Lmao

Radar(Baba)O'Riley
Radar(Baba)O'Riley Posts: 947
edited November 2003 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
Imagine, if you will, someone laughing so hard, that their ass just slides off. Whether through sever vibrations of the diaphragm, or the jiggling contour of their contortions, or some internal laugh-furnace that, when overheated with the warmth of laughter, sends somatic signals of distress throughout the body and, while gallantly preserving the important internal organs, it has to HAS TO abort some other body part and selects (what else?) the ass.

Imagine the wetness. The ceaseless spate of blood, fart flaps, and excremental moisturizers.

Imagine if it happened at work, or a restaurant, or a in your car. What would you do? Ask the boss if you could have an "Ass Day"? Ask the waiter for an extra pair of trousers? Ask the insurance company to cover the damage to the seat?

Imagine your pants. I doubt the makers of Dockers Stain Defenders had this incident in mind.

Imagine the infomercials thereafter, promising to salvage the ass-soaked pants. Oxy-Clean would become Assy-Clean.

Imagine the cosmetic surgeries thereafter. "Well, Mr. Merriwether, what we're going to do to give you a brand spanking new ass is to take all these leftover holiday jello molds and reshape them into a nice, dainty little ass for you and the Mrs.

Imagine the possibility of outlawing laughter. All comedians would be criminals. And yet, Jerry Seinfeld would be deemed safe to work.

Imagine.
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Comments

  • Being Enlightened
    Being Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    I'd like Beyonce's ass as a replacement ass!

    Hell LMFFO (laugh-my-fucking-figure-off).

    I'll take her whole bod as a replacement!

    Imagine a with girl with reddish hair & freckles and a hot, sexy, black momma's bod
    ah, ebony & ivory--living in perfect harmony!
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • CranMalReign
    CranMalReign Posts: 1,928
    Originally posted by Being Enlightened
    I'd like Beyonce's ass as a replacement ass!

    Hell LMFFO (laugh-my-fucking-figure-off).

    I'll take her whole bod as a replacement!

    Imagine a with girl with reddish hair & freckles and a hot, sexy, black momma's bod
    ah, ebony & ivory--living in perfect harmony!

    This is for you, then, BE. Lord God do I love red hair!

    Devil in High Heels
    October 6, 2001

    It shines in the sun
    As tragic cloth woven from metallic cherry wood;
    Gently sighs in the breeze
    like a knoll bathed in mid-Autumn maples;
    Deliberately drifts across a cool current kissing the last desperate beam
    of a day's blazing gasp for life

    A curtain of rich auburn silk
    that frames the face of a beauty almost too pure
    to owe its existence
    to each one of those rich lacquered strands
    bleeding the color of lipstick so deep I could fall in
    And never hit bottom
    But swim forever in bliss and the need for nothing more

    She is the Devil in high heels

    Her silken weave burns a mahogany hole through my heart
    and down to my loins
    It grabs hold of my attention so tightly
    that my senses are nearly strangled
    It clings to my gaze and confines it
    mercilessly
    to her every step or swivel of hip

    I would slaughter a hundred men like veal calves
    If only because the blood they spill
    might stain the grass a lush shade of passion
    and life
    and sex that drives me mad

    If only because it would mean those crimson locks of pure evil
    Might drape down and over me just one time
    Might find their way between my fingers
    Might lose me in a jaunt through Heaven in Hell
    and smother me in untouchable rose petals and bitter red wines

    Oh God, how I wish that I might swim in the sweet, sticky breath
    Of the Devil in high heels
    And feel her erotically scorching stiletto spike
    pierce me straight through my mahogany torn loins
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  • Being Enlightened
    Being Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Originally posted by CranMalReign
    This is for you, then, BE. Lord God do I love red hair!

    Devil in High Heels
    October 6, 2001

    It grabs hold of my attention so tightly

    I'll grab hold of your ATTENTION! ;), if you know what I mean. :)

    I'm the devil in blue jeans today though!

    My spike heels are getting cleaned at the shoe shop from the last time I spiked some poor suckers loins. :D
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • CranMalReign
    CranMalReign Posts: 1,928
    Originally posted by Being Enlightened
    I'll grab hold of your ATTENTION! ;), if you know what I mean. :)

    I'm the devil in blue jeans today though!

    My spike heels are getting cleaned at the shoe shop from the last time I spiked some poor suckers loins. :D

    Blue jeans are even better. Mmmm... maddening sexiness without trying... ::drools::

    ::at attention::

    :: pleading to be grabbed hold of::
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  • Being Enlightened
    Being Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Originally posted by CranMalReign
    Blue jeans are even better. Mmmm... maddening sexiness without trying... ::drools::

    ::at attention::

    :: pleading to be grabbed hold of::

    I think I'll just bend over and let you drool down my top first----

    The devil, she likes to tease before she please. :D
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • CranMalReign
    CranMalReign Posts: 1,928
    Originally posted by Being Enlightened
    I think I'll just bend over and let you drool down my top first----

    The devil, she likes to tease before she please. :D

    Bendin' over for me, eh? I won't be drooling down your top, then!

