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It's final.... I'm divorced.

CHANGEinWAVESCHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
edited March 2009 in All Encompassing Trip
On the date of February 24th, 2009 it is ORDERED and DECREED that ...(him)...Plaintiff and ...(me)... Defendant are divorced from the bonds of matrimony.

It came in the mail today.
I thought I'd be doing a happy dance when it was final... but it was a blow to see it spelled out on paper. I'm currently having myself a good cryfest. Not for him.... but for my marriage I guess. I wanna curl up in a ball and cry the night away.... but I know I'm better off trying to push past this and embrace it (it is my life now)... he is my ex husband now and I am a divorcee :( .

ironically the first song I hear after I opened the mail is Neil Young's "love in mind"

Woke up this morning
with love in mind
It was raining outside
but my love still shined
Kept me warm
till my plane touched the sky

And I've seen love
make a fool of a man
He tried to make a loser win.
But I've got nothing to lose
I can't get back again.

Man made rules
been holdin' back my love
Can't hold it back no more.
Churches long preach sex is wrong
Jesus where is nature gone?
What am I doing here?
What am I doing here?
What am I doing here?

Woke up this morning
with love in mind
It was raining outside
but my love still shined
Kept me warm
till my plane touched the sky
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments

  • youngsteryoungster Boston Posts: 6,576
    Sorry to hear that you're upset. as they say, time heals all wounds. Hang in there.
    He who forgets will be destined to remember.

    9/29/04 Boston, 6/28/08 Mansfield, 8/23/09 Chicago, 5/15/10 Hartford
    5/17/10 Boston, 10/15/13 Worcester, 10/16/13 Worcester, 10/25/13 Hartford
    8/5/16 Fenway, 8/7/16 Fenway
    EV Solo: 6/16/11 Boston, 6/18/11 Hartford,
  • CHANGEinWAVESCHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    Thanks, I'll be fine... in an hour I think. I wondered how I'd react to reading the legal terms of it all... you know how clear cut they can be. It just kinda took the wind outta me. :?
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • normnorm Posts: 31,146
    one chapter of your life is closed


    many chapters still to right


    hope you feel better
  • Thorns2010Thorns2010 Posts: 2,201
    *HUGS!*

    Now go out and party it up!!!
  • LONGRDLONGRD Posts: 6,036
    I hope everything gets better for you.
    PJ- 04/29/2003.06/24,25,27,28,30/2008.10/27,28,30,31/2009
    EV- 08/09,10/2008.06/08,09/2009
  • Black DiamondBlack Diamond Posts: 25,107
    I know it is very traumatic to see on paper. It took me 18 months because of Virginia laws for it to become final and I was way on my way to a different life.

    Got the papers and went into a deep, deep funk. I agree not her, but maybe what a waste it all was.

    Get it out of your system. Do not be suprised by it and learn from it.
    GoiMTvP.gif
  • Who PrincessWho Princess out here in the fields Posts: 7,305
    I've known other people who've had reactions similar to yours. Although I can't speak from experience I think it must be something about getting those official documents in the mail.

    I'm sure it's a kind of grief. You started your marriage with hopes and happiness and now this says that it's really over. Even though you were expecting it and wanting it, it still has to be hard.

    If you need to have a good cry, go right ahead. I'm a great believer in doing whatever you need to heal as long as it isn't destructive.

    *HUGS*

    Lots of good things still ahead!
    "The stars are all connected to the brain."
  • Cinnamon GirlCinnamon Girl Posts: 1,854
    I know it must be painful to see in black and white, but I'm going to congratulate you anyway. You have the opportunity to live your life as a "free" woman! You get to decide which direction you go, and don't have to answer to anyone!

