Parenting - Dicipline

TrixieCat wrote:

I just tell him "oh, he was just here..you must have missed him".
The look on the poor kid's face is priceless.
The key is that you have to change it up everyone once in a while. Like use Elmo or Ernie and use it in different situations. Like Elmo is in the restroom, you should go! I just saw Ernie eating his carrots. No, really.
rotflmao

that is hysterical....you must have missed him!

Just hit him on the snout with a rolled up newspaper...wait, are we talking about dogs or kids?

Can I ask for parenting advice here, or would it be hijacking?

At that age, distract, redirect, put his favourite toy in his hands, etc. Too many no's will end up being totally useless. Also, too many words will not mean much to him. If need be, use facial expressions to convey your words (though not too much of the stern face!).

meme wrote:

Alright, so here it is.
My son is seven. He hates wiping his butt after doing his business. I have stopped doing it a couple of years ago and have been very consistent with this (his dad and our parents will stray sometimes), but that is not the point. The point is that he's clogged the toilet before because he is using too much paper. So I told him he should not use more than three sets of three without flushing. This morning the toilet is clogged again, so I have to go in up to my elbow to get to the fucking huge ball of paper. And I know that was my first mistake, since I should have had HIM do it.

It appears as if the issue he has with wiping himself is due to personal disgust, and not because of a general reluctance to "leave a part of himself behind" (no pun intended) as that is the case, may i suggest that for any bowel movement wipings, you have him use a wipey first. (many toilet paper manufacturers make this now, so they aren't just for "babies - meaning no shame involved) also, perhaps a trash basket with a liner near the toilet will encouragment to throw away anything he uses AFTER the flushable wipey.

that is the recommendation I can suggest for the mechanics of the problem.

meme wrote:

Anyway, I am pissed off. I may have yelled at him a little, and told him again to use the three times three rule. He said he did. I think there is no fucking way those were nine pieces of toilet paper, but I just say: no you didn't. He says yes I did (other mistake, I turned it into a wall to wall thing). So I make him take the ball from the waste basket. I count two times three and a huge ball remains. I ask him whether he thought the huge ball was made of three pieces of toilet paper and he says yes. So I say ok, I'll show you what three pieces of wet toilet paper look like. I wet three pieces of toilet paper and show him the difference. I tell him it's ok to make mistakes, but I don't like it when he lies to me. I was fucking furious and I said something stupid like: you are spending all day at home tomorrow until you tell me the truth.

I think that the anger here turned into a wall (as you stated) ISSUE. and it became a HUGE thing. and that might be the reason that he lied. Sometimes, it maybe the only way to get a little pride left, it is rather embarrassing to know that you clogged a toilet. and then to know that someone had to reach in and unclog it, and this is just shameful for the kid. (and gross for you) and then the issue is not finished, and even tho' he lied, it was a bad one - and you didn't let it go...I mean for a 7 year old boy it would seem like the option left is just to stick to the lie. save face in a way.

now the "stupid" punishment, might be best if you just tell him "I was really pissed about the toilet thing, I have told you many times about the number of pieces to use, and it is gross and messy to have to fix it when you forget. I would rather you just said you forgot than try to tell me a lie. I really don't appreciate lies since it makes it very hard for me to believe you, (maybe remind him of the boy who cried wolf) and then, let him know that since you were pissed you just went with the first punishment that you could think of, but since you are 7 now, maybe we should start to talk about what a good punishment should be. Let's think, maybe you should have to clean the restroom at least once a week for a month. (or whatever - but it should be restroom related) how would you feel about that?"

meme wrote:

Then I took him to school, wished him a good day and completely forgot that the parents were invited to a little presentation on the design of a school the grade put together.

So I feel horrible, and I'm afraid he will think I didn't go because I was angry.

Okay this is pretty important - you really really have to tell him that you simply forgot, and that you feel very badly about it.
you might need to start letting him know that it is okay to forget, and make mistakes and that it is natural. and that ADULTS sometimes let emotions over ride sense too! he might be getting an unconscious clue that he should hide it when he is at fault or wrong...that is a good reason for lying.

meme wrote:

Anyway, he has had issues with telling things that were not true and I always try to give him the benefit of the doubt. But in this case there isn't any leeway.

