Parenting - Dicipline
Flannel Shirt
Posts: 1,021
Question for all the moms and dads out there....
I have a 1 year old. He is now always getting into trouble. By trouble I mean grabbing lamp or tv cords, outlets, putting hands in the garbage, grabbing things off shelves, etc....hes exploring.
My wife gently tells him no, moves him away from what hes doing, and he goes back, they repeat process until he gets bored or they go into another room or whatever.
I sternly tell him "NO" over and over again (obviouisly I move him, start playing again, and he wanders over to the outlet or whatever again). I am not yelling, just using an authoratative voice saying "NO".
My question is this, which do you think gets better results, and will he end up hating me for being "the jerk that keeps saying no"? ha ha...kinda
I have a 1 year old. He is now always getting into trouble. By trouble I mean grabbing lamp or tv cords, outlets, putting hands in the garbage, grabbing things off shelves, etc....hes exploring.
My wife gently tells him no, moves him away from what hes doing, and he goes back, they repeat process until he gets bored or they go into another room or whatever.
I sternly tell him "NO" over and over again (obviouisly I move him, start playing again, and he wanders over to the outlet or whatever again). I am not yelling, just using an authoratative voice saying "NO".
My question is this, which do you think gets better results, and will he end up hating me for being "the jerk that keeps saying no"? ha ha...kinda
All that's sacred, comes from youth....dedications, naive and true.
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instead of just saying "no" can you explain to him that he'll hurt himself? I know he's only 1 but I think babies can understand things. and then he'll get used to you explaining why you are telling him no because even if he doesn't understand now he will soon.
i just didnt know if you should be kinda stern when saying no when they are this young.
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I too feel at times I say NO or BE CAREFUL way too much. Just make a mental note of it, and try not to use it unless really needed; like pulling hot water off the stove.
Toledo, Ohio (September 22, 1996), East Troy, Wisconsin (June 26, 1998), Noblesville, Indiana (August 17, 1998), Noblesville, Indiana (August 18, 2000), Cincinnati, Ohio (August 20, 2000), Columbus, Ohio (August 21, 2000), Nashville, Tennessee (April 18, 2003), Champaign, Illinois (April 23, 2003), Noblesville, Indiana (June 22, 2003), Chicago, Illinois (May 16, 2006), Chicago, Illinois (August 05, 2007), West Palm Beach, Florida (June 11, 2008), Tampa, Florida (June 12, 2008), Columbus, OH (May 06, 2010), Noblesville, Indiana (May 07, 2010), Wrigley Field (July 19, 2013), US Bank Arena (October 01, 2014), Lexington (April 26, 2016), Chicago Night 2 (August 20, 2018), Boston Night 1 (September 02, 2018), Nashville (September 16, 2022), St. Louis (September 18, 2022)
We have an almost 20 month old, and she is always ALWAYS into something! ;0 She's young enough and has a short enough attention span that redirecting her to something new usually makes her forget that she was trying to climb onto the computer desk or hit the tv...lol.
They do, to an extent. But as much as my daughter talks (and she is VERY verbal) and as much as she understands, she can't grasp the concept of us telling her she'll get hurt. However, if she does something and ends up actually falling down or getting hurt, she understands it.
I have heard NO is best reserved for genuinely dangerous situations, and should be used sparingly.
Worked for me. Sorta. It's a lot of work
and HOW!!!!!!
Toledo, Ohio (September 22, 1996), East Troy, Wisconsin (June 26, 1998), Noblesville, Indiana (August 17, 1998), Noblesville, Indiana (August 18, 2000), Cincinnati, Ohio (August 20, 2000), Columbus, Ohio (August 21, 2000), Nashville, Tennessee (April 18, 2003), Champaign, Illinois (April 23, 2003), Noblesville, Indiana (June 22, 2003), Chicago, Illinois (May 16, 2006), Chicago, Illinois (August 05, 2007), West Palm Beach, Florida (June 11, 2008), Tampa, Florida (June 12, 2008), Columbus, OH (May 06, 2010), Noblesville, Indiana (May 07, 2010), Wrigley Field (July 19, 2013), US Bank Arena (October 01, 2014), Lexington (April 26, 2016), Chicago Night 2 (August 20, 2018), Boston Night 1 (September 02, 2018), Nashville (September 16, 2022), St. Louis (September 18, 2022)
lol
I know, potty training is gross. But, I'm really ready to be done with diapers...so I'm willing to deal with it!
I used to, and sometimes still do, firmly say no and do the sign for no. He knows when I break out that voice, he better fall in line. lol
You are going to get so sick of the word no, but that is how they learn.
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
I just remember my dad being the one that said "NO", and that was always enough for me. Never spanked me or laid a hand on me. His voice saying a stern "NO" was all he needed. I assume it started when I was a baby...
can you follow the "NO" with an "OUCH!" type sound? I liked to say "No! OOW!" and make a slightly sad face. also a sorrowful shake of the head with a less stern NO seemed to work too, they would repeat the head motion and begin to temper themselves...if the lamp is on - you can say "no! OWWW, HOT!" or something that implies it is not a safe touch object.
