Cyber-stalking: creepy or no?

_

Okay, "stalking" is too strong a word. I'm talking about Googling someone you're interested in to find out more about them. I know many/most people do this these days (especially young, single people) - but far fewer people own up to it, so I don't think it's considered the norm quite yet.

So is this creepy? For instance, if you start dating someone you've been Googling, should you admit to it? If you start dating someone and find evidence on his/her computer that s/he's been Googling you, should you find this behavior creepy? Or flattering? Or just par for the course these days? At what point does it cross the line?

Digital Twilight

Yes it's creepy. Stop doing it!

Suziemay

It's called being careful. Just don't drop in pieces of information you find out on the internet into conversation if the person doesn't know you googled them; then it becomes creepy. This is the world we live in now, things exist on the internet, might as well use it to your benefit. If you're comfortable you can admit it. I sometimes admit to googling someone if it's not going to freak someone out.

stargirl69

I have never googled anyone but I have had it done to me and it did freak me out a bit,I'd rather if people wanted to know stuff about me,ask me.

philthehip

From a very personal experience I can tell you its a totally soul destroying time. Email, bank, personal finances and pretty much anything you can imagine and its totally invasive to the point you may not feel safe online.

_

stargirl69 wrote:

I have never googled anyone but I have had it done to me and it did freak me out a bit,I'd rather if people wanted to know stuff about me,ask me.

But if you haven't actually, technically met the person yet, then it would be even creepier to start asking questions directly, no?

I once Googled myself because I had just started dating a guy I figured was going to Google me & wanted to know what he'd find - and I'm glad I did. Apparently some local blogger who I don't know and whose blog I had never read listed the 5 people in town who she'd turn lesbian for - and I was one of them. And it wasn't just a list; she even wrote a description of each of us (and listed where we work). Coincidentally, one of the faculty members in my department came across this a week later. I'm glad I wasn't caught off guard when he mentioned it, though it was still awkward. :oops:

stargirl69

_ wrote:

stargirl69 wrote:

I have never googled anyone but I have had it done to me and it did freak me out a bit,I'd rather if people wanted to know stuff about me,ask me.

But if you haven't actually, technically met the person yet, then it would be even creepier to start asking questions directly, no?

I once Googled myself because I had just started dating a guy I figured was going to Google me & wanted to know what he'd find - and I'm glad I did. Apparently some local blogger who I don't know and whose blog I had never read listed the 5 people in town who she'd turn lesbian for - and I was one of them. And it wasn't just a list; she even wrote a description of each of us (and listed where we work). Coincidentally, one of the faculty members in my department came across this a week later. I'm glad I wasn't caught off guard when he mentioned it, though it was still awkward. :oops:

When I found out they said they never found anything on me as I am not on twitter,facebook,blogs etc.This is the only site I am on so all people would get from my site name would be thread posts.

I would still rather be given the choice to be asked questions directly then decide if I wanted to answer them.

Maybe I should google me and see what comes up My name is fairly unusual so if there is anything out there about me,it won't be hard to find.

sherm

It is creepy. Ive never been on Myspace, Facebook, Twitter. It all freaks me out. Im just way too private of a person. Luckily my name is pretty common. I would think if it was gooogled I wouldnt be the person who came up.

_

philthehip wrote:

From a very personal experience I can tell you its a totally soul destroying time. Email, bank, personal finances and pretty much anything you can imagine and its totally invasive to the point you may not feel safe online.

I don't think we are necessarily safe online, and I'm not sure there's much we can do about it. My sister once agreed to help her mother-in-law track down her real father. All she knew was his (not particularly uncommon) name, that he lived in town when her mother was dating him 55 years ago, what his degree was in, and that he like fly fishing. She was pretty quickly able to find him, get pictures of him and his family, find out how much money his business made and what charities he donated to, and find his social security number, date of birth, address, phone number, email address, etc. Of course she wasn't going to use this information for any bad reasons and in this case it was good that his info was out there so she could not only find him, but be pretty damn sure he was the right guy before contacting him (the fact that his daughters look just like my sister's MIL really sealed it). But, yeah, this info could totally be used for evil instead of good. (And good is even relative in this case. Maybe the guy didn't want to know he had another kid.)

_

But so, just to play devil's advocate... on the pro-Googling side, we have to admit: (1) that it's human nature for our curiosity to get the best of us, and (2) that if someone really didn't want others to, say, watch videos of them performing music, they wouldn't post such videos of themselves on YouTube, right?

81

I've looked online for info onpoeple and have no remorse. If you don't want it known don't post it.

stargirl69

81 wrote:

I've looked online for info onpoeple and have no remorse. If you don't want it known don't post it.

Agree with last sentence

SPEEDY MCCREADY

Ya know what I find creepy??
And rather sad???

People who use the internet to live a life of make-believe....

You know what I mean...

In real life I am a Truck driver...

But on the internet I am the President, CEO, and Founder of Speedy's Trucking. I have been in business for 25 years with locations nationwide, specializing in LTL and Truckload deliveries...hehehehe

RKCNDY

Be safe...go ahead and look.

I have been stalked. He was deemed 'likely to re-offend'

I have googled my name...didn't find anything that would link me to anything unsavory...though my name is now on a Google commercial... :?

conman

i just googled myself.. all i found was my fb account and a few obituaries :?

ZiggyStar

I just googled my name and town....I'm fucking EVERYWHERE!

