New political song I wrote

2

Comments

  • kenny olav
    kenny olav Posts: 3,319
    Thanks to everyone who gave their opinions so far (except denverfan).


    As I was recording this yesterday, I ended up changing about 1/3 of the lyrics I had before I started recording. And I also changed the way I sang fairly dramatically. Which is why I wanted some feedback, because I feel a need to make it better, but I'm not sure how. I want to make sure the message of the song comes across as strong as possible, and not sound too preachy. Still, I'm a lot happier with it than what it was like originally.

    No one has criticized the guitar solos... so I don't know if that means that they're good, or if there's just indifference towards them. The guitar I recorded it with was a piece of shit, but it was all I had. I don't like the tone very much but I think I got some soul out of it.
  • Vedderlution_Baby
    Vedderlution_Baby Posts: 2,535
    Dude I liked it. Of course it needs to be polished but you already knew that.


    Seriously, instead of jumping all over the guys back why not offer some insightful advice on what he can do to fix it instead of proving that you're the biggest fucking asshole the world has ever known.
  • kenny olav
    kenny olav Posts: 3,319
    MrBrian wrote:
    Find one article that he's posted about bush planning 9/11.

    No dude, he's right, I have definately supported the idea that Bush played some kind of role in 9/11 on many occasions. I haven't yet settled on an exact position but I think the top brass in the Bush administration at least knew about it ahead of time and probably played a direct role. I strongly doubt the 'no plane' and 'controlled demolition' theories.

    Anyway... there are plenty of threads about that... This thread is about whether or not my music sucks...
  • Vedderlution_Baby
    Vedderlution_Baby Posts: 2,535
    Hey kenny, are you playing both guitar parts?
  • kenny olav
    kenny olav Posts: 3,319
    Hoon wrote:


    Take "the" out of this lyric:

    I will never be you, and you will never be me
    Home of the brave, land of the free
    Free to take advantage of the brave and "the" weak

    Then things like that will come out sharp and cool!

    I'd like to see just the whole name in this lyric:

    We got other Projects for this (New American) Century

    Like this?:

    Project for Nu Mer Can Cen tur-eee


    Well I wanted to make it clear that I wasn't talking about people who are both brave and weak. (If its possible to be both?) I think actually I should take out the word "weak" because it confuses the issue. However, I needed something to rhyme with "free". And I thought about making the line "free to take advantage of their bravery" ... but would the listener know who "their" refers to? The point of this line is to say that the government takes advantage of brave men who join the military, using them as pawns in their wars for profit. Just as they also take advantage of the "weak"... which could refer to many different people... or all people who are powerless. So it was a line I wrestled with greatly, and if I think of a better way to say it, I will.

    As for the other line, maybe I should add 'New American' to it but I couldn't figure out how to sing it... it made the line too long. Although I just thought of it a way I could do it. hmmm.... I also wasn't sure if I wanted to make a direct reference to PNAC or just leave it as a semi-vague nod.
  • kenny olav
    kenny olav Posts: 3,319
    Vedderlution_Baby! wrote:
    Hey kenny, are you playing both guitar parts?

    Yep.
  • denverfan
    denverfan Posts: 218
    Kenny Olav wrote:
    No dude, he right, I have definately supported the idea that Bush played some kind of role in 9/11 on many occasions. I haven't yet settled on an exact position but I think the top brass in the Bush administration at least knew about it ahead of time and probably played a direct role. I strongly doubt the 'no plane' and 'controlled demolition' theories.

    Anyway... there are plenty of threads about that... This thread is about whether or not my music sucks...
    LMAO! Yeah what he said!

    Addition of a round chourus and an acoustic solo would be appropriate!
    "I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity but they've always worked for me." Gonzo

    'If my fuckin' ex-wife told me to take care of her dog while her and her new boyfriend went to Honolulu, I'd tell her to go fuck herself." -The Dude

    Whisky Drinker, Non-Hunter from Denver.
  • MrBrian
    MrBrian Posts: 2,672
    reading over the lyrics again, maybe it comes off too preach like? "you say" "you say".

    But I still think it's fairly good.
  • sponger
    sponger Posts: 3,159
    It's too specific. The problem is that we know exactly what you're talking about. So, instead of art, it becomes an opinion editorial.

    Even in Bushleaguer, one has to kind of sit down and figure out exactly what Eddie is trying to say. It's real abstract and open to interpretation. That's what makes it art. "A happening tailpipe of a party" That's really putting the whole pollution/oil company perspective into a single line. That's what makes it genius.

    But, I give you props for posting it.
    reigning champion

    http://forums.pearljam.com/showthread.php?t=272825
  • Scubascott
    Scubascott Posts: 815
    I agree that the lyrics are a bit too generic, but I kind of think the same thing about most of the new PJ album, so maybe I'm just hard to please. I see songs like DTE and Bushleaguer as the benchmark against which all others are measured. Its hard to do better than those, so I'm probably just doomed to being unimpressed from now on.

