Motivating an adolescent child in school?

Get_Right said:

brianlux said:

Among a number of other things I've done, I was a teacher for awhile- two years with a 5/6th grade combo, 3 years subbing mostly middle school kids, and two years at the community college level.  I'm a big fan of education and have something like 200 units of college course under my belt.  

But that said, I also don't believe school is for everyone.  I have a nephew who dropped out of high school but is a bright and ambitious kid.  He was smart enough and skilled enough at various hands-on jobs to have enabled himself to buy his first house while in his early 20s (a much nicer house than I'll ever own).  I also have a step daughter who took only a few part-time semesters of college courses and nearly flunked out-- so she dropped out.  But she is bright and ambitious.  Without a degree, she became the head of a city's chamber of commerce and then went on to become the only person I know of who is a successful paralegal without a college degree of any kind.

So my thinking is that, for kids who hate school, it's more important to focus on the things they enjoy doing that could lead to them finding job satisfaction when they are out of school.  Sometimes trade schools with a great emphasis on hands-on than book learning are a better way to go.  I only see two reasons for being interested in regular schooling: either because a person is interested in and enjoys learning via studies, or is OK with slogging through schools having the main function of training punctual worker bees (which is what most schools are about.)

That's my two cents.

I tell this story all the time. The most successful person I have ever known that did not go to college. Right out of high school, he was a plumber apprentice, then a full time plumber, then opened a plumbing supply company. He makes big dollars every year. College does not always equate to making a living or being happy at your job.

two of the biggest high school clowns I went to school with: one is now the director of radiology at a hospital on caymen islands, the other is a university professor. While they struggled in HS, they found their feet when they were learning something they wanted to learn. 

Get_Right said:

brianlux said:

Among a number of other things I've done, I was a teacher for awhile- two years with a 5/6th grade combo, 3 years subbing mostly middle school kids, and two years at the community college level.  I'm a big fan of education and have something like 200 units of college course under my belt.  

But that said, I also don't believe school is for everyone.  I have a nephew who dropped out of high school but is a bright and ambitious kid.  He was smart enough and skilled enough at various hands-on jobs to have enabled himself to buy his first house while in his early 20s (a much nicer house than I'll ever own).  I also have a step daughter who took only a few part-time semesters of college courses and nearly flunked out-- so she dropped out.  But she is bright and ambitious.  Without a degree, she became the head of a city's chamber of commerce and then went on to become the only person I know of who is a successful paralegal without a college degree of any kind.

So my thinking is that, for kids who hate school, it's more important to focus on the things they enjoy doing that could lead to them finding job satisfaction when they are out of school.  Sometimes trade schools with a great emphasis on hands-on than book learning are a better way to go.  I only see two reasons for being interested in regular schooling: either because a person is interested in and enjoys learning via studies, or is OK with slogging through schools having the main function of training punctual worker bees (which is what most schools are about.)

That's my two cents.

I tell this story all the time. The most successful person I have ever known that did not go to college. Right out of high school, he was a plumber apprentice, then a full time plumber, then opened a plumbing supply company. He makes big dollars every year. College does not always equate to making a living or being happy at your job.

No, it definitely doesn't, but it is still a fact that having a good education is stongly correlated with greater happiness and success.

well I am officially training to become an exorcist. My 18 yo, when I told her we're planning on turning off the wifi and data at night, before I even finished my sentence, sat up in bed, looked me dead in the eyes, with a face that could only resemble that a of demon possessed, growled from the depths of hell "GO AHEAD AND DO IT". I am legitimately dealing with an addict here. 

Every situation is different. We have tried it all. They do recognize no phones in certain situations, like dinner. But it's not quite as easy as you're making it out to be or as dismissive. it's a major problem and I'm not just going to throw my hands up and say "it's the culture". 

There are ways we can restrict. Turning off the wifi and data is one. And it is not circumventable. That's our next step. 

N/A

tempo_n_groove said:

I am following this as I am fairly interested in what kids get motivated from.

My GF is a teacher in a school that does not take their phones away so she has little to no classroom participation.  They are always on their phones.

Screentime is a direct result of kids not caring about school as far as I can see.  The instant gratification is like a drug...

