A panda walks into a bar. He asks the bartender how he can get a little
action for the night. The bartender motions to a young woman. She talks
to the panda, and they go back to her place. After having sex, the panda
abruptly leaves.
The next night, the woman goes to the panda's house. "You owe me money," she says.
"For what?"
The woman rolls her eyes and explains, "I'm a prostitute."
The panda pulls out a dictionary and looks it up: "Prostitute: Has sex for money."
The
panda says, "I don't have to pay you. I'm a panda -- look it up." She
is about to protest when the bear hands her the dictionary.
The woman looks up "panda" in the dictionary. It says, "Panda: Eats bush and leaves."
Comments
The bartender says "we don't serve string here".
So the string ties a knot in himself, fluffs up his hair, and tries to order again.
The bartender says "hey, didn't you hear me? We don't serve string".
The string says "I'm a frayed knot".
European!
Order at a restaurant: "I'll have a Russian order, please."
Waiter/ess: "Excuse me, sir?"
Dad: "A one-of-ich."
Oy.
He was also fond of the old one I'm sure everyone has been subjected to.......
"Dad, I'm thirsty".
"I'm Friday, nice to meet you!"
It's sweeping the nation
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frost bite
Wakka Wakka
8/28/98- Camden, NJ
10/31/09- Philly
5/21/10- NYC
9/2/12- Philly, PA
7/19/13- Wrigley
10/19/13- Brooklyn, NY
10/21/13- Philly, PA
10/22/13- Philly, PA
10/27/13- Baltimore, MD
Tres Mts.- 3/23/11- Philly
Eddie Vedder- 6/25/11- Philly
How do you catch an unusual rabbit?
Unique up on it.
OK, then how do you catch a domestic rabbit?
Tame way.
He keeps getting nailed to the boards.
That reminds me: How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as an altar boy.
They heard he was hung like this
2....But it makes you kind of wonder how they got in there.
None. They just sit in the dark and cry.
The next night, the woman goes to the panda's house. "You owe me money," she says.
"For what?"
The woman rolls her eyes and explains, "I'm a prostitute."
The panda pulls out a dictionary and looks it up: "Prostitute: Has sex for money."
The panda says, "I don't have to pay you. I'm a panda -- look it up." She is about to protest when the bear hands her the dictionary.
The woman looks up "panda" in the dictionary. It says, "Panda: Eats bush and leaves."
A: two knee fish
You sober up, your wife comes home and the dog comes back to life.
They're both meat substitutes!