I You They Us

brianlux
brianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 43,739
edited September 2011 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
I You They Us
(For P.W./ N.Y./ P.J./ and J.H.)


I
I think
I think I'll go
I think I'll go on and on and on and on
What side are you on?

You
You could
You could send me
You could send me over and over and over and over
Over and over again my love.

They
They might
They might not understand
They might not understand the things we say and say and say and say
Say yeah, say YEAH!

We
We will
We will go
We will go out and out and out and out
All they way out... outside in the cold distance.



brianlux 9/17/11
"It's a sad and beautiful world"
-Roberto Benigni

Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • AmbientDiversion
    AmbientDiversion Posts: 25
    HI!
    Thanks for sharing your creativity.
    I don't want you to think I am being rude - but I couldn't help noticing that you attributed part of the words to J.H. I assume its Jimmy Hendrix, who COVERED Bob Dylan's song, "All along the watchtower" which contains the line you used - outside in the cold distance... maybe add B.D. to the parenthetical attribution?
    I only point it out to edify you and to pass along some rock history (like my folks did before me!)

    Have a blast
  • pandora
    pandora Posts: 21,855
    brianlux wrote:
    I You They Us
    (For P.W./ N.Y./ P.J./ and J.H.)


    I
    I think
    I think I'll go
    I think I'll go on and on and on and on
    What side are you on?

    You
    You could
    You could send me
    You could send me over and over and over and over
    Over and over again my love.

    They
    They might
    They might not understand
    They might not understand the things we say and say and say and say
    Say yeah, say YEAH!

    We
    We will
    We will go
    We will go out and out and out and out
    All they way out... outside in the cold distance.



    brianlux 9/17/11
    I like it :D ... a lot
  • brianlux
    brianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 43,739
    AmbientDiversion wrote:
    HI!
    Thanks for sharing your creativity.
    I don't want you to think I am being rude - but I couldn't help noticing that you attributed part of the words to J.H. I assume its Jimmy Hendrix, who COVERED Bob Dylan's song, "All along the watchtower" which contains the line you used - outside in the cold distance... maybe add B.D. to the parenthetical attribution?
    I only point it out to edify you and to pass along some rock history (like my folks did before me!)

    Have a blast

    Not rude at all- you're absolutely right! And I hate to admit this but I'm probably old enough to be your parent- I saw Jimi twice when I was in high school/college so double shame on me for missing that one! :lol:

    This is the kind of thing that happned when poems are dashed off. I wrote this after a very long day at work on top of a couple of stiff drinks- not a good writing practice.

    Never feel hesitant about critiquing my writing- I really do like the input. Thank you! :D
    "It's a sad and beautiful world"
    -Roberto Benigni

  • tremors
    tremors Posts: 8,051
    I like this a lot. I have some music playing, and when I read this your words were kind of fitting with the beat - I like the rhythm
    Cancel my subscription to the Ressurection
    Send my credentials to the house of detention

    lettherecordsplay1x.gif?t=1377796878
  • brianlux
    brianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 43,739
    Thanks AmientDiversion, pandora and tremors. I appreciate the feed back. :)
    "It's a sad and beautiful world"
    -Roberto Benigni

  • rollings
    rollings unknown Posts: 7,127
    That's funny because I....

    I was just going to ask you if you had a melody for this...


    (I do) :mrgreen::|:mrgreen:
  • brianlux
    brianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 43,739
    Rollings wrote:
    That's funny because I....

    I was just going to ask you if you had a melody for this...


    (I do) :mrgreen::|:mrgreen:

    How cool... actually! I'm not very good at creating melodies- maybe a little better at words and patterns. A different melody comes into my head for each stanza in this poem but of course they're some one else's melodies:

    Paul Westerberg, "Left of the Dial"
    Neil Young, "Over and Over"
    PJ, ("Yeah" as in...) "Black"
    and Jimi Hendrix' version of Dylan's "All Along the Watchtower"

    So your ability to find a separate melody running throughout exceeds my melodic skills, Rollings. As I write this I'm guessing you're a song writer. I'm envious! :D
    "It's a sad and beautiful world"
    -Roberto Benigni

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