What to do???!!!

sleeplikeadog

Hello. I rarely post on here anymore, but when I do(mostly when it's something personal) I do so because it's something I feel better being judged about by people I don't necessarily know. I'm not saying I wouldn't like to know anyone here, but I don't really "know" anyone.(I think I've had too much to drink to make sense right now )
Anyways, to make a long story short...I've been with the same person for about 6 years now, but I find myself falling for someone else. Now, the story about me and the person I've been with for 6 yrs(we're basically common law married) is that when I was 20yrs old I was kicked out of my house and didn't have anywhere to live. I was already dating this person, but didn't see it as long term at the time, but when I got kicked out I didn't have anywhere to go, but with this person. I've been with this person ever since, and I feel that he adores me, but I don't know if this is what I really want. I almost feel like I was forced into this because of the bad situation I was in. Like, if I hadn't been in that situation we wouldn't be together. But, as I said before, he treats me like a princess.
Well, recently at work I've been working with this guy who is very attractive and sweet , and who I'm definately picking up major vibes from, who I feel may be a better match for me. But I hate to crush this other person who I've spent so much time with who is essentially my best friend. But I also feel that if I'm even considering another relationship with this other person, then my relationship with the person I'm with now couldn't possibly mean as much to me as I'd like to think.
Also, the woman in me wants to be taken care of, which I don't know if this new guy can do, but I love the security of the relationship I'm already in. Confusing, right????!!! WTF should I do??? I need some reasonable advise. Jack Daniels didn't seem to have any

justam

It's naive to think you won't come across attractive people just because you're happy with someone else. It WILL happen. There are lots of great people around. It doesn't mean you don't love the person you're with. It just means you're human and find more than one person attractive.

As for what to do, that's your decision.

Heineken Helen

justam wrote:

It's naive to think you won't come across attractive people just because you're happy with someone else. It WILL happen. There are lots of great people around. It doesn't mean you don't love the person you're with. It just means you're human and find more than one person attractive.

As for what to do, that's your decision.

Yep, are you just with that person cos he treats you so well? If so, that's probably not fair on him... maybe sit him down and say that lately you've been feeling more like friends than partners and see what happens. It sounds like you don't want to leave him... but something's gonna have to change!

DeLukin

Or perhaps consider the possibility that the guy at work only seems like prince charming because he wants something... the grass isn't always greener. If it were me, I'd be very careful about throwing away a lifetime of being adored...

Indian Summer

You're always gonna be tempted in life. But you already know you have a good thing going with your boyfriend. Is it worth taking a chance on the new guy, and not having that work out, then you are left with nobody in the end. Think long and hard about what's at stake here.

mookie9999

Your situation is eerily similar to mine. My gf of 9.5 years moved in with me within months of us knowing each other due to a rough family situation. I treated her like a princess and always supported her. She fell for some guy at work at cheated on me with him. She fessed up, I dropped her like a bad habit and rarely speak to her. She on a regular basis lets me know how much she regrets her decision and wishes she could change it. She has not been in another relationship after ending it with her fling and isn't sure she wants to be in one ever again. I, on the other hand, am in an amazing relationship with the girl of my dreams and couldn't be happier. The grass can be greener, but only if you're forced into it! Best of luck to you. All I can offer up for advice is to think really hard about what you may or may not do. I obviously don't know you, but I think before you act on any feelings you owe it to your significant other to discuss the matter and see what you would like to do. It may hurt him, but I guarantee it will hurt a lot less than if you act on it and then tell him! Peace.

kevinbeetle

sleeplikeadog wrote:

Anyways, to make a long story short..

nice try

_

sleeplikeadog wrote:

I need some reasonable advise. Jack Daniels didn't seem to have any

(That's for the Jack comment, not the story.)

Here are my two initial thoughts on the subject:

1. Don't cheat. You owe it to your boyfriend (and yourself) to break up with him first if you're going to be/get with someone else.

2. When making a decision about whether or not to leave someone, the decision should be about your relationship with that person - not about someone else or the possibility of being with someone else.

These two ideas may seem to contradict one another, but I don't think they really do. If, after giving it some serious thought, you don't think it would be best for you to stay in your current relationship, break up with your boyfriend - regardless of whether there's another guy who might be available. After you make that decision, you can decide whether to get with the second guy. If you DO want to stay with your boyfriend, stay with him and be faithful. That's my $0.02, anyway. Good luck!

Gary Carter

kevinbeetle wrote:

sleeplikeadog wrote:

Anyways, to make a long story short..

nice try

Red_Dot

How long have you known the guy at work?

I had a similar thing, and after getting to know the person from work better, I relaised it was just a 'crush' and was over it within a couple of months. Now I cant believe I even questioned my current relationship.

Its normal to question if your really happy and are you doing the right thing, but it comes back to 'you dont know what you've got till its gone'

vedderfan10

You can't help who you fall in love with or develop a crush on....you can control how you act of those feelings. If you're in a stable relationship with a great guy, do you really want to throw that away? It sounds like you are thinking of reasons why you think you want out of the relationship ("I feel I was forced into it", which is lame - you are responsible for your actions)....

And they guy you have a crush on, does he even want you to give up your current life for him? My friends just broke up after 17 years of marriage because she was having an affair with some guy she knew in high school...she broke up her marriage to be with this guy, and after she did that, they guy changed his mind about the whole thing and said that he didn't want to hurt his wife's feelings or upset his kids...

You have to be good and sure your current relationship is on the rocks before your let your signficant other know you have a crush on some random guy at work...It's not just about you...

justam

scb wrote:

Here are my two initial thoughts on the subject:

1. Don't cheat. You owe it to your boyfriend (and yourself) to break up with him first if you're going to be/get with someone else.

2. When making a decision about whether or not to leave someone, the decision should be about your relationship with that person - not about someone else or the possibility of being with someone else.

These two ideas may seem to contradict one another, but I don't think they really do. If, after giving it some serious thought, you don't think it would be best for you to stay in your current relationship, break up with your boyfriend - regardless of whether there's another guy who might be available. After you make that decision, you can decide whether to get with the second guy. If you DO want to stay with your boyfriend, stay with him and be faithful. That's my $0.02, anyway. Good luck!

scb, I put these words in red because I think they're important.

JonnyPistachio

sleeplikeadog wrote:

Also, the woman in me wants to be taken care of, which I don't know if this new guy can do, but I love the security of the relationship I'm already in. Confusing, right????!!! WTF should I do??? I need some reasonable advise. Jack Daniels didn't seem to have any

Whaddya mean taken care of?

soulsinging

sleeplikeadog wrote:

But I also feel that if I'm even considering another relationship with this other person, then my relationship with the person I'm with now couldn't possibly mean as much to me as I'd like to think.

That's nonsense. It's unnatural to never be tempted or curious about how things might work out with someone else. That's being human. Doesn't mean anything.

That said, sounds like you used your current guy as a crutch during a vulnerable time, and now you're thinking you might have missed out on having some fun when you were young. Passion and desire fade quickly in a relationship, so after 6 years that's long gone and you're enjoying feeling that again with the new guy.

But no one can tell you what is best for you. If you stick it out with the current guy, you may always regret passing up a chance to explore the possibilities with the new guy. However, if you pursue the new guy, you are going to destroy the current guy completely and you will probably never get him back. I've been that guy. There is no going back once you've torn out his heart. You might have to do it though, if the alternative is to just keep going through the motions with him forever and wishing you could be with someone else.