So...am I an a**hole

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Comments

  • slightofjeff
    slightofjeff Posts: 7,762
    Yes.
    everybody wants the most they can possibly get
    for the least they could possibly do
  • justam
    justam Posts: 21,415
    pjwhip wrote:
    Met this girl about 2 months ago, she is really nice, and we enjoy each others company very much... Long story short.... she is married, but filed for divorce 3-4 months ago... they still live in the same house, and he sleeps in a different room apparently, but whatever.... I kind of like this girl, and things have been progressing.... and I'm wondering if I'm being an a**hole in this situation if I decide to sleep with her....

    Don't get me wrong, I'm certainly not "falling" for her, and I haven't really thought about the "future",and I don't think she has either and I don't think she's "falling" for me....so am I a complete a**hole, if I do it?

    I think it's strange that she says she filed for divorce but they are still living in the same house. That's a big alarm bell if you ask me. *ding* *ding*
    &&&&&&&&&&&&&&
  • decides2dream
    decides2dream Posts: 14,977
    justam wrote:
    pjwhip wrote:
    Met this girl about 2 months ago, she is really nice, and we enjoy each others company very much... Long story short.... she is married, but filed for divorce 3-4 months ago... they still live in the same house, and he sleeps in a different room apparently, but whatever.... I kind of like this girl, and things have been progressing.... and I'm wondering if I'm being an a**hole in this situation if I decide to sleep with her....

    Don't get me wrong, I'm certainly not "falling" for her, and I haven't really thought about the "future",and I don't think she has either and I don't think she's "falling" for me....so am I a complete a**hole, if I do it?

    I think it's strange that she says she filed for divorce but they are still living in the same house. That's a big alarm bell if you ask me. *ding* *ding*


    in all fairness, my sister filed for divorce from her first husband, and they both lived in their house for a another year until the divorce was final. it happens. probably a lot more often than people realize. my sister was initially thinking of keeping the house after the divorce, some continuity for her son, etc.....and thus didn't want to sell/move. her husband had no intention of fighting her for the house, he was just bitter, pissed and behaving childishly since she wanted the divorce, he didn't...so he was being a bit of a prick in refusing to move, and the lawyers said she couldn't force him out. it was a rough year for sure, but yea...it does happen. just sayin'. i know of a few couples with similar stories. especially when people joinly own a home, etc....it can be difficult, not affordable, to move out while there still is a mortgage, and/or who wants the house....
    Stay with me...
    Let's just breathe...


    I am myself like you somehow


  • Pepe Silvia
    Pepe Silvia Posts: 3,758
    if they are actually filed for divorce i'd say no....but don't you have to actually live apart? even legally, you're supposed to live apart for a certain amount of time before you can file unless they are violent or abandon you or something.

    why are they still living together? even if he sleeps in a different room do you think he does every single night? does he think they are getting divorced or just going through a rough patch?

    i'd say if they are actually split you wouldn't be an asshole for it.
    don't compete; coexist

    what are you but my reflection? who am i to judge or strike you down?

    "I will promise you this, that if we have not gotten our troops out by the time I am president, it is the first thing I will do. I will get our troops home. We will bring an end to this war. You can take that to the bank." - Barack Obama

    when you told me 'if you can't beat 'em, join 'em'
    i was thinkin 'death before dishonor'
  • decides2dream
    decides2dream Posts: 14,977
    I heart Scout Niblett wrote:
    if they are actually filed for divorce i'd say no....but don't you have to actually live apart? even legally, you're supposed to live apart for a certain amount of time before you can file unless they are violent or abandon you or something.




    nope.
    at least not in NYS. divorce laws vary greatly from state to state. in NY you must be legally seperated a year before you can get a divorce, but you don't actually have to live apart to do so.
    Stay with me...
    Let's just breathe...


    I am myself like you somehow


  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    pjwhip wrote:
    Met this girl about 2 months ago, she is really nice, and we enjoy each others company very much... Long story short.... she is married, but filed for divorce 3-4 months ago... they still live in the same house, and he sleeps in a different room apparently, but whatever.... I kind of like this girl, and things have been progressing.... and I'm wondering if I'm being an a**hole in this situation if I decide to sleep with her....

    Don't get me wrong, I'm certainly not "falling" for her, and I haven't really thought about the "future",and I don't think she has either and I don't think she's "falling" for me....so am I a complete a**hole, if I do it?

    She's separated and fair game. Game on playa. Just be aware that you're probably no more than a rebound and once she's healed from the split, you're going to be tossed aside for another dude.
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    pjwhip wrote:
    A good friend of mine responded to this situation by telling me "people get shot over this shit"...and I have been paranoid ever since....

    Fair point there, and true. But that doesn't make you an asshole, it makes him a tool.
  • helplessdancer
    helplessdancer Posts: 5,293
    friends/sex before love/marriage

    take the dive and enjoy the swim. who doesn't like to swim?
  • CreedDisease
    CreedDisease Posts: 241
    I don't think you are an ahole at all...As long as you are honest and upfront. Tell her what you think about her and how you perceive her feeling about you... Sleeping with her under false pretenses is a total ahole move imo.
  • Minou
    Minou Posts: 99
    pjwhip wrote:
    Met this girl about 2 months ago, she is really nice, and we enjoy each others company very much... Long story short.... she is married, but filed for divorce 3-4 months ago... they still live in the same house, and he sleeps in a different room apparently, but whatever.... I kind of like this girl, and things have been progressing.... and I'm wondering if I'm being an a**hole in this situation if I decide to sleep with her....

    Don't get me wrong, I'm certainly not "falling" for her, and I haven't really thought about the "future",and I don't think she has either and I don't think she's "falling" for me....so am I a complete a**hole, if I do it?


    It's just a waste of your time, then. If you aren't falling in love with her, don't sleep with her. You will probably end up regretting it and it won't be worth it. Plus it will make things all "complicated" and boring afterwards. Wait until you find someone really special and sleep with them.
  • tacet
    tacet Posts: 323
    pjwhip wrote:
    .... ....and I'm wondering if I'm being an a**hole in this situation if I decide to sleep with her....

    You going to flip a coin or something?
    we're all sentient snowflakes

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