Diary of A D.O.E.F.; The World In My Eye...

A Friend Will Wait With You; A Real Friend Gets Food Stamps For You.

Swear to God, I overheard this today.. Ok, so let me start at the beginning.. I woke up all happy, stiff sore and didn't want to be up that early, but happy none the less.. I get ready, go out the door..get in the car.. Head towards the interstate.. My on ramp.. Is under construction.. So I figure I'm better off on the back roads anyhow.. So I head off into broken -through -way -hell.. Where the streets cut off then mysteriously pick up again five blocks down.. Ahh Colorado Springs.. Nothin like a morning drive across the back stretch of town with the world's Best Worst Drivers!! So I figure.. I'm already going from Pretty in Pink, to Pretty Pissy In Pink.. So, I break out a bit of granola, and I'm there early.. So I am
Trying to figure, how much THC it's gonna take to keep me from killing anyone today.. ( that didn't take long). I look over.. And there's this small straggle of humans gathered on sidewalk.. Waiting. And all it takes was that one look... And about 26% THC to just get OUT OF THE CAR.... I make sure all is safely locked up in the car and join the ever growing herd.. Hanging off on the side so I can get a good even read on everyone. I got asked for cigarettes by allllllll of them... One by one.. So glad I don't smoke.. Although I think today, I did manage to make it out of the house looking like I smoke Crack.... But that's ok.. I fit right the fuck in, so no one noticed..
The doors open, we go in, sit down.. Start to fill out paperwork.. And I'm giggling, because the basics are so fucking spellled out.. Write name here..in ink.. No pencil or other substance.. Fuckng for real?? Damn and I was looking so forward to writing in the person next to me's blood!!
Then I'm done filling out my stuff.. ( ok , so I should warn you..it can get judge mental up in my head.. When people stick out to me.. I ' Name' them) and this 19 yr old kid.. Comes and sits at the corner chair of the table opposite my chair.. He's got the do rag, slung pants. Wife beater under a down puff jacket with 9,000 lbs of gold chains, rings.. Bleh bleh bleh.. Sits down, plugs in his ear buds, ( which had simply been hanging from his ears.. And proceeds to movk Rock Ginuine's Pony. Not a remix.. Or a sample of that song, THAT song.. And it's the club version.. Like 5mins long or something!! So I nicked named this kid Pony Boy. And he's just lost in dream land, dreaming Of God fucking knows.. God KNOWS I don't wanna know..then comes this really really pretty little tiny chick.. And she has on this gigantic ass fur looking coat.. And she asliiiiiiiiiidesssssss that puppy off, and refreshes herself.. Straightening her clothes.. Primping her rainbow colored hair, cooling down the room with her twelve foot eyelashes, everytime she blinked... And then I saw it.. The trim on her cream colored pants suit, was striped and matched every fucking color on her head..and her four inch heels were black Paton leather, saddleback style. Wonder what she does for a living.. Dressing like Rainbow Brite??? Ok.. So then Comes in the Perma Grin Twins.. Swear matching gack faces, looking like they thought it would be like WalMart. Seriously.. This is a class to help inprove job skills, so you can eventually not have to depend on food stamps.. These two ladies come in spun three wheels thin, and STILL Pony Boy is just rocking his bad littl gansta show over in the corner.. Now he's smiling over at Rainbow Brite.. Who bats her eye fans at him.. I swear in between the two of them.. I can feel the Jungle Love tonight.. And soon he slides on up, skinks on over all slow and dramatic like.. Sits down and the shit is on.. People are giggling.. Oh my god I could go on forever.. It looked to possibly get worse... But they got copies of my paystivs, and I got to run away!! So I fucking DID!!

Some days.. I Walk out my door, all Good Morning world...... Can't wait to see what today brings.. And I almost always walk back IN my door thinking.. What the guck is WRONG with me?!?!? Why the fuck do I do that to myself???
Thank god for Pot!!

