$55,000??? I am sorry but that is an insane amount of money to spend on just a wedding...she will be paying that off long after the marriage is over. I feel for her, but she is going to do what she wants, no matter what you say. It's her life and you can be there for her when she needs you....which by the sounds of things will be SOON!
oxc
~*LIVE~LOVE~LAUGH*~
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
$55,000??? I am sorry but that is an insane amount of money to spend on just a wedding...she will be paying that off long after the marriage is over. I feel for her, but she is going to do what she wants, no matter what you say. It's her life and you can be there for her when she needs you....which by the sounds of things will be SOON!
oxc
She wanted a small wedding he is the one who wanted to invited everyone and their mother and he's not even paying for it. Her pops gave her $10,000 and the rest she is paying for. With all the money she has spent she could have put a down payment on a house.
"When one gets in bed with government, one must expect the diseases it spreads." - Ron Paul
who wants to join me in a pit posse over to this useless human beings place and beat the ever lovin' shit out of him?
mammasan you did the right thing....she needs out of there NOW....this guy gets off on the power he has over her and with your confrontation in his little mind it's more artillery against her
i'd talk to her dad....i know you want to tread lightly as to risk losing her as a friend but wouldn't you rather have her alive and not your friend then the alternative?
who wants to join me in a pit posse over to this useless human beings place and beat the ever lovin' shit out of him?
mammasan you did the right thing....she needs out of there NOW....this guy gets off on the power he has over her and with your confrontation in his little mind it's more artillery against her
i'd talk to her dad....i know you want to tread lightly as to risk losing her as a friend but wouldn't you rather have her alive and not your friend then the alternative?
who wants to join me in a pit posse over to this useless human beings place and beat the ever lovin' shit out of him?
mammasan you did the right thing....she needs out of there NOW....this guy gets off on the power he has over her and with your confrontation in his little mind it's more artillery against her
i'd talk to her dad....i know you want to tread lightly as to risk losing her as a friend but wouldn't you rather have her alive and not your friend then the alternative?
him doing what he did will not get her out of that relationship and will not stop the wedding.
and i would rather start a possse and take care of that guy in the "f'd up situation thread" haha, but no joke
who wants to join me in a pit posse over to this useless human beings place and beat the ever lovin' shit out of him?
mammasan you did the right thing....she needs out of there NOW....this guy gets off on the power he has over her and with your confrontation in his little mind it's more artillery against her
i'd talk to her dad....i know you want to tread lightly as to risk losing her as a friend but wouldn't you rather have her alive and not your friend then the alternative?
trust me I worry about that as well. She is an only child so I can't even approach a sibling. I've been sitting at work racking my brain on how I can get word to her pops without it leading back to me. My highest priority is making sure that she is safe but I also treasure our friendship too much to just toss it aside. I have already discussed the situation with my group of close friends, about 8 guys. Two of them live near her so we are going to keep a close eye on the situation to see if he does turn violent. Right now I think cooler heads need to prevail and I need to let her do what see feels is best. I reiterated that to her in my response to her email. I told her that I'm on her side and I don't want to cause her more grief. I told her that I will not call her at home or her cell, but will keep in touch via her work email till this blows over. He leaves to day for his weekend golf trip so she will have some alone time to think things through.
"When one gets in bed with government, one must expect the diseases it spreads." - Ron Paul
trust me I worry about that as well. She is an only child so I can't even approach a sibling. I've been sitting at work racking my brain on how I can get word to her pops without it leading back to me. My highest priority is making sure that she is safe but I also treasure our friendship too much to just toss it aside. I have already discussed the situation with my group of close friends, about 8 guys. Two of them live near her so we are going to keep a close eye on the situation to see if he does turn violent. Right now I think cooler heads need to prevail and I need to let her do what see feels is best. I reiterated that to her in my response to her email. I told her that I'm on her side and I don't want to cause her more grief. I told her that I will not call her at home or her cell, but will keep in touch via her work email till this blows over. He leaves to day for his weekend golf trip so she will have some alone time to think things through.
