a crossroads

tara

i've never really shared any of my poems with anyone, so i really don't know if they're any good, but this feels like a non-threatening medium, so i thought i'd post a few and see what you all thought, hopefully they aren't too 'teenage angst', and criticism is welcome....

he said out of the options that i didn't have
i chose the wrong one
And here i am
and what the fuck should i do now?
so i'll stick around
And i'm not strong
but what else can i do?

I don't want to hurt about it,
but it's all that i can feel
laughter checked and stopped
I remember.
He doesn't think about what he says
And I am the result of this ease,
but Fuck Him, i will not care.

tara

alright, one more


He walks by and quickly leans in
to breathe me in,
in the most sexualized way
that makes me want him
MORE than when i first saw him,
coming up the stairs,
throwing down his cigarette.

quickly i react, pulling him back in
plans to meet are unfruitful
i do not see him again
and i ruin a night's good reputation
by being seen waiting in the snow outside
i get back on my bike in the cold and wet
and ride home alone, to my warm apartment
as i think of his brazen movements


not sure if you can call any of this crap poetry, they're more like disjointed sentence fragments, just thought i'd share though (oh, and, yes, these were a drunk posting, and i'll probably regret it in the morning, but maybe it's all for the best)

catefrances

tara wrote:

He walks by and quickly leans in
to breathe me in,
in the most sexualized way
that makes me want him
MORE than when i first saw him,
coming up the stairs,
throwing down his cigarette.

quickly i react, pulling him back in
plans to meet are unfruitful
i do not see him again
and i ruin a night's good reputation
by being seen waiting in the snow outside
i get back on my bike in the cold and wet
and ride home alone, to my warm apartment
as i think of his brazen movements

i like this one.

tara

thanks, it was written in about 5 minutes when i got home last night, or maybe i shouldn't divulge my secrets?

lalalalaaaaaaaa

tara wrote:

alright, one more


He walks by and quickly leans in
to breathe me in,
in the most sexualized way
that makes me want him
MORE than when i first saw him,
coming up the stairs,
throwing down his cigarette.

quickly i react, pulling him back in
plans to meet are unfruitful
i do not see him again
and i ruin a night's good reputation
by being seen waiting in the snow outside
i get back on my bike in the cold and wet
and ride home alone, to my warm apartment
as i think of his brazen movements


not sure if you can call any of this crap poetry, they're more like disjointed sentence fragments, just thought i'd share though (oh, and, yes, these were a drunk posting, and i'll probably regret it in the morning, but maybe it's all for the best)

Sounds cool to me. It's honest, which is more than most people are capable of when writing stuff like this I think. Good imagery also. It gives me a vision of a scene, but it doesn't tell me every detail. When you can blend that more with symbolism, it can become pretty powerful stuff.

tara

Saturnal wrote:

When you can blend that more with symbolism, it can become pretty powerful stuff.

that's the most constructive thing anyone has told me yet, thanks