Horrible Saturday night

IwasBit10

So I had been talking a lot to this girl that I met about a month ago. We weren't dating or anything, but I thought I really liked her (and felt the feelings were mutual based on our conservations and time spent together) until last night, when I saw one of my best friends leave the bar with his arm around her and take her home. I'm not really sure how to feel about it all b/c I was completely blindsided. Not only did I really put myself out there for this girl, but my friend has a girlfriend of a few years(whom I'm pretty good friends with also). I wake up this morning to a text from the girl saying, "I need to say sorry about last night. I was really drunk." Pretty much the same excuse I got from my friend too. Besides the fact my friend pulled a HUGE dick move, I'm at a point in my life where I can't surround myself with people like this anymore. I've been burned too many times. I'm tired of alcohol being used as an excuse for inappropriate behavior. I mean, I like to drink with the best of them and going out to bars and all, but damn; felt like I was in high school last night or something. It's hard too b/c I'm in a new city with only a handful of friends, so it's difficult on many levels. So I guess I'm wondering if you have had a similar experience, how did you handle it? Do I let the friend go and move on? We've been through a lot, but this was unbelievable. Also, is it just me, or is the whole "I was really hammered" line no longer a legit excuse (if it ever was)?

Just needed to get that off my chest.

mrvedderson

alcohol is no excuse, such a cliche excuse when its used too, like u almost expect it, i say move on, if you are not being treated with the respect you feel you give or deserve, it is only a good thing to continue to strive for that rather than sell yourself short and get shat on by ridiculous people

WaveRyder

Some people suck man. You saw their true colors. Be thankful it happened now and not six months into a serious relationship.

Ive been burned. Time heals all wounds. Just remember that and the rest will take its own course.

SarahLou

yeah this is a pretty shitty situation...however i dont think this girl is a 'whore' as you say you guys werent dating...and you've only know each other a month, regardless of how you had interpreted the situation, its not like she cheated on, if she was your girlfriend of anything over 6 months, then its a different matter! (6 months being merely an example length of time)
the person who is the real whore here is you friends, first he does have a girlfriends is the only one cheating here, and there is NO excuse for this! plus, you obviously had strong feeling for the girl, and even though she might not have quite understood then, he should have! to then just pass the incident off as a 'drunken mistake' is disgusting, if you cant trust him to stand by you then whats the point?
i say have it out with him, let him know how pissed off you are at him, and if he cares for the friendship he'll try and repair it....if not move on
as for the girl....forget about her! shes not worth your time! plenty more fish in the sea!

philthehip

SarahLou wrote:

yeah this is a pretty shitty situation...however i dont think this girl is a 'whore' as you say you guys werent dating...and you've only know each other a month, regardless of how you had interpreted the situation, its not like she cheated on, if she was your girlfriend of anything over 6 months, then its a different matter! (6 months being merely an example length of time)
the person who is the real whore here is you friends, first he does have a girlfriends is the only one cheating here, and there is NO excuse for this! plus, you obviously had strong feeling for the girl, and even though she might not have quite understood then, he should have! to then just pass the incident off as a 'drunken mistake' is disgusting, if you cant trust him to stand by you then whats the point?
i say have it out with him, let him know how pissed off you are at him, and if he cares for the friendship he'll try and repair it....if not move on
as for the girl....forget about her! shes not worth your time! plenty more fish in the sea!

Although I understand where SarahLou is coming from I cant agree. If this girl knows the guy she went to bed with is in a relationship then she is a slag, he is a ass hole to his girl and friend. When and if this happens to the girl I hope she loses alot to learn a lesson that needs teaching. As for the OP I feel you should just walk away. Do not give your former friend the satisfaction of knowing that his actions have hurt you. Also the other inocent party needs to be told. No matter what the outcome, she has the right to know that its likely her BF has had unprotected sex with what is a stranger. If they were so drunk that he fell into her lol. then no condom was used.

I have been very drunk many times and on a few accasions I have been offered casual sex. Im in a relationship with my lovely girl who I adore and no amount of drink could make me cheat on her so the argument is poor.

Get out of there man, your better than either of them but please let that other girl know, its really not fair to leave it fate if she finds out.

SarahLou

yup i do agree there...your mates girlfriend should definatly be let on this!

soulsinging

SarahLou wrote:

yup i do agree there...your mates girlfriend should definatly be let on this!

I vote against this. You don't rat your buddy. That's between him and his gf. But you should tell him he should come clean with her. If you go this route, don't expect the dude to ever speak to you again.

Though it is a dick move of him to move in on a girl he knew you liked (I assume he knew this?). That's shit.