i hope she realizes what a great friend she has in you....:)
i can't stand these types of guys....i immediately go primal and want blood...and i'm NOT a violent person but this guy is a useless piece of shit that needs a dose of his own medicine...
trust me I worry about that as well. She is an only child so I can't even approach a sibling. I've been sitting at work racking my brain on how I can get word to her pops without it leading back to me. My highest priority is making sure that she is safe but I also treasure our friendship too much to just toss it aside. I have already discussed the situation with my group of close friends, about 8 guys. Two of them live near her so we are going to keep a close eye on the situation to see if he does turn violent. Right now I think cooler heads need to prevail and I need to let her do what see feels is best. I reiterated that to her in my response to her email. I told her that I'm on her side and I don't want to cause her more grief. I told her that I will not call her at home or her cell, but will keep in touch via her work email till this blows over. He leaves to day for his weekend golf trip so she will have some alone time to think things through.
Does she have any close girl friends that she trusts? Maybe talking to one of them could be an option, I would think they are seeing the same things that you are seeing.
My whole life
was like a picture
of a sunny day
“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”
― Abraham Lincoln
Does she have any close girl friends that she trusts? Maybe talking to one of them could be an option, I would think they are seeing the same things that you are seeing.
Most of our close group knows that this guy is a prick but I don't think any of us realized the extent, the verbal abuse. I know her best friend and was contemplating calling her to see if she was aware of the entire situation.
"When one gets in bed with government, one must expect the diseases it spreads." - Ron Paul
Most of our close group knows that this guy is a prick but I don't think any of us realized the extent, the verbal abuse. I know her best friend and was contemplating calling her to see if she was aware of the entire situation.
That might be a good idea, maybe at first not tell her everything you know, but feel her out a bit. I dunno... it could make this girl pissed at her best friend if she expresses her concerns to her (especially if the friend is married).
My whole life
was like a picture
of a sunny day
“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”
― Abraham Lincoln
My advice is always the same on these types of threads... let her marry him, divorce him, then take half his money.:D Hopefully it's more than $55,000!!;)
Which by the way is a lot of fucking money for a wedding. Actually, I don't know too much about the costs of weddings.. but that seems like a lot.
Whoa, chill bro... you know you can't raise your voice like that when the lion's here.
My advice is always the same on these types of threads... let her marry him, divorce him, then take half his money.:D Hopefully it's more than $55,000!!;)
Which by the way is a lot of fucking money for a wedding. Actually, I don't know too much about the costs of weddings.. but that seems like a lot.
Only problem with that is that they guy does not have a job. He was booted from the Correction's Officer academy about 6-8 months ago and hasn't had a real job since then. He picks up some odd jobs here and there but drinks what little money he makes away. She on the other hand has a good career plus works a second job to pay for the wedding as well as all their bills. So what would most likely happen is that he would take half her money.
"When one gets in bed with government, one must expect the diseases it spreads." - Ron Paul
lot of great advice already on here, just gonna throw in my two cents:
okay, if he's leaving for the weekend, and her friends already suspect him of being a douche, why not have her friends and you take her out this weekend, then calmly and nonjudgementally explain to her all of your concerns for her. give her a chance to speak as well. with him not there to isolate her and make her feel like she's alone maybe there's a chance you guys can get through to her. good luck...
ugh, a failed corrections officer? i can picture this guy perfectly. maybe a bat to the face could be a good fallback option. not that i'm condoning violence!
Only problem with that is that they guy does not have a job. He was booted from the Correction's Officer academy about 6-8 months ago and hasn't had a real job since then. He picks up some odd jobs here and there but drinks what little money he makes away. She on the other hand has a good career plus works a second job to pay for the wedding as well as all their bills. So what would most likely happen is that he would take half her money.