Phones are the worst thing to impact schools in 1000 years. 
My school does allow it, not only allow it but we're supposed to take them away.  But then you get that entitled parent complaining, it's their phone, they need to get a hold of their child any time they want, etc. And it falls on us to enforce it, which can be a real pain.
I had 2 parents last semester complain that I have a seating chart and don't allow their kids to sit with their friends in class. The entitlement of parents is nuts these days. One of those parents complained to admin that I mark her child tardy every day out of spite because I don't like him, even though records showed I only marked him tardy twice all year. She was after me because I had taken his phone away about 3 or 4 times in class, complained to admin each time, then snowballed into those other things. 

Teenagers can be tough to motivate in general. My kids were both unmotivated as students during middle school and the first year of high school. They were just lazy about school and homework. I think it is important to be a proactive parent, checking assignments online, communicating with teachers, guidance counselors and discussing how to address any deficiencies and finding support for any student that is struggling. Schools want their students to succeed, (and pass the Regents in NY) but sometimes they get lost in the middle if unmotivated or there is a lack of engagement. High School can be tough for girls. Whenever my daughter fell off the rails, we would get her team together and say what can we do to improve this? We came up with solutions, like changing coursework, adding a study session, or a having more meetings with her guidance counselor. It was not easy and required a time commitment. The parent message is you have one job, get your school work done first and if we see you struggling we will work with the school to figure it out. We drove that home with positive reinforcement rather than negative reinforcement. 

I also requested the special education department conduct tests to see if she qualified for additional support. She did not qualify, but it put her on the radar of the schools and they gave her more attention/support to help her succeed. The school psychologist even stepped got involved. In some cases, kids are diagnosed with learning disabilities at the high school level and can get support to help them get through school. We are in a competitive district with a very high college placement rate and at my daughter is now motivated by the competition with her friends to get the best grades and by the social pressure to get into the best possible college. At some point it just clicked for her, but I do think a big part of it was being involved as she progressed. 

The phones are a problem. The amount of time they spend on their devices is ridiculous. But I would never tell a teacher to give it back if it was being used during class. We have more entitled parents calling out teachers for their children's grades. 

HughFreakingDillon said:

mace1229 said:

tempo_n_groove said:

I am following this as I am fairly interested in what kids get motivated from.

My GF is a teacher in a school that does not take their phones away so she has little to no classroom participation.  They are always on their phones.

Screentime is a direct result of kids not caring about school as far as I can see.  The instant gratification is like a drug...

Phones are the worst thing to impact schools in 1000 years. 
My school does allow it, not only allow it but we're supposed to take them away.  But then you get that entitled parent complaining, it's their phone, they need to get a hold of their child any time they want, etc. And it falls on us to enforce it, which can be a real pain.
I had 2 parents last semester complain that I have a seating chart and don't allow their kids to sit with their friends in class. The entitlement of parents is nuts these days. One of those parents complained to admin that I mark her child tardy every day out of spite because I don't like him, even though records showed I only marked him tardy twice all year. She was after me because I had taken his phone away about 3 or 4 times in class, complained to admin each time, then snowballed into those other things. 

people complain about "this generation of kids". I can tell you with 100% certainty, it's "this generation of parents". As one, I feel like I'm the only sane one out of the entire group of my kids' friends' parents. Do everything for them, they can do nothing wrong. It's insanity. 

As you said every situation and parenting style is different. We did not have the internet, social media or smart phones. Young adults have tuned social media platforms into careers, and kids are involved in this from a relatively young age. I am not sure it is so easily dismissed. This is not like taking away the Playstation. It is a very different generation than mine. When I was 18, the last place I wanted to be was home. Not these kids, they want to text their friends and share youtube, instagram, or tik tok videos for hours on end. But I do agree that parents coddle their children much more than my generation. 

Get_Right said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

mace1229 said:

tempo_n_groove said:

I am following this as I am fairly interested in what kids get motivated from.

My GF is a teacher in a school that does not take their phones away so she has little to no classroom participation.  They are always on their phones.

Screentime is a direct result of kids not caring about school as far as I can see.  The instant gratification is like a drug...

Phones are the worst thing to impact schools in 1000 years. 
My school does allow it, not only allow it but we're supposed to take them away.  But then you get that entitled parent complaining, it's their phone, they need to get a hold of their child any time they want, etc. And it falls on us to enforce it, which can be a real pain.
I had 2 parents last semester complain that I have a seating chart and don't allow their kids to sit with their friends in class. The entitlement of parents is nuts these days. One of those parents complained to admin that I mark her child tardy every day out of spite because I don't like him, even though records showed I only marked him tardy twice all year. She was after me because I had taken his phone away about 3 or 4 times in class, complained to admin each time, then snowballed into those other things. 

people complain about "this generation of kids". I can tell you with 100% certainty, it's "this generation of parents". As one, I feel like I'm the only sane one out of the entire group of my kids' friends' parents. Do everything for them, they can do nothing wrong. It's insanity. 

