Horrible Saturday night

2»

Comments

  • Cinnamon Girl
    Cinnamon Girl Posts: 1,854
    Sounds like your friend is the whore...and not much of a friend.
    05-10-06, 08-05-07, 06-14-08 , 08-12-08(EV), 06-11-09(EV), 06-12-09(EV), 08-21-09, 05-10-10, 09-11-11, 09-12-11, 07-16-13, 07-19-13, 10-12-13, 10-21-13, 10-22-13,
  • iluvcats
    iluvcats Posts: 5,153
    why do people text that they are sorry instead of personally calling? I guess I'm just old.

    I would not want to be friends with that guy any more, he sounds like a real cheater.

    I'm sorry they treated you that way, but it sounds like she wasn't your girlfriend technically.
    9/98, 9/00 - DC, 4/03 - Pitt., 7/03 - Bristow, 10/04 - Reading, 10/05 - Philly, 5/06 - DC, 6/06 - Pitt., 6/08 - Va Beach, 6/08 - DC, 5/10 - Bristow, 10/13 B'more
    8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
    10/10 - Brad in B'more
  • IwasBit10
    IwasBit10 Posts: 646
    vduboise wrote:
    IwasBittin wrote:
    So I had been talking a lot to this girl that I met about a month ago. We weren't dating or anything, but I thought I really liked her (and felt the feelings were mutual based on our conservations and time spent together) until last night, when I saw one of my best friends leave the bar with his arm around her and take her home. I'm not really sure how to feel about it all b/c I was completely blindsided. Not only did I really put myself out there for this girl, but my friend has a girlfriend of a few years(whom I'm pretty good friends with also). I wake up this morning to a text from the girl saying, "I need to say sorry about last night. I was really drunk." Pretty much the same excuse I got from my friend too. Besides the fact my friend pulled a HUGE dick move, and I now consider this girl a whore, I'm at a point in my life where I can't surround myself with people like this anymore. I've been burned too many times. I'm tired of alcohol being used as an excuse for inappropriate behavior. I mean, I like to drink with the best of them and going out to bars and all, but damn; felt like I was in high school last night or something. It's hard too b/c I'm in a new city with only a handful of friends, so it's difficult on many levels. So I guess I'm wondering if you have had a similar experience, how did you handle it? Do I let the friend go and move on? We've been through a lot, but this was unbelievable. Also, is it just me, or is the whole "I was really hammered" line no longer a legit excuse (if it ever was)?

    Just needed to get that off my chest.
    Since both of them called/text you the day after- they both knew that they did you wrong. Yeah, technically the girl was not your "girlfriend"- but based on your comments- she was on the road to becoming one. If she did not feel that either, then she would not have texted you the guilty "I was drunk" line.
    --Its no excuse for either of them- and I would cut my losses. Obviously- you can't trust your friend anymore- so it will take a lot of work, on both sides if you want to salvage that relationship. Is he worth it? Will he do this again with a girl that you like? And since he is ducking your calls, that may give you an indication of the type of person he is and to let him go.
    -- let the girl go. She's shown her character and is just not the one for you. I've been seriously drunk, but have never lost sense of my surroundings and my judgment- and if she is one of those people- then she will do it again. She is not a "whore", but not the person that you were falling for. Move on.

    good luck

    You pretty much nailed how I'm feeling about everything. Thanks for sharing your opinion. I need to move on, which is easier said than done, but it is the best decision for me.

    Also, I called her a "whore" just in my original post (never would say that about her in reality) and kinda in pasing. I was heated, and sorry if I offended anyone. I agree that my "friend" was the whore in the situation. Believe me, I'm much more upset with him than her. It was really the "I was drunk" excuse that set me off with her, plus that it was my good friend. If it was with some random guy, I'd be pissed, but like people have said, she wasn't my girlfriend and I'd just have to deal with that. The fact it was with a good buddy who she knows has a relationship of his own, was just shocking and made it hurt a lot worse.
    He floated back down 'cause he wanted to share, his key to the locks on the chains he saw everywhere.
  • hitman
    hitman Posts: 469
    do you know what happened between the two of them when they left the bar? from what i read, you just saw them leaving the bar together, she texted you the next morning, but is it even possible they just went their separate ways after leaving and she was apologizing for walking out on you? i am being very generous here, porbably, but she and your friend deserve the benefit of the doubt. sorry if i have missed any details in the post(s)...

    all this being said, if you know they did have sex or whatever, it is time to:

    1) forget about her

    2) forget about him

    3) let his girlfriend know about it... not for spite or revenge, but to keep her from being taken advantage of... as you were.

    of course this is coming from a guy who has been out of the dating loop for 13 years or so (im married) but from what i remember, sleeping with your friend's girlfriend/love interest is/was generally frowned upon. : )

    there are a ton of other girls out there.... you can and will find one that isn't going to use drinking as an excuse to sleep around. she can say it was just the booze but:

    In Vino Veritas: In wine, truth.... i have lived by this for a number of years and it has never let me down.
  • the wolf
    the wolf Posts: 7,027
    tough call. yes i have been in sitiuations like this, and i think you need to deal with each one in a different way . thats just me.

    as far as thinking she is a whore, really ?

    if a guy hooks up he is a stud, if a gal hooks up she is a whore. i have never really understood that.
    girls are allowed to like sex just as much as guys.

    if anything, i would pissed at myself. sounds like it could have been YOU walking out that door with your arm around her and taking her home.

    good luck.
    Peace, Love.

