Cyber-stalking: creepy or no?

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  • The Juggler
    The Juggler Posts: 49,599
    _ wrote:
    stargirl69 wrote:
    I have never googled anyone but I have had it done to me and it did freak me out a bit,I'd rather if people wanted to know stuff about me,ask me.

    But if you haven't actually, technically met the person yet, then it would be even creepier to start asking questions directly, no? ;)

    I once Googled myself because I had just started dating a guy I figured was going to Google me & wanted to know what he'd find - and I'm glad I did. Apparently some local blogger who I don't know and whose blog I had never read listed the 5 people in town who she'd turn lesbian for - and I was one of them. And it wasn't just a list; she even wrote a description of each of us (and listed where we work). Coincidentally, one of the faculty members in my department came across this a week later. I'm glad I wasn't caught off guard when he mentioned it, though it was still awkward. :oops:

    pictures please. :mrgreen:
    www.myspace.com
  • _
    _ Posts: 6,657
    chadwick wrote:
    when i google me it says,
    did you mean...

    08547be02b0e13d9b0eb85abc93fdb8f.wix_mp

    Hey! How did you know who I was cyber-stalking?! :o
  • _
    _ Posts: 6,657
    edited January 2012
    polaris_x wrote:
    _ wrote:
    Apparently some local blogger who I don't know and whose blog I had never read listed the 5 people in town who she'd turn lesbian for

    damm ... is there a better compliment out there!? ... :lol:

    Yeah, I have to admit I was pretty flattered, especially since everyone else on the list was a local celebrity. And I got a big kick out of her description of me (plus it was pretty interesting to know how strangers perceive me). My favorite part is where she said something like, "She's really nice to little old ladies but she doesn't take shit from anyone." :lol: :oops:

    It did creep me out a little though, and I set out on a mission to find out who this person was and how she knew me. If it had been a man, I would have been more likely to be a little frightened.
    The Juggler wrote:
    pictures please. :mrgreen:

    :lol::lol:
    Post edited by _ on
  • Illridethewave20
    Illridethewave20 Posts: 491
    If the information is out there, than why not look into it. Been involved with too many creeps , I would rather know as much info. as possible.
  • JOEJOEJOE
    JOEJOEJOE Posts: 10,841
    I think it is stalking, unless you are trying to establish that the person doesn't have anything in his/her past that could possibly cause any harm to you.
  • _
    _ Posts: 6,657
    Illridethewave20 wrote:
    If the information is out there, than why not look into it. Been involved with too many creeps , I would rather know as much info. as possible.

    I agree! Plus, if you're considering asking someone out, you can get a better, more objective, idea about whether you're compatible. I've known too many guys that have just told me what they thought I wanted to hear, so I'm interested to know what they say to others.

    Also, if it's a musician or artist or something, wouldn't they want more people to become familiar with their work? Isn't that why they put it on the internet?
  • _
    _ Posts: 6,657
    JOEJOEJOE wrote:
    I think it is stalking, unless you are trying to establish that the person doesn't have anything in his/her past that could possibly cause any harm to you.

    Okay, I can see your point. But let me ask you this: What's the difference between trying to learn about a guy you met at a bar and trying to learn more about Eddie Vedder?
  • RKCNDY
    RKCNDY Posts: 31,013
    _ wrote:
    Illridethewave20 wrote:
    If the information is out there, than why not look into it. Been involved with too many creeps , I would rather know as much info. as possible.

    I agree! Plus, if you're considering asking someone out, you can get a better, more objective, idea about whether you're compatible. I've known too many guys that have just told me what they thought I wanted to hear, so I'm interested to know what they say to others.

    Also, if it's a musician or artist or something, wouldn't they want more people to become familiar with their work? Isn't that why they put it on the internet?

    Playing Devil's Advocate...then what if you don't find anything? Are you still scared? Are you glad they don't get wrapped up in social media? Does that change your perspective on the person? more/less creepy? Do you assume they have 'something to hide'?
    The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

    - Christopher McCandless
  • _
    _ Posts: 6,657
    RKCNDY wrote:
    _ wrote:
    Illridethewave20 wrote:
    If the information is out there, than why not look into it. Been involved with too many creeps , I would rather know as much info. as possible.

