Roommates and a fine line

OffHeGoes29

So I need some advice here. I moved into this house and rent out a room since Dec. I got burned from the last guy I lived with after I did a lot of stuff for him beyond cleaning common areas, like household maintenance and repair. So I agreed with my current roommate before I moved in that I will share cleaning the common areas, and it hasn't been an issue with the two of us in that aspect for the last 6 months. I did tell her about my last experience with the dude that I did a lot of household maintenance for and how he tried stiffing me money after all the things I did for him, so I will not do any sort of household maintenance or repair at all at this new place. She said she was fine with this before I moved in. Well after about six months of living here, she keeps trying to get me to repair stuff like a plumbing, mounting stuff to the wall, and stuff like that. She gets pissed off when I tell her no, but thats what we agreed on. She asked me to help mow the lawn today, and I told her no, that falls under household maintenance basically, I'm a college student that just eats and sleeps here, and only rents out a room, I'm not a handy man.

The way I see it is that its no different then renting out an apartment, if somethings broke, you call the landlord. Tell me if I'm off here?

The only thing I did do in the past was shovel the drive way after a snow storm, because that can’t wait when we have to go to work.

vduboise

Well...

you told her that you would not do it- so she knew up front. Would it be nice- yes, but only once in a while- cuz she will just get used to it and what not. If she's still on you case- tell her to pay you for your time. That way you get something out of it other than aggrevation.

decides2dream

you're right on. you're renting a room, not a yard, etc....and you were upfront that all you were doing is paying rent and helping keep clean your common areas...sounds completely fair on your part.

intodeep

I don't know how clear you were about what maintenance was but anytime i've rented from a house i typically kept the lawn etc myself.

_

So does she actually own the house, or is she renting and sub-letting to you?

Either way, I'd say that mowing the lawn is definitely part of keeping up with the common areas.

I also think there's an argument to be made for hanging stuff on the walls. I mean, at no time in my history as a renter have I ever called the landlord to do either of these things. Of course, if you don't particularly want the stuff hung on the walls, I guess it's not your problem.

As for the plumbing, that's certainly more of a maintencance issue. Although if it's a minor problem that you could easily fix without calling the landlord, I would probably do that too.

I certainly understand you not wanting to be taken advantage of, but it sounds to me like there may be room for a little more flexibility on your part. Just my $0.02.

OffHeGoes29

Well she knows that I was a full time aircraft mechanic before I went to school full time, so anything that requires the use of tools she asks me to do it. She owns the house, infact she just got divorsed last year so it seems like she doesn't want to pick up the slack now that her ex husband is gone.

I don't use the yard, she does. I some how think that if I wasn't a mechanically inclined man, she wouldn't ask me to do these things.

OffHeGoes29

intodeep wrote:

I don't know how clear you were about what maintenance was but anytime i've rented from a house i typically kept the lawn etc myself.

Yeah, I rented out a house before and mowed the yard, but I'm just renting a room, not the whole thing.

And she asks me to mount stuff like a towel rack in the bathroom or something that would require me to drill into the sheet rock and maybe the studs. My biggest consern is breaking something and being responsible for it. Her boyfriend tried to replace the shower head and dropped it on to the handle, snapping it off. I took a look at it and told her that it was beyond my knowledge even if I would try to replace it, because it broke off at the valve. So I told her to get a plumber to fix it, and she got pissy about it. Well after a plumber took a whole day to replace the handle valve, which required him to cut a hole in the sheet rock, and 6oo$ later, it was replaced. My point is what if I was replacing the shower head and broke the handle like her boyfriend, I don't want to have to pay 600$ for it. Even though its a simple shower head, shit happens. Like if I go an use her mower and break something, because these things happen, I don't want to be held accountable for it. I'm renting the room, not the house.

_

OffHeGoes29 wrote:

intodeep wrote:

I don't know how clear you were about what maintenance was but anytime i've rented from a house i typically kept the lawn etc myself.

Yeah, I rented out a house before and mowed the yard, but I'm just renting a room, not the whole thing.