I wouldn't worry that you will be remembered as the NO Jerk. that sterner voice is just a daddy voice...provided you don't holler NO!! all the time. also, bear in mind that a "No" that doesn't sound harsh to you may be harsher to a small child - especially if it is coming from WAY above them - in other words, get on their level and non-confrontationally get some eye contact, when you communicate. You want to kind of save the panic-up-from-above, loud "NO!!" for SERIOUS and IMMINENT danger.
seriously, thanks for the advice.
"Andrew stay away from the lawn mower it's hot!"[when it was turned off]
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
ha ha that is pretty funny. has he leaned to flip you the finger yet?
lol!!! So funny.
Did he get mad once you got him to the car and there was no Mickey? Or did he forget by the time you were there?
Seriously, the poor kid falls for it everytime.
He does ride around in the cozy coupe grocery cart yelling "Get off your phone!"
lol
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
The look on the poor kid's face is priceless.
The key is that you have to change it up everyone once in a while. Like use Elmo or Ernie and use it in different situations. Like Elmo is in the restroom, you should go! I just saw Ernie eating his carrots. No, really.
rotflmao
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
that is hysterical....you must have missed him!
I keep waiting for Kermit to come back from the Dentist's office...they must be having a hard time with the x-rays.
oxc
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
Alright, so here it is.
My son is seven. He hates wiping his butt after doing his business. I have stopped doing it a couple of years ago and have been very consistent with this (his dad and our parents will stray sometimes), but that is not the point. The point is that he's clogged the toilet before because he is using too much paper. So I told him he should not use more than three sets of three without flushing. This morning the toilet is clogged again, so I have to go in up to my elbow to get to the fucking huge ball of paper. And I know that was my first mistake, since I should have had HIM do it.
Anyway, I am pissed off. I may have yelled at him a little, and told him again to use the three times three rule. He said he did. I think there is no fucking way those were nine pieces of toilet paper, but I just say: no you didn't. He says yes I did (other mistake, I turned it into a wall to wall thing). So I make him take the ball from the waste basket. I count two times three and a huge ball remains. I ask him whether he thought the huge ball was made of three pieces of toilet paper and he says yes. So I say ok, I'll show you what three pieces of wet toilet paper look like. I wet three pieces of toilet paper and show him the difference. I tell him it's ok to make mistakes, but I don't like it when he lies to me. I was fucking furious and I said something stupid like: you are spending all day at home tomorrow until you tell me the truth.
Then I took him to school, wished him a good day and completely forgot that the parents were invited to a little presentation on the design of a school the grade put together.
So I feel horrible, and I'm afraid he will think I didn't go because I was angry.
Anyway, he has had issues with telling things that were not true and I always try to give him the benefit of the doubt. But in this case there isn't any leeway.
Should I let it go? Bring it up next time I doubt him?
I'm thinking let it go. It all seems so silly looking at it on a computer screen
It appears as if the issue he has with wiping himself is due to personal disgust, and not because of a general reluctance to "leave a part of himself behind" (no pun intended) as that is the case, may i suggest that for any bowel movement wipings, you have him use a wipey first. (many toilet paper manufacturers make this now, so they aren't just for "babies - meaning no shame involved) also, perhaps a trash basket with a liner near the toilet will encouragment to throw away anything he uses AFTER the flushable wipey.
that is the recommendation I can suggest for the mechanics of the problem.
I think that the anger here turned into a wall (as you stated) ISSUE. and it became a HUGE thing. and that might be the reason that he lied. Sometimes, it maybe the only way to get a little pride left, it is rather embarrassing to know that you clogged a toilet. and then to know that someone had to reach in and unclog it, and this is just shameful for the kid. (and gross for you) and then the issue is not finished, and even tho' he lied, it was a bad one - and you didn't let it go...I mean for a 7 year old boy it would seem like the option left is just to stick to the lie. save face in a way.
now the "stupid" punishment, might be best if you just tell him "I was really pissed about the toilet thing, I have told you many times about the number of pieces to use, and it is gross and messy to have to fix it when you forget. I would rather you just said you forgot than try to tell me a lie. I really don't appreciate lies since it makes it very hard for me to believe you, (maybe remind him of the boy who cried wolf) and then, let him know that since you were pissed you just went with the first punishment that you could think of, but since you are 7 now, maybe we should start to talk about what a good punishment should be. Let's think, maybe you should have to clean the restroom at least once a week for a month. (or whatever - but it should be restroom related) how would you feel about that?"
Okay this is pretty important - you really really have to tell him that you simply forgot, and that you feel very badly about it.
you might need to start letting him know that it is okay to forget, and make mistakes and that it is natural. and that ADULTS sometimes let emotions over ride sense too! he might be getting an unconscious clue that he should hide it when he is at fault or wrong...that is a good reason for lying.
I wouldn't wait to bring it up I would let him know...parenting is a partnership between you and your kid after they reach a certain cause-effect knowing age.
I don't think it was silly at all. I hope I didn't sound too pompous or anything...I can totally empathize with getting pissed about the toilet paper ball!