Should I ask Agnes out on a date?

darwinstheory said:

JPPJ84 said:

kce8 said:

HesCalledDyer said:

I also have to rule out vegans.  Nothing against y'all, but I don't need a fucking lecture every god damn time I eat.

 
but still doesn't help me... haha

Yay again, I love meat ;-)

Is this something that you really want to have typed on here? 

pjhawks said:

darwinstheory said:

Sounds like she might be a little bit loco.

aren't they all?

Spiritual_Chaos said:

Not to use this place as a 13 year old girl's personal blog...

.... but, about the girl I mentioned who didn't like my jokey comment and ended our dating. We started texting again and she called me (drunk) and opened up a bit. Felt like she wanted to find a way to get back, but in texts she felt a bit off and with hesitation so I didn't really know.

I wanted to clear the air. She agreed and with the fear it might be a break-up talk I went to her a week ago. As soon as she opened the door, whatever fabricated "being" I had turned her into from her texts stripped away - there she stood, this supercute, charming, hot, welcoming, (vegan) girl I had wanted to see and hug for weeks. And we hugged. And talked. The "joke" had been a culmination of something I had not had a clue about - she felt I had not shown that I really liked her and feared I was just with her until something better came along, and also that I had been very negative in comments supporting this fear of hers. I was surprised. She had been very affirmative towards me in ways (like talking about me coming along to her dads birthday) but I thought it was obvious I was into her and did not know my "sarcastic jargon" was taken as dismissive. So I told her my side of the story, that I didn't know really what she wanted out of us (us meeting through Tinder and all) and that I didn't want to "rock the boat" by saying something stupid that would make her "scared" - but that I did like her and that I had missed her (a lot). And that I had not realized my sarcasm had been taken as matter of fact dissing. I had even stopped seeing an "until something better comes along"-person as soon as I met this girl because I dug her so right off the bat - ironic enough.

It seemed to me like we were cool -  the miscommunication was cleared up. She was happy and we snuggled, drank some tea and just hanged out like normal. She asked if I wanted to eat something, and it being really late I took it as a cute invite for me to stay. In the end I left her place at midnight with her looking happy and a text confirming she had enjoyed me visiting. I asked if she wanted to catch a movie or a play soon - which she seemed into.

But this weekend she was getting "off" in texts (again) and didn't seem to be in a rush to meet. And last night she wrote and said she doesn't like me enough to see me ("I will never fall deep in love with you, so there is no point in seeing each other"). So first she was afraid I didn't like her enough because I did not show it - so I tell her how sorry I am about that not coming across and that I like her as much as she (seemed) to like me - only to face this problem of me liking her being a problem because she now doesn't like me (enough). So.. now it would have been better if I didn't "rock the boat" and told her I liked her? As she first presumed, so we could meet..(?).

I've been down all last evening and day over this. This is the first girl in 10 years I've found charming enough to keep on seeing and see where it leads (whatever that might be). I remember the first time we met, I was surprised by me not wanting her to leave in the morning and wanting to see her again as soon as she left my apartment. That is not how it had been for me in a loooong time. There's something about her and being close to her that makes me happy. I even accept her not caring for Pearl Jam. And i really thought after the "bump in the road" that we were back on track. Whatever the track would be. I just knew we both were open with liking each other, and it felt right...

If this was 15 years ago then-me would have gone to her and told her how stupid it all is and how this is a stupid mistake ending it. Maybe even quoting some Pearl Jam lyrics. 35 year old me just feels empty and like shit. And man, first one in 10 years that made me feel butterflies.

Fucking shit.

/ Veddergirl84

Spiritual_Chaos said:

Not to use this place as a 13 year old girl's personal blog...

.... but, about the girl I mentioned who didn't like my jokey comment and ended our dating. We started texting again and she called me (drunk) and opened up a bit. Felt like she wanted to find a way to get back, but in texts she felt a bit off and with hesitation so I didn't really know.

I wanted to clear the air. She agreed and with the fear it might be a break-up talk I went to her a week ago. As soon as she opened the door, whatever fabricated "being" I had turned her into from her texts stripped away - there she stood, this supercute, charming, hot, welcoming, (vegan) girl I had wanted to see and hug for weeks. And we hugged. And talked. The "joke" had been a culmination of something I had not had a clue about - she felt I had not shown that I really liked her and feared I was just with her until something better came along, and also that I had been very negative in comments supporting this fear of hers. I was surprised. She had been very affirmative towards me in ways (like talking about me coming along to her dads birthday) but I thought it was obvious I was into her and did not know my "sarcastic jargon" was taken as dismissive. So I told her my side of the story, that I didn't know really what she wanted out of us (us meeting through Tinder and all) and that I didn't want to "rock the boat" by saying something stupid that would make her "scared" - but that I did like her and that I had missed her (a lot). And that I had not realized my sarcasm had been taken as matter of fact dissing. I had even stopped seeing an "until something better comes along"-person as soon as I met this girl because I dug her so right off the bat - ironic enough.

It seemed to me like we were cool -  the miscommunication was cleared up. She was happy and we snuggled, drank some tea and just hanged out like normal. She asked if I wanted to eat something, and it being really late I took it as a cute invite for me to stay. In the end I left her place at midnight with her looking happy and a text confirming she had enjoyed me visiting. I asked if she wanted to catch a movie or a play soon - which she seemed into.