And she asks me to mount stuff like a towel rack in the bathroom or something that would require me to drill into the sheet rock and maybe the studs. My biggest consern is breaking something and being responsible for it. Her boyfriend tried to replace the shower head and dropped it on to the handle, snapping it off. I took a look at it and told her that it was beyond my knowledge even if I would try to replace it, because it broke off at the valve. So I told her to get a plumber to fix it, and she got pissy about it. Well after a plumber took a whole day to replace the handle valve, which required him to cut a hole in the sheet rock, and 6oo$ later, it was replaced. My point is what if I was replacing the shower head and broke the handle like her boyfriend, I don't want to have to pay 600$ for it. Even though its a simple shower head, shit happens. Like if I go an use her mower and break something, because these things happen, I don't want to be held accountable for it. I'm renting the room, not the house.

It's interesting, because you seem to be seeing yourself as a handy man - someone with an expertise, who should get paid for their work & will be held responsible for any mistakes - while she seems to be seeing you as a roommate - someone with whom she's in it together to keep things in reasonable order and who should be expected to do his part.

I would say that if you're trying to help her out (how you might see it) or pull your weight (how she might see it), as long as your intentions are good and you're not being completely irresponsible, she shouldn't charge you for breaking anything. Did she charge her boyfriend the $600 for the shower head? I've sure never heard of anyone being charged for a lawn mower that breaks while they're just trying to mow the lawn - unless you did something really unreasonable that broke it. I guess I could see it if you two had a bad enough relationship that she would use whatever excuse she could to fuck you over, but if that's the case then you'd probably want to move out anyway.

As far as all this "renting the room & not the house" stuff goes, I don't really get that. Do you not use the shower? If you do, would it not benefit you to have a towel rack & a functioning shower head? If it's her private bathroom, that's perhaps different.

Of course, I've never rented out a place that I own - only sub-let places I was renting while I lived there. I'm sure it's a differnt dynamic when you live with the owner. But if, when I was in college, me & all my roommates had taken the "I'm a college student that just eats and sleeps here, and only rents out a room" attitude, we would all have been in a world of trouble.

Maybe I'm missing something. Regardless, good luck to you!

pjfan31

Most of what you say is fair. However mowing the lawn is not unreasonable. But having said that, as long as she is also bringing something to the table by doing something extra around the house. Just my opinion.

Wobbie

OffHeGoes29 wrote:

she keeps trying to get me to repair stuff like plumbing

I think she's coming on to you! :shock:

JaneNY

I think what's missing here is a written agreement of some sort, signed by both parties. That forces everyone to talk things through and clearly define expectations.

SPEEDY MCCREADY

if it were me....

and she asked me to mow the lawn????
i would say..."sure no problem"

if she asked me to hang a picture???
i would say ...."sure no problem"

if she asked me to fix the shower head?????
i would say..."sure no problem"

Flagg

Is she hot?

mrvedderson

imalive wrote:

OffHeGoes29 wrote:

she keeps trying to get me to repair stuff like plumbing

I think she's coming on to you! :shock:

thats what i was thinking, give her the good hand and maybe she will back off

OffHeGoes29

No shes not hot

I'm just done with going beyond whats expected of me, the last guy I lived with asked me to help him with a lot of shit around the house, including moving 5 tons of wood pellets with my truck for the house. Before him I paid rent to my gf at the time in her house. I went well beyond and remodeled parts of the house, which took up a lot of time when I could have been studding for school. Mowing the lawn is easy, and I could do it, but I'm not paying rent to mow someones yard, I'm paying for a room and use of a bathroom and kitchen, in which I'm the sole cleaner of those areas plus another bathroom which I don't use. All she has to do is vacuum the down stairs, thats it. Since I'm responsible for cleaning the only spaces I use, it hasn't been a problem, but if she had those areas, I would loose my mind because she wouldn't clean them. I don't bitch now about her lack of cleaning because shes responsible for areas I don't use. I need the room, and she needs the money, its business.

OffHeGoes29

mrvedderson wrote:

imalive wrote:

OffHeGoes29 wrote:

she keeps trying to get me to repair stuff like plumbing

I think she's coming on to you! :shock:

thats what i was thinking, give her the good hand and maybe she will back off

Well I did help her with some small stuff when I first moved in, but she started to "honey do" list like I'm her husband....thats when I stopped and told her not to expect too much.

dawng

Perhaps you could charge on an hourly basis (taken from the rent?) for doing these types of jobs?

