A question for parents

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Comments

  • EddiE
    EddiE Posts: 125
    I have a 3 year old son (4 in a couple of weeks). I'm not with his mother, but I see him near enough every day, the longest I haven't seen him for was for 2 weeks while they went away on holiday, otherwise, yea, I see him every day. Don't think I could do with seeing him twice a year, that'd suck.
    Paris 7/11/96
    Manchester 4/6/00
  • Dissidentman
    Dissidentman Posts: 15,381
    I am divorced with 2 small kids. They live and hour away, and that feels like its too far...
  • DeLukin
    DeLukin Posts: 2,757
    If you aren't there enough your kids will find someone else to look up to. Sad, but true.
    I smile, but who am I kidding...
  • edvedder913
    edvedder913 Posts: 1,810
    When I don't see my little guy for 3 days I go into withdrawl - I could NEVER live with twice a year.

    However, parents make decisions for specific reasons. I suggest you do talk to her - get your feelings out on the table - and let her explain why she did what she did. Hopefully you can find a way to forgive her. Better late than never.
  • justam
    justam Posts: 21,415
    OffHeGoes29 wrote:
    If you got divorced, could you leave your kids with the other parent and only see them twice a year while living on the other side of the country?

    No.

    I'd say that pretty bad parenting.

    :rolleyes:
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  • Dissidentman
    Dissidentman Posts: 15,381
    My neighbor did this... he was divorced and decided to take a job 800 miles away from his daughter.

    He gave us every lame-ass excuse for why it was "the best for everyone", but we all pretty much thought he didn't want the responsibility anymore.

    We all could be doing different things if we didn't have children - but when you have them, give them your love and your time.
  • justam
    justam Posts: 21,415
    I think it's despicable when people have children and then behave as if they don't exist.

    There's a woman I know who I can't even be friends with anymore because of the way she ignores her son with special needs. She ships him off IN A HARNESS on a bus and focuses on her career...

    The poor child has become like human trash. It breaks my heart. :(
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  • urbanhippie
    urbanhippie Posts: 3,007
    Although I am very bitter at my husband for his lack of contact with our children, I think it's important not to pre-judge a situation like yours.

    As a single mum of four children, I have to say, no one else can understand the difficulty of that situation. It's bloody hard. And more than once I've thought to myself 'I can't do this anymore'. I have been so tempted on numerous occasions to just pack my bags and get the hell out of there and leave all the crap behind for someone else to sort out for a change. I never have yet, but it's been a close thing. The thing that stops me is the knowledge that a decision like that, once made, can't be reversed.

    People make decisions like that for many, many reasons. And they may regret them, they may not but they can't be unmade. Talk to her and be sure you tell her how you feel about it, but also try to listen. It may help you understand and come to terms with things.

    Good Luck.
    A human being that was given to fly.

    Wembley 18/06/07

    If there was a reason, it was you.

    O2 Arena 18/09/09
  • Whizbang
    Whizbang Posts: 1,314
    I do not have kids, let me say that up front. I am, however, a child of divorce.

    My father lives (and has since the divorce) about 1.5hrs away from me. Every other weekend, shared holidays, etc were the times I'd spent with him. My dad is remarried, his wife a lovely person but her life has always revolved around HER kids and grandchildren. There had been times in my younger years when my dad did more things monitarily for her kids than he did for me. It pissed off my mom and hurt me. As I grew up and talked with my dad more? I realized how much both my parents had a profound affect on bringing me up to be a self-sufficient person, strong enough to stand on my own, humble enough to ask for help if I really need it and if you make you bed, you lay in it. Did my dad not pay for college books because he wanted to teach me a lesson? Nope, I'm sure that wasn't the intent but he made his bed, staying married to a women who always bails out her kids (still does and her daughter is 10yrs older than me). You make choices and you live with them. And yes...you live with the affect they have on other people. In the last couple of years, I've grown closer to my father, talk with him more, some personal stuff, sometimes it's just laughs like friends. My mom has been one of my best friends for years. There are things about their marriage and the decisions they made that I will never know, nor do I care to. How I grew up, how I was brought up led me to who I am today. Knowing what happened or why won't change that.

    I wish you luck in talking with your mom. Asking directly might get you answers you don't really want to know. Getting to know her better as a person may just give you some insight and understanding as to the reasons behind her decisions without ever hearing her say "I did this because XYZ".
    believe it or not, we don't "need" anything. that is only the spoiled brat in us trying to fill some temporary solution to an emptyness that does not exist.

    I have eaten so much gold I crapped excellence - drtyfrnk29

    Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all!

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