Lmao
Radar(Baba)O'Riley
Posts: 947
Imagine, if you will, someone laughing so hard, that their ass just slides off. Whether through sever vibrations of the diaphragm, or the jiggling contour of their contortions, or some internal laugh-furnace that, when overheated with the warmth of laughter, sends somatic signals of distress throughout the body and, while gallantly preserving the important internal organs, it has to HAS TO abort some other body part and selects (what else?) the ass.
Imagine the wetness. The ceaseless spate of blood, fart flaps, and excremental moisturizers.
Imagine if it happened at work, or a restaurant, or a in your car. What would you do? Ask the boss if you could have an "Ass Day"? Ask the waiter for an extra pair of trousers? Ask the insurance company to cover the damage to the seat?
Imagine your pants. I doubt the makers of Dockers Stain Defenders had this incident in mind.
Imagine the infomercials thereafter, promising to salvage the ass-soaked pants. Oxy-Clean would become Assy-Clean.
Imagine the cosmetic surgeries thereafter. "Well, Mr. Merriwether, what we're going to do to give you a brand spanking new ass is to take all these leftover holiday jello molds and reshape them into a nice, dainty little ass for you and the Mrs.
Imagine the possibility of outlawing laughter. All comedians would be criminals. And yet, Jerry Seinfeld would be deemed safe to work.
Imagine.
Imagine the wetness. The ceaseless spate of blood, fart flaps, and excremental moisturizers.
Imagine if it happened at work, or a restaurant, or a in your car. What would you do? Ask the boss if you could have an "Ass Day"? Ask the waiter for an extra pair of trousers? Ask the insurance company to cover the damage to the seat?
Imagine your pants. I doubt the makers of Dockers Stain Defenders had this incident in mind.
Imagine the infomercials thereafter, promising to salvage the ass-soaked pants. Oxy-Clean would become Assy-Clean.
Imagine the cosmetic surgeries thereafter. "Well, Mr. Merriwether, what we're going to do to give you a brand spanking new ass is to take all these leftover holiday jello molds and reshape them into a nice, dainty little ass for you and the Mrs.
Imagine the possibility of outlawing laughter. All comedians would be criminals. And yet, Jerry Seinfeld would be deemed safe to work.
Imagine.
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Comments
Hell LMFFO (laugh-my-fucking-figure-off).
I'll take her whole bod as a replacement!
Imagine a with girl with reddish hair & freckles and a hot, sexy, black momma's bod
ah, ebony & ivory--living in perfect harmony!
This is for you, then, BE. Lord God do I love red hair!
Devil in High Heels
October 6, 2001
It shines in the sun
As tragic cloth woven from metallic cherry wood;
Gently sighs in the breeze
like a knoll bathed in mid-Autumn maples;
Deliberately drifts across a cool current kissing the last desperate beam
of a day's blazing gasp for life
A curtain of rich auburn silk
that frames the face of a beauty almost too pure
to owe its existence
to each one of those rich lacquered strands
bleeding the color of lipstick so deep I could fall in
And never hit bottom
But swim forever in bliss and the need for nothing more
She is the Devil in high heels
Her silken weave burns a mahogany hole through my heart
and down to my loins
It grabs hold of my attention so tightly
that my senses are nearly strangled
It clings to my gaze and confines it
mercilessly
to her every step or swivel of hip
I would slaughter a hundred men like veal calves
If only because the blood they spill
might stain the grass a lush shade of passion
and life
and sex that drives me mad
If only because it would mean those crimson locks of pure evil
Might drape down and over me just one time
Might find their way between my fingers
Might lose me in a jaunt through Heaven in Hell
and smother me in untouchable rose petals and bitter red wines
Oh God, how I wish that I might swim in the sweet, sticky breath
Of the Devil in high heels
And feel her erotically scorching stiletto spike
pierce me straight through my mahogany torn loins
I'll grab hold of your ATTENTION!
I'm the devil in blue jeans today though!
My spike heels are getting cleaned at the shoe shop from the last time I spiked some poor suckers loins.
Blue jeans are even better. Mmmm... maddening sexiness without trying... ::drools::
::at attention::
:: pleading to be grabbed hold of::
I think I'll just bend over and let you drool down my top first----
The devil, she likes to tease before she please.
Bendin' over for me, eh? I won't be drooling down your top, then!
::ruff!::
You saucy fellow!
I thought I felt something poking me back there!
Must be someone else... if it were me you felt, it'd be more like a battering ram than a poke.
OH NO! I JUST LMAO! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!
Wham bam, thank you man!
I was just thinking (surprise, surprise!), how did my jeans get around my ankles without me knowing? I hope I still have sensation below the belt! I want to feel it when it cums!
SPANK
SOIL
SPANK
SOIL
SPANK
SOIL
SPANK
SOIL
SPANK
Oh, you won't miss it. I promise. But that's pro'ly more because it'll pro'ly blow your head off in the process.
Proof again that the Poetry Forum has free reign and can say whatever it pleases.
Holy SHIT.
We're all banned motherfuckers if they ever come over here. lMfao!!!!!!!!!!!!!
goddam that shit is funny.
B.E. the tease and CMR the victim. His desk is on the rise and now he has to excuse himself in the copy room because he's bumping into everyone.
Snap the broomstick and get back to work people. Yeesh.
B.E. just give it to him and get it over with. LOL.
Or did Radar just hand it to you both? dear god and sonny jesus I think I'm in over my head. no comment.
The rammings,
And the spankings,
And the soilings,
Yun-glaving!
My ass is sore and my jeans creamed!
goddamit would you look at this MESS?!?!
you people need to clean this up before whoever actually lives here gets back.
dear lord.
ON THE CEILING!??!
heh.
NICE.
WOW! You got it to hit the ceiling! I was hoping you'd have glued my eyes shut with it!
I can't imagine him procreating.
I just spat out my water!
If we procreated, we'd have the cutest, dirtiest-funkiest-gutter mouthed-super-duper-whacky-minded little punk-ass brats around!
So squeegee my nut sack
with your underwear toilet tongue.
Your fluffy taffy poonany
leaks from your panties
like an orangatang twisting in a blender
I bend her and I end her
and her pubic hair noose
is never loose
and my head chokes
plushly,
richly,
inching
in the sweaty rush
of the underbrush
I'm supposed to be dead by then.
and as for the orangutan poonany.
You go Radar. You go.
Pun WHOLLY intended.
Love it!
And seta, it hurts SO good!
Come on baby, make it hurt SO good!
Oh yeah, and BTW, I'm mostly shaved!
and if you quote John Cougar Mellencamp at me again, we're through.
now shut up and open wide.
SOOOOOOO
predictable.
Does it hurt to be predictable? LOL.
Pre - DIC - table. That was funny! I don't know, does the table hurt before you put your dick on it? Maybe you'd better ask the table.
Oh yeah,
I fight authority
Authority always wins
I've been doing it since I was a young kid
And I turned out great now
Yeah, I fight authority
Authority always wins!
Please don't say we're through. I have enough room in my heart for both you and Johnny C., could you find it in your heart of hearts to still have some room for me?
that I might still be able to have love for you, B.E.
Maybe.
If you're lucky. And if you're not too busy getting STUFFED by a RADAR and a CRANBERRY MALL.
Call me a pepper baby, 'cause I AM STUFFED!
&/or
Love and hug me like a teddy bear baby, 'cause I AM STUFFED!
You know, whatever tickles your fancy.
Forget Tickle Me Elmo!
Give me, Tickle Me Stuffed Pepper Bear!