    "To question your government is not unpatriotic --
    to not question your government is unpatriotic."
    -- Sen. Chuck Hagel
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    the wolf wrote:
    if anything, i would pissed at myself. sounds like it could have been YOU walking out that door with your arm around her and taking her home.

    good luck.

    Definitely. When a girl is drunk and clearly at low judgment point, you really need to pull the trigger. Otherwise, you can't much complain that she went home with someone that did.
  • IwasBit10
    IwasBit10 Posts: 646
    the wolf wrote:

    as far as thinking she is a whore, really ?

    if a guy hooks up he is a stud, if a gal hooks up she is a whore. i have never really understood that.
    girls are allowed to like sex just as much as guys.

    Not how I meant it at all. I've already addressed this, so read some of my other posts if you wish, but I was just pissed at the time i wrote it. I don't truly feel that way as I've had a little time to think.
    He floated back down 'cause he wanted to share, his key to the locks on the chains he saw everywhere.
  • IwasBit10
    IwasBit10 Posts: 646
    soulsinging wrote:
    the wolf wrote:
    if anything, i would pissed at myself. sounds like it could have been YOU walking out that door with your arm around her and taking her home.

    good luck.

    Definitely. When a girl is drunk and clearly at low judgment point, you really need to pull the trigger. Otherwise, you can't much complain that she went home with someone that did.

    I'd normally agree, especially in college, but couldn't disagree more in this situation. This wasn't a random drunk girl. Believe me, I know I missed an opportunity, and my originial post wasn't bitching about that. I just didn't think one of my best friends, who's basically going to ask his girlfriend to marry him, whould do that to me and have both of them blame booze.
    He floated back down 'cause he wanted to share, his key to the locks on the chains he saw everywhere.
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    IwasBittin wrote:
    soulsinging wrote:
    the wolf wrote:
    if anything, i would pissed at myself. sounds like it could have been YOU walking out that door with your arm around her and taking her home.

    Definitely. When a girl is drunk and clearly at low judgment point, you really need to pull the trigger. Otherwise, you can't much complain that she went home with someone that did.

    I'd normally agree, especially in college, but couldn't disagree more in this situation. This wasn't a random drunk girl. Believe me, I know I missed an opportunity, and my originial post wasn't bitching about that. I just didn't think one of my best friends, who's basically going to ask his girlfriend to marry him, whould do that to me and have both of them blame booze.

    I agree, it was shitty on his part. But let it be a lesson. When the girl is drunk, that's your time to abandon the friend mantle and pounce. Nice guys finish last. Women don't want a deferential guy that respects them, esp when drunk. They want someone to take them home and fuck them black and blue. And the upside of making a move then is if she shoots you down, YOU get to use the drunk excuse and salvage the friendship by saying you're sorry to have crossed a line.

    The purpose of drinking in these situations is to get laid. Women use it as an excuse to do things that society will (unfairly) judge them for, and men use it because they know it will lower women's inhibitions and judgment and also give them the courage to make a move they otherwise might not. Gotta go with it!
  • pjhawks
    pjhawks Posts: 12,962
    lose your friend. no good friend would do that. as much as it sucks to be a dick i say tell his girlfriend. do you want it on your conscious when/if he ruins that girls life by getting married to her and being a cheater? just a quick word warning her he might not be the man she thinks he is. don't have to go into great detail with her, just plant the idea for her to be careful with him.

    as for the girl, i find most women to be pretty crazy anyway so I can never explain or rationalize their behavior.
  • decides2dream
    decides2dream Posts: 14,977
    IwasBittin wrote:
    ZiggyStar wrote:
    IwasBittin wrote:
    I now consider this girl a whore

    WTF? :shock: Why the hell is she a whore? :?

    OK settle down. If you lead a guy on for a month, get pretty close to him, have your friends call him to make sure that he's meeting up with you and that you're excited to see him, and then turn around and sleep with his best friend knowing that this best friend is in a relationship of 4 years with another girl (and you just met the other girlfriend a week ago), then that's dirty. If you can justify this behavior, then we clearly don't see eye to eye. In no way was that comment made to deflect blame away from my friend (if I can even call him that anymore) and onto her, but I'm not feeling too great about her at the moment.

    Reverse roles and put yourself in my shoes. If a guy did that to you, I'm sure you'd have a few choice words for him.

    shitty? yes.
    whorish? no.
    therein lies the difference.
    there are TWO people to balme in this situation - your friend and this girl, alcohol is no excuse....and neither aremworth your time. as to the other girl in the relationship with the shit friend, well...i am not one for telling tales. let her find out on her own. hard lesson learned, but move on.
    Stay with me...
    Let's just breathe...