    I hope the sadness passes quickly for you....
    05-10-06, 08-05-07, 06-14-08 , 08-12-08(EV), 06-11-09(EV), 06-12-09(EV), 08-21-09, 05-10-10, 09-11-11, 09-12-11, 07-16-13, 07-19-13, 10-12-13, 10-21-13, 10-22-13,
  • CHANGEinWAVESCHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    Black Diamond wrote:
    I know it is very traumatic to see on paper. It took me 18 months because of Virginia laws for it to become final and I was way on my way to a different life.

    Got the papers and went into a deep, deep funk. I agree not her, but maybe what a waste it all was.

    Get it out of your system. Do not be suprised by it and learn from it.
    I think the weird part is how lonely I felt after reading those words.
    Yes... it feels like a waste, or something of the sorts.

    thanks everyone. :D you've all been a big help getting me to a place where I'm not completely insane (at least not in the "bad way" ;) )
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • CHANGEinWAVESCHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    Cinnamon Girl wrote:
    I know it must be painful to see in black and white, but I'm going to congratulate you anyway. You have the opportunity to live your life as a "free" woman! You get to decide which direction you go, and don't have to answer to anyone!

    I hope the sadness passes quickly for you....
    thanks :D
    you're going to help me celebrate in TO right??!!! :D
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • Cinnamon GirlCinnamon Girl Posts: 1,854
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    Cinnamon Girl wrote:
    I know it must be painful to see in black and white, but I'm going to congratulate you anyway. You have the opportunity to live your life as a "free" woman! You get to decide which direction you go, and don't have to answer to anyone!

    I hope the sadness passes quickly for you....
    thanks :D
    you're going to help me celebrate in TO right??!!! :D


    Fo sho!! :D
    05-10-06, 08-05-07, 06-14-08 , 08-12-08(EV), 06-11-09(EV), 06-12-09(EV), 08-21-09, 05-10-10, 09-11-11, 09-12-11, 07-16-13, 07-19-13, 10-12-13, 10-21-13, 10-22-13,
  • CHANGEinWAVESCHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    Cinnamon Girl wrote:



    Fo sho!! :D
    that city better watch out!!!!
    hmmm... wonder what it takes to get kicked outta Canada :P
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • Thorns2010Thorns2010 Posts: 2,201
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    that city better watch out!!!!
    hmmm... wonder what it takes to get kicked outta Canada :P


    I'm not sure, but I'm sure you will find a way!!!
  • pinot768pinot768 Posts: 295
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    On the date of February 24th, 2009 it is ORDERED and DECREED that ...(him)...Plaintiff and ...(me)... Defendant are divorced from the bonds of matrimony.

    It came in the mail today.
    I thought I'd be doing a happy dance when it was final... but it was a blow to see it spelled out on paper. I'm currently having myself a good cryfest. Not for him.... but for my marriage I guess. I wanna curl up in a ball and cry the night away.... but I know I'm better off trying to push past this and embrace it (it is my life now)... he is my ex husband now and I am a divorcee :( .

    I did exactly the same thing when I got mine in the mail. I left him, and thought I would be jumping for joy after it was final. But I reacted very much the same way as you. After a good cry and a couple of hours, then the happiness started to creep in...hang in there!!
    "I was born, and I know that I'll die...the in-between is mine."
  • arqarq Posts: 8,049
    Nobody is prepare to that kind of blow, I mean we all know that it's coming and we think we have all under control but when "it" arrive we never know how we're going to respond, but at least now you're free and well you deserve a night out to celebrate! Wish you the best and right now do whatever you feel you need to feel better! spread your wings and fly! ;)
    "The good thing about science is that it's true whether or not you believe in it"
    Neil deGrasse Tyson