The girl is not a whore though. She had no obligation to you or anyone and saw a good time and took it. Sucks for you, but you've got no claim on her.

CROJAM95

IwasBittin wrote:

So I had been talking a lot to this girl that I met about a month ago. We weren't dating or anything, but I thought I really liked her (and felt the feelings were mutual based on our conservations and time spent together) until last night, when I saw one of my best friends leave the bar with his arm around her and take her home. I'm not really sure how to feel about it all b/c I was completely blindsided. Not only did I really put myself out there for this girl, but my friend has a girlfriend of a few years(whom I'm pretty good friends with also). I wake up this morning to a text from the girl saying, "I need to say sorry about last night. I was really drunk." Pretty much the same excuse I got from my friend too. Besides the fact my friend pulled a HUGE dick move, and I now consider this girl a whore, I'm at a point in my life where I can't surround myself with people like this anymore. I've been burned too many times. I'm tired of alcohol being used as an excuse for inappropriate behavior. I mean, I like to drink with the best of them and going out to bars and all, but damn; felt like I was in high school last night or something. It's hard too b/c I'm in a new city with only a handful of friends, so it's difficult on many levels. So I guess I'm wondering if you have had a similar experience, how did you handle it? Do I let the friend go and move on? We've been through a lot, but this was unbelievable. Also, is it just me, or is the whole "I was really hammered" line no longer a legit excuse (if it ever was)?

Just needed to get that off my chest.

The chick is to blame, NOT the alcohol!!!

IwasBit10

The only reason I called her a "whore" was because she absolutely knew of my friend's situation. She definitely didn't owe me anything, but I'd appreciate honesty. To say I thought she was interested would be an understatement considering the things she and her friends had said to me. And to do something completely uncharacteristic like this, just because you had a few too many shots, is plain bullshit. And I'm not talking about a drunk make-out session. They fuckin slept together.

As for the girlfriend, unforunately she knows he's fucked around on her in the past and hasn't done much about it. That's a whole other story that I'm staying away from. She hasn't listened to me in the past either, so I feel like it's not worth it.

I appreciate all your thoughts on this. Pretty much confirmed my own feelings. I've been feeling for a while now that I need to cut ties with this friend, and this weekend cemented it. He didn't have the balls to answer my phone call today, or call me back. Just isn't worth it and like I said, I don't need people like that in my life anymore.

soulsinging

IwasBittin wrote:

The only reason I called her a "whore" was because she absolutely knew of my friend's situation. She definitely didn't owe me anything, but I'd appreciate honesty. To say I thought she was interested would be an understatement considering the things she and her friends had said to me. And to do something completely uncharacteristic like this, just because you had a few too many shots, is plain bullshit. And I'm not talking about a drunk make-out session. They fuckin slept together.

At a certain age, girls + booze = i will do the first person i see while i can still pass it off to my friends as "experimentation" or discovering who i am. Most girls go through this in college. My ex was one of them. Don't take it personal. They're just foolish and short-sighted is all. It'll be fun for you to mention to her in 10 years when she's complaining that all the nice guys are either taken or bitter and jaded.

Gary Carter

girls are dime a dozen

booze is a weak excuse to use. also you're friend is an asshole for somewhat cock blocking you.

philthehip

soulsinging wrote:

SarahLou wrote:

yup i do agree there...your mates girlfriend should definatly be let on this!

I vote against this. You don't rat your buddy. That's between him and his gf. But you should tell him he should come clean with her. If you go this route, don't expect the dude to ever speak to you again.

Though it is a dick move of him to move in on a girl he knew you liked (I assume he knew this?). That's shit.

The girl is not a whore though. She had no obligation to you or anyone and saw a good time and took it. Sucks for you, but you've got no claim on her.

But he is not his buddy anymore, offer him the chance to come clean but make it clear that he must tell her.
No loyalty needs to be given to a person who treats you like that dude.

dimitrispearljam

sharing is good,,put it out..

ZiggyStar

IwasBittin wrote:

I now consider this girl a whore

WTF? :shock: Why the hell is she a whore? :?

dimitrispearljam

ZiggyStar wrote:

IwasBittin wrote:

I now consider this girl a whore

WTF? :shock: Why the hell is she a whore? :?

is the easy excuse for mens,",womans are whores,",and the easy for woman for man that they are '"assholes-jerk(malaka in Greek)",,nobody see themselfs in the mirrow.the excuse is ready in the mouth,nobody thinks ours mistakes..

soulsinging

philthehip wrote:

But he is not his buddy anymore, offer him the chance to come clean but make it clear that he must tell her.
No loyalty needs to be given to a person who treats you like that dude.

