Update on the situation with my good friend

2

Comments

  • catch22
    catch22 Posts: 1,081
    Saturnal wrote:
    Agreed.

    As a friend, you did the right thing...but you ultimately have little influence over any of this. Don't bank on a 20-year friendship to overrule a marriage. No matter how much of a jerk this dewd is, he's right: their relationship doesn't include you. It's between him and her. Be prepared to be cut off if you mess with that. It could definitely happen, regardless of how close your friendship is.

    i kind of feel the same. the thing that worries me is confronting the guy probably led to the guy going back inside and taking it out on her. after such an emotional conversation, i doubt she could have stood up to it. that could backfire.

    but being straight with her and telling her what you feel is a good thing. it may be the push and support she needs to do something about this.
    and like that... he's gone.
  • Riot_Mac
    Riot_Mac Posts: 473
    Way to go bro. This guy sounds like a real jerk. Hopefully she realizes that and calls of the wedding.
    "hear my name, take a good look, this could be the day."
  • mammasan
    mammasan Posts: 5,656
    Well Chiara sent me an email telling me that her fiance was extremely pissed last night because of our little exchange of words. He wants her to un-invite me to the wedding and told her that he forbids her from speaking to me again. She is a bit upset that I confronted him like that but understands that I'm only trying to protect her, but asked that I please not do that again because she doesn't want to have to choose between me and her fiance.

    I don't even know if I want to go to her wedding because this guy is a fucking drunk and I have the feeling he is going to do something absolutely stupid at the wedding and I don't want to ruin her day, even though I disagree with her decision. On the other hand I don't want to not go and have her be upset.
    "When one gets in bed with government, one must expect the diseases it spreads." - Ron Paul
  • catch22
    catch22 Posts: 1,081
    mammasan wrote:
    Well Chiara sent me an email telling me that her fiance was extremely pissed last night because of our little exchange of words. He wants her to un-invite me to the wedding and told her that he forbids her from speaking to me again. She is a bit upset that I confronted him like that but understands that I'm only trying to protect her, but asked that I please not do that again because she doesn't want to have to choose between me and her fiance.

    I don't even know if I want to go to her wedding because this guy is a fucking drunk and I have the feeling he is going to do something absolutely stupid at the wedding and I don't want to ruin her day, even though I disagree with her decision. On the other hand I don't want to not go and have her be upset.

    i was afraid this would happen. it seemed an odd choice to bite your tongue when she talks about disappointing her family because you didn't want to get involved but then to walk right up to him and lay into him. you may have just sealed her decision to go through with it.
    and like that... he's gone.
  • ReleaseMe...
    ReleaseMe... Posts: 494
    wrong move bro
    Mansfield II: # 23, since '03

    routine was the theme..

    there aint gonna be any middle any more
  • eyedclaar
    eyedclaar Posts: 6,980
    catch22 wrote:
    i was afraid this would happen. it seemed an odd choice to bite your tongue when she talks about disappointing her family because you didn't want to get involved but then to walk right up to him and lay into him. you may have just sealed her decision to go through with it.

    I hear what you are saying but I also suspect if she really does suffer from low self-esteem, she was already going through with it anyway. In her heart of hearts, she knows it's a bad idea, but she is either terrified of being alone or just doesn't feel like she deserves any better. I've never understood that attitude but obviously people fall into it all the time.
    Idaho's Premier Outdoor Writer

    Please Support My Writing Habit By Purchasing A Book:

    https://www.createspace.com/3437020

    http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000663025696

    http://earthtremors.blogspot.com/
  • mammasan
    mammasan Posts: 5,656
    catch22 wrote:
    i was afraid this would happen. it seemed an odd choice to bite your tongue when she talks about disappointing her family because you didn't want to get involved but then to walk right up to him and lay into him. you may have just sealed her decision to go through with it.

