How to Deal with a Family Member Suffering a Mental Illness?
deadmosquito
Posts: 729
i don't really post in this forum too often, but recently a situation has arisen in my life and i am just trying to get as much advice or insight into it as i can.
without going into too much detail, in the last year or so my mother has become increasingly irrational about things. my brother and i thought it was a little off, but were just more angry with her because of the horrible things she was saying. lately, though, she has been calling the two of us all the time, "just to check on us." i'm talking like 3-5 times per day. she has also been saying things like "you need to watch out for your brother" and other things which we've thought were really strange. last saturday, she and dad surprised me with a visit and while he was outside walking their dogs, she proceeded to tell me her theory of this huge conspiracy involving my dad's side of the family, doctors trying to kill her, my sister-in-law and my boyfriend, a cult, the government, and maybe the mafia. she thinks that my brother and i are in danger and that all of these people are working in collusion to put her away. there is a lot more, but they are details i just don't feel like getting into too much here, at this point anyway.
i was really upset by all of this and talked to my brother about it later that evening, as he had not heard it from her yet. i also talked to my boyfriend who has a degree in psychology and told me it sounded a lot like paranoid schizophrenia. i've done some research, as has my brother, with the help of my boyfriend and my sister-in-law and it's uncanny how much a lot of this stuff matches up with what she's saying. however, there are also physiological things (dysfunctional thyroid, ciliac disease, etc) that she has had (or doctors thought she had) in the past. she has always self-medicated, halving doses or just not taking medicines when she didn't like the way they made her feel or whatever. at this point, she no longer will see any doctors that are local to my area or hers and my father said she has thrown away all medications that were in the house. furthermore, she accuses him of conspiring with everyone and also yells at him for not protecting my brother or me, who she claims are in serious danger. she thinks that his wife and my boyfriend have been inserted into our lives by a cult to drive us away from her and eventually get to some money she had inherited from her grandmother....
dad has thankfully been working with my brother and me and we are trying to figure out a way to get her to agree to seek help. i'm speaking with a counselor, and my brother is talking to a professional as well. my brother and i, and the counselor he has spoken with all think that she will not willingly go, or even if she does, will not accept her treatment. we think it would be in her best interest to have her involuntarily taken for an evaluation and perhaps committed for some time until she can understand that she is getting the help that she needs. dad doesn't want to go along with this option because he made some promise to her that he would never let anyone "take her away." this situation is getting to be really difficult, and it's affecting my brother and i to the point where it's hard for us to even get anything done because we are trying to research and find the best thing to do in this situation.
i guess my reason for posting all this is to find out if anyone here has had to go through a similar situation and/or could offer me any advice. i just feel so lost. thanks in advance.
without going into too much detail, in the last year or so my mother has become increasingly irrational about things. my brother and i thought it was a little off, but were just more angry with her because of the horrible things she was saying. lately, though, she has been calling the two of us all the time, "just to check on us." i'm talking like 3-5 times per day. she has also been saying things like "you need to watch out for your brother" and other things which we've thought were really strange. last saturday, she and dad surprised me with a visit and while he was outside walking their dogs, she proceeded to tell me her theory of this huge conspiracy involving my dad's side of the family, doctors trying to kill her, my sister-in-law and my boyfriend, a cult, the government, and maybe the mafia. she thinks that my brother and i are in danger and that all of these people are working in collusion to put her away. there is a lot more, but they are details i just don't feel like getting into too much here, at this point anyway.
i was really upset by all of this and talked to my brother about it later that evening, as he had not heard it from her yet. i also talked to my boyfriend who has a degree in psychology and told me it sounded a lot like paranoid schizophrenia. i've done some research, as has my brother, with the help of my boyfriend and my sister-in-law and it's uncanny how much a lot of this stuff matches up with what she's saying. however, there are also physiological things (dysfunctional thyroid, ciliac disease, etc) that she has had (or doctors thought she had) in the past. she has always self-medicated, halving doses or just not taking medicines when she didn't like the way they made her feel or whatever. at this point, she no longer will see any doctors that are local to my area or hers and my father said she has thrown away all medications that were in the house. furthermore, she accuses him of conspiring with everyone and also yells at him for not protecting my brother or me, who she claims are in serious danger. she thinks that his wife and my boyfriend have been inserted into our lives by a cult to drive us away from her and eventually get to some money she had inherited from her grandmother....