It's ten kinds of fucked up outside today!!! Lol

Lol.. I have my moments.. What makes these stories great. Is this stuff is true.. I'll have more later.. Got snowed into my friends' house across the street from where I work.. And there's some cool people over here.. So if anything worth sharing happens, I'll write about it.. Now.. I'm
Gonna go chill with these cats.. Both the humans. and animals. ( God, there's like 17-20 feral cats in this trailer park.)

It's a Small Small World!!

So I gotta snowed into a good friend's house last night. And I just love these people to pieces!! I'm going to miss them terribly when they move back to New Orleans. :-( The weather was horrible, but the company was great! I got super ripped outta my mind, which I kinda needed... And then the craziest thing happened. The new meighbor comes over to see if he could borrow a snow shovel.. And I swear I know him.. And he's looking at me like I'm looking at him..and good old Sage is offering him coffee, and he looks over at the pipe on the table.. And I could tell he really wanted to smoke.. But it's just bugging the shit outta me that I swear I know this guy.. But after living in 9 states.. Who knows where I know him from..then it hits me!!! I worked with this guy in Indio at the polo fields!! So I ask if his name is James Fielder, and fucking A !!! It IS HIM!! So he is kinda tripping, wondering how I know his name..but he recognizes me too..then it clicks in his head.. And he just yells " Shrub!!" Which was his nickname for me., and we're hugging it out.. And Sage is confused as fuck... So we explain that we used to work together in the horse world. Turns out injury ended his riding career too. So we exchanged battle wounds, and caught up.. Of all people in all places... And Sage got to hear about the time I punched a horse unconcious.. And picked a car up out of a ditch by myself... And about the infamous shoe show in 1993.. He was not surprised at all to know I still follow PJ everywhere.. And he said everytime he hears them
He thinks of me... What a crazy small world!!

"She was.... Mud-Berween-Her-Toes...BobbyGentryStupid!!!"

I love hanging out with old Mikitary Vets!! Sage Cracks me the fuck up!!! So his wife Rana and I used to work together at the hospital here in COS. Which by the way.. Is the Abbreviation for Colorado Springs..just learned that yesterday!! Whoop! So.. I'd forgotten what it was like to live in a military population. THIS is like military hub here! AF, ARMY,Navy Intel, and Hospital, medical center, spinning wheel... Getting the idea??? That's Colorado Springs.. It was just like this in 29 Palms, Los Alamos, I've lived in a few Military Towns.. But this one is my ALLL time most entertaining one so far!! So here's how I got the story that I am about to tell you... Like I said Rana and I met at the hospital, we hit it right off.. She's cooler than ice water!! And so is her husband Sage. Like I said.. I'm gonna miss them!!

So Rana and I worked with this girl, that will be known as Army Stupid.. Sorry but you'll get it in a minute, after I tell you her story.. So she has like three kids all under five.. Her husband supposedly works for The Army.. Only while the whole time we have worked with her.. Almost three years...and she has no fucking clue what he does...doesn't know if it's a desk job, motor Poole, .... Seriously... No fucking clue... Which is weird.. In itself.. So we're talking about this girl
Army Stupid.... And Sage tells us the following story..

One of his Core mates, had a wife that was a bit of a Smoky Mountain Miracle.. Down home Country Special, she rode the short Mule.. If get what I mean.. But she was loyal and loved her husband.. So one day, she asks her husband what he does in the Military, and he's a smartass, so his response was..... "Well, honey, they just made me Chief Shithole Digger.." And she's ok with it.. No one think s anything .. Then they go ( Sage and this guy) to the Commissary, and the female clerk tells them.. "Man your wife the other day, was telling us about how she was so proud that they'd made you Chief Shithole Digger!!" So they about die laughing, and we did too! So I had to share that with you.. Cause ya'll just have to know one to understand.

Yw Toronto Tedd. We should call you The Toronto Kidd!! ;-)

Just a Little Faith...

I can remember as a kid my dad telling me the stories from the Bible about the folks written about in the Bible, and how their faith saved them, or changed circumstances. Faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains. While I have personally been getting deeper involved in my church, I have gotten to see a few mustard seeds of faith well up in me. But none so much so as in this new job. This may get long winded.. But let me get it out...