    Like I said I know I shouldn't have but seeing him sitting their giving her grief was to much. I will definitely just sit back and not interfere. If she needs a friend to talk to I will be there but I have said my peace. I do hope she breaks the wedding off because she deserves better and then I can go beat the piss out of that fucker.
    "When one gets in bed with government, one must expect the diseases it spreads." - Ron Paul
  • catch22
    catch22 Posts: 1,081
    eyedclaar wrote:
    I hear what you are saying but I also suspect if she really does suffer from low self-esteem, she was already going through with it anyway. In her heart of hearts, she knows it's a bad idea, but she is either terrified of being alone or just doesn't feel like she deserves any better. I've never understood that attitude but obviously people fall into it all the time.

    true. but it's even less likely now. maybe if she could mull it over and corral some support, she could have stood up to him. but no way will she do it now that he's suspicious and going to be doubling his efforts to keep her submissive and away from anyone who might talk sense into her.
    and like that... he's gone.
  • catch22
    catch22 Posts: 1,081
    mammasan wrote:
    Like I said I know I shouldn't have but seeing him sitting their giving her grief was to much. I will definitely just sit back and not interfere. If she needs a friend to talk to I will be there but I have said my peace. I do hope she breaks the wedding off because she deserves better and then I can go beat the piss out of that fucker.

    hey, you're only human :) we'll all hope she does too.
    and like that... he's gone.
  • JaneNY
    JaneNY Posts: 4,438
    It was so good of you to speak to him; what scares me for her sake is if he is ALREADY attempting to limit her contact with people he doesn't like, that is one of the signs of an abusive relationship (as you already identified with the verbal abuse). It could get so bad so fast. And if children come, then it gets even worse and more complicated. I hope there is some way she doesn't go through with it.
    R.i.p. Rigoberto Alpizar.
    R.i.p. My Dad - May 28, 2007
    R.i.p. Black Tail (cat) - Sept. 20, 2008
  • PJaddicted
    PJaddicted Posts: 1,432
    $55,000??? I am sorry but that is an insane amount of money to spend on just a wedding...she will be paying that off long after the marriage is over. I feel for her, but she is going to do what she wants, no matter what you say. It's her life and you can be there for her when she needs you....which by the sounds of things will be SOON!

    oxc
    ~*LIVE~LOVE~LAUGH*~

    *May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*

    He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
    — Unknown
  • JonnyPistachio
    JonnyPistachio Florida Posts: 10,219
    mammasan wrote:
    Just so you know the wedding is costing her $55,000.

    I think you did good, but damn that $55,000!
    weddings are a fucking joke.
    Pick up my debut novel here on amazon: Jonny Bails Floatin (in paperback) (also available on Kindle for $2.99)
  • mammasan
    mammasan Posts: 5,656
    PJaddicted wrote:
    $55,000??? I am sorry but that is an insane amount of money to spend on just a wedding...she will be paying that off long after the marriage is over. I feel for her, but she is going to do what she wants, no matter what you say. It's her life and you can be there for her when she needs you....which by the sounds of things will be SOON!

    oxc

    She wanted a small wedding he is the one who wanted to invited everyone and their mother and he's not even paying for it. Her pops gave her $10,000 and the rest she is paying for. With all the money she has spent she could have put a down payment on a house.
    "When one gets in bed with government, one must expect the diseases it spreads." - Ron Paul
  • eyedclaar
    eyedclaar Posts: 6,980
    JonnyPistachio wrote:
    I think you did good, but damn that $55,000!
    weddings are a fucking joke.

    I guess. Fuck! I think I spent $550 on my wedding.
    Idaho's Premier Outdoor Writer

    Please Support My Writing Habit By Purchasing A Book:

    https://www.createspace.com/3437020

    http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000663025696

    http://earthtremors.blogspot.com/
  • norm
    norm Posts: 31,146
    who wants to join me in a pit posse over to this useless human beings place and beat the ever lovin' shit out of him?

    mammasan you did the right thing....she needs out of there NOW....this guy gets off on the power he has over her and with your confrontation in his little mind it's more artillery against her

    i'd talk to her dad....i know you want to tread lightly as to risk losing her as a friend but wouldn't you rather have her alive and not your friend then the alternative?
  • Rygar
    Rygar Posts: 8,711
    cutback wrote:
    who wants to join me in a pit posse over to this useless human beings place and beat the ever lovin' shit out of him?

