Need some advice regarding a friendship that's gone sour

Thoughts_Arrive · October 2017

So I met two people at university this year who are a couple.
When I went into one of my friend's work a few weeks ago for a coffee (she's a barrista/waitress at this cafe) she said to me that she broke up with her boyfriend, I was naturally shocked and said 'oh what, that sucks, sorry to hear' and then she said just kidding. I was thinking 'wtf, that's a weird joke' but I brushed it off and moved on. The other week she sent a Facebook message from her boyfriend's phone pretending to be him saying that they broke up. Once again I was shocked, I was asking her boyfriend if he's okay and was about to ask if he was on campus to see if he wanted to catch up with me for a chat. He then apologised on messenger saying she stole his phone from him and typed that. I replied with a roll eyes emoji and said 'don't get the joke'. A few days passed and she messaged me with an emoji, I replied 'hey' and she replied with another emoji. I guess she knew I was upset. The emoji's were two beer glasses toasting and one was a cat's paw (friendly hellos I guess). I didn't reply to the second message. A week or so passed and I didn't go to her work for a coffee like I have been every Saturday these past 2-3 months. I thought I'd better address the issue so I sent her a 'hey, what's happening?' message today. She replied saying busy with university and work and asked 'you?'. I said I was busy with study and then sent a message to say why I was pissed off and that I felt like an idiot, to which she replied that her and her boyfriend nearly broke up. I replied to that saying what goes on between them is not my business and that in future I don't want such pranks. I also mentioned that I only got involved once after she asked me for advice as their relationship wasn't going well, she put me on the spot and I gave advice without taking sides.
She replied with 'ok whatever' which has now left me feeling let down and confused.
I replied with I am said to see she said whatever and that I was being polite with what I said.
She replied with 'I was joking!!!, get over it' with a laughing emoji.
Did I screw up here?
Am I overreacting?
Or is it all her?
Should I let it go and move on and continue the friendship?

Thoughts_Arrive · October 2017

Feeling down as I don't have many friends and have been let down/hurt/taken advantage of by friends in the past so I am an very cautious with new people and rarely let anyone into my life as I've been disappointed much more than not. I open myself up to making new friends and this is what happens.

Annafalk · October 2017

I wouldn’t think more about this.
It’s like that saying I saw in a restaurant;
“People seem normal until you actually get to know them”

rgambs · October 2017

I'd say lighten up and try not to take it too seriously. They are probably not aware of how serious you are with stuff like this.
Communicate less with the female and more with the male of her flippant style bothers you, doesn't mean you aren't friends, you can be friends through him.

pjhawks · October 2017

Friendship are like any relationship where people don't always act as you want. Doesn't mean you abandon them. If you think they are good people still and you want to hang with them don't let this incident stop you from that. She annoyed you , she knows from you now that she annoyed you so nothing more on that situation needs to be done at this time. chill out and go next week to your regular coffee meet and be your regular friendly self.

dankind · October 2017

Thoughts_Arrive · October 2017

I'm upset because I feel she's insinuating something by twice pranking me she broke up.
Does she think I have romantic feelings for her because I visit her work every Saturday for a coffee?

lastexitlondon · October 2017

My 2 cents.
It sounds like you do.
Or why not leave it where it is and move on and say to yourself. "What a strange couple"

lastexitlondon · October 2017

What would you feel if you found out she does infact have feelings.? Would you then walk away. Or listen?

brianlux · October 2017

Maybe talk to her about this in as straight forward honest and matter-of-fact way as possible- and try to leave emotion out of it so as not to confuse things. Simply explain that you enjoy a good joke but are not a fan of pranks. Some people thrive on pranks and when that is a mutually understood thing between friends I'm sure there's little or no harm in it. But if you're not into pranks (I know I'm not) then she would do well to respect that or risk your friendship. A friend who doesn't respect your own boundaries may not be the right kind of friend for you.

I hope that helps some. You're good- don't let her get to you.

lastexitlondon · October 2017

There is of course the fact she may be short on attention. Looks that way as a neutral here. She went the wrong way about it. Could be that

Thoughts_Arrive · October 2017

lastexitlondon said:

My 2 cents.
It sounds like you do.
Or why not leave it where it is and move on and say to yourself. "What a strange couple"

It sounds like I what?

lastexitlondon · October 2017

I just sounds like you are really bothered by this couple who are not more than casual friends you don't know that well. This may be their normal. But it by the amount its bothered you sounds like you care more than just a casual friend you don't know very well. Let it go . If you can't then i guess you care more

Thoughts_Arrive · October 2017

Not sure I follow what you're saying.
Not bothered by the couple, I am bothered at the prank by her.

lastexitlondon · October 2017

They seem odd . Leave them behind

Thoughts_Arrive · October 2017

lastexitlondon said:

They seem odd . Leave them behind

Yeah, I find it odd to prank someone by saying that you and your partner broke up.
I'm just saddened as I thought I made friends.
And I am disappointed that she told me to get over it as she was joking rather than apologising.
I feel like I am made to feel like the person in the wrong here.

Thoughts_Arrive · October 2017

brianlux said:

Maybe talk to her about this in as straight forward honest and matter-of-fact way as possible- and try to leave emotion out of it so as not to confuse things. Simply explain that you enjoy a good joke but are not a fan of pranks. Some people thrive on pranks and when that is a mutually understood thing between friends I'm sure there's little or no harm in it. But if you're not into pranks (I know I'm not) then she would do well to respect that or risk your friendship. A friend who doesn't respect your own boundaries may not be the right kind of friend for you.

I hope that helps some. You're good- don't let her get to you.

Thanks Brian.

mickeyrat · October 2017

of all the times you have asked for advice, how many times have you taken the advice offered and acted on it?

lastexitlondon · October 2017

I just had a thought. Could it be that as a couple they contrived this. Let's say he says to her." That guy fancies you."
Gets her to message from his phone to see if you take the' bait' . Maybe its a test. He maybe insecure and i can see why if this is how she behaves. I take it these are youngsters? Sounds like an immature thing to do.

Dr. Delight · October 2017

Oh man, another one of these threads....

Thoughts_Arrive · October 2017

lastexitlondon said:

I just had a thought. Could it be that as a couple they contrived this. Let's say he says to her." That guy fancies you."
Gets her to message from his phone to see if you take the' bait' . Maybe its a test. He maybe insecure and i can see why if this is how she behaves. I take it these are youngsters? Sounds like an immature thing to do.

They're 7 years younger than me.
Maybe, that's what worries me.

Need some advice regarding a friendship that's gone sour

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