So this situation is worse than I thought. hmmmm Yeah, I'd get her the fuck away real quick like.
jesus. i don't really get why some girls put up with all that.... it sounds horrible.
she's lucky she has you there to support her, hopefully she makes the right choice, whatever it is.
you seem like a great guy and i hope everything works out for you and your friend. just remember to stay safe yourself, if the guy is as much of a douche as you say he is - and does all those things to the so-called woman he 'loves', he seems like the type of guy who would do something stupid and drastic if he felt need be.
if I ever find out that he has hit her or continues to verbal abuse her that I found fucking bury him. He gets defensive and starts telling me to fuck off and mind my own business. I tell him that the happiness and well being of my friends is my business and that he had better tread lightly when dealing with me and get back in my car and drive off.
I know I shouldn't have approached him but I just couldn't stop myself. I didn't like this guy before but now after hearing how he talks to her I just want to kill him.
So you basically threatened him? Why am I the only person who thinks you are wrong? Are you and your 8 friends going after him with pitchforks and axes if he does something wrong?
You are women's hero on this board. In reality, you may have lost your friendship with her b/c of his rules. It's her choice to marry him. I've been in an abusive relationship with a boyfriend after my divorce. The victim often (oddly enough) protects the abuser, it can be a boyfriend/spouse/or parent.
The other day, when I first read about your concerns for her, I forgot to tell you this. I was married at a very young age to a verbally abusive man who also drank too much and was gone doing his own thing, but he was different that the fiance, in that he worked very hard. At the pool one day, as usual, I was complaining about his drinking, partying with the female college students at work, etc. to my sister's sister in law. Her brother was best friends with my husband. She got sick of my bitching and moaning and finally said, "how long are you going to put up with this?" I was shocked she said that to me, but it made me think. I think your best bet is to be a good listener. And yes weddings cost $55,000. I had a stripped down bare minimum non church wedding 11 years ago, nothing fancy and it cost $5,000, maybe $6,000.
You have a child, right? You may need to count to 10 and think first before threatening this verbally abusive drunk, you can't take care of your family if you are in jail. What if he hits you first and there are no witnesses? He could say you started it.
9/98, 9/00 - DC, 4/03 - Pitt., 7/03 - Bristow, 10/04 - Reading, 10/05 - Philly, 5/06 - DC, 6/06 - Pitt., 6/08 - Va Beach, 6/08 - DC, 5/10 - Bristow, 10/13 B'more
8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
10/10 - Brad in B'more
So you basically threatened him? Why am I the only person who thinks you are wrong? Are you and your 8 friends going after him with pitchforks and axes if he does something wrong?
You are women's hero on this board. In reality, you may have lost your friendship with her b/c of his rules. It's her choice to marry him. I've been in an abusive relationship with a boyfriend after my divorce. The victim often (oddly enough) protects the abuser, it can be a boyfriend/spouse/or parent.
The other day, when I first read about your concerns for her, I forgot to tell you this. I was married at a very young age to a verbally abusive man who also drank too much and played golf, but he was different that the fiance, in that he worked very hard. At the pool one day, as usual, I was complaining about his drinking, partying with the female college students at work, etc. to my sister's sister in law. Her brother was best friends with my husband. She got sick of my bitching and moaning and finally said, "how long are you going to put up with this?" I was shocked she said that to me, but it made me think. I think your best bet is to be a good listener. And yes weddings cost $55,000. I had a stripped down bare minimum non church wedding 11 years ago, nothing fancy and it cost $5,000, maybe $6,000.
You have a child, right? You may need to count to 10 and think first before threatening this verbally abusive drunk, you can't take care of your family if you are in jail. What if he hits you first and there are no witnesses? He could say you started it.
What's wrong with playing golf?
'I want to hurry home to you
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'
oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
nothing -- for those who can afford (to buy an expensive set of clubs) it or those who spend equal quality time with their mate and then play golf. I guess I said that b/c it was one more way for him to not be home. that's enough about my situation.
9/98, 9/00 - DC, 4/03 - Pitt., 7/03 - Bristow, 10/04 - Reading, 10/05 - Philly, 5/06 - DC, 6/06 - Pitt., 6/08 - Va Beach, 6/08 - DC, 5/10 - Bristow, 10/13 B'more
8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
10/10 - Brad in B'more
Why do so many women stay in abusive relationships?
