PJ fans in 12 step Recovery
Comments
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I don't know if this is the appropriate place to post this so let me know if it's out of line. I've lost many friends and family to drug and alcohol use over the years, and I currently am watching two separate people who were close to me spiral out of control. One with booze, the other relapsed with meth after a decade away from it. I guess I'm just looking for some perspective from people who have turned their life around. I feel incredibly helpless and any efforts to talk to them are met with strong resistance. If this isn't the right place I apologise. I guess I'm just looking for advice. Do I walk away as much as it hurts? Or keep reaching out?0
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And congratulations to all the people on here who keep fighting that good fight. And to anyone who wants to get clean/sober, just start. Don't wait for the perfect time or situation.0
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my brother in law died from alcoholism. basically all you can do is do as much as you can while you can maintain your own sanity and well being. anything beyond that isn't helping anyone.WhatYouTaughtMe said:I don't know if this is the appropriate place to post this so let me know if it's out of line. I've lost many friends and family to drug and alcohol use over the years, and I currently am watching two separate people who were close to me spiral out of control. One with booze, the other relapsed with meth after a decade away from it. I guess I'm just looking for some perspective from people who have turned their life around. I feel incredibly helpless and any efforts to talk to them are met with strong resistance. If this isn't the right place I apologise. I guess I'm just looking for advice. Do I walk away as much as it hurts? Or keep reaching out?
our family all did as much as we could. he just, in the end, didn't want help. or he did and didn't know how to navigate it. I think he honestly wanted to get help. he tried a few times, even after my sister and also his girlfriend both kicked him out. he wanted to for his son. but he just couldn't overcome it.
I know you asked from the perspective of those recovering, but thought it couldn't hurt to add my two cents.By The Time They Figure Out What Went Wrong, We'll Be Sitting On A Beach, Earning Twenty Percent.0 -
I know some here have/had family members to which this can apply. Not my place to speak for them, but if they feel comfortable sharing, I hope it helps you and lets you know you’re doing what you can, while keeping your SELF somewhat intact.WhatYouTaughtMe said:I don't know if this is the appropriate place to post this so let me know if it's out of line. I've lost many friends and family to drug and alcohol use over the years, and I currently am watching two separate people who were close to me spiral out of control. One with booze, the other relapsed with meth after a decade away from it. I guess I'm just looking for some perspective from people who have turned their life around. I feel incredibly helpless and any efforts to talk to them are met with strong resistance. If this isn't the right place I apologise. I guess I'm just looking for advice. Do I walk away as much as it hurts? Or keep reaching out?
From my own experience, I knew I was headed toward (or had already arrived) somewhere pretty bad. It took me being scared straight as shit to take that first step, beyond what was provided to me.
To say it was difficult would be an understatement. But it was the single best thing I ever did for myself.
i look back, but I’m never going back there.0 -
WhatYouTaughtMe said:I don't know if this is the appropriate place to post this so let me know if it's out of line. I've lost many friends and family to drug and alcohol use over the years, and I currently am watching two separate people who were close to me spiral out of control. One with booze, the other relapsed with meth after a decade away from it. I guess I'm just looking for some perspective from people who have turned their life around. I feel incredibly helpless and any efforts to talk to them are met with strong resistance. If this isn't the right place I apologise. I guess I'm just looking for advice. Do I walk away as much as it hurts? Or keep reaching out?There is little to nothing you can do to solve their problem. What you xan do is add to the harm they cause themselves by acting with good intention inbthe belief you are trying to help.So first. protect yourself and loved ones from any harm THEY may cause you.Second whether you break off contact or not is not something I can advise on except to say that knowing I had people in my corner helped. I just knew they shouldn't try to help. So I'd say to keep in contact but protect yourself. And pray if you are inclined. You can tell them that they don't HAVE to live that way. that sucessful help is available for the asking. If its to heartbreaking to watch then do what you must...I see it this way, I was furiously digging my hole to get to bottom and family and some friends were kicking dirt back in while trying, with good intention to help me. I just needed everyone to let me alone to finish my work._____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '140 -
that's true. i have found with my own struggles over the years that often when someone tries to steer me in what they believe to be the "right direction", if i was anywhere close to going in that direction, their actions often turned me in the direction they were trying to steer me away from.mickeyrat said:WhatYouTaughtMe said:I don't know if this is the appropriate place to post this so let me know if it's out of line. I've lost many friends and family to drug and alcohol use over the years, and I currently am watching two separate people who were close to me spiral out of control. One with booze, the other relapsed with meth after a decade away from it. I guess I'm just looking for some perspective from people who have turned their life around. I feel incredibly helpless and any efforts to talk to them are met with strong resistance. If this isn't the right place I apologise. I guess I'm just looking for advice. Do I walk away as much as it hurts? Or