    I do like the guitar though. Almost reminiscent of Neil Young. You say the electric was a crappy guitar, but I like the scratchy tone. The acoustic sounds a bit flat and empty to me though. I don't suppose you have a dobro or something lying around that you could beef it up with?
    It doesn't matter if you're male, female, or confused; black, white, brown, red, green, yellow; gay, lesbian; redneck cop, stoned; ugly; military style, doggy style; fat, rich or poor; vegetarian or cannibal; bum, hippie, virgin; famous or drunk-you're either an asshole or you're not!

    -C Addison
  • melodious
    melodious Posts: 1,719
    MrBrian wrote:
    Find one article that he's posted about bush planning 9/11.
    oh....pleeeeease; don't make such a suggestion, d/f is off to the vault as u speak.....;)
    all insanity:
    a derivitive of nature.
    nature is god
    god is love
    love is light
  • kenny olav
    kenny olav Posts: 3,319
    sponger wrote:
    It's too specific. The problem is that we know exactly what you're talking about. So, instead of art, it becomes an opinion editorial.

    Yeah, I guess that's why no one liked Neil Young's Ohio.




    Sorry... I see your point, but I don't think it matters. Plus, my original lyrics were way more specific.
  • kenny olav
    kenny olav Posts: 3,319
    Scubascott wrote:
    I do like the guitar though. Almost reminiscent of Neil Young. You say the electric was a crappy guitar, but I like the scratchy tone. The acoustic sounds a bit flat and empty to me though. I don't suppose you have a dobro or something lying around that you could beef it up with?

    Yeah, I guess if there was some bass on it it would balance out the screechy-scratchy guitar. I agree the acoustic doesn't sound quite right... I'm not sure why, but it has something to do with the way it was recorded, which was done five years ago. On other recordings, it has sounded better. I don't have a dobro, but that would be nice!
  • Byrnzie
    Byrnzie Posts: 21,037
    Fair play dude. Sounds good to me!

    I listened to the song 'Tide' and the first thing it reminded me of was Daniel Johnston, although not as....weird/spooky/kooky.

    Sometimes the roughness of a recording adds something to it. My advice is....don't worry too much about polishing it.

    (Listen to Daniel Johnstons stuff if you need any inspiration. Especially 'Discovered/Covered', or 'Yip/Jump Music').
  • TheGossman
    TheGossman Posts: 1,120
    Kenny Olav wrote:
    Yeah, I guess that's why no one liked Neil Young's Ohio.




    Sorry... I see your point, but I don't think it matters. Plus, my original lyrics were way more specific.

    I like it man, its pretty groovy, I've been trying to record some of my stuff and I was gonna put some of it on here, but after realizing how many pricks are on this board, I may just leave it up on myspace
    9/4/98, 8/4/00, 12/8/02, 12/9/02, 4/15/03, 4/16/03, 4/19/03, 4/25/03, 4/26/03, 4/28/03, 4/29/03, 4/30/03, 7/8/03, 7/9/03, 9/28/04, 9/29/04, 10/6/04, 9/1/05, 9/2/05, 5/16/06, 5/17/06, 5/27/06, 5/28/06, 5/30/06, 6/1/06, 6/3/06, 8/5/07, 6/11/08, 6/12/08, 6/14/08, 6/16/08, 6/24/08, 6/25/08
  • Vedderlution_Baby
    Vedderlution_Baby Posts: 2,535
    TheGossman wrote:
    I like it man, its pretty groovy, I've been trying to record some of my stuff and I was gonna put some of it on here, but after realizing how many pricks are on this board, I may just leave it up on myspace

    Dude, I would love to hear your music. Forget the pricks. They're always going to be there.
  • sponger
    sponger Posts: 3,159
    TheGossman wrote:
    but after realizing how many pricks are on this board,

    In other words, you don't know how to accept criticism. If you don't want people to be honest with you about their points of view, then all you need do is add a disclaimer stating that you are only interested in hearing what you want to hear. Anyone can understand that.
    reigning champion

    http://forums.pearljam.com/showthread.php?t=272825
  • Abookamongstthemany
    Abookamongstthemany Posts: 8,209
    sponger wrote:
    In other words, you don't know how to accept criticism. If you don't want people to be honest with you about their points of view, then all you need do is add a disclaimer stating that you are only interested in hearing what you want to hear. Anyone can understand that.

    There are ways to give constructive criticism without being rude and childish.
    If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.

    Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
    -Oscar Wilde
  • sponger
    sponger Posts: 3,159
    Abookamongstthemany wrote:
    There are ways to give constructive criticism without being rude and childish.

    And you think my criticism was rude and childish?
    reigning champion

    http://forums.pearljam.com/showthread.php?t=272825
  • Vedderlution_Baby
    Vedderlution_Baby Posts: 2,535
    sponger wrote:
    In other words, you don't know how to accept criticism. If you don't want people to be honest with you about their points of view, then all you need do is add a disclaimer stating that you are only interested in hearing what you want to hear. Anyone can understand that.


    I doubt the dude has a problem with criticism. You can't create music without it. What he probably has a problem with is how some people react because the contents of the lyrics are something they disagree with or because it's not on par with Pearl Jam's material. Now, instead of people simply saying "Man, even though I didn't like the lyrics, I really dug the music" or "You should work on it more, right now it just doesn't sound that great", they spout off shit that's better left unsaid. Therfore...they act like pricks.

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