    I agree! Plus, if you're considering asking someone out, you can get a better, more objective, idea about whether you're compatible. I've known too many guys that have just told me what they thought I wanted to hear, so I'm interested to know what they say to others.

    Also, if it's a musician or artist or something, wouldn't they want more people to become familiar with their work? Isn't that why they put it on the internet?

    Playing Devil's Advocate...then what if you don't find anything? Are you still scared? Are you glad they don't get wrapped up in social media? Does that change your perspective on the person? more/less creepy? Do you assume they have 'something to hide'?

    No, if I didn't find anything I'd just go on with whatever my perception was before I Googled them. (That's not something I actually do often anyway, by the way.)
  • mysticweed
    mysticweed Posts: 3,710
    EmBleve wrote:
    chadwick wrote:
    when i google me it says,
    did you mean...

    08547be02b0e13d9b0eb85abc93fdb8f.wix_mp
    omg. call me. :lol:


    just from the neck down, though
    fuck 'em if they can't take a joke

    "what a long, strange trip it's been"
  • JOEJOEJOE
    JOEJOEJOE Posts: 10,841
    _ wrote:
    JOEJOEJOE wrote:
    I think it is stalking, unless you are trying to establish that the person doesn't have anything in his/her past that could possibly cause any harm to you.

    Okay, I can see your point. But let me ask you this: What's the difference between trying to learn about a guy you met at a bar and trying to learn more about Eddie Vedder?

    EV is a public figure, and when you are trying to learn about him, I presume it is not so that you have conversation topics if you meet him, nor is it to help assure your safety.

    When I was single, I liked hearing the other person's story direct from them......one person was a member of a cultish organization, so that prompted me to look up said organization so that I could decide if I was comfortable with said fact.

    It would seem weird to bring up something about the person which they had yet to reveal.
  • Suziemay
    Suziemay Posts: 11,168
    JOEJOEJOE wrote:
    I think it is stalking, unless you are trying to establish that the person doesn't have anything in his/her past that could possibly cause any harm to you.
    This is what I would use it for, not to learn about the intimate details about what flavour ice-cream they love. THAT would be creepy. :D
  • _
    _ Posts: 6,657
    JOEJOEJOE wrote:
    _ wrote:
    JOEJOEJOE wrote:
    I think it is stalking, unless you are trying to establish that the person doesn't have anything in his/her past that could possibly cause any harm to you.

    Okay, I can see your point. But let me ask you this: What's the difference between trying to learn about a guy you met at a bar and trying to learn more about Eddie Vedder?

    EV is a public figure, and when you are trying to learn about him, I presume it is not so that you have conversation topics if you meet him, nor is it to help assure your safety.

    When I was single, I liked hearing the other person's story direct from them......one person was a member of a cultish organization, so that prompted me to look up said organization so that I could decide if I was comfortable with said fact.

    It would seem weird to bring up something about the person which they had yet to reveal.

    What if the guy you meet at the bar is in the band? Does that make him enough of a public figure that it's okay to Google him? (I'm not being argumentative here; I just think it's really interesting where and why we draw the lines between acceptable and creepy.)

    I agree that it would be weird to bring up something a person had yet to reveal. (Though on the rare occasion that I have checked someone out online, I'm always afraid of letting it slip - especially when I'm drinking. Whenever there's something I've done that I want to be sure not to say, I feel the need to confess. My sister likens me to Chunk from Goonies when they put his hand in a blender.)

    I don't mean to say that you should Google someone for conversation topics. Just to find out: (a) if you can trust them, and (b) if there's something about them that would make you sure you don't want to get too involved. For instance, I could never date a guy who's not pro-choice. If I was thinking of going out with someone and I came across a photo of him yelling at women walking into abortion clinics, I'd know right away that dating him wouldn't be worth my time or his, ya know? But, strangely enough, people tend to not want to talk about abortion on a first date or, if they do, they're not always honest about it. And an example of the safety issue: When I was younger I dated a guy who told me he was a particular rich and famous athlete and he invited me to go with him to Paris. I had been seeing him for a few months, so it's not like he was a stranger. But a professor of mine suggested that I look him up (in the library using the microfiche machine :lol:) before getting a plane to another country with him, just to be sure he really was who he said he was. I thought it was a pretty good idea. There are people out there who trick women into thinking they're someone else for years.

