Horrible Saturday night
IwasBit10
Posts: 646
So I had been talking a lot to this girl that I met about a month ago. We weren't dating or anything, but I thought I really liked her (and felt the feelings were mutual based on our conservations and time spent together) until last night, when I saw one of my best friends leave the bar with his arm around her and take her home. I'm not really sure how to feel about it all b/c I was completely blindsided. Not only did I really put myself out there for this girl, but my friend has a girlfriend of a few years(whom I'm pretty good friends with also). I wake up this morning to a text from the girl saying, "I need to say sorry about last night. I was really drunk." Pretty much the same excuse I got from my friend too. Besides the fact my friend pulled a HUGE dick move, I'm at a point in my life where I can't surround myself with people like this anymore. I've been burned too many times. I'm tired of alcohol being used as an excuse for inappropriate behavior. I mean, I like to drink with the best of them and going out to bars and all, but damn; felt like I was in high school last night or something. It's hard too b/c I'm in a new city with only a handful of friends, so it's difficult on many levels. So I guess I'm wondering if you have had a similar experience, how did you handle it? Do I let the friend go and move on? We've been through a lot, but this was unbelievable. Also, is it just me, or is the whole "I was really hammered" line no longer a legit excuse (if it ever was)?
Just needed to get that off my chest.
Just needed to get that off my chest.
He floated back down 'cause he wanted to share, his key to the locks on the chains he saw everywhere.
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Ive been burned. Time heals all wounds. Just remember that and the rest will take its own course.
the person who is the real whore here is you friends, first he does have a girlfriends is the only one cheating here, and there is NO excuse for this! plus, you obviously had strong feeling for the girl, and even though she might not have quite understood then, he should have! to then just pass the incident off as a 'drunken mistake' is disgusting, if you cant trust him to stand by you then whats the point?
i say have it out with him, let him know how pissed off you are at him, and if he cares for the friendship he'll try and repair it....if not move on
as for the girl....forget about her! shes not worth your time! plenty more fish in the sea!
Although I understand where SarahLou is coming from I cant agree. If this girl knows the guy she went to bed with is in a relationship then she is a slag, he is a ass hole to his girl and friend. When and if this happens to the girl I hope she loses alot to learn a lesson that needs teaching. As for the OP I feel you should just walk away. Do not give your former friend the satisfaction of knowing that his actions have hurt you. Also the other inocent party needs to be told. No matter what the outcome, she has the right to know that its likely her BF has had unprotected sex with what is a stranger. If they were so drunk that he fell into her lol. then no condom was used.
I have been very drunk many times and on a few accasions I have been offered casual sex. Im in a relationship with my lovely girl who I adore and no amount of drink could make me cheat on her so the argument is poor.
Get out of there man, your better than either of them but please let that other girl know, its really not fair to leave it fate if she finds out.
I vote against this. You don't rat your buddy. That's between him and his gf. But you should tell him he should come clean with her. If you go this route, don't expect the dude to ever speak to you again.
Though it is a dick move of him to move in on a girl he knew you liked (I assume he knew this?). That's shit.
The girl is not a whore though. She had no obligation to you or anyone and saw a good time and took it. Sucks for you, but you've got no claim on her.
The chick is to blame, NOT the alcohol!!!
As for the girlfriend, unforunately she knows he's fucked around on her in the past and hasn't done much about it. That's a whole other story that I'm staying away from. She hasn't listened to me in the past either, so I feel like it's not worth it.
I appreciate all your thoughts on this. Pretty much confirmed my own feelings. I've been feeling for a while now that I need to cut ties with this friend, and this weekend cemented it. He didn't have the balls to answer my phone call today, or call me back. Just isn't worth it and like I said, I don't need people like that in my life anymore.
At a certain age, girls + booze = i will do the first person i see while i can still pass it off to my friends as "experimentation" or discovering who i am. Most girls go through this in college. My ex was one of them. Don't take it personal. They're just foolish and short-sighted is all. It'll be fun for you to mention to her in 10 years when she's complaining that all the nice guys are either taken or bitter and jaded.
booze is a weak excuse to use. also you're friend is an asshole for somewhat cock blocking you.
Sammi: Wanna just break up?
But he is not his buddy anymore, offer him the chance to come clean but make it clear that he must tell her.
No loyalty needs to be given to a person who treats you like that dude.
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
WTF? :shock: Why the hell is she a whore? :?
★ 2009 - Sydney, Brisbane, Auckland, Christchurch ★
★ 2011 - EV Newcastle, Melbourne 1, Melbourne 2 ★
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
Doesn't matter, you don't want to sink to his level. And ratting him to his gf is a dick move, just like him moving on the chick he knew you liked is. If you're not tight, walk away. But intruding into a relationship that isn't yours reeks of pettiness.