dad has thankfully been working with my brother and me and we are trying to figure out a way to get her to agree to seek help. i'm speaking with a counselor, and my brother is talking to a professional as well. my brother and i, and the counselor he has spoken with all think that she will not willingly go, or even if she does, will not accept her treatment. we think it would be in her best interest to have her involuntarily taken for an evaluation and perhaps committed for some time until she can understand that she is getting the help that she needs. dad doesn't want to go along with this option because he made some promise to her that he would never let anyone "take her away." this situation is getting to be really difficult, and it's affecting my brother and i to the point where it's hard for us to even get anything done because we are trying to research and find the best thing to do in this situation.
i guess my reason for posting all this is to find out if anyone here has had to go through a similar situation and/or could offer me any advice. i just feel so lost. thanks in advance.
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You, your dad and your brother are doing the right things. Your mom needs help, meds and love. Good luck.
How old is your mom?
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There are many kinds of therapy, along with drug therapy that can be very helpful. You did say she self medicates (or lack of) so that may be a problem.
If I were you, I would try and find out exactly what caused the schizophrenia and go from there. If you know what it is caused by then it may be better to treat.
There are a great many people who live with it, can lead normal lives and even recover.
Good luck to you.
"do gay midgets come out of the cupboard"
~CreedDisease~
10/27/06
It was very difficult to get her some treatment, because mental health law in the UK was changed in the 1980s to render involuntary hospitalisation of a patient (sectioning) only enforceable if
Procedure: two doctors must confirm that
(a) the patient is suffering from a mental disorder of a nature or degree that warrants detention in hospital for assessment (or assessment followed by medical treatment) for at least a limited period; and
(b) he or she ought to be detained in the interests of his or her own health or safety, or with a view to the protection of others.
Eventually she was sectioned for 28 days, and by maintaining her intake of medication she has not had a relapse in almost nineteen years. However, her dosage is very high and I don't think it's done much for her physical health, to say the least.
My point is, be a little wary of informal Internet diagnoses of a patient's condition. There can be some considerable overlapping of symptoms between different kinds of disorder and ultimately it will be the job of the health services to make an assessment, providing some kind of treatment (voluntary or compulsory) can be supplied.
Good luck.
i also know how difficult it is to have her taken into custody involuntarily, but my brother and i have the paperwork so that we can attempt it if need be. trying to prove that she is a danger to herself or others is the part that is probably going to keep us from being able to do it, if nothing else. i'm worried about her health though, since she has dumped all medications down the toilet and refuses to go to doctors anymore. she's lost what looks like about 20 lbs since the last time i saw her, just 4 or 5 weeks ago.
anyway, thank you all for your wishes and for taking the time to write here. i appreciate it.
she will be 50 this year.
keep at it, though. you guys are doing the right thing. in time, i hope that your Mom sees this & sees that you had her health & well-being in mind. best of luck.
www.cluthelee.com
www.cluthe.com
In BC, if someone is a danger to themselves or others, they can be taken to the ER and assessed by an oncall psychiatrist who would make the determination regarding hospitalization. We also have something called Emergency Mental Health Services where one or two (usually two) social workers/psych. nurses visit the person in their home and assess them for safety and/or need for hospitalization. You could always check out any mental health resources in your area for advice on what to do...
While your dad or you or your brother do not want to see your mother "taken away" - and it could get horrible and messy with extreme emotion and a lot of hurtful things said -- in the end, that could be the best thing for her; getting the help she needs. Right now she has no insight into her condition and won't believe anything is wrong with her, but if she gets stabilzed, she will begin to understand that all you wanted to do was help her.
