golf joke
sweet adeline
Posts: 2,191
A man was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his
round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second. On the
third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone
rang.
It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible
accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU. The man told the
doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he'd be there as soon as
possible.
As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best
ever round of golf. He decided to get in a couple of more holes before
heading to the hospital. He ended up playing all eighteen, finishing his
round shooting a personal best 61, shattering the club record by five
strokes and beating his previous best game by more than 10. He was
jubilant....
Then he remembered his wife. Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He
saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition.
The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your
round of golf didn't you!"
"I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours
enjoying yourself at the country club your wife has been languishing in the
ICU! It's just as well you went ahead and finished that round because it
will be more than likely your last! For the rest of her life she will
require round the clock care, and you will be her care giver!"
The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed.
The doctor snickered & said, "I'm just fucking with you. She's dead. What'd
you shoot?"
round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second. On the
third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone
rang.
It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible
accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU. The man told the
doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he'd be there as soon as
possible.
As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best
ever round of golf. He decided to get in a couple of more holes before
heading to the hospital. He ended up playing all eighteen, finishing his
round shooting a personal best 61, shattering the club record by five
strokes and beating his previous best game by more than 10. He was
jubilant....
Then he remembered his wife. Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He
saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition.
The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your
round of golf didn't you!"
"I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours
enjoying yourself at the country club your wife has been languishing in the
ICU! It's just as well you went ahead and finished that round because it
will be more than likely your last! For the rest of her life she will
require round the clock care, and you will be her care giver!"
The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed.
The doctor snickered & said, "I'm just fucking with you. She's dead. What'd
you shoot?"
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9/29/04 Boston, 6/28/08 Mansfield, 8/23/09 Chicago, 5/15/10 Hartford
5/17/10 Boston, 10/15/13 Worcester, 10/16/13 Worcester, 10/25/13 Hartford
8/5/16 Fenway, 8/7/16 Fenway
EV Solo: 6/16/11 Boston, 6/18/11 Hartford,
The night before playing golf with the CEO of the company he's here to meet with, he decides to get a hooker to help him relax. He starts banging the hooker, and she begins yelling loudly "Akai, Akai, Akai!!"" over and over again. He figures he must really have been good.
The next day he heads to the course to begin his round with the CEO. On the third hole, a par 3, the CEO hits a perfect tee shot and nails a hole in one. The businessman decides he is going to impress the CEO and show off some of his newly learned japanese while showing his excitement for the ace, so he yells out, "Akai, Akai!!!"
The CEO turns and looks at him and says, "What the fuck you mean wrong hole?"
good stuff
The wife asks the man, There are no secrets between us, right dear."
To which he replies, "Of course dear I tell you everything and you tell me everthing."
The woman then states, "Well I have a secret that I need to tell you that I've been keeping for many years."
The husband looks upset but says, "Of course dear, there is nothing that you can tell me that would ruin what we have."
The wife says that it's good to hear that and that she loves him also.
She then states, "I'm sorry honey, but I was born a man."
The husband pauses a minute.
He then yells, "And you've been cheating by playing from the red tee's all these years!?!?!"
The husband replies, 'That's no big thing in this day and age.'
The wife continues, 'Yeah, I've been with one guy.'
'Oh yeah? Who was the guy?'
'Tiger Woods.'
'Tiger Woods the golfer?'
'Yeah.'
'Well he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him.'
The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they finish, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
'What are you doing?' asks his wife.
The husband says, 'I'm hungry , I was going to call room service and get some food.'
'Tiger wouldn't do that!' she claims.
'Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?'
'He'd come back to bed and do it a second time.'
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love with his wife a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone.
'What are you doing?' she asks.
The husband says, 'I'm still hungry so I was going to call room service to get some food.'
'Tiger wouldn't do that,' again she claims.
'Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?'
'He'd come back to bed and do it a third time.'
The guy slams down the phone and goes back to bed and makes love to his wife a third time. When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, 'Are you calling room service?'
'No! I'm calling Tiger Woods to find out what's par for this damn hole!
He screams, and his friend rushes over and asks what happened. After hearing the story, the friend says, "let me call into the clubhouse, there's bound to be a doctor there." He finds the phone number on the scorecard and calls, and sure enough there are several doctors at the 19th hole.
One of the doctors gets on the phone and he explains, "my partner got bit by a rattler here on the 14th fairway, what can I do?"
The doctor replies, "you have to suck the poison out of the wound, and do it quickly before it travels into his bloodstream or he could be a goner." The friend replies OK and hangs up.
The bitten golfer asks his friend, "what did the doctor say?"
To which the friend replies, "he says you're gonna die!"
Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
YOU ARE!!!
dems fightin' words :twisted:
and i'll start that fight after i finish 18
Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
hey norm you should change your sig to: "the artist formerly known as 'cutback'."
kick it around a bit, see how you like it.
Not really a golfer, but it was fun.
EDIT: hey, Norm - at my golf thing today, I won an L.A. Dodgers headcover in the raffle. No shit. Needless to say, that fucker got left behind.
Vegas 93, Vegas 98, Vegas 00 (10 year show), Vegas 03, Vegas 06
VIC 07
EV LA1 08
Seattle1 09, Seattle2 09, Salt Lake 09, LA4 09
Columbus 10
EV LA 11
Vancouver 11
Missoula 12
Portland 13, Spokane 13
St. Paul 14, Denver 14
To get to the golf course.
Lame but true story!
Peace
*MUSIC IS the expression of EMOTION.....and that POLITICS IS merely the DECOY of PERCEPTION*
.....song_Music & Politics....Michael Franti
*The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite INSANE*....Nikola Tesla(a man who shaped our world of electricity with his futuristic inventions)
Bet you've never tried it.