Need a little advice...

PJSerf

I don't post in this forum too often anymore, but have seen some decent advice handed out here, and could use a little perspective.

So, I have remained great friends with an ex (we broke up 2 years ago), and we hang out all the time, but its been strictly a friendship. She dated another guy after me, and broke up with him over a year ago. In the past year, we have traveled to see Pearl Jam, seen the Dropkick Murphys in Boston, gone to many sporting events, and gone to a few weddings and family events with each other. So basically, it was like a relationship, without the commitment or sex

Anyhow, fast forward to this past weekend, and my best friend got married, and I was his best man. My ex was invited separately by herself, as we now kind of share the same circle of friends. Well, at the wedding, I was introduced to a another woman, and we hit it off. I am now going out with this woman this weekend, and now get the feeling that I've really hurt my ex's feelings. Mutual friends keep asking me if I'm sure this is the right thing to do. I say yes, because I was more than willing to give a relationship another shot with my ex, and she knew that, but kept saying she wasn't ready.

I don't want to ruin our great friendship, but at the same time, I can't wait around for her to decide when the time is right, when she's had plenty of time to make that decision.

Thanks for any advice you guys provide.

South of Seattle

Go out with the new girl. You said it yourself, she dated another guy and you dealt with it.

decides2dream

South of Seattle wrote:

Go out with the new girl. You said it yourself, she dated another guy and you dealt with it.

^^^
what he said.


she's had AMPLE time to let her feelings be known, say she wanted to give you two as a couple another go, and she hasn't. i am sure on the one hand, it could very well be she still has feelings for you, yet not enough to act....and also can be, she has simply grown accustomed to having you around, even as just a friend....and knows if you begin a relationship with another girl, that will change...you won't have the same time for her, etc. do what is best for YOU. good luck!

PureandEasy

move on pal . . .

It's sounds like the classic - I don't want you UNTIL someone else does

don't fall for it

Phantom Pain

I agree move on and date the new girl

Your ex was comfortable with you so she hung out with you...you can't tell me if she met some dude at the wedding the way you did that she wouldn't be moving on...you know she would be

Do not wait for anyone...life is too short

yellowporch

How much did you and the new gal hit it off? Remember, although it'd be good for you to date this new girl, you still have your ex that is somewhat upset about this. If your ex truly is upset about this I think that you at least hear what she has to say first because she is such a good friend. After you have that conversation between the two of you, you'll know what to do.

Indifference71

You gotta do what is best for yourself. Go out with the new girl and see where it leads. Life is too short to wait around for somebody like that....

polaris_x

wow ... how did you do all those things (especially going away) and not have sex?

anyhoo - if you love your ex ... then i think you owe it to yourself and to that potential to at least put it out there to her ... if you're not sure after all this time as well - definitely move on ... i subscribe to the "no regrets" approach ... 6 months from now are you gonna regret not going out with new girl or trying again with your ex?

jamminpearls

PJSerf wrote:

I don't post in this forum too often anymore, but have seen some decent advice handed out here, and could use a little perspective.

So, I have remained great friends with an ex (we broke up 2 years ago), and we hang out all the time, but its been strictly a friendship. She dated another guy after me, and broke up with him over a year ago. In the past year, we have traveled to see Pearl Jam, seen the Dropkick Murphys in Boston, gone to many sporting events, and gone to a few weddings and family events with each other. So basically, it was like a relationship, without the commitment or sex

Anyhow, fast forward to this past weekend, and my best friend got married, and I was his best man. My ex was invited separately by herself, as we now kind of share the same circle of friends. Well, at the wedding, I was introduced to a another woman, and we hit it off. I am now going out with this woman this weekend, and now get the feeling that I've really hurt my ex's feelings. Mutual friends keep asking me if I'm sure this is the right thing to do. I say yes, because I was more than willing to give a relationship another shot with my ex, and she knew that, but kept saying she wasn't ready.

I don't want to ruin our great friendship, but at the same time, I can't wait around for her to decide when the time is right, when she's had plenty of time to make that decision.

Thanks for any advice you guys provide.

Serf good to see u around again and hope you had a good session. U have to go on a date with the new girl. it always seems that when a female knows she might lose u is when she decides she really wants u. hell this might be the reason for your ex to realize that she maybe does really wanna be with u (is she the bartender from shanigans). anyway u would be cheating yourself if u didn't go out with new girl girl. Good luck and hope to see to u around the tables in the future.

PJSerf

Thank you all for your advice. You've confirmed what my gut instincts told me. Life is too short.

