Here's a fun poem I wrote... Check it out

pearlzepfan
pearlzepfan Posts: 456
edited September 2005 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
It doesn't have a title yet but I put it to chords and it sounds pretty good.


Are you the same one that last night I was with
It's hard to take in I can't believe this
She used to be kind
She used to be free
What's happening with her is changin' me
We spoke through our hearts
Tears down her face
Tasteless thoughts of innocense that can't be explained

When we were young we had so much fun
It's hard to adjust that she's not the same one
The words fill my head
And in speaking the truth
"What happened between us, what's going on with you?"
"Nothing" she said
So quickly replied
"You just stopped staring into my eyes"

A beautiful creature once walked the Earth
She was an angel already at birth
I can't see through it
What did I do
Lightning outside surrounded me and you
How did this happen
Can we be saved
Or is it too late for a simple change

Believe me when I tell you what we had was real
Now she is gone so far away it's her I can't feel
A simple apology
An unpleasant thought
Our love was wild but eventually caught
I can't believe
Any of this
I was trapped by her soul from the very first kiss

Worthy of my love she can come back some day
An explanation for leaving she won't have to say
Innocent love
Was once lost at sea
If you come back to me we'll forever be free
Her gypsy eyes
And her mercury mouth
Dylan said that but it works somehow
"I'm a thief, and I dig it"
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • twin2
    twin2 Posts: 894
    I like it.
  • FinsburyParkCarrots
    FinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    I like the way you use the disparity of second and third person, "you" and "she", to describe the contradictory selves of your fickle, amnesiac lover!

    I also like the Jimi reference: "gypsy eyes"; and the allusion to Dylan's "Sad Eyed Lady" in "mercury mouth."
  • kdpjam
    kdpjam Posts: 2,303
    pearlzepfan wrote:
    It doesn't have a title yet but I put it to chords and it sounds pretty good.


    Are you the same one that last night I was with
    It's hard to take in I can't believe this
    She used to be kind
    She used to be free
    What's happening with her is changin' me
    We spoke through our hearts
    Tears down her face
    Tasteless thoughts of innocense that can't be explained

    When we were young we had so much fun
    It's hard to adjust that she's not the same one
    The words fill my head
    And in speaking the truth
    "What happened between us, what's going on with you?"
    "Nothing" she said
    So quickly replied
    "You just stopped staring into my eyes"

    A beautiful creature once walked the Earth
    She was an angel already at birth
    I can't see through it
    What did I do
    Lightning outside surrounded me and you
    How did this happen
    Can we be saved
    Or is it too late for a simple change

    Believe me when I tell you what we had was real
    Now she is gone so far away it's her I can't feel
    A simple apology
    An unpleasant thought
    Our love was wild but eventually caught
    I can't believe
    Any of this
    I was trapped by her soul from the very first kiss

    Worthy of my love she can come back some day
    An explanation for leaving she won't have to say
    Innocent love
    Was once lost at sea
    If you come back to me we'll forever be free
    Her gypsy eyes
    And her mercury mouth
    Dylan said that but it works somehow

    nice - i like it too ;)
    lay down all thoughts; surrender to the void
    ~it is shining it is shining~

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