In the stars ...

FinsburyParkCarrots
FinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
edited September 2008 in All Encompassing Trip
Originally from http://www.anvari.org/fun/Misc/True_Horoscope.html but seen by me on my favourite evil bastard local message board, I thought I'd share this ...

AQUARIUS (1/20-2/10) You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.

PISCES (2/19-3/20) You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are generally a stupid sack of shit.

ARIES (3/21-4/19) You are the pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick tempered, impatient and scornful of advice. You are a prick.

TAURUS (4/20-5/20) You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamn communist.

GEMINI (5/21-6/20) You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.

CANCER (6/21-7/22) You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.

LEO (7/23-8/22) You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving motherfuckers and spend most of their time kissing mirrors.

VIRGO (8/23-9/22) You are the logical type and hate disorder. This shitpicking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

LIBRA (9/23-10/22) You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you're male, you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.

SCORPIO (10/23-11/21) The worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.

SAGITTARIUS (11/22-12/21) You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks. Nixon was a Sagittarius. You are not worth the time of day.

CARPICORN (12/22-1/19) You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically a chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.



* * *

:D
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments

  • chadwick
    chadwick up my ass Posts: 21,157
    GEMINI (5/21-6/20) You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.

    you are funny mr.Finscarrots, i like that
    this entire chart made me laugh my ass off :D
    good times, good times
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."
    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • Jeremy1012
    Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    I'm a libra... and that is disturbingly accurate, apart from the queer thing... and I hope I don't die of VD. It's oddly prescient otherwise.
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • fotd
    fotd Posts: 514
    Sweet, I've always wanted to be a pimp bus driver.
    I’ve seen Pearl Jam 25 times, Eddie Vedder 9 times, and Brad once.
  • Hitch-Hiker
    Hitch-Hiker Posts: 2,873
    SAGITTARIUS (11/22-12/21) You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks. Nixon was a Sagittarius. You are not worth the time of day.

    Hahaha :D Kinda true actually. I was drunk for the past 3 nights.
    I'll Ride The Wave Where It Takes Me
  • releaselauren
    releaselauren Posts: 384
    ****LEO (7/23-8/22) You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving motherfuckers and spend most of their time kissing mirrors.****



    well.... I AM a born leader. :cool:

    ....and I can't figure out why my cleaning ladies keep bitching at me because my mirrors require extra Windex....

    :D
    "you shall be released" ~ EV
  • drivingrl
    drivingrl Posts: 1,448
    FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:
    VIRGO (8/23-9/22) You are the logical type and hate disorder. This shitpicking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

    Christ, that is so true.

    Signed,
    Someone who has dated two Virgos.
    drivingrl: "Will I ever get to meet Gwen Stefani?"
    kevinbeetle: "Yes. When her career washes up and her and Gavin move to Galveston, you will meet her at Hot Topic shopping for a Japanese cheerleader outfit.

    Next!"
  • drivingrl
    drivingrl Posts: 1,448
    This reminds me of How to Spot a Bastard By His Star Sign:

    http://www.amazon.com/How-Spot-Bastard-Star-Sign/dp/0312284861
    drivingrl: "Will I ever get to meet Gwen Stefani?"
    kevinbeetle: "Yes. When her career washes up and her and Gavin move to Galveston, you will meet her at Hot Topic shopping for a Japanese cheerleader outfit.

    Next!"
  • dunkman
    dunkman Posts: 19,646
    FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:
    Originally from http://www.anvari.org/fun/Misc/True_Horoscope.html but seen by me on my favourite evil bastard local message board, I thought I'd share this ...

    AQUARIUS (1/20-2/10) You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.

    PISCES (2/19-3/20) You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are generally a stupid sack of shit.

    ARIES (3/21-4/19) You are the pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick tempered, impatient and scornful of advice. You are a prick.

    TAURUS (4/20-5/20) You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamn communist.

    GEMINI (5/21-6/20) You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.

    CANCER (6/21-7/22) You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.

    LEO (7/23-8/22) You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving motherfuckers and spend most of their time kissing mirrors.

    VIRGO (8/23-9/22) You are the logical type and hate disorder. This shitpicking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

    LIBRA (9/23-10/22) You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you're male, you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.

    SCORPIO (10/23-11/21) The worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.

    SAGITTARIUS (11/22-12/21) You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks. Nixon was a Sagittarius. You are not worth the time of day.

    CARPICORN (12/22-1/19) You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically a chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.



