A question for parents

OffHeGoes29

If you got divorced, could you leave your kids with the other parent and only see them twice a year while living on the other side of the country?

kcherub

I would never want to, but it all depends upon one's circumstances. My father has lived in Texas since I was 4, and although I lived there (with my mother and stepfather) until I was 12, I haven't lived close to him in 22 years. We are still very close. It takes effort, but it can be done.

With children, I think that while they do need your presence, if you can't be "with" them, keeping in constant touch with them is more than some people do.

I can tell you are a good parent just because you asked.

gobrowns19

OffHeGoes29 wrote:

If you got divorced, could you leave your kids with the other parent and only see them twice a year while living on the other side of the country?

No, i wouldn't be able to do that.

OffHeGoes29

kcherub wrote:

I can tell you are a good parent just because you asked.

I don't have any kids, but thanks anyway.

kcherub

OffHeGoes29 wrote:

I don't have any kids, but thanks anyway.

So, were you taking a poll?

OffHeGoes29

kcherub wrote:

So, were you taking a poll?

No, just getting a feel for people's opinion. I have to confront my mom on some personal stuff about this.

catefrances

OffHeGoes29 wrote:

If you got divorced, could you leave your kids with the other parent and only see them twice a year while living on the other side of the country?

funny you should mention that.
though im not married nor have i ever been my two youngest children will be living with their father once they reach high school within the next 2 years. i wont be on another coast and i will see them frequently. i have no qualms about doing this and my son is so thrilled at the prospect, hes practically gone already. itll be good for all involved cause i will be a better parent with the distance. no one needs to be living with me fulltime, that i can assure you.

reversedarwinism

Twice a year? Couldn't live with that. My baby girl(just turned 5, OMG) is 30 min away and I get to see her all the time, and I couldn't have it any other way.

OffHeGoes29

catefrances wrote:

funny you should mention that.
though im not married nor have i ever been my two youngest children will be living with their father once they reach high school within the next 2 years. i wont be on another coast and i will see them frequently. i have no qualms about doing this and my son is so thrilled at the prospect, hes practically gone already. itll be good for all involved cause i will be a better parent with the distance. no one needs to be living with me fulltime, that i can assure you.

Yeah, but you're apart of their lives. Its good to see they will be able to know their father more.

kcherub

OffHeGoes29 wrote:

No, just getting a feel for people's opinion. I have to confront my mom on some personal stuff about this.

Well, good luck with the talk. I hope that too much damage hasn't been done.

OffHeGoes29

kcherub wrote:

Well, good luck with the talk. I hope that too much damage hasn't been done.

Well things can stay in the past, but she wants to be a part of my life now that I'm an adult, but honestly, she lost that right. I would like for her to be a part of my life, but she has to be honest with me about why she moved away.

I think some people don't want the responsibilty of raising their kids, thats why I'm holding out untill I'm good a ready.

Inhiding230

Nope, that would not have been an option for me, which was why I fought for full custody and got it.

My ex on the otherhand, got one weekend a month supervised visitation and complained about it for a year. Then he took off to Florida 2 years ago and has been to visit my daughter once since then. He has her email address and our mailing address, but doesn't so much as send her a birthday or Xmas card. There is absolutely no excuse for that in my opinion.

Brain of J.Lo

OffHeGoes29 wrote:

If you got divorced, could you leave your kids with the other parent and only see them twice a year while living on the other side of the country?

No WAY!

If, for some reason, I failed to get custody, I would move next door to my kid.

I can't imagine being away from her for more than a few days at a time, even though she's a toddler!

OffHeGoes29

Well what if the other parent said they wouldn't let you see the kids more than a couple times a year, would you still fight it?

TrixieCat

OffHeGoes29 wrote:

If you got divorced, could you leave your kids with the other parent and only see them twice a year while living on the other side of the country?

No.
I can not see this as an option ever.

meme

TrixieCat wrote:

No.
I can not see this as an option ever.

Me neither. Perhaps when he is older. But actually no, twice a year is too little time

catefrances

OffHeGoes29 wrote:

Yeah, but you're apart of their lives. Its good to see they will be able to know their father more.

to be honest i doubt they could know there father more than they already do. the interesting thing for me to watch is how theyve related to him over the years considering my son was 18 months old and my daughter 3 months from being born when we broke up. neither of them has ever shown any hesitation towards him.

OffHeGoes29 wrote:

Well what if the other parent said they wouldn't let you see the kids more than a couple times a year, would you still fight it?

fuck that bullshit. id be fighting that for sure. the children are not the property of anyone and certainly not the other parent.

acoustic guy

OffHeGoes29 wrote:

If you got divorced, could you leave your kids with the other parent and only see them twice a year while living on the other side of the country?

There is no way this could EVER happen. An army could not keep me away from my daughter.
Way to much love there between us.