I got sick of friends asking me to fix their computers...so started charging $25 per hour (still cheap!) and now only the friends that REALLY need help ask.

good luck

DinghyDog

-

Danimal

OffHeGoes29 wrote:

No shes not hot

I'm just done with going beyond whats expected of me, the last guy I lived with asked me to help him with a lot of shit around the house, including moving 5 tons of wood pellets with my truck for the house. Before him I paid rent to my gf at the time in her house. I went well beyond and remodeled parts of the house, which took up a lot of time when I could have been studding for school. Mowing the lawn is easy, and I could do it, but I'm not paying rent to mow someones yard, I'm paying for a room and use of a bathroom and kitchen, in which I'm the sole cleaner of those areas plus another bathroom which I don't use. All she has to do is vacuum the down stairs, thats it. Since I'm responsible for cleaning the only spaces I use, it hasn't been a problem, but if she had those areas, I would loose my mind because she wouldn't clean them. I don't bitch now about her lack of cleaning because shes responsible for areas I don't use. I need the room, and she needs the money, its business.

That's all fine and dandy, but....have ya banged her yet?

mickeyrat

scb wrote:

OffHeGoes29 wrote:

intodeep wrote:

I don't know how clear you were about what maintenance was but anytime i've rented from a house i typically kept the lawn etc myself.

Yeah, I rented out a house before and mowed the yard, but I'm just renting a room, not the whole thing.

And she asks me to mount stuff like a towel rack in the bathroom or something that would require me to drill into the sheet rock and maybe the studs. My biggest consern is breaking something and being responsible for it. Her boyfriend tried to replace the shower head and dropped it on to the handle, snapping it off. I took a look at it and told her that it was beyond my knowledge even if I would try to replace it, because it broke off at the valve. So I told her to get a plumber to fix it, and she got pissy about it. Well after a plumber took a whole day to replace the handle valve, which required him to cut a hole in the sheet rock, and 6oo$ later, it was replaced. My point is what if I was replacing the shower head and broke the handle like her boyfriend, I don't want to have to pay 600$ for it. Even though its a simple shower head, shit happens. Like if I go an use her mower and break something, because these things happen, I don't want to be held accountable for it. I'm renting the room, not the house.

It's interesting, because you seem to be seeing yourself as a handy man - someone with an expertise, who should get paid for their work & will be held responsible for any mistakes - while she seems to be seeing you as a roommate - someone with whom she's in it together to keep things in reasonable order and who should be expected to do his part.

I would say that if you're trying to help her out (how you might see it) or pull your weight (how she might see it), as long as your intentions are good and you're not being completely irresponsible, she shouldn't charge you for breaking anything. Did she charge her boyfriend the $600 for the shower head? I've sure never heard of anyone being charged for a lawn mower that breaks while they're just trying to mow the lawn - unless you did something really unreasonable that broke it. I guess I could see it if you two had a bad enough relationship that she would use whatever excuse she could to fuck you over, but if that's the case then you'd probably want to move out anyway.

As far as all this "renting the room & not the house" stuff goes, I don't really get that. Do you not use the shower? If you do, would it not benefit you to have a towel rack & a functioning shower head? If it's her private bathroom, that's perhaps different.

Of course, I've never rented out a place that I own - only sub-let places I was renting while I lived there. I'm sure it's a differnt dynamic when you live with the owner. But if, when I was in college, me & all my roommates had taken the "I'm a college student that just eats and sleeps here, and only rents out a room" attitude, we would all have been in a world of trouble.

Maybe I'm missing something. Regardless, good luck to you!

No , thats not right. Their relationship is landlord/tenent. At the outset they established that he wouldn't be called on to "maintain" the space.No different than if he was renting an apt. something broke , call the maintenance man.