    mammasan you did the right thing....she needs out of there NOW....this guy gets off on the power he has over her and with your confrontation in his little mind it's more artillery against her

    i'd talk to her dad....i know you want to tread lightly as to risk losing her as a friend but wouldn't you rather have her alive and not your friend then the alternative?
    This is a decent point.
  • ReleaseMe...
    ReleaseMe... Posts: 494
    cutback wrote:
    who wants to join me in a pit posse over to this useless human beings place and beat the ever lovin' shit out of him?

    mammasan you did the right thing....she needs out of there NOW....this guy gets off on the power he has over her and with your confrontation in his little mind it's more artillery against her

    i'd talk to her dad....i know you want to tread lightly as to risk losing her as a friend but wouldn't you rather have her alive and not your friend then the alternative?
    him doing what he did will not get her out of that relationship and will not stop the wedding.

    and i would rather start a possse and take care of that guy in the "f'd up situation thread" haha, but no joke
    Mansfield II: # 23, since '03

    routine was the theme..

    there aint gonna be any middle any more
  • mammasan
    mammasan Posts: 5,656
    cutback wrote:
    who wants to join me in a pit posse over to this useless human beings place and beat the ever lovin' shit out of him?

    mammasan you did the right thing....she needs out of there NOW....this guy gets off on the power he has over her and with your confrontation in his little mind it's more artillery against her

    i'd talk to her dad....i know you want to tread lightly as to risk losing her as a friend but wouldn't you rather have her alive and not your friend then the alternative?

    trust me I worry about that as well. She is an only child so I can't even approach a sibling. I've been sitting at work racking my brain on how I can get word to her pops without it leading back to me. My highest priority is making sure that she is safe but I also treasure our friendship too much to just toss it aside. I have already discussed the situation with my group of close friends, about 8 guys. Two of them live near her so we are going to keep a close eye on the situation to see if he does turn violent. Right now I think cooler heads need to prevail and I need to let her do what see feels is best. I reiterated that to her in my response to her email. I told her that I'm on her side and I don't want to cause her more grief. I told her that I will not call her at home or her cell, but will keep in touch via her work email till this blows over. He leaves to day for his weekend golf trip so she will have some alone time to think things through.
    "When one gets in bed with government, one must expect the diseases it spreads." - Ron Paul
  • norm
    norm Posts: 31,146
    mammasan wrote:
    trust me I worry about that as well. She is an only child so I can't even approach a sibling. I've been sitting at work racking my brain on how I can get word to her pops without it leading back to me. My highest priority is making sure that she is safe but I also treasure our friendship too much to just toss it aside. I have already discussed the situation with my group of close friends, about 8 guys. Two of them live near her so we are going to keep a close eye on the situation to see if he does turn violent. Right now I think cooler heads need to prevail and I need to let her do what see feels is best. I reiterated that to her in my response to her email. I told her that I'm on her side and I don't want to cause her more grief. I told her that I will not call her at home or her cell, but will keep in touch via her work email till this blows over. He leaves to day for his weekend golf trip so she will have some alone time to think things through.

    i hope she realizes what a great friend she has in you....:)

    i can't stand these types of guys....i immediately go primal and want blood...and i'm NOT a violent person but this guy is a useless piece of shit that needs a dose of his own medicine...
  • blackredyellow
    blackredyellow Posts: 5,889
    mammasan wrote:
    trust me I worry about that as well. She is an only child so I can't even approach a sibling. I've been sitting at work racking my brain on how I can get word to her pops without it leading back to me. My highest priority is making sure that she is safe but I also treasure our friendship too much to just toss it aside. I have already discussed the situation with my group of close friends, about 8 guys. Two of them live near her so we are going to keep a close eye on the situation to see if he does turn violent. Right now I think cooler heads need to prevail and I need to let her do what see feels is best. I reiterated that to her in my response to her email. I told her that I'm on her side and I don't want to cause her more grief. I told her that I will not call her at home or her cell, but will keep in touch via her work email till this blows over. He leaves to day for his weekend golf trip so she will have some alone time to think things through.

    Does she have any close girl friends that she trusts? Maybe talking to one of them could be an option, I would think they are seeing the same things that you are seeing.
    My whole life
    was like a picture
    of a sunny day
    “We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”
    ― Abraham Lincoln

Categories