    Anyway, I can see both the pros and cons of doing some online investigation of people and I'm not actually sure where I come down on it, which is why I started this thread. I appreciate your input. :)
  • _
    _ Posts: 6,657
    Suziemay wrote:
    JOEJOEJOE wrote:
    I think it is stalking, unless you are trying to establish that the person doesn't have anything in his/her past that could possibly cause any harm to you.
    This is what I would use it for, not to learn about the intimate details about what flavour ice-cream they love. THAT would be creepy. :D

    Yeah, I kind of think it would be dishonest to find info so you can act like you have the same interests or whatever.
  • philthehip
    philthehip Posts: 2,084
    EmBleve wrote:
    philthehip wrote:
    From a very personal experience I can tell you its a totally soul destroying time. Email, bank, personal finances and pretty much anything you can imagine and its totally invasive to the point you may not feel safe online.
    I think it's natural curiosity and sometimes a safe thing to do, but if somebody gets into trying to find out stuff like this, then that is crossing the line. :? Some people intentionally put info in like to linkedin and stuff like that, so they put it out there...
    Its a scary thing. I just had the normal stuff like most who are online but knowing that someone has been through all my emails from friends and work and all my facebook messages is so creepy and I dont use facebook anymore since and I have changed bank account and all kinds of stuff to feel safer.
  • JOEJOEJOE
    JOEJOEJOE Posts: 10,841
    Okay, I can see your point. But let me ask you this: What's the difference between trying to learn about a guy you met at a bar and trying to learn more about Eddie Vedder?[/quote]

    EV is a public figure, and when you are trying to learn about him, I presume it is not so that you have conversation topics if you meet him, nor is it to help assure your safety.

    When I was single, I liked hearing the other person's story direct from them......one person was a member of a cultish organization, so that prompted me to look up said organization so that I could decide if I was comfortable with said fact.

    It would seem weird to bring up something about the person which they had yet to reveal.[/quote]

    What if the guy you meet at the bar is in the band? Does that make him enough of a public figure that it's okay to Google him? (I'm not being argumentative here; I just think it's really interesting where and why we draw the lines between acceptable and creepy.)

    I agree that it would be weird to bring up something a person had yet to reveal. (Though on the rare occasion that I have checked someone out online, I'm always afraid of letting it slip - especially when I'm drinking. Whenever there's something I've done that I want to be sure not to say, I feel the need to confess. My sister likens me to Chunk from Goonies when they put his hand in a blender.)

    I don't mean to say that you should Google someone for conversation topics. Just to find out: (a) if you can trust them, and (b) if there's something about them that would make you sure you don't want to get too involved. For instance, I could never date a guy who's not pro-choice. If I was thinking of going out with someone and I came across a photo of him yelling at women walking into abortion clinics, I'd know right away that dating him wouldn't be worth my time or his, ya know? But, strangely enough, people tend to not want to talk about abortion on a first date or, if they do, they're not always honest about it. And an example of the safety issue: When I was younger I dated a guy who told me he was a particular rich and famous athlete and he invited me to go with him to Paris. I had been seeing him for a few months, so it's not like he was a stranger. But a professor of mine suggested that I look him up (in the library using the microfiche machine :lol:) before getting a plane to another country with him, just to be sure he really was who he said he was. I thought it was a pretty good idea. There are people out there who trick women into thinking they're someone else for years.

    Anyway, I can see both the pros and cons of doing some online investigation of people and I'm not actually sure where I come down on it, which is why I started this thread. I appreciate your input. :)[/quote]

    I agree, it is difficult to decide where to draw the line. On my first date with my wife, she mentioned that she spent part of her medical fellowship at juvenile hall in L.A. I had to be a jokester, so I asked her what years she was there...I then thought to myself, and told her I wasn't there during her years. She asked why I was in juvie, but I just pretended as if I didn't like to discuss it ( I was just being a wiseguy...never done any time!). I later learned that she almost snuck out the restaurant 'cuz she thought I was some kinda criminal.

    So, I agree that people need to be cautious, 'specially when dealing with fellas who try to be funny! :)

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