a crossroads

tara
tara Posts: 293
edited December 2006 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
i've never really shared any of my poems with anyone, so i really don't know if they're any good, but this feels like a non-threatening medium, so i thought i'd post a few and see what you all thought, hopefully they aren't too 'teenage angst', and criticism is welcome....

he said out of the options that i didn't have
i chose the wrong one
And here i am
and what the fuck should i do now?
so i'll stick around
And i'm not strong
but what else can i do?

I don't want to hurt about it,
but it's all that i can feel
laughter checked and stopped
I remember.
He doesn't think about what he says
And I am the result of this ease,
but Fuck Him, i will not care.
No problem can be solved from the same consciousness that created it.
Albert Einstein
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • tara
    tara Posts: 293
    alright, one more


    He walks by and quickly leans in
    to breathe me in,
    in the most sexualized way
    that makes me want him
    MORE than when i first saw him,
    coming up the stairs,
    throwing down his cigarette.

    quickly i react, pulling him back in
    plans to meet are unfruitful
    i do not see him again
    and i ruin a night's good reputation
    by being seen waiting in the snow outside
    i get back on my bike in the cold and wet
    and ride home alone, to my warm apartment
    as i think of his brazen movements


    not sure if you can call any of this crap poetry, they're more like disjointed sentence fragments, just thought i'd share though (oh, and, yes, these were a drunk posting, and i'll probably regret it in the morning, but maybe it's all for the best)
    No problem can be solved from the same consciousness that created it.
    Albert Einstein
  • catefrances
    catefrances Posts: 29,003
    tara wrote:
    He walks by and quickly leans in
    to breathe me in,
    in the most sexualized way
    that makes me want him
    MORE than when i first saw him,
    coming up the stairs,
    throwing down his cigarette.

    quickly i react, pulling him back in
    plans to meet are unfruitful
    i do not see him again
    and i ruin a night's good reputation
    by being seen waiting in the snow outside
    i get back on my bike in the cold and wet
    and ride home alone, to my warm apartment
    as i think of his brazen movements



    i like this one. :)
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • tara
    tara Posts: 293
    thanks, it was written in about 5 minutes when i got home last night, or maybe i shouldn't divulge my secrets? ;)
    No problem can be solved from the same consciousness that created it.
    Albert Einstein
  • lalalalaaaaaaaa
    lalalalaaaaaaaa Posts: 2,445
    tara wrote:
    alright, one more


    He walks by and quickly leans in
    to breathe me in,
    in the most sexualized way
    that makes me want him
    MORE than when i first saw him,
    coming up the stairs,
    throwing down his cigarette.

    quickly i react, pulling him back in
    plans to meet are unfruitful
    i do not see him again
    and i ruin a night's good reputation
    by being seen waiting in the snow outside
    i get back on my bike in the cold and wet
    and ride home alone, to my warm apartment
    as i think of his brazen movements


    not sure if you can call any of this crap poetry, they're more like disjointed sentence fragments, just thought i'd share though (oh, and, yes, these were a drunk posting, and i'll probably regret it in the morning, but maybe it's all for the best)
    Sounds cool to me. It's honest, which is more than most people are capable of when writing stuff like this I think. Good imagery also. It gives me a vision of a scene, but it doesn't tell me every detail. When you can blend that more with symbolism, it can become pretty powerful stuff.
  • tara
    tara Posts: 293
    Saturnal wrote:
    When you can blend that more with symbolism, it can become pretty powerful stuff.

    that's the most constructive thing anyone has told me yet, thanks
    No problem can be solved from the same consciousness that created it.
    Albert Einstein

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