keep reaching out?There is little to nothing you can do to solve their problem. What you xan do is add to the harm they cause themselves by acting with good intention inbthe belief you are trying to help.So first. protect yourself and loved ones from any harm THEY may cause you.Second whether you break off contact or not is not something I can advise on except to say that knowing I had people in my corner helped. I just knew they shouldn't try to help. So I'd say to keep in contact but protect yourself. And pray if you are inclined. You can tell them that they don't HAVE to live that way. that sucessful help is available for the asking. If its to heartbreaking to watch then do what you must...I see it this way, I was furiously digging my hole to get to bottom and family and some friends were kicking dirt back in while trying, with good intention to help me. I just needed everyone to let me alone to finish my work.By The Time They Figure Out What Went Wrong, We'll Be Sitting On A Beach, Earning Twenty Percent.0 -
That’s how I was too. Knowledge isn’t tantamount to action though. I’m forever grateful to my husband for keeping at it - keeping at ME - until I got so angry I finally did as he asked (pleaded). That’s when the real journey began.HughFreakingDillon said:
that's true. i have found with my own struggles over the years that often when someone tries to steer me in what they believe to be the "right direction", if i was anywhere close to going in that direction, their actions often turned me in the direction they were trying to steer me away from.mickeyrat said:WhatYouTaughtMe said:I don't know if this is the appropriate place to post this so let me know if it's out of line. I've lost many friends and family to drug and alcohol use over the years, and I currently am watching two separate people who were close to me spiral out of control. One with booze, the other relapsed with meth after a decade away from it. I guess I'm just looking for some perspective from people who have turned their life around. I feel incredibly helpless and any efforts to talk to them are met with strong resistance. If this isn't the right place I apologise. I guess I'm just looking for advice. Do I walk away as much as it hurts? Or keep reaching out?There is little to nothing you can do to solve their problem. What you xan do is add to the harm they cause themselves by acting with good intention inbthe belief you are trying to help.So first. protect yourself and loved ones from any harm THEY may cause you.Second whether you break off contact or not is not something I can advise on except to say that knowing I had people in my corner helped. I just knew they shouldn't try to help. So I'd say to keep in contact but protect yourself. And pray if you are inclined. You can tell them that they don't HAVE to live that way. that sucessful help is available for the asking. If its to heartbreaking to watch then do what you must...I see it this way, I was furiously digging my hole to get to bottom and family and some friends were kicking dirt back in while trying, with good intention to help me. I just needed everyone to let me alone to finish my work.There has to be some small inkling of will, I believe.0 -
hedonist said:
That’s how I was too. Knowledge isn’t tantamount to action though. I’m forever grateful to my husband for keeping at it - keeping at ME - until I got so angry I finally did as he asked (pleaded). That’s when the real journey began.HughFreakingDillon said:
that's true. i have found with my own struggles over the years that often when someone tries to steer me in what they believe to be the "right direction", if i was anywhere close to going in that direction, their actions often turned me in the direction they were trying to steer me away from.mickeyrat said:WhatYouTaughtMe said:I don't know if this is the appropriate place to post this so let me know if it's out of line. I've lost many friends and family to drug and alcohol use over the years, and I currently am watching two separate people who were close to me spiral out of control. One with booze, the other relapsed with meth after a decade away from it. I guess I'm just looking for some perspective from people who have turned their life around. I feel incredibly helpless and any efforts to talk to them are met with strong resistance. If this isn't the right place I apologise. I guess I'm just looking for advice. Do I walk away as much as it hurts? Or keep reaching out?There is little to nothing you can do to solve their problem. What you xan do is add to the harm they cause themselves by acting with good intention inbthe belief you are trying to help.So first. protect yourself and loved ones from any harm THEY may cause you.Second whether you break off contact or not is not something I can advise on except to say that knowing I had people in my corner helped. I just knew they shouldn't try to help. So I'd say to keep in contact but protect yourself. And pray if you are inclined. You can tell them that they don't HAVE to live that way. that sucessful help is available for the asking. If its to heartbreaking to watch then do what you must...I see it this way, I was furiously digging my hole to get to bottom and family and some friends were kicking dirt back in while trying, with good intention to help me. I just needed everyone to let me alone to finish my work.There has to be some small inkling of will, I believe.H.O.W.HonestyOpenmindednessWillingnessessential to any path of recovery_____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '140 -
Some good thoughts. Thanks for the responses. One of the relationships has been severely damaged I think by my eagerness to offer help in anyway that I can. I've tried not to give ultimatums and stuff like that because I don't feel it would be productive. How do I explain it to someone that they are free to do what they choose with their life, but I also am free to choose to not have anything to do with it? Without it coming off as an ultimatum? Is there any point in trying to communicate rationally with someone who's brain clearly isn't even functioning in a rational way?0
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rational conversations may be a challenge. just be firm without being accusing?