I don't get it...
she is as much of her own problem as the guy is....
Progress is not made by everyone joining some new fad,
and reveling in it's loyalty. It's made by forming coalitions
over specific principles, goals, and policies.
You did the right thing in talking to your friend. This is a tough situation to be in. Sometimes people see things a little clearer once they see them through someone else's eyes - I hope that's the case with your friend.
My best friend married a guy under similar circumstances - started off as verbal abuse, then she started having all these unexplained injuries. He wanted to give her a beautiful engagement ring - so he charged one for $10,000 on her credit card :rolleyes: He was unemployed, meanwhile she was working 3 jobs. I told her my concerns - I was her maid of honor and just cried throughout the wedding (def not tears of joy)! On her wedding day, she told me she understood why I was concerned and that they could always get divorced...which they did - almost exactly 1 year later. The breaking point was when she found out he had been cheating on her with the same woman since before they even got married. Fortunately no kids, so a pretty easy divorce, but not before he abused her even more physically. She wound up having to file bankruptcy. She really thought things would get better after they got married - she thought he just needed to know how much she loved him :rolleyes: But she's out now and doing a whole hell of a lot better without him.
Your friend may or may not go through with the wedding - she's gonna have to make that choice on her own. But it will definitely help her down the road just to know that you will be there for her.
Comments
oxc
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
I think you did good, but damn that $55,000!
weddings are a fucking joke.
She wanted a small wedding he is the one who wanted to invited everyone and their mother and he's not even paying for it. Her pops gave her $10,000 and the rest she is paying for. With all the money she has spent she could have put a down payment on a house.
I guess. Fuck! I think I spent $550 on my wedding.
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mammasan you did the right thing....she needs out of there NOW....this guy gets off on the power he has over her and with your confrontation in his little mind it's more artillery against her
i'd talk to her dad....i know you want to tread lightly as to risk losing her as a friend but wouldn't you rather have her alive and not your friend then the alternative?
and i would rather start a possse and take care of that guy in the "f'd up situation thread" haha, but no joke
routine was the theme..
there aint gonna be any middle any more
trust me I worry about that as well. She is an only child so I can't even approach a sibling. I've been sitting at work racking my brain on how I can get word to her pops without it leading back to me. My highest priority is making sure that she is safe but I also treasure our friendship too much to just toss it aside. I have already discussed the situation with my group of close friends, about 8 guys. Two of them live near her so we are going to keep a close eye on the situation to see if he does turn violent. Right now I think cooler heads need to prevail and I need to let her do what see feels is best. I reiterated that to her in my response to her email. I told her that I'm on her side and I don't want to cause her more grief. I told her that I will not call her at home or her cell, but will keep in touch via her work email till this blows over. He leaves to day for his weekend golf trip so she will have some alone time to think things through.
i hope she realizes what a great friend she has in you....:)
i can't stand these types of guys....i immediately go primal and want blood...and i'm NOT a violent person but this guy is a useless piece of shit that needs a dose of his own medicine...
Does she have any close girl friends that she trusts? Maybe talking to one of them could be an option, I would think they are seeing the same things that you are seeing.
was like a picture
of a sunny day
“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”
― Abraham Lincoln
Most of our close group knows that this guy is a prick but I don't think any of us realized the extent, the verbal abuse. I know her best friend and was contemplating calling her to see if she was aware of the entire situation.
That might be a good idea, maybe at first not tell her everything you know, but feel her out a bit. I dunno... it could make this girl pissed at her best friend if she expresses her concerns to her (especially if the friend is married).
was like a picture
of a sunny day
“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”
― Abraham Lincoln
Which by the way is a lot of fucking money for a wedding. Actually, I don't know too much about the costs of weddings.. but that seems like a lot.