A photo of me is even in fucking google images!

That's what happens when you own businesses I guess.

TS96221

if you are looking up a prospective date, you have to be careful because so many people have the same name.

I remove myself from directory websites. you know those ones that show possible relatives? those are good at matching up unrelated people!

EmBleve

philthehip wrote:

From a very personal experience I can tell you its a totally soul destroying time. Email, bank, personal finances and pretty much anything you can imagine and its totally invasive to the point you may not feel safe online.

I think it's natural curiosity and sometimes a safe thing to do, but if somebody gets into trying to find out stuff like this, then that is crossing the line. :? Some people intentionally put info in like to linkedin and stuff like that, so they put it out there...

chadwick

when i google me it says,
did you mean...

polaris_x

_ wrote:

Apparently some local blogger who I don't know and whose blog I had never read listed the 5 people in town who she'd turn lesbian for

damm ... is there a better compliment out there!? ...

i property manage my friends house and i google everyone that applies for an apartment ... as for dating - it's been a while since i had to date but prior to that i can't say that i did ... but i don't think there's anything wrong with it ...

EmBleve

chadwick wrote:

when i google me it says,
did you mean...

omg. call me.

The Juggler

_ wrote:

stargirl69 wrote:

I have never googled anyone but I have had it done to me and it did freak me out a bit,I'd rather if people wanted to know stuff about me,ask me.

But if you haven't actually, technically met the person yet, then it would be even creepier to start asking questions directly, no?

I once Googled myself because I had just started dating a guy I figured was going to Google me & wanted to know what he'd find - and I'm glad I did. Apparently some local blogger who I don't know and whose blog I had never read listed the 5 people in town who she'd turn lesbian for - and I was one of them. And it wasn't just a list; she even wrote a description of each of us (and listed where we work). Coincidentally, one of the faculty members in my department came across this a week later. I'm glad I wasn't caught off guard when he mentioned it, though it was still awkward. :oops:

pictures please.

_

chadwick wrote:

when i google me it says,
did you mean...

Hey! How did you know who I was cyber-stalking?!

_

polaris_x wrote:

_ wrote:

Apparently some local blogger who I don't know and whose blog I had never read listed the 5 people in town who she'd turn lesbian for

damm ... is there a better compliment out there!? ...

Yeah, I have to admit I was pretty flattered, especially since everyone else on the list was a local celebrity. And I got a big kick out of her description of me (plus it was pretty interesting to know how strangers perceive me). My favorite part is where she said something like, "She's really nice to little old ladies but she doesn't take shit from anyone." :oops:

It did creep me out a little though, and I set out on a mission to find out who this person was and how she knew me. If it had been a man, I would have been more likely to be a little frightened.

The Juggler wrote:

pictures please.

Illridethewave20

If the information is out there, than why not look into it. Been involved with too many creeps , I would rather know as much info. as possible.

JOEJOEJOE

I think it is stalking, unless you are trying to establish that the person doesn't have anything in his/her past that could possibly cause any harm to you.

_

Illridethewave20 wrote:

If the information is out there, than why not look into it. Been involved with too many creeps , I would rather know as much info. as possible.

I agree! Plus, if you're considering asking someone out, you can get a better, more objective, idea about whether you're compatible. I've known too many guys that have just told me what they thought I wanted to hear, so I'm interested to know what they say to others.

Also, if it's a musician or artist or something, wouldn't they want more people to become familiar with their work? Isn't that why they put it on the internet?

_

JOEJOEJOE wrote:

I think it is stalking, unless you are trying to establish that the person doesn't have anything in his/her past that could possibly cause any harm to you.

Okay, I can see your point. But let me ask you this: What's the difference between trying to learn about a guy you met at a bar and trying to learn more about Eddie Vedder?

RKCNDY

_ wrote:

Illridethewave20 wrote:

If the information is out there, than why not look into it. Been involved with too many creeps , I would rather know as much info. as possible.

I agree! Plus, if you're considering asking someone out, you can get a better, more objective, idea about whether you're compatible. I've known too many guys that have just told me what they thought I wanted to hear, so I'm interested to know what they say to others.

Also, if it's a musician or artist or something, wouldn't they want more people to become familiar with their work? Isn't that why they put it on the internet?

Playing Devil's Advocate...then what if you don't find anything? Are you still scared? Are you glad they don't get wrapped up in social media? Does that change your perspective on the person? more/less creepy? Do you assume they have 'something to hide'?

_

RKCNDY wrote:

_ wrote:

Illridethewave20 wrote:

If the information is out there, than why not look into it. Been involved with too many creeps , I would rather know as much info. as possible.

I agree! Plus, if you're considering asking someone out, you can get a better, more objective, idea about whether you're compatible. I've known too many guys that have just told me what they thought I wanted to hear, so I'm interested to know what they say to others.

Also, if it's a musician or artist or something, wouldn't they want more people to become familiar with their work? Isn't that why they put it on the internet?

Playing Devil's Advocate...then what if you don't find anything? Are you still scared? Are you glad they don't get wrapped up in social media? Does that change your perspective on the person? more/less creepy? Do you assume they have 'something to hide'?

No, if I didn't find anything I'd just go on with whatever my perception was before I Googled them. (That's not something I actually do often anyway, by the way.)

mysticweed

EmBleve wrote:

chadwick wrote:

when i google me it says,
did you mean...

omg. call me.

just from the neck down, though