Sounds to me like the BF is useless in that area(handyman stuff) Why is it that HE(BF) isn't called on to cut the grass? Hang pictures etc......

iluvcats

OffHeGoes29 wrote:

So I need some advice here. I moved into this house and rent out a room since Dec. I got burned from the last guy I lived with after I did a lot of stuff for him beyond cleaning common areas, like household maintenance and repair. So I agreed with my current roommate before I moved in that I will share cleaning the common areas, and it hasn't been an issue with the two of us in that aspect for the last 6 months. I did tell her about my last experience with the dude that I did a lot of household maintenance for and how he tried stiffing me money after all the things I did for him, so I will not do any sort of household maintenance or repair at all at this new place. She said she was fine with this before I moved in. Well after about six months of living here, she keeps trying to get me to repair stuff like a plumbing, mounting stuff to the wall, and stuff like that. She gets pissed off when I tell her no, but thats what we agreed on. She asked me to help mow the lawn today, and I told her no, that falls under household maintenance basically, I'm a college student that just eats and sleeps here, and only rents out a room, I'm not a handy man.

The way I see it is that its no different then renting out an apartment, if somethings broke, you call the landlord. Tell me if I'm off here?

The only thing I did do in the past was shovel the drive way after a snow storm, because that can’t wait when we have to go to work.

so, you have received alot of input here. How do you decide, draw straws, count the answers and the majority is right? Just curious.

WildChildRose

I think mowing the lawn should be shared because even if you rent a room, that's part of a "common area." It doesn't seem unreasonable to share that responsibility. As for hanging pictures, etc, you could do it but only out of a favor, it's definitely not required as a roommate. I know that I need help with things like this and when there is someone around that is capable I just wish they would help me. I can hang simple things but I have this one in particular that I really need someone's help ( like I need a whole shelf built). Have you had a chat with her recently about this stuff?

OffHeGoes29

Well because every time we share chours it turns into me doing it all the time later. She hardly every takes out the trash or empty the dishwasher, but I let those go because it doesn't take me more than a minute to do it. We agreed to take turns shoveling the driveway, which turned into me doing it because she never would.

Bottom line is that shes lazy, but since I've lived with worse, I let a lot of it go and clean the areas that bother me and I use.

Thanks for the input, but I'm still not doing it. We talked about this before I moved in, and she so far hasn't shown a lot of motivation on her part.

_

mickeyrat wrote:

No , thats not right. Their relationship is landlord/tenent. At the outset they established that he wouldn't be called on to "maintain" the space.No different than if he was renting an apt. something broke , call the maintenance man.

Yeah, I can see how the landlord/tenent relationship changes things from my tenent/tenent situations. But even as tenents, we were always responsible for mowing the lawn and would do very minor maintenance.

I don't know... this thread kind of reminds me of this:

JordyWordy

scb wrote:

mickeyrat wrote:

No , thats not right. Their relationship is landlord/tenent. At the outset they established that he wouldn't be called on to "maintain" the space.No different than if he was renting an apt. something broke , call the maintenance man.

Yeah, I can see how the landlord/tenent relationship changes things from my tenent/tenent situations. But even as tenents, we were always responsible for mowing the lawn and would do very minor maintenance.

I don't know... this thread kind of reminds me of this:

"Rent a Room" situations are pretty different. and to be fair to him, he sounds like he has tried to be nice about things & help with different small jobs, and whenever he does she takes advantage of it. It's not appropriate for a home-owner to treat a tenant as though theyre a houseclearner or handyman. He doesnt owe her, its not a favour she's doing for him by letting him stay - he's paying rent, and she still gets to live in her home.

Id say cut the grass - However, if you do feel that she will use it as an excuse to never do it herself, then fuck her. its her house. she does it.

"Rent a room" situations dont put responsibility onto a tenant like regular renting would.

OffHeGoes29

Once again, thanks for all of your posts. I read them and take everything in consideration. I just wanted to get a feel of whats fair to other people. Truth is I wouldn't mind renting it, but having been used in the past and seeing how she will take advantage of it, shes on her own. I just want to keep the peace and do my own thing, but its hard living with someone. I do ask her every 1st of the month if there are any issues on her end when I hand her the check....almost like an amnisty to say anything that may bother her with out it getting out of control. So far she hasn't said anything.