Only problem with that is that they guy does not have a job. He was booted from the Correction's Officer academy about 6-8 months ago and hasn't had a real job since then. He picks up some odd jobs here and there but drinks what little money he makes away. She on the other hand has a good career plus works a second job to pay for the wedding as well as all their bills. So what would most likely happen is that he would take half her money.
okay, if he's leaving for the weekend, and her friends already suspect him of being a douche, why not have her friends and you take her out this weekend, then calmly and nonjudgementally explain to her all of your concerns for her. give her a chance to speak as well. with him not there to isolate her and make her feel like she's alone maybe there's a chance you guys can get through to her. good luck...
ugh, a failed corrections officer? i can picture this guy perfectly. maybe a bat to the face could be a good fallback option. not that i'm condoning violence!
So this situation is worse than I thought. hmmmm Yeah, I'd get her the fuck away real quick like.
she's lucky she has you there to support her, hopefully she makes the right choice, whatever it is.
you seem like a great guy and i hope everything works out for you and your friend. just remember to stay safe yourself, if the guy is as much of a douche as you say he is - and does all those things to the so-called woman he 'loves', he seems like the type of guy who would do something stupid and drastic if he felt need be.
So you basically threatened him? Why am I the only person who thinks you are wrong? Are you and your 8 friends going after him with pitchforks and axes if he does something wrong?
You are women's hero on this board. In reality, you may have lost your friendship with her b/c of his rules. It's her choice to marry him. I've been in an abusive relationship with a boyfriend after my divorce. The victim often (oddly enough) protects the abuser, it can be a boyfriend/spouse/or parent.
The other day, when I first read about your concerns for her, I forgot to tell you this. I was married at a very young age to a verbally abusive man who also drank too much and was gone doing his own thing, but he was different that the fiance, in that he worked very hard. At the pool one day, as usual, I was complaining about his drinking, partying with the female college students at work, etc. to my sister's sister in law. Her brother was best friends with my husband. She got sick of my bitching and moaning and finally said, "how long are you going to put up with this?" I was shocked she said that to me, but it made me think. I think your best bet is to be a good listener. And yes weddings cost $55,000. I had a stripped down bare minimum non church wedding 11 years ago, nothing fancy and it cost $5,000, maybe $6,000.
You have a child, right? You may need to count to 10 and think first before threatening this verbally abusive drunk, you can't take care of your family if you are in jail. What if he hits you first and there are no witnesses? He could say you started it.
8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
10/10 - Brad in B'more
What's wrong with playing golf?
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'
nothing -- for those who can afford (to buy an expensive set of clubs) it or those who spend equal quality time with their mate and then play golf. I guess I said that b/c it was one more way for him to not be home. that's enough about my situation.
8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
10/10 - Brad in B'more
I don't get it...
she is as much of her own problem as the guy is....
and reveling in it's loyalty. It's made by forming coalitions
over specific principles, goals, and policies.
http://i36.tinypic.com/66j31x.jpg
(\__/)
( o.O)
(")_(")
Hopefully she'll come around and realized he's worthless. I dunno...
Best of luck to you and your friend.
EV- 08/09,10/2008.06/08,09/2009
My best friend married a guy under similar circumstances - started off as verbal abuse, then she started having all these unexplained injuries. He wanted to give her a beautiful engagement ring - so he charged one for $10,000 on her credit card :rolleyes: He was unemployed, meanwhile she was working 3 jobs. I told her my concerns - I was her maid of honor and just cried throughout the wedding (def not tears of joy)! On her wedding day, she told me she understood why I was concerned and that they could always get divorced...which they did - almost exactly 1 year later. The breaking point was when she found out he had been cheating on her with the same woman since before they even got married. Fortunately no kids, so a pretty easy divorce, but not before he abused her even more physically. She wound up having to file bankruptcy. She really thought things would get better after they got married - she thought he just needed to know how much she loved him :rolleyes: But she's out now and doing a whole hell of a lot better without him.
Your friend may or may not go through with the wedding - she's gonna have to make that choice on her own. But it will definitely help her down the road just to know that you will be there for her.