But this weekend she was getting "off" in texts (again) and didn't seem to be in a rush to meet. And last night she wrote and said she doesn't like me enough to see me ("I will never fall deep in love with you, so there is no point in seeing each other"). So first she was afraid I didn't like her enough because I did not show it - so I tell her how sorry I am about that not coming across and that I like her as much as she (seemed) to like me - only to face this problem of me liking her being a problem because she now doesn't like me (enough). So.. now it would have been better if I didn't "rock the boat" and told her I liked her? As she first presumed, so we could meet..(?).

I've been down all last evening and day over this. This is the first girl in 10 years I've found charming enough to keep on seeing and see where it leads (whatever that might be). I remember the first time we met, I was surprised by me not wanting her to leave in the morning and wanting to see her again as soon as she left my apartment. That is not how it had been for me in a loooong time. There's something about her and being close to her that makes me happy. I even accept her not caring for Pearl Jam. And i really thought after the "bump in the road" that we were back on track. Whatever the track would be. I just knew we both were open with liking each other, and it felt right...

If this was 15 years ago then-me would have gone to her and told her how stupid it all is and how this is a stupid mistake ending it. Maybe even quoting some Pearl Jam lyrics. 35 year old me just feels empty and like shit. And man, first one in 10 years that made me feel butterflies.

Fucking shit.

/ Veddergirl84

oftenreading said:

Spiritual_Chaos said:

Not to use this place as a 13 year old girl's personal blog...

.... but, about the girl I mentioned who didn't like my jokey comment and ended our dating. We started texting again and she called me (drunk) and opened up a bit. Felt like she wanted to find a way to get back, but in texts she felt a bit off and with hesitation so I didn't really know.

I wanted to clear the air. She agreed and with the fear it might be a break-up talk I went to her a week ago. As soon as she opened the door, whatever fabricated "being" I had turned her into from her texts stripped away - there she stood, this supercute, charming, hot, welcoming, (vegan) girl I had wanted to see and hug for weeks. And we hugged. And talked. The "joke" had been a culmination of something I had not had a clue about - she felt I had not shown that I really liked her and feared I was just with her until something better came along, and also that I had been very negative in comments supporting this fear of hers. I was surprised. She had been very affirmative towards me in ways (like talking about me coming along to her dads birthday) but I thought it was obvious I was into her and did not know my "sarcastic jargon" was taken as dismissive. So I told her my side of the story, that I didn't know really what she wanted out of us (us meeting through Tinder and all) and that I didn't want to "rock the boat" by saying something stupid that would make her "scared" - but that I did like her and that I had missed her (a lot). And that I had not realized my sarcasm had been taken as matter of fact dissing. I had even stopped seeing an "until something better comes along"-person as soon as I met this girl because I dug her so right off the bat - ironic enough.

It seemed to me like we were cool -  the miscommunication was cleared up. She was happy and we snuggled, drank some tea and just hanged out like normal. She asked if I wanted to eat something, and it being really late I took it as a cute invite for me to stay. In the end I left her place at midnight with her looking happy and a text confirming she had enjoyed me visiting. I asked if she wanted to catch a movie or a play soon - which she seemed into.

But this weekend she was getting "off" in texts (again) and didn't seem to be in a rush to meet. And last night she wrote and said she doesn't like me enough to see me ("I will never fall deep in love with you, so there is no point in seeing each other"). So first she was afraid I didn't like her enough because I did not show it - so I tell her how sorry I am about that not coming across and that I like her as much as she (seemed) to like me - only to face this problem of me liking her being a problem because she now doesn't like me (enough). So.. now it would have been better if I didn't "rock the boat" and told her I liked her? As she first presumed, so we could meet..(?).

I've been down all last evening and day over this. This is the first girl in 10 years I've found charming enough to keep on seeing and see where it leads (whatever that might be). I remember the first time we met, I was surprised by me not wanting her to leave in the morning and wanting to see her again as soon as she left my apartment. That is not how it had been for me in a loooong time. There's something about her and being close to her that makes me happy. I even accept her not caring for Pearl Jam. And i really thought after the "bump in the road" that we were back on track. Whatever the track would be. I just knew we both were open with liking each other, and it felt right...

If this was 15 years ago then-me would have gone to her and told her how stupid it all is and how this is a stupid mistake ending it. Maybe even quoting some Pearl Jam lyrics. 35 year old me just feels empty and like shit. And man, first one in 10 years that made me feel butterflies.

Fucking shit.

/ Veddergirl84

That sucks. She sounds like a player of games; so, not someone you actually want in your life, unless you like a lot of drama. It’s unfortunate that you have such strong feelings for her, but maybe not surprising, since some people operate on that constant push-me-pull-you level. You are better off finding out now, rather than a year down the line, but that doesn’t necessary make you feel any better, I know. 

OffSheGoes35 said:

I recognized her too, Nancy. I'm so thankful that you found all the right words. I was struggling. Damaged people don't know how to go along with the Boy Meets Girl formula anymore. 

I also recognize her, but I'm thinking about it from S_C's perspective only, and frankly, I think that anyone should walk away when red flags like that go up, whatever the causes of the behaviour may be. Maybe it's my cynicism talking, but at this point in my life I think it's better to be careful and preemptively avoid potential mega-drama in relationships. Aka, at the beginning of relationships, use the head, not the heart. I say this as someone with a very strong and long history of ignoring red flags because I thought our strong feelings for one another could overcome them, and that such problems could be worked out with time and love and tolerance, etc etc ... WRONG. They all usually just snowball.