OK settle down. If you lead a guy on for a month, get pretty close to him, have your friends call him to make sure that he's meeting up with you and that you're excited to see him, and then turn around and sleep with his best friend knowing that this best friend is in a relationship of 4 years with another girl (and you just met the other girlfriend a week ago), then that's dirty. If you can justify this behavior, then we clearly don't see eye to eye. In no way was that comment made to deflect blame away from my friend (if I can even call him that anymore) and onto her, but I'm not feeling too great about her at the moment.
Reverse roles and put yourself in my shoes. If a guy did that to you, I'm sure you'd have a few choice words for him.
I pretty much agree with both of you. I won't sink to his level and flat out tell his gf. But I am going to tell him that I don't accept his behavior, and that if he wants to still be a friend, he's gotta grow-up and be a man(which I don't see happening). But yeah, intruding in his relationship is not my place, nor do I really care. The fact he fucked up a relationship of mine is all I care about.
to me it looks like they are alot alike and they recognize this
you'll find a great lady whos just right for you
a nice lady who will appreciate what you have to give that you can trust no matter what, just keep looking for your soulmate have faith
you're in a new city for a reason shes probably there!
--Its no excuse for either of them- and I would cut my losses. Obviously- you can't trust your friend anymore- so it will take a lot of work, on both sides if you want to salvage that relationship. Is he worth it? Will he do this again with a girl that you like? And since he is ducking your calls, that may give you an indication of the type of person he is and to let him go.
-- let the girl go. She's shown her character and is just not the one for you. I've been seriously drunk, but have never lost sense of my surroundings and my judgment- and if she is one of those people- then she will do it again. She is not a "whore", but not the person that you were falling for. Move on.
good luck
I would not want to be friends with that guy any more, he sounds like a real cheater.
I'm sorry they treated you that way, but it sounds like she wasn't your girlfriend technically.
8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
10/10 - Brad in B'more
You pretty much nailed how I'm feeling about everything. Thanks for sharing your opinion. I need to move on, which is easier said than done, but it is the best decision for me.
Also, I called her a "whore" just in my original post (never would say that about her in reality) and kinda in pasing. I was heated, and sorry if I offended anyone. I agree that my "friend" was the whore in the situation. Believe me, I'm much more upset with him than her. It was really the "I was drunk" excuse that set me off with her, plus that it was my good friend. If it was with some random guy, I'd be pissed, but like people have said, she wasn't my girlfriend and I'd just have to deal with that. The fact it was with a good buddy who she knows has a relationship of his own, was just shocking and made it hurt a lot worse.
all this being said, if you know they did have sex or whatever, it is time to:
1) forget about her
2) forget about him
3) let his girlfriend know about it... not for spite or revenge, but to keep her from being taken advantage of... as you were.
of course this is coming from a guy who has been out of the dating loop for 13 years or so (im married) but from what i remember, sleeping with your friend's girlfriend/love interest is/was generally frowned upon. : )
there are a ton of other girls out there.... you can and will find one that isn't going to use drinking as an excuse to sleep around. she can say it was just the booze but:
In Vino Veritas: In wine, truth.... i have lived by this for a number of years and it has never let me down.
as far as thinking she is a whore, really ?
if a guy hooks up he is a stud, if a gal hooks up she is a whore. i have never really understood that.
girls are allowed to like sex just as much as guys.
if anything, i would pissed at myself. sounds like it could have been YOU walking out that door with your arm around her and taking her home.
good luck.
"To question your government is not unpatriotic --
to not question your government is unpatriotic."
-- Sen. Chuck Hagel
Definitely. When a girl is drunk and clearly at low judgment point, you really need to pull the trigger. Otherwise, you can't much complain that she went home with someone that did.
Not how I meant it at all. I've already addressed this, so read some of my other posts if you wish, but I was just pissed at the time i wrote it. I don't truly feel that way as I've had a little time to think.
I'd normally agree, especially in college, but couldn't disagree more in this situation. This wasn't a random drunk girl. Believe me, I know I missed an opportunity, and my originial post wasn't bitching about that. I just didn't think one of my best friends, who's basically going to ask his girlfriend to marry him, whould do that to me and have both of them blame booze.
I agree, it was shitty on his part. But let it be a lesson. When the girl is drunk, that's your time to abandon the friend mantle and pounce. Nice guys finish last. Women don't want a deferential guy that respects them, esp when drunk. They want someone to take them home and fuck them black and blue. And the upside of making a move then is if she shoots you down, YOU get to use the drunk excuse and salvage the friendship by saying you're sorry to have crossed a line.
The purpose of drinking in these situations is to get laid. Women use it as an excuse to do things that society will (unfairly) judge them for, and men use it because they know it will lower women's inhibitions and judgment and also give them the courage to make a move they otherwise might not. Gotta go with it!
as for the girl, i find most women to be pretty crazy anyway so I can never explain or rationalize their behavior.