesn't work when you're actually together? ... that's a big change for someone ...
  • pearljgirl2010pearljgirl2010 Shillington, PA/Tuckerton, NJ Posts: 3,428
    polaris_x wrote:
    i'm in one ... will it work? - who the fuck knows ... we're gonna try tho ...

    i think the big part is - it's one thing to meet someone but being in a relationship is something different altogether ... when you're spending a couple of days here and there - it's always gonna be rosy ... at some point tho - situation has gotta change and so there is waaaay more stuff to think about ... if one person uproots their life to move - what if it doesn't work when you're actually together? ... that's a big change for someone ...


    you're right--it is a big change. But, if it doesn't work out, you can always move back. I'd rather try and know for sure, instead of wondering "what if I tried..."
    Need a tour Travel Agent??? Pick me :-)

    Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
  • Kilgore_TroutKilgore_Trout Posts: 7,334
    went on 3 dates with a girl i met through a mutual friend... theres alot of attraction between us and i think it could be something serious with more time... she goes to school in southern CA and i go to school here in IL... its our senior year in college... dunno if i wanna try making the long distance thing work at the risk of missing out on some good times this year - maybe a little selfish... sooo... not sure what the status of this thing is... guess if its meant to be then we'll get back together next year :|

    the long distance thing is hard to combat... especially when youre not ready/willing to make some serious sacrifices

    it can be done though... ive seen it work a few times
    "Senza speme vivemo in disio"

    http://seanbriceart.com/
  • Something_MoreSomething_More Posts: 57
    Good luck Thoughts_Arrive!

    It's tough... I think it takes two people of like-mind who are both ready to commit in the same way at the same time... difficult to find!

    Here's a question for whoever... How far do you have to be from your girl/guy for it to be conisidered "LD"? An hour away? A day away? I had a little debate about this with my guy...
    9/1/2005, 7/3/2006, 7/6/2006, 7/22/2006, 7/23/2006, 9/21/2009, 9/22/2009
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