Should I let it go? Bring it up next time I doubt him?

I wouldn't wait to bring it up I would let him know...parenting is a partnership between you and your kid after they reach a certain cause-effect knowing age.

meme wrote:

I'm thinking let it go. It all seems so silly looking at it on a computer screen

I don't think it was silly at all. I hope I didn't sound too pompous or anything...I can totally empathize with getting pissed about the toilet paper ball!

meme wrote:

You are seriously awesome.

I hope you realize I will pester you with parenting advice requests pretty often from now on

hahaaa...

I was a preschool teacher, I specialized in early (infant/toddler) childhood education. I don't have any kids myself, but I was the primary caregiver for my niece through her early teens. I also volunteered to work with "special needs" children through my local library. so, I like to be careful not to make it seem like there is only one way to parent a child. the big thing to me, is to make sure that even through the parental frustrations to KNOW that Parent's have lots of tools in their toolbelts, and sometimes they forget a few of them.

Stone Is God wrote:

When your done with diapers it's like your birthday, Christmas, and New Years' all rolled up into one. It was one of the best days I've ever had as a parent.

I found that with my boys.....no potty training was necessary....when they were ready....they just did it. It took all of a few days to a week for them to get the idea...that we were done with diapers. But they were older, three of them were 2 years and 9 months, and one was 2 years and 10 months old. Most of my friends boys were over 3 by the time they were done! But it was a LONG HAUL! We had kids in diapers for 9 straight years and two were only in cloth!

oxc

PJaddicted wrote:

I found that with my boys.....no potty training was necessary....when they were ready....they just did it. It took all of a few days to a week for them to get the idea...that we were done with diapers. But they were older, three of them were 2 years and 9 months, and one was 2 years and 10 months old. Most of my friends boys were over 3 by the time they were done! But it was a LONG HAUL! We had kids in diapers for 9 straight years and two were only in cloth!

oxc

Yes pretty much the same with my girls. When they're ready to be out of diapers it happens very quickly. And all of a sudden you feel like you have all this extra time. We used cloth also.

For the original questioner, I'd go with redirecting. Your 1 year old is just doing what is age appropriate which is exploring. You have to be kind of like a shepherd and just kind of watch what they're doing, and move them away from things they shouldn't touch, maybe suggesting, let's play with THIS or let's read this story. It involves you being really active in your parenting because you can't just sit there and expect them to remember at that age.

That being said, you can re-arrange your rooms so that cords are not so visible and I think I remember that you can even get locks for garbage cans that parents can open but babies can't.

I can assure you that this time will pass. I have girls that are almost 18, and 13, and now I just have to worry about them hijacking my clothes and makeup, but they won't hurt themselves on cords and they are potty trained.

Brain of J.Lo wrote:

I think that's the smartest way to go. I've pretty much had that attitude with everything regarding Annabelle. I just let her lead the way.

I know people with babies her age that are putting their kids on training toilets several times a day, and then patting themselves on the back when they happen to catch them at just the right time...lol. :rolleyes: I think you just have to follow their lead, rather than forcing it on them. I was excited the other day that Annabelle told me she had a dirty diaper! At least I know she's aware of it when it happens, and I took that as a good sign.

You are doing the right thing...girls will be out of diapers a little earlier then most boys...wonder why that is??? If you just wait until she is ready...you can be done with the entire thing inside of a week, instead of having that nasty potty around for a year or more! When each of my boys was ready, we had a talk that he wouldn't be wearing diapers any longer, we took a trip to the store...bought the big boy pants, and stayed home for the week, and just worked on getting to the toilet. The longest any of them took was 10 days to get to the bathroom every single time, and then shortest was a day...that was my oldest son. If they are ready....it is soooo easy to help them learn, if you do it too soon....you will be dealing with tons of dirty laundry and pee all over the place. You are the smartest of all your friends for sure!

oxc