    I am myself like you somehow


  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    decides2dream wrote:
    shitty? yes.
    whorish? no.
    therein lies the difference.
    there are TWO people to balme in this situation - your friend and this girl, alcohol is no excuse....and neither aremworth your time. as to the other girl in the relationship with the shit friend, well...i am not one for telling tales. let her find out on her own. hard lesson learned, but move on.

    Exactly. Ever hear of "shoot the messenger"?

    As to the whore comment, I think he's made it clear he doesn't really believe that and simply said it in a moment of anger.
  • pjsteelerfan
    pjsteelerfan Maryland Posts: 9,905
    It is a shitty situation, but if I were you, lose them both. Your "friend" will no doubt screw you over any time it is to his benefit. As for the girl, drop her, while not your girlfriend, from what you wrote, it appeared as if she was giving you the signs she was into you. Try not to be a complete jerk, but you shuld tell her to stay away, or just ignore her from now on. Like some others said, if she went home with your friend knowing this situation, she is actually saving you from worse situations with her down the line. The "I was drunk line" is just their way of saying they don't care and hope that you won't either. It's really not an excuse, they knew what they were doing.
    ...got a mind full of questions and a teacher in my soul...
  • philthehip
    philthehip Posts: 2,084
    Some of us feel that you should tell her and some dont. Although I understand where all the comments are coming from and we all have different ideas on what to do. I cant agree with not telling the gf about his actions. She has every right to know what you know. Maybe its a US vs UK thing, but where I come from we look out for each other and dont worry about betraying people who have done wrong.
  • iluvcats
    iluvcats Posts: 5,153
    I have read repeatedly (in advice columns) that you should not tell the spouse/significant other that their spouse/partner/significant other is cheating. I understand that it will eventually become apparent.

    After I was divorced, I was told where my husband really was (often) when he said he was working.
    I personally wish I would have been told during the marriage. It would have ended years sooner. While we were married, it never became apparent where he was exactly, just that he was partying with friends, drunk all the time, mean to me, and getting stopped for DUI.
    9/98, 9/00 - DC, 4/03 - Pitt., 7/03 - Bristow, 10/04 - Reading, 10/05 - Philly, 5/06 - DC, 6/06 - Pitt., 6/08 - Va Beach, 6/08 - DC, 5/10 - Bristow, 10/13 B'more
    8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
    10/10 - Brad in B'more
  • Rygar
    Rygar Posts: 8,711
    philthehip wrote:
    Some of us feel that you should tell her and some dont. Although I understand where all the comments are coming from and we all have different ideas on what to do. I cant agree with not telling the gf about his actions. She has every right to know what you know. Maybe its a US vs UK thing, but where I come from we look out for each other and dont worry about betraying people who have done wrong.
    By the sounds of things, telling the other woman wouldn't do much to change the friend's relationship anyway.
  • hitman
    hitman Posts: 469
    iluvcats wrote:
    I have read repeatedly (in advice columns) that you should not tell the spouse/significant other that their spouse/partner/significant other is cheating. I understand that it will eventually become apparent.

    After I was divorced, I was told where my husband really was (often) when he said he was working.
    I personally wish I would have been told during the marriage. It would have ended years sooner. While we were married, it never became apparent where he was exactly, just that he was partying with friends, drunk all the time, mean to me, and getting stopped for DUI.

    sorry to hear all that.... glad you got out...

    i too luvcats!
  • iluvcats
    iluvcats Posts: 5,153
    BH71937 wrote:
    iluvcats wrote:
    I have read repeatedly (in advice columns) that you should not tell the spouse/significant other that their spouse/partner/significant other is cheating. I understand that it will eventually become apparent.

    After I was divorced, I was told where my husband really was (often) when he said he was working.
    I personally wish I would have been told during the marriage. It would have ended years sooner. While we were married, it never became apparent where he was exactly, just that he was partying with friends, drunk all the time, mean to me, and getting stopped for DUI.

    sorry to hear all that.... glad you got out...

    i too luvcats!

    thank you. I think alot of pj fans love kitty cats.
    9/98, 9/00 - DC, 4/03 - Pitt., 7/03 - Bristow, 10/04 - Reading, 10/05 - Philly, 5/06 - DC, 6/06 - Pitt., 6/08 - Va Beach, 6/08 - DC, 5/10 - Bristow, 10/13 B'more
    8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
    10/10 - Brad in B'more
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    philthehip wrote:
    Some of us feel that you should tell her and some dont. Although I understand where all the comments are coming from and we all have different ideas on what to do. I cant agree with not telling the gf about his actions. She has every right to know what you know. Maybe its a US vs UK thing, but where I come from we look out for each other and dont worry about betraying people who have done wrong.

    Probably true. I've noticed there are a lot of differences in the way relationships are approached in the US vs UK. Here, the general rule is that you do not ever impose yourself on other people's business.

Categories