    * * *

    :D


    basically thats me in a pub with 11 other guys after 6 pints... oh and yes i'm the Leo. (in reality i'm a cancer)
    oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
  • norm
    norm Posts: 31,146
    SAGITTARIUS (11/22-12/21) You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks. Nixon was a Sagittarius. You are not worth the time of day.


    SUPER!!!! I drink because i have no talent! lucky me! ;):p
  • MattCameronKicksButt
    MattCameronKicksButt Posts: 4,317
    chadwick wrote:
    GEMINI (5/21-6/20) You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.

    you are funny mr.Finscarrots, i like that
    this entire chart made me laugh my ass off :D
    good times, good times

    Nope. I'm a woman. Therefore not a bastard. The rest is true... ;)

    We're not picky are we Chad?
  • dunkman
    dunkman Posts: 19,646
    MattCameronKicksButt wrote:
    Nope. I'm a woman. Therefore not a bastard. The rest is true... ;)


    a bastard is gender free... man or woman can be a bastard.

    you should learn about stuff before you type... as it normally comes out as nonsense :D;)
    oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
  • MattCameronKicksButt
    MattCameronKicksButt Posts: 4,317
    dunkman wrote:
    a bastard is gender free... man or woman can be a bastard.

    you should learn about stuff before you type... as it normally comes out as nonsense :D;)

    Actually, you're right for a change. ;)
  • catefrances
    catefrances Posts: 29,003
    FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:
    AQUARIUS (1/20-2/10) You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.

    there better be a typo in this otherwise my birthday doesnt exist. in which case im not a liar and no one thinks im a jerk. sorry.... a fucking jerk. :D
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • chadwick
    chadwick up my ass Posts: 21,157
    MattCameronKicksButt wrote:
    Nope. I'm a woman. Therefore not a bastard. The rest is true... ;)

    We're not picky are we Chad?

    dunno about that MCKB
    i'd like to think i'm pretty fuckin picking about where my weasel goes
    and it sure doesn't go nowhere near some dudes entryways :D

    i'm confindent that i chadwick am not not bisexual
    i'm just a loving, caring, nasty bastard who writes poetry

    it must be the poetry bit that makes me gay part-time ;)
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."
    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • catefrances
    catefrances Posts: 29,003
    chadwick wrote:
    dunno about that MCKB
    i'd like to think i'm pretty fuckin picking about where my weasel goes
    and it sure doesn't go nowhere near some dudes entryways :D

    i'm confindent that i chadwick am not not bisexual
    i'm just a loving, caring, nasty bastard who writes poetry

    it must be the poetry bit that makes me gay part-time ;)

    no hon, the poetry bit makes you totally gay. ;):p:D
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • chadwick
    chadwick up my ass Posts: 21,157
    catefrances wrote:
    no hon, the poetry bit makes you totally gay. ;):p:D

    as in flaming? very?

    eruptions like a volcano type flaming even?

    that's pretty fuckin flaming if that's the case
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."
    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • catefrances
    catefrances Posts: 29,003
    chadwick wrote:
    as in flaming? very?

    eruptions like a volcano type flaming even?

    that's pretty fuckin flaming if that's the case

    as in whatever floats your boat. :)
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • chadwick
    chadwick up my ass Posts: 21,157
    catefrances wrote:
    as in whatever floats your boat. :)

    flaming or part-time doesn't float my boat
    as in this bisexual bit :)

    regardless of all that, it is funny stuff what Fins put up here

    gotta scoot off to school now..bye bye

    (now that part is accurate..i loves me some learning not a dudes hairy little whatnots)

    enjoy..
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."
    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • MattCameronKicksButt
    MattCameronKicksButt Posts: 4,317
    chadwick wrote:
    dunno about that MCKB
    i'd like to think i'm pretty fuckin picking about where my weasel goes
    and it sure doesn't go nowhere near some dudes entryways :D

    i'm confindent that i chadwick am not not bisexual
    i'm just a loving, caring, nasty bastard who writes poetry

    it must be the poetry bit that makes me gay part-time ;)

    That's a lovely speech but you missed out the bit about incest. ;):):D
  • decides2dream
    decides2dream Posts: 14,977
    i'm on the cusp...


    SCORPIO (10/23-11/21) The worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.

    SAGITTARIUS (11/22-12/21) You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks. Nixon was a Sagittarius. You are not worth the time of day.




    and apparently i am a real prize either way! :D good stuff, hahahahaha.
    Stay with me...
    Let's just breathe...


    I am myself like you somehow


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