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Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '140 -
just stay engaged in a non-judgemental way. check in. be friendly. if you notice issues, ask if they would like any help or if there is anything you can do. make the person feel loved but not pitied. help them realize on their own that they are worthy.By The Time They Figure Out What Went Wrong, We'll Be Sitting On A Beach, Earning Twenty Percent.0
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Alright. Thanks for the suggestions. I'm just trying to flesh things out in my mind because it can make you nuts. If it's hell for me to watch, I can't imagine the hell it is to go through. I don't want to hijack this thread because it's important. I don't know any of you, but I am happy for anyone that can overcome that struggle.0
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not a hijack, important stuff being shared.....WhatYouTaughtMe said:Alright. Thanks for the suggestions. I'm just trying to flesh things out in my mind because it can make you nuts. If it's hell for me to watch, I can't imagine the hell it is to go through. I don't want to hijack this thread because it's important. I don't know any of you, but I am happy for anyone that can overcome that struggle.
so keep asking or venting or whatever you need....
_____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '140 -
Hey all!
I celebrated 24 years of sobriety on November 13, 2020.
It was hell getting sober, and I made it harder by analyzing everything, but it's part of who I am now. I am also a person who LOVES to party, I just can't because it will kill me. I'm a week or so late in posting as I am fighting the pandemic pull of isolation.
Love you all and hope you are all having success in your recovery. I, personally, started doing a workbook for steps 8-12. I have had it for a long time but never got to it after my sponsor's son was almost killed in a car accident and she had to drop me.. We did great work 3-7, but I haven't found a sponsor since her. So when I came across this I thought it was time I revisited 'Living With Others'.
It's nice to have these safe places, be it cyber or RL.
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You are inspiring nancy. Love and health to you my friend
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -0 -
It's great to see you Rob! Thank you, I find inspiration in everyone's journey. People had basically given up on me after 3 years of attempted sobriety, but one day it was just different and I've felt that way ever since. I know that could change any moment so I don't take it for granted. I've lost so many family members & friends to diseases related to addiction that I know I'd be dead if I hadn't stopped at a relatively young age.lastexitlondon said:You are inspiring nancy. Love and health to you my friend
I am supposed to go for a lung scan tomorrow, need to go every year cause I smoked for 35 years or so (July 9, 2017 quit date). I haven't left my home since March except for one trip to the pharmacy months ago and moving the car around the block for the sweeper. I am panicked but they saw something last year and want to check it. I can't get up the courage to go tomorrow right now and times like this cause me to feel like I am wasting my life by succombing to fear especially since I am the only living sibling and what good is sobriety if I am scared to live. I am quite hard on myself. But I wish health and love and safety to you too my friend. I have a way of making simple things so complicated. I'm a work in progress. Each step backward is a chance to learn. I should be a genius by now, lol.
Be well!!0 -
Congratulations @njnancy. You’ve worked so hard and faced so many challenges on your journey. I admire you very much. I understand the feeling of anxiety around leaving the house right now, but I hope you’re able to make your appointment and that your lungs come back clear. I’ll be thinking of you and sending you good vibes."What the CANUCK happened?!? - Esquimalt Barber Shop0
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Congrats, Nancy. I am proud of you.0
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yes. also good to see you too.... good luck today....
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Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '140 -
I hope all went well, nancy!
I just watched an old clip of James Hetfield on Rogan, discussing how he became sober. One thing he said that hit home - his wife walked through that fire with him.I am so fortunate to have my fire-walker with me.
I’m always interested in people’s rock bottoms. What it took for them to say, “No more.”0
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