Thats the confounding part. This is a ROCK bands' fan club. I can understand the need to keep some level of decorum and I am completely in the dark as to what went down,but she is such a good member and this is a rock band's fan club. It should be like anarchy all the time. And you're right EV has told Dick Cheney to go fuck himself on numerous occasions and then some. And whats with the Scarlet letter on her avatar. Its like a police badge saying "we are in controll here", its a bit disconcerting. Hopefully cooler heads prevail. I'm going to start a petition. Hey if the west Memphis three can get a second chance.....
I remember when, yeah. I swore I knew everything, oh yeah.
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
"Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
Comfortably Numb; learning to live with Nuerapathy.
I haven't made an entry in here in quite a while. I have been busy trying to adapt to the effects of my disease. ( Diabetes sucks BTW). I have steadily lost feeling in my feet, and my fingers. This is very frustrating, as I tend to lose things, because I think I have them in my hand, only to look down later and see that I have dropped it somewhere, and never felt it. Besides this, I have also been dealing with acute, widespread pain, and unpredictable muscle fatigue, and failure. This had led me to hand over my car keys, and lay down my pistol. I don't feel safe trying to operate either, when I am unable to control or operate my body. This is an extremely difficult conclusion to arrive at, due to my instinctual independence in life; completely dissolved now. I have been forced to rely on others to be sure things are completed, but everything is on their time.. And I can make no plans. Well I CAN.. But it does no good. I am thankfully able to walk to work, to church, and to the P.O.. But, my ability to rely on self is shot. I think I cry about that more than the pain, though the pain has more than once squeezed a tear or two out in its name.
As a long time, avid outdoors person, I have a very hard time not being able to do what I used to do. I don't comfortable camping alone, like I used to, and yet... no one wants to go with someone that isn't able to keep up. But I still take the bus to places where I can hike, or walk there. I refuse to give up being in the mountains. I am planning a group of slower hikers to go with me to climb Pike's Peak with me. I want to be able to say I climbed a mountain in my life.. At least ONE! But we'll see how it goes..until then, I have to come to terms with my completely worthless status.
Yes, Whispering Hands, Diabetes does sucks, big time. I suppose I can relate to a lot you have written. Although I still have the feeling in my hands and feet, I've lost my independence a long time ago, due to this bloody f*cking disease. Because of severe hypo-unawareness, I wasn't able to get a drivers licence. But that's the least of my worries... My biggest worry is to get such a severe hypo, I will die before anyone finds me. In a way this also does unable me to control or operate my body. The most fearful about those hypos is the fact that when i'm having one, that last thing which shuts down is my ability to observe. So in those kind of situations I do notice everything but are unable to act whatsoever. I can't walk, talk, moan, call out for help, or take action to help myself, the only thing which remains me to do is, punish myself over and over. "I should have done this, i should have done that..." I can't describe, the fear i feel when home alone, while having a hypo and knowing i might die, without being able to act to prevent this from happening. It makes me feel so helpless but most of all stupid, stupid for being unable to prevent those hypos.
It makes you feel so worthless, but neither you or I am worthless! Everyone has it's own worth, no matter how disabled you, are or feel! I'm convinced you will climb your mountain... I'm sorry I can't climb with you, because of me living on the other side of the planet... but until then my thoughts are with you...
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
"Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
I just Googled hypo Unawareness, and wow!! I can't imagine how you feel, ( sort of.. the muscular failure is a lot like that..) and it is almost comforting to know that someone else knows how scary this feeling is. I however, can't even begin to comprehend how scary it would be not to be able to call for help. Thank you so much for your words of encouragement.. I often feel as though I am just feeling sorry for myself, and yet rearranging your whole life to accommodate a disease is overwhelming, so I try not to be too hard on myself over the times I do whine. I just keep pushing forward. It's all we can do.
Yep, It's all we can do... If You ever feel the urge to tell your story, or have someone to bitch with about this bl**dy f*cking disease, feel free to sent me a PM. Sometimes sharing your experiences with someone who does understand what your going through, can make a difference. At least it's nice to know your not the only one who goes to a battle with this disease... Maybe the battle can be more bearable if we don't fight it on ourselves. I don't think you're wining, I just think the fight for your life is harder when you have diabetes complications... I have some poems about my battle with the disease posted in the threat: "Chained and silenced " in this section of the board.
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
"Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
Back in the food stamps orientation class... Will let you guys know about this time round when I get out, and thank you Deadendp for the bingo idea!! So playing welfare bingo today!
I'm sorry to hear that, Whispering Hands. I hope you will manage to get out soon.