I work in Mental Health (until tomorrow) as a transcriptionist, but also worked as the front office staff at an inpatient facility for people with schizophrenia (not exactly an "institution") and have been involved in mental health since 1991, so I've learned quite a bit...seen a lot (also worked on "skid row" in Vancouver for three years dealing with people who had fallen through the cracks). No mental illness is easy....and it is very hard to convince someone to see a doctor when they have such a mistrust of doctors. Actually, where I am now, most often the people who are seen in the Schizophrenia services have husbands and (adult) children with them. The doc gets more info that way as well, which ultimately helps with the treatment, if accepted. The doctor could also choose immediate inpatient care (hospitalization)...
But yeah, call a crisis line or a mental health agency to get more professional info on how to handle this situation. It's going to be tough, but it will eventually get better if she gets the help she needs..
My thoughts are with you. I've seen first-hand what this can do to families...and I wish you nothing but the best.
Take care,
Kim (vf10)
ditto to this.
I work in Psychiatry in Australia, but our mental health system is very different to yours. I hope you can find the right path & assistance for your Mum.
I know the ties between family members can make things a little more difficult, but in the end, if something painful needs to be done - for the best - then so be it. Part of life.
GOOD LUCK.
first of all, thank you for responding. secondly, my brother and i have pretty much come around to the idea that we're going to have to go the involuntary route. it's dad that we have to talk to so that he can understand how important it is that she receive help, ESPECIALLY if she refuses to cooperate. here, we can take her to an emergency room like you said, but for her to agree to that, we'd have to take her to a town in another city, because she doesn't trust the local doctors/hospital. my brother works at a hospital in the town where we live (not the same as where my parents live), and whomever he was speaking to about this told him that if we try to get her to agree with that scenario and she gets really upset and tries to leave or anything like that, then we can call 911 and they can take her to the hospital so she can be seen immediately. at that point, if the doctors there believe she should be hospitalized, then they will initiate the requisite paperwork, instead of us having to do it, which will make the whole process easier. dad, however, refuses to have any part of that 911 call, so it's pretty much left up to my brother and me. we are going home on sunday to talk to dad. hopefully we are able to do so alone, but i dunno how he's going to pull that off. we may end up having to have all 4 of us there to talk about it and then everything will be set in motion. i'm just really afraid of this situation. i'm so worried about her and i know that she's going to hate me for a long time, but i also know that it's not really HER who is upset with me. i just hope that she can get and stick with the treatment that she needs so that she can understand that we did everything out of love. it's just such a frightening situation for me.
I am a social worker, but I would not immediately say its paranoid schizophrenia, although it sounds like it. There are many factors. You say she stopped her medications. That can be a factor. Her age matters. Family history, ans so forth.
Please get her this help. She deserves it and to wait will only make things worse. She may tell you how awful the place is, and it may not seem to be that great to you either, but they do know what they are doing so please het her this help. It won't hurt, and can only help.
Good luck to you and your family.
Mental illness is devastating. Hospitals can assist greatly. I would want my family to do that for me. As a matter of fact, they have. And I have been getting help for many years. Mental illness is not a weakness in moral character or anything like that, although there is a great stigma that others put on it. Ignore that, her health comes first.
If you don't get help at first, keep searching help out. There are wonderful medications these days and your mom can go back to living close to a normal life.
In my case, I first had a major mental breakdown, then 2 years later started having seizures. The breakdown was sudden and severe, as were the seizures. They found I have some biological brain malfunctions. Add my age to it and it all manifested. It was biological in nature.
Wish you were here...
♥~RIP Dad
I remember him how he once was and how he is now breaks my heart.
He is really nice guy sad how he is getting worse.
His mum has it to and his drug taking didn't help as he had a predisposition to schizophrenia.
-Greg Dulli
I know alot about chronic mental illness.
She could have a vitamin B deficiency or a difficult time going through menopause. I used to read alot about nutrition and you'd be surprised at what a lack of b vitamins can do to a person.
8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
10/10 - Brad in B'more
You are a good friend to stay connected with him. It sounds like he needs his meds adjusted though. He shouldn't have to live like a zombie to cope with the illness.
does he take zyprexa? that stuff is STRONG! I agree with catwoman, it might need to be adjusted.
8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
10/10 - Brad in B'more
he went to invega (sp?) and says its like night and day. says its the way to go.
he has paranoid schizo as well.
yeah.
I'm sure the drives help.
peace.