I don't want to ruin a great friendship, and have given my ex plenty of chances, I think its just time to move on.

We'll see how the weekend goes. I've been completely honest with her about the new girl, and am just trying to go about this the right way.

Thanks again guys!

PJSerf

[quote="jamminpearls
Serf good to see u around again and hope you had a good session. U have to go on a date with the new girl. it always seems that when a female knows she might lose u is when she decides she really wants u. hell this might be the reason for your ex to realize that she maybe does really wanna be with u (is she the bartender from shanigans). anyway u would be cheating yourself if u didn't go out with new girl girl. Good luck and hope to see to u around the tables in the future.[/quote]

Thanks Joe. Yes, its the same girl. Thanks for the advice.

(It was a good session for me in 9-ball, bad session in 8-ball. Actually playing on 3 teams this summer... hope I'm not taking on too much. )

SPEEDY MCCREADY

PJSerf wrote:

Thank you all for your advice. You've confirmed what my gut instincts told me. Life is too short.

I don't want to ruin a great friendship, and have given my ex plenty of chances, I think its just time to move on.

We'll see how the weekend goes. I've been completely honest with her about the new girl, and am just trying to go about this the right way.

Thanks again guys!

doing the right thing???
being a gentleman????

FUCK THAT!!!!

sleep with the new girl....
sleep with the old girl.....
sleep with all their friends.......

YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE!!!!!

and i dont give a rats ass what anyone thinks.....

but i am being 100% serious....

you only live once...........

intodeep

PureandEasy wrote:

move on pal . . .

It's sounds like the classic - I don't want you UNTIL someone else does

don't fall for it

This is probalby true. She may not realize it but this sounds like what is happening. IF you really hit it off with that girl don't let someone who obviously broke up with you before who had a chance with you skrew this up for you.

PJSerf

intodeep wrote:

PureandEasy wrote:

move on pal . . .

It's sounds like the classic - I don't want you UNTIL someone else does

don't fall for it

This is probalby true. She may not realize it but this sounds like what is happening. IF you really hit it off with that girl don't let someone who obviously broke up with you before who had a chance with you skrew this up for you.

Yeah, I realize that this is probably the case. I am going to move forward with the new woman, and see what happens.

Thanks!

dcfaithful

South of Seattle wrote:

Go out with the new girl. You said it yourself, she dated another guy and you dealt with it.

+1,000

jecica

SPEEDY MCCREADY wrote:

doing the right thing???
being a gentleman????

FUCK THAT!!!!

sleep with the new girl....
sleep with the old girl.....
sleep with all their friends.......

YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE!!!!!

and i dont give a rats ass what anyone thinks.....

but i am being 100% serious....

you only live once...........

+1 and I'm female. There is no way you are going to remain friends once other people come into the picture. As much as you would like it to, impossible...

PJSerf

Well, just an update...

I went out with the new girl on Friday night and had an amazing time. 6 hours of fun conversation with no awkward silences, etc.

Saturday, the ex tells me that she's very jealous and wishes we'd get back together. ( I somehow knew this was coming from a mile away) I told her that her timing is off, and that I'm planning on going out with new girl again. She says she understood, and doesn't want things to change between us. We shall see.

Now, I'm just really looking forward to date #2 tomorrow night!!!

Fifthelement

Glad to hear that your date went so well and that you stood up to the ex. Good luck on your second date.

jamminpearls

PJSerf wrote:

Well, just an update...

I went out with the new girl on Friday night and had an amazing time. 6 hours of fun conversation with no awkward silences, etc.

Saturday, the ex tells me that she's very jealous and wishes we'd get back together. ( I somehow knew this was coming from a mile away) I told her that her timing is off, and that I'm planning on going out with new girl again. She says she understood, and doesn't want things to change between us. We shall see.

Now, I'm just really looking forward to date #2 tomorrow night!!!

Did i nail it or what??? Anyway serf i wish u all the best and hope to kick your ass in some 8 ball.

Danimal

PJSerf wrote:

Well, just an update...

I went out with the new girl on Friday night and had an amazing time. 6 hours of fun conversation with no awkward silences, etc.

Saturday, the ex tells me that she's very jealous and wishes we'd get back together. ( I somehow knew this was coming from a mile away) I told her that her timing is off, and that I'm planning on going out with new girl again. She says she understood, and doesn't want things to change between us. We shall see.

Now, I'm just really looking forward to date #2 tomorrow night!!!

Love it! Keep on, keeping on!