    Why not (V) (°,,,,°) (V) ?
  • BeerBaronBeerBaron Toronto-ish Posts: 4,097
    Keep your head up Brandi. Everything will be fine in the end. :)
    1996: Toronto 1998: Barrie 2000: Saratoga Springs 2003: Buffalo, Toronto 2005: Kitchener, London, Hamilton, Montreal, Ottawa, Toronto 2006: Toronto x2, Cleveland, Detroit, Pittsburgh, Cincinnati, Gorge #1 2007: London, Dusseldorf, Vic, Lolla 2008: WPB, Tampa, DC, MSG x2, Hartford, Boston x2, Beacon 2009: Toronto, Chicago x2, Seattle x2, LA #3&4, San Diego, Philly x4 2010: Cleveland, Buffalo, Hartford 2011: Montreal, Toronto x2, Hamilton 2012: Missoula 2013: London, Wrigley, Pittsburgh, Buffalo, Hartford, Dallas, OKC
  • the wolfthe wolf Posts: 7,027
    am i the only one that actually had to show up in court and have a judge announce that the marriage was history ?

    i mean yeah, the documents were sent to me in the mail afterward, but that is more for.... bookkeeping for lack of a better word. to show that its done if i ever need to.

    but yeah, i had to sit at a table all by lonesome while she sat at the other with her lawyer. i remember her looking over at me like she felt sorry for me that i was sitting there alone. what a strange day.

    anyway, you will do alright Brandi your a strong girl anyway. or so ive been told ;)
    Peace, Love.

    "To question your government is not unpatriotic --
    to not question your government is unpatriotic."
    -- Sen. Chuck Hagel
  • CHANGEinWAVESCHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    the wolf wrote:

    anyway, you will do alright Brandi your a strong girl anyway. or so ive been told ;)
    I can always count on you wolfie... for statements such as this ;)

    thanks everyone.... I'm feeling better now, though I've had a few beers :P
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • pearljgirl2010pearljgirl2010 Shillington, PA/Tuckerton, NJ Posts: 3,428
    here's a biiiiiiiiiig hug from SoCal....I'm sure you'll be alright, and there's no hurry--grieving is part of the healing process. take care of yourself and look forward to YOUR new life...you're awesome and deserve for it to be a great one :-)
    Need a tour Travel Agent??? Pick me :-)

    Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
  • KeiranKeiran Posts: 393
    Hi Change,

    I think what you are feeling is a fairly universal response to seeing a large and important part of your life reduced to a few pages of cold words and sentences.

    Years removed from the process, I now see my divorce rather metaphorically.

    The initial blow of learning that our marriage was truly over felt like someone plunging a knife into my gut.

    Throughout the entire process of disentangling our lives, the knife remained embedded in my soul. Twisting and turning, literally at times causing me to physically writhe in pain.

    When all was said and done, the last paper was signed and sealed, the envelope from the court arrived in the mail, I allowed myself to think it was finally over.
    But it wasn't. When the finality of what I had been through finally hit me, it was as if the knife was ripped from my body and feelings that I didn't think I'd experience were now open seeping wounds - again.

    The good news, the knife was gone. For the first time in a very long time, I really had the opportunity to begin healing. And so will you. The wound now has an honest chance to close and repair itself. As it does, the pain too will subside.

    It will leave a scar, we all have them. It's a good reminder of how strong a person you are right now and what an even more amazing person you are yet to become!

    Sending you good thoughts. And most of all, wishing you peace.
    I wish a guy like Eddie, would like me.
  • Heatherj43Heatherj43 Posts: 1,254
    It took 2 and 1/2 years to finalize mine. I wanted it and thought I'd go celebrate after going to court to make it final, etc.
    After that much time, I never thought I'd have a negative reaction, but I ended up with a horrible migraine and came home and went to sleep.
    I also had a feeling of lonliness. I think it was cuzz I then knew the marriage was gone. It was permanent.
    I am still unsure of why I reacted so poorly. I had negative feelings that I can't even name, I call them alien feelings.
    Good luck to you and hope you have a beautiful and rich life! Heather
    Save room for dessert!
  • CHANGEinWAVESCHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    Heatherj43 wrote:
    .
    I also had a feeling of lonliness. I think it was cuzz I then knew the marriage was gone. It was permanent.
    That's exactly how I felt last night... and still a little today. I feel like I've been stamped on the forehead with a big red DIVORCED stamp. My heart kinda aches too from the rejected feeling. I know it'll all pass and this is normal, but I was not expecting this to feel this way. On one hand I feel like shit and on the other I'm mad at myself for feeling like shit.