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
"Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
So today was nowhere near as interesting as last time! We had had our lazy folks, like the lady that showed up in what appeared to be a nightgown, and a kid that showed up in crappy clothes that looked like he'd slept UNDER a car, and one guy that looked like he hadn't brushed his hair in three years. ( not dreaded, just nasty). In all most were dressed professionally, or very least business casual, so no crazy stuff, except for ONE thing.... When I had gone the last time, pot was not recreationally legal, this time it has been fir just under a year.. So what I noticed this time was one: there were far more young people than older folks, and two: all the young kids cared about was finding jobs that allowed them to smoke pot.( not at work, just jobs with no drug test policy in place).
It was rather discouraging. I mean. Yes, I smoke pot too.. But if I had to quit yo get a good paying job, then for sure I would. But I certainly wouldn't be advertising that I smoke, and the job I get will have to be ok with that!! Just blew me away! Anyhow that was as interesting as this trip got.. Very sad, cause 80% of those kids were living in the homeless shelters out here. I wondered if their parents knew that. They were all from out if state, KS, TX, the Carolinas, and one from FL.. Just so sad.. They all pretty much stated.. They moved here cause pot was legal. That was the only opportunity worth their effort. So while I walked out of there laughing last time, today I walked out shaking my head..
So now that I have gotten together an ideal lot for a real blog.. ( The Adventures of Pony Boy) I will be relocating to Wordpress. I will still post entries in here, but that will be the main entry source. So I look forward to having ya'll onboard with the new Blog. It will be under my name, so please be respectful of that, as I still have that weird stalker dude from Rhode Island on the loose out there! I will let you all know when The first entry gets tacked up!
Comments
This is soo great! Best thing happened today....til now!!!
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
"Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
That in while I'm up in Woodland Park tomorrow!
I haven't made an entry in here in quite a while. I have been busy trying to adapt to the effects of my disease. ( Diabetes sucks BTW). I have steadily lost feeling in my feet, and my fingers. This is very frustrating, as I tend to lose things, because I think I have them in my hand, only to look down later and see that I have dropped it somewhere, and never felt it. Besides this, I have also been dealing with acute, widespread pain, and unpredictable muscle fatigue, and failure. This had led me to hand over my car keys, and lay down my pistol. I don't feel safe trying to operate either, when I am unable to control or operate my body. This is an extremely difficult conclusion to arrive at, due to my instinctual independence in life; completely dissolved now. I have been forced to rely on others to be sure things are completed, but everything is on their time.. And I can make no plans. Well I CAN.. But it does no good. I am thankfully able to walk to work, to church, and to the P.O.. But, my ability to rely on self is shot. I think I cry about that more than the pain, though the pain has more than once squeezed a tear or two out in its name.
As a long time, avid outdoors person, I have a very hard time not being able to do what I used to do. I don't comfortable camping alone, like I used to, and yet... no one wants to go with someone that isn't able to keep up. But I still take the bus to places where I can hike, or walk there. I refuse to give up being in the mountains. I am planning a group of slower hikers to go with me to climb Pike's Peak with me. I want to be able to say I climbed a mountain in my life.. At least ONE! But we'll see how it goes..until then, I have to come to terms with my completely worthless status.
It makes you feel so worthless, but neither you or I am worthless! Everyone has it's own worth, no matter how disabled you, are or feel! I'm convinced you will climb your mountain... I'm sorry I can't climb with you, because of me living on the other side of the planet... but until then my thoughts are with you...
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
"Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
"Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
"Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
So today was nowhere near as interesting as last time! We had had our lazy folks, like the lady that showed up in what appeared to be a nightgown, and a kid that showed up in crappy clothes that looked like he'd slept UNDER a car, and one guy that looked like he hadn't brushed his hair in three years. ( not dreaded, just nasty). In all most were dressed professionally, or very least business casual, so no crazy stuff, except for ONE thing.... When I had gone the last time, pot was not recreationally legal, this time it has been fir just under a year.. So what I noticed this time was one: there were far more young people than older folks, and two: all the young kids cared about was finding jobs that allowed them to smoke pot.( not at work, just jobs with no drug test policy in place).
It was rather discouraging. I mean. Yes, I smoke pot too.. But if I had to quit yo get a good paying job, then for sure I would. But I certainly wouldn't be advertising that I smoke, and the job I get will have to be ok with that!! Just blew me away! Anyhow that was as interesting as this trip got.. Very sad, cause 80% of those kids were living in the homeless shelters out here. I wondered if their parents knew that. They were all from out if state, KS, TX, the Carolinas, and one from FL.. Just so sad.. They all pretty much stated.. They moved here cause pot was legal. That was the only opportunity worth their effort. So while I walked out of there laughing last time, today I walked out shaking my head..
So now that I have gotten together an ideal lot for a real blog.. ( The Adventures of Pony Boy) I will be relocating to Wordpress. I will still post entries in here, but that will be the main entry source. So I look forward to having ya'll onboard with the new Blog. It will be under my name, so please be respectful of that, as I still have that weird stalker dude from Rhode Island on the loose out there! I will let you all know when The first entry gets tacked up!