When I was 4, my mother OD'd on heroin.. My sister and I left her there and toddled away hoping to find a better family..Social Services took us and placed us in foster care. Unbeknownst to us.. They'd located our dad who had just remarried. We lived in that hell hole of a foster home for six months before my dad and step mom could come get us. Our mother was court ordered into a two year rehab. So they show up and rescue us. But believe me when I say that permanent damage had ready been done. We live with them for two years,( by this time my dad is a Christian, got his life together, and is a stand up guy, married to THE most amazing human being I have ever met so far in life.), and I can distinctly remember my step mom sitting down with us writing letters to our mother in rehab back in Kansas. Our mother gets out, comes back out to Cali, and tells my dad and step mom, she wants to take Melissa and I to San Juan Capistrano, for the weekend. He agrees, but we're enrolled in school there, so make sure we're back by Monday.. And they could work out further details from there. We are packed for a weekend.... We stay for three years.. She pretty much kidnapped us. Which brings us to how I met the love of my life.

After three years of distress and cut off communications.. My dad gets pissed and hires a PI. Who locates us in the lower Riverside County School District. We happen to ride the bus to school with our cousins, Jennifer and Stenfanie. Who told their dad, who told our dad, who then hired a PI to track us down. He gets a court order for custody, thank God, cause by this point, our mother isn't on drugs anymore.. But she married the most psychotic mother fucker possible..this sawed off Cuban asshole named Gilbert. ( he looked like Osama Bin Laden!! Swear to god! The resemblance is fuckin scary!!) So then we're entrenched in a five year custody battle, during which in the RivCo family court system I meet Eddie. We were 9. Both scared shitless cause our worlds were being turned upside down over adult arguments and bureaucratic bullshit. We talk, and even though he speaks broken English, we find we get along well. We soon discover that we live in the same tiny mountain town.. Idyllwild, CA. And his family goes to the church my dad is pastoring! We grow up together. Eventually we fall in love and decide that after I'm done with my two year internships with the horse world, we're going to open our own training facility.
Then while I was away in Oklahoma, setting up shop... I get a call from an old family friend in Cali, asking for my help in preparing his daughter's horse for a cross country run. So I go. While I am there, I have my accident. You know how you experience some things in slow motion?? This started out like that.. Then it all zoomed into focus as I heard my own bones break.. Then I don't remember shit.. Until I woke up in the hospital, hung up in traction. I was there for over 9 months, not including rehab.. And while I was there IN CALIFORNIA... Where my love lived as well.. He never but once came to see me. Over time, I grew angry. I finally called him one night to ask why?
My absolute arch Nemesis bitch cunt evil enemy, answered the phone all out of breath, telling whomever was on the other line, ( me) that it better be good, cause they were busy!! I hung up. And bawled... And bawled.... And bawled... And I screamed so horrendously loud they stuck me in the psych ward for a week.

I broke that day.. Something inside me broke, and all my faith slipped away. I had always been anti drugs, anti alcohol.. But I snapped.. I did everything I could, smack, crack, speed, LSD, shrooms, anything that would crush the pain. I walked away from church, told God He could go fuck himself. ( I literally said that! :-( ). I ran wild.. Didn't fucking care if I died.. Blah blah blah.. But after my one and only suicide attempt, I vowed never to repeat that.. So I just did stupid shot in hopes I'd die?? Anyhow.. That was over twenty years ago.. And now.. I have family around me that is helping me slowly rebuild my life.and I am
Once again aware of that tiny little mustard seed of faith that survived. It is powerful! So as I recover, I am constantly reminded of how the little things, sometimes take heaps of faith to accomplish.. And believe it or not, you guys here have been a huge part of all the recovery. Many times on here, my faith in humanity is restored.. So thank you all.. Thank you all for being true to who you are. For just being yourselves. :-) but most of all. Thanks for putting up with me! And having that mustard seed of faith in me..