In the stars ...
FinsburyParkCarrots
Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
Originally from http://www.anvari.org/fun/Misc/True_Horoscope.html but seen by me on my favourite evil bastard local message board, I thought I'd share this ...
AQUARIUS (1/20-2/10) You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.
PISCES (2/19-3/20) You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are generally a stupid sack of shit.
ARIES (3/21-4/19) You are the pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick tempered, impatient and scornful of advice. You are a prick.
TAURUS (4/20-5/20) You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamn communist.
GEMINI (5/21-6/20) You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.
CANCER (6/21-7/22) You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.
LEO (7/23-8/22) You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving motherfuckers and spend most of their time kissing mirrors.
VIRGO (8/23-9/22) You are the logical type and hate disorder. This shitpicking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.
LIBRA (9/23-10/22) You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you're male, you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.
SCORPIO (10/23-11/21) The worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.
SAGITTARIUS (11/22-12/21) You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks. Nixon was a Sagittarius. You are not worth the time of day.
CARPICORN (12/22-1/19) You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically a chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.
* * *
AQUARIUS (1/20-2/10) You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.
PISCES (2/19-3/20) You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are generally a stupid sack of shit.
ARIES (3/21-4/19) You are the pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick tempered, impatient and scornful of advice. You are a prick.
TAURUS (4/20-5/20) You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamn communist.
GEMINI (5/21-6/20) You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.
CANCER (6/21-7/22) You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.
LEO (7/23-8/22) You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving motherfuckers and spend most of their time kissing mirrors.
VIRGO (8/23-9/22) You are the logical type and hate disorder. This shitpicking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.
LIBRA (9/23-10/22) You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you're male, you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.
SCORPIO (10/23-11/21) The worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.
SAGITTARIUS (11/22-12/21) You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks. Nixon was a Sagittarius. You are not worth the time of day.
CARPICORN (12/22-1/19) You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically a chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.
* * *
Post edited by Unknown User on
0
Comments
you are funny mr.Finscarrots, i like that
this entire chart made me laugh my ass off
good times, good times
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
Hahaha
well.... I AM a born leader. :cool:
....and I can't figure out why my cleaning ladies keep bitching at me because my mirrors require extra Windex....
Christ, that is so true.
Signed,
Someone who has dated two Virgos.
kevinbeetle: "Yes. When her career washes up and her and Gavin move to Galveston, you will meet her at Hot Topic shopping for a Japanese cheerleader outfit.
Next!"
http://www.amazon.com/How-Spot-Bastard-Star-Sign/dp/0312284861
kevinbeetle: "Yes. When her career washes up and her and Gavin move to Galveston, you will meet her at Hot Topic shopping for a Japanese cheerleader outfit.
Next!"
basically thats me in a pub with 11 other guys after 6 pints... oh and yes i'm the Leo. (in reality i'm a cancer)
SUPER!!!! I drink because i have no talent! lucky me!
Nope. I'm a woman. Therefore not a bastard. The rest is true...
We're not picky are we Chad?
a bastard is gender free... man or woman can be a bastard.
you should learn about stuff before you type... as it normally comes out as nonsense
Actually, you're right for a change.
there better be a typo in this otherwise my birthday doesnt exist. in which case im not a liar and no one thinks im a jerk. sorry.... a fucking jerk.
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
dunno about that MCKB
i'd like to think i'm pretty fuckin picking about where my weasel goes
and it sure doesn't go nowhere near some dudes entryways
i'm confindent that i chadwick am not not bisexual
i'm just a loving, caring, nasty bastard who writes poetry
it must be the poetry bit that makes me gay part-time
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
no hon, the poetry bit makes you totally gay.
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
as in flaming? very?
eruptions like a volcano type flaming even?
that's pretty fuckin flaming if that's the case
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
as in whatever floats your boat.
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
flaming or part-time doesn't float my boat
as in this bisexual bit
regardless of all that, it is funny stuff what Fins put up here
gotta scoot off to school now..bye bye
(now that part is accurate..i loves me some learning not a dudes hairy little whatnots)
enjoy..
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
That's a lovely speech but you missed out the bit about incest.
SCORPIO (10/23-11/21) The worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.
SAGITTARIUS (11/22-12/21) You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks. Nixon was a Sagittarius. You are not worth the time of day.
and apparently i am a real prize either way!
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
i don't even get a break around here not even for 2 fuckin seconds.
what a crock of shit
good times, good times..
holy fucking smokes batman MCKB is all over my dumbass with this shit;)
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
Yes.
Does on the weekends count?
Yes and no--I spend way too much.
No.
http://www.youtube.com/user/kcherub#p/a/u/0/N-UQprRqSwo
SCORPIO (10/23-11/21) The worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and
cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your
total lack of ethics. You are a son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpio's are
murdered.
AHAHAAAA...I like that lack of ethics part...
I have that book, it's hilarious.
To keep you clear of the sun
You've been burned more than once
You don't think much of trust