    ::ruff!::
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  • Being Enlightened
    Being Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Originally posted by CranMalReign
    Bendin' over for me, eh? I won't be drooling down your top, then!

    ::ruff!::

    You saucy fellow!


    I thought I felt something poking me back there! :D
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • CranMalReign
    CranMalReign Posts: 1,928
    Originally posted by Being Enlightened
    You saucy fellow!


    I thought I felt something poking me back there! :D

    Must be someone else... if it were me you felt, it'd be more like a battering ram than a poke.
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  • Being Enlightened
    Being Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Originally posted by CranMalReign
    Must be someone else... if it were me you felt, it'd be more like a battering ram than a poke.

    OH NO! I JUST LMAO! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

    Wham bam, thank you man!


    I was just thinking (surprise, surprise!), how did my jeans get around my ankles without me knowing? I hope I still have sensation below the belt! I want to feel it when it cums! :p
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • Radar(Baba)O'Riley
    Radar(Baba)O'Riley Posts: 947
    SOIL
    SPANK
    SOIL
    SPANK
    SOIL
    SPANK
    SOIL
    SPANK
    SOIL
    SPANK
  • CranMalReign
    CranMalReign Posts: 1,928
    Originally posted by Being Enlightened
    OH NO! I JUST LMAO! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

    Wham bam, thank you man!


    I was just thinking (surprise, surprise!), how did my jeans get around my ankles without me knowing? I hope I still have sensation below the belt! I want to feel it when it cums! :p

    Oh, you won't miss it. I promise. But that's pro'ly more because it'll pro'ly blow your head off in the process.
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  • even flow?
    even flow? Posts: 8,066
    Just glad you are here Radar!!!!!!!!!
    You've changed your place in this world!
  • setaside2
    setaside2 Posts: 1,084
    Holy SHIT.

    Proof again that the Poetry Forum has free reign and can say whatever it pleases.

    Holy SHIT.


    We're all banned motherfuckers if they ever come over here. lMfao!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    goddam that shit is funny.

    B.E. the tease and CMR the victim. His desk is on the rise and now he has to excuse himself in the copy room because he's bumping into everyone.

    Snap the broomstick and get back to work people. Yeesh.

    B.E. just give it to him and get it over with. LOL.

    Or did Radar just hand it to you both? dear god and sonny jesus I think I'm in over my head. no comment.
    I'm stepping in front of the gushing hydrant in a hurricane. I'd like to see the traction I keep.
  • Being Enlightened
    Being Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Oh!

    The rammings,

    And the spankings,

    And the soilings,

    Yun-glaving!

    My ass is sore and my jeans creamed! :D
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • setaside2
    setaside2 Posts: 1,084


    goddamit would you look at this MESS?!?!

    you people need to clean this up before whoever actually lives here gets back.

    dear lord.

    ON THE CEILING!??!

    heh.


    NICE.
    I'm stepping in front of the gushing hydrant in a hurricane. I'd like to see the traction I keep.
  • Being Enlightened
    Being Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Originally posted by setaside2


    goddamit would you look at this MESS?!?!

    you people need to clean this up before whoever actually lives here gets back.

    dear lord.

    ON THE CEILING!??!

    heh.


    NICE.

    WOW! You got it to hit the ceiling! I was hoping you'd have glued my eyes shut with it! :p
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • setaside2
    setaside2 Posts: 1,084
    Personally, I'm just glad he pulled out.

    I can't imagine him procreating.
    I'm stepping in front of the gushing hydrant in a hurricane. I'd like to see the traction I keep.
  • Being Enlightened
    Being Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Originally posted by setaside2
    Personally, I'm just glad he pulled out.

    I can't imagine him procreating.

    I just spat out my water! :D

    If we procreated, we'd have the cutest, dirtiest-funkiest-gutter mouthed-super-duper-whacky-minded little punk-ass brats around!
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • Radar(Baba)O'Riley
    Radar(Baba)O'Riley Posts: 947
    Originally posted by setaside2
    We're all banned motherfuckers if they ever come over here. lMfao!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I talked with B.E. earlier about this, privately, wetly, and we've decided that it's all in the name of poetic license.

    So squeegee my nut sack
    with your underwear toilet tongue.
    Your fluffy taffy poonany
    leaks from your panties
    like an orangatang twisting in a blender
    I bend her and I end her
    and her pubic hair noose
    is never loose
    and my head chokes
    plushly,
    richly,
    inching
    in the sweaty rush
    of the underbrush
  • setaside2
    setaside2 Posts: 1,084
    I'm all about poetic license but mine expires in 9 years.

    I'm supposed to be dead by then.


    and as for the orangutan poonany.


    You go Radar. You go.
    I'm stepping in front of the gushing hydrant in a hurricane. I'd like to see the traction I keep.

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