Doesn't matter, you don't want to sink to his level. And ratting him to his gf is a dick move, just like him moving on the chick he knew you liked is. If you're not tight, walk away. But intruding into a relationship that isn't yours reeks of pettiness.

IwasBit10

ZiggyStar wrote:

IwasBittin wrote:

I now consider this girl a whore

WTF? :shock: Why the hell is she a whore? :?

OK settle down. If you lead a guy on for a month, get pretty close to him, have your friends call him to make sure that he's meeting up with you and that you're excited to see him, and then turn around and sleep with his best friend knowing that this best friend is in a relationship of 4 years with another girl (and you just met the other girlfriend a week ago), then that's dirty. If you can justify this behavior, then we clearly don't see eye to eye. In no way was that comment made to deflect blame away from my friend (if I can even call him that anymore) and onto her, but I'm not feeling too great about her at the moment.

Reverse roles and put yourself in my shoes. If a guy did that to you, I'm sure you'd have a few choice words for him.

Rygar

soulsinging wrote:

philthehip wrote:

But he is not his buddy anymore, offer him the chance to come clean but make it clear that he must tell her.
No loyalty needs to be given to a person who treats you like that dude.

Doesn't matter, you don't want to sink to his level. And ratting him to his gf is a dick move, just like him moving on the chick he knew you liked is. If you're not tight, walk away. But intruding into a relationship that isn't yours reeks of pettiness.

SS is spot on.

IwasBit10

soulsinging wrote:

philthehip wrote:

But he is not his buddy anymore, offer him the chance to come clean but make it clear that he must tell her.
No loyalty needs to be given to a person who treats you like that dude.

Doesn't matter, you don't want to sink to his level. And ratting him to his gf is a dick move, just like him moving on the chick he knew you liked is. If you're not tight, walk away. But intruding into a relationship that isn't yours reeks of pettiness.

I pretty much agree with both of you. I won't sink to his level and flat out tell his gf. But I am going to tell him that I don't accept his behavior, and that if he wants to still be a friend, he's gotta grow-up and be a man(which I don't see happening). But yeah, intruding in his relationship is not my place, nor do I really care. The fact he fucked up a relationship of mine is all I care about.

pandora

coming from a different viewpoint here- maybe your "friend" helped you out- guessing the kind of lady she is- shes not ready to settle down
to me it looks like they are alot alike and they recognize this
you'll find a great lady whos just right for you
a nice lady who will appreciate what you have to give that you can trust no matter what, just keep looking for your soulmate have faith
you're in a new city for a reason shes probably there!

vduboise

IwasBittin wrote:

So I had been talking a lot to this girl that I met about a month ago. We weren't dating or anything, but I thought I really liked her (and felt the feelings were mutual based on our conservations and time spent together) until last night, when I saw one of my best friends leave the bar with his arm around her and take her home. I'm not really sure how to feel about it all b/c I was completely blindsided. Not only did I really put myself out there for this girl, but my friend has a girlfriend of a few years(whom I'm pretty good friends with also). I wake up this morning to a text from the girl saying, "I need to say sorry about last night. I was really drunk." Pretty much the same excuse I got from my friend too. Besides the fact my friend pulled a HUGE dick move, and I now consider this girl a whore, I'm at a point in my life where I can't surround myself with people like this anymore. I've been burned too many times. I'm tired of alcohol being used as an excuse for inappropriate behavior. I mean, I like to drink with the best of them and going out to bars and all, but damn; felt like I was in high school last night or something. It's hard too b/c I'm in a new city with only a handful of friends, so it's difficult on many levels. So I guess I'm wondering if you have had a similar experience, how did you handle it? Do I let the friend go and move on? We've been through a lot, but this was unbelievable. Also, is it just me, or is the whole "I was really hammered" line no longer a legit excuse (if it ever was)?

Just needed to get that off my chest.

Since both of them called/text you the day after- they both knew that they did you wrong. Yeah, technically the girl was not your "girlfriend"- but based on your comments- she was on the road to becoming one. If she did not feel that either, then she would not have texted you the guilty "I was drunk" line.
--Its no excuse for either of them- and I would cut my losses. Obviously- you can't trust your friend anymore- so it will take a lot of work, on both sides if you want to salvage that relationship. Is he worth it? Will he do this again with a girl that you like? And since he is ducking your calls, that may give you an indication of the type of person he is and to let him go.
-- let the girl go. She's shown her character and is just not the one for you. I've been seriously drunk, but have never lost sense of my surroundings and my judgment- and if she is one of those people- then she will do it again. She is not a "whore", but not the person that you were falling for. Move on.

good luck