LOL if my wife kicked me out I would buy the house next door to her.

nocode23

There is absolutely no way I could live that far away from my kids. I have a hard enough time when I have to be gone for more than a day. I couldn't imagine only seeing them twice a year. It would kill me.

urbanhippie

I couldn't do it. Which is why I have full custody of my kids. I have no intention of moving, and at the moment I live 10 minutes away from my ex.

He hasn't been in touch with them for a month, no calls, no visits, nothing. When we first split he vowed that he would always be there for the kids and that nothing would stop him from seeing them. It soon wore off. I'm still where I've always been and so are they, but he's nowhere to be found.

My eldest passed his GCSE's last week and I texted his dad the results. No response, not even a well done, nothing. I can't force him to take an interest in his children,even though I'd like to.

I can bet though, that if I said I was going to move to the other side of the country, he'd fight me tooth and nail, and accuse me of taking his children away from him, when in reality he's pushed them away all by himself :(

dunkman

OffHeGoes29 wrote:

If you got divorced, could you leave your kids with the other parent and only see them twice a year while living on the other side of the country?

no... but what country you mean? if i lived on the other side of my country i'd only be about 70 miles away from them.

but the answer is still no.

my kids are more important to me than a job.

EddiE

I have a 3 year old son (4 in a couple of weeks). I'm not with his mother, but I see him near enough every day, the longest I haven't seen him for was for 2 weeks while they went away on holiday, otherwise, yea, I see him every day. Don't think I could do with seeing him twice a year, that'd suck.

Dissidentman

I am divorced with 2 small kids. They live and hour away, and that feels like its too far...

DeLukin

If you aren't there enough your kids will find someone else to look up to. Sad, but true.

edvedder913

When I don't see my little guy for 3 days I go into withdrawl - I could NEVER live with twice a year.

However, parents make decisions for specific reasons. I suggest you do talk to her - get your feelings out on the table - and let her explain why she did what she did. Hopefully you can find a way to forgive her. Better late than never.

justam

OffHeGoes29 wrote:

If you got divorced, could you leave your kids with the other parent and only see them twice a year while living on the other side of the country?

No.

I'd say that pretty bad parenting.

:rolleyes:

Dissidentman

My neighbor did this... he was divorced and decided to take a job 800 miles away from his daughter.

He gave us every lame-ass excuse for why it was "the best for everyone", but we all pretty much thought he didn't want the responsibility anymore.

We all could be doing different things if we didn't have children - but when you have them, give them your love and your time.

justam

I think it's despicable when people have children and then behave as if they don't exist.

There's a woman I know who I can't even be friends with anymore because of the way she ignores her son with special needs. She ships him off IN A HARNESS on a bus and focuses on her career...

The poor child has become like human trash. It breaks my heart. :(

urbanhippie

Although I am very bitter at my husband for his lack of contact with our children, I think it's important not to pre-judge a situation like yours.

As a single mum of four children, I have to say, no one else can understand the difficulty of that situation. It's bloody hard. And more than once I've thought to myself 'I can't do this anymore'. I have been so tempted on numerous occasions to just pack my bags and get the hell out of there and leave all the crap behind for someone else to sort out for a change. I never have yet, but it's been a close thing. The thing that stops me is the knowledge that a decision like that, once made, can't be reversed.

People make decisions like that for many, many reasons. And they may regret them, they may not but they can't be unmade. Talk to her and be sure you tell her how you feel about it, but also try to listen. It may help you understand and come to terms with things.

Good Luck.

Whizbang

I do not have kids, let me say that up front. I am, however, a child of divorce.

My father lives (and has since the divorce) about 1.5hrs away from me. Every other weekend, shared holidays, etc were the times I'd spent with him. My dad is remarried, his wife a lovely person but her life has always revolved around HER kids and grandchildren. There had been times in my younger years when my dad did more things monitarily for her kids than he did for me. It pissed off my mom and hurt me. As I grew up and talked with my dad more? I realized how much both my parents had a profound affect on bringing me up to be a self-sufficient person, strong enough to stand on my own, humble enough to ask for help if I really need it and if you make you bed, you lay in it. Did my dad not pay for college books because he wanted to teach me a lesson? Nope, I'm sure that wasn't the intent but he made his bed, staying married to a women who always bails out her kids (still does and her daughter is 10yrs older than me). You make choices and you live with them. And yes...you live with the affect they have on other people. In the last couple of years, I've grown closer to my father, talk with him more, some personal stuff, sometimes it's just laughs like friends. My mom has been one of my best friends for years. There are things about their marriage and the decisions they made that I will never know, nor do I care to. How I grew up, how I was brought up led me to who I am today. Knowing what happened or why won't change that.

I wish you luck in talking with your mom. Asking directly might get you answers you don't really want to know. Getting to know her better as a person may just give you some insight and understanding as to the reasons behind her decisions without ever hearing her say "I did this because XYZ".