As you said every situation and parenting style is different. We did not have the internet, social media or smart phones. Young adults have tuned social media platforms into careers, and kids are involved in this from a relatively young age. I am not sure it is so easily dismissed. This is not like taking away the Playstation. It is a very different generation than mine. When I was 18, the last place I wanted to be was home. Not these kids, they want to text their friends and share youtube, instagram, or tik tok videos for hours on end. But I do agree that parents coddle their children much more than my generation. 

I was referring specifically to education in this comment, as I was replying to tempo's comment above. I know teachers and the bullshit they have to endure as there is no consequence for assignments not complete, allowed to redo tests, teachers aren't allowed to tell parents their kids are failing/not performing/etc, then the parents lose their minds when the kid comes home with a shitty report card, blame the teacher, demand a change to the grades, and the admin takes the side of the parents, because, in the end, it's all about funding. If parents take their kids to different schools, the enrollment falls, so then does the funding. So the admin are just cucks to these idiot parents. 

I agree 100% with the challenges of phones/technology at home. 

HughFreakingDillon said:

Get_Right said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

mace1229 said:

tempo_n_groove said:

I am following this as I am fairly interested in what kids get motivated from.

My GF is a teacher in a school that does not take their phones away so she has little to no classroom participation.  They are always on their phones.

Screentime is a direct result of kids not caring about school as far as I can see.  The instant gratification is like a drug...

Phones are the worst thing to impact schools in 1000 years. 
My school does allow it, not only allow it but we're supposed to take them away.  But then you get that entitled parent complaining, it's their phone, they need to get a hold of their child any time they want, etc. And it falls on us to enforce it, which can be a real pain.
I had 2 parents last semester complain that I have a seating chart and don't allow their kids to sit with their friends in class. The entitlement of parents is nuts these days. One of those parents complained to admin that I mark her child tardy every day out of spite because I don't like him, even though records showed I only marked him tardy twice all year. She was after me because I had taken his phone away about 3 or 4 times in class, complained to admin each time, then snowballed into those other things. 

people complain about "this generation of kids". I can tell you with 100% certainty, it's "this generation of parents". As one, I feel like I'm the only sane one out of the entire group of my kids' friends' parents. Do everything for them, they can do nothing wrong. It's insanity. 

As you said every situation and parenting style is different. We did not have the internet, social media or smart phones. Young adults have tuned social media platforms into careers, and kids are involved in this from a relatively young age. I am not sure it is so easily dismissed. This is not like taking away the Playstation. It is a very different generation than mine. When I was 18, the last place I wanted to be was home. Not these kids, they want to text their friends and share youtube, instagram, or tik tok videos for hours on end. But I do agree that parents coddle their children much more than my generation. 

I was referring specifically to education in this comment, as I was replying to tempo's comment above. I know teachers and the bullshit they have to endure as there is no consequence for assignments not complete, allowed to redo tests, teachers aren't allowed to tell parents their kids are failing/not performing/etc, then the parents lose their minds when the kid comes home with a shitty report card, blame the teacher, demand a change to the grades, and the admin takes the side of the parents, because, in the end, it's all about funding. If parents take their kids to different schools, the enrollment falls, so then does the funding. So the admin are just cucks to these idiot parents. 

I agree 100% with the challenges of phones/technology at home. 

Gotcha. I can see every assignment, every grade, attendance, and every teacher message to the kids through our school portal. I check it every day. I address it at home if she is missing assignments, being marked absent or getting poor test scores. If that fails I call the school. There are no surprises when I see the report card, although there does always seem to be one teacher that is tough on the kid's grades.

I do not see it as the teachers job to reach out unless the kid has a serious problem (drugs, mental health, etc). I guess I am lucky that our school has great teachers and resources that are responsive and they care about the student's success. But you are right that being invested in that success has to do with funding. The more kids that pass the Regents, the more funding they get.

Same here with the driving. 19 and 17 and no licenses. Oldest just started driving school.