    Thanks everyone for the kind words!:)
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • Steve DunneSteve Dunne Posts: 4,965
    CIW (Brandi) - sorry you've gone thru this...i never have so i don't have any bs dr phil advice to add to this...but good luck on your rebirth, rebound, and re-entry into the next phase of your life!!!
    sd
    I love to turn you on
  • Heatherj43Heatherj43 Posts: 1,254
    the wolf wrote:
    am i the only one that actually had to show up in court and have a judge announce that the marriage was history ?

    i mean yeah, the documents were sent to me in the mail afterward, but that is more for.... bookkeeping for lack of a better word. to show that its done if i ever need to.

    but yeah, i had to sit at a table all by lonesome while she sat at the other with her lawyer. i remember her looking over at me like she felt sorry for me that i was sitting there alone. what a strange day.

    anyway, you will do alright Brandi your a strong girl anyway. or so ive been told ;)
    I had to go to court. My ex wasn't there cuz I told him he didn't need to be and he trusted me. We already had resolved everything about our kids and didn't have any material things to argue about, we resolved that stuff on our own. We were apart for 2 and 1/2 years at that point. My lawyer wanted me to go after things he had accummulated in that time, but I didn't want to, (I play fair), and he could had gone after my things. (As I said, we resolved things way before the court date). She also wanted me to get an order to forbid him from crossing state lines with the kids, (during his visitation). But, I wanted him to be able to take the kids out-of-state to see my ex's relatives. She got mad about that, saying once he takes them out-of-state I will not be able to get them back easily, if at all. I knew he didn't want the responsibility of 2 kids and would bring them back to me.
    I was right!
    Save room for dessert!
  • Jeremys SpokenJeremys Spoken Posts: 7,578
    Hey, you did it for a real reason. Don't second guess, just move on with what you have in front of you. Don't look back, it's all a blur.

    Be happy!
    2008 - MSG 6/24-6/25
    2010 - Newark 5/18 MSG 5/21
    2011 - PJ20 9/3-9/4
    2012 - MIA Festival 9/2
    2013 - Wrigley Field 7/19 Brooklyn 10/18-10/19 Philly 10/22
    2015 - Colbert show - 9/23 Global Citizens Festival 9/26
    2016 - Philly 4/28-4/29 MSG 5/1-5/2



  • justamjustam Posts: 21,412
    So, now you are free to date any cute guy you want. ;)
    &&&&&&&&&&&&&&
  • CHANGEinWAVESCHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    justam wrote:
    So, now you are free to date any cute guy you want. ;)
    Ohhh yummy ;) :P

    Ok now where are they??!!
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • arqarq Posts: 8,049
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    justam wrote:
    So, now you are free to date any cute guy you want. ;)
    Ohhh yummy ;) :P

    Ok now where are they??!!

    They're in the same place where all the cute girls were when i was single :lol: hiding in some secret place...
    "The good thing about science is that it's true whether or not you believe in it"
    Neil deGrasse Tyson

    Why not (V) (°,,,,°) (V) ?
  • CHANGEinWAVESCHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    arq wrote:
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    justam wrote:
    So, now you are free to date any cute guy you want. ;)
    Ohhh yummy ;) :P

    Ok now where are they??!!

    They're in the same place where all the cute girls were when i was single :lol: hiding in some secret place...
    Haha! I always thought you were a girl!
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • arqarq Posts: 8,049
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    Haha! I always thought you were a girl!

    hahahaha :lol: that happens when we don't show our pictures in the "cyber space", at first i thought you were a boy but you made that clear to me in another thread!
    "The good thing about science is that it's true whether or not you believe in it"
    Neil deGrasse Tyson

